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| Thread: Pandora's Guide to... |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · «PREV |
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pandora
Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
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posted January 30, 2005 08:08 PM |
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that's right Conan! Fight the beast 
edit: Guys!! He's getting stronger!!!
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"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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TitaniumAlloy
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Professional
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posted September 04, 2005 04:26 PM |
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Ok guys, I found this really good technique for fighting boredom!!
Ok, ok, ok, um here's what you do, right? Ok. So what you do first is get books. Lots of books, doesn't matter what books they are as long as they're hard cover and are written by Stephen King and are called The Dark Tower, Vol. 2. Can be any of those really. Ok well you get those, right? You get lots, ok. And then you go to a really tall building. Can be any tall building, except it has to have over 80 storeys and has to be the IFC in Hong Kong. Ok? Right? You following? Write this down, it's worth it. So you're up the top of the tall building, with all your books (or magazines, the ammunition variety, they work too), and you open up the first page of each one and stick in the wad of apple gum you've been chewing. Ok, well you were supposed to stop over at 7/11 and buy lots of apple gum on the way. If they're out of apple gum, fig is a suitable substitute. Ok so you chew a whole packet of it and stick the wad on the first page of each book, right? And you go through the fire door, and you get all the books, no not all the books, one at a time, and you roll them down the stairs. The weight of the apple gum makes them do flips, and you count how many flips it does on the way down!! I got to almost one, see if you can beat my record!
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John says to live above hell.
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kookastar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted October 05, 2006 09:29 AM |
bonus applied. |
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2 years ago on a dark, lonely night, Pandora made a discovery...
Quote:
He was a giant sluglike thing... eyeing me lazily across the room. I raised my Mod-Shield in self defense, flinching as the creature made its move... no wait.. he just shifted slightly to scratch his butt. "Ewww" I cried; in reply the thing just smiled in a rather smarmy way. *why is it smiling?* i wondered fearfully... "EWWWWWW!!" i cried again, as the rotted stench hit my nose. The creature started to laugh, then settled back in its corner sleepily.
"You can't defeat me stupid mod-girl!" It sneered, punctuating its reply with a loud and rather ripe smelling belch "All the spam is going to the Wastelands, the deep conversations to the Otherside... even talk of Other Games has found a new home! There is nothing left to defeat me! With each mirror thread that is created here I grow stronger! It will take pure genious and creativity to thwart me - and yes, you have knights on your side. One of whom I hate so much (because he is beautiful) - but it's not enough! I will grow and grow until I own this entire Tavern"
I shivered fearfully at his words, the unfortunate ring of truth sounding in my ears.
This creature's name is boredom
It is all beginning to make sense now…
The slow and steady decay of the tavern’s wooden corridors swelling in disrepair and neglect was growing steadily worse so I had avoided it, preferring the warmth of the wastelands. The scent of spam was infectious, and the warm yet scorching wind there was comforting. Calls from the old-timers to return to the tavern were met with sneers and the arrogance of youth. And then, out of the abyss, Pandora reappeared. And she doth spoke.
In a mighty act of leadership she teleported half the VW threads to fill the outer reaches of the tavern. She sealed the wastelands behind page 2 with no little regard for the shockwaves that would permeate the spines of “The Three.” I slowly began to visit the outskirts of tavern, a smelly Fish and Chip shop the only means of nourishment in the safe zone. But still the VW grew. Still, an irresistible force lured me there. Still, the deep pit of tavern halls remained abandoned.
Today, Pandora shared the secret of this thread with me. That there was more than just the fear of a deleted smilie preventing the newcomers from posting there. The monster still feasted on mirror threads, on copy-pasted information, and on the laziness of the members. This monster had indulged for two years and was now the size of six pages. The occasional revival of a room was thwarted as it quickly slammed the thread’s doors shut, and pumped out fumes of volcanic spam, dumfounding us, sending us back to wastelands like the sweet gooey aroma wafting from a cookie store calling children.
Sentries of the Tavern remain, ensuring the safety of newcomers and keeping the monster at bay; mopping its saliva from the corridors and frequenting the other forums. The three headed man, the impaler, slayer, and a metal by-product keep things moving, occasionally batting a bruised head backwards and forwards for entertainment. The woock lingers in woockness, ABBA whispers in the background. Shadow hides in the shadows, tracking the beast, studying his movements, and gathering information.
In the last year, two angels had been sent by the powers to combat this beast. The first, armed with TNT, had built a wing that hummed with laughter. The monster fought back, implanting an irrational desire to sail the stars in his head, sending him skyward and laughing at the emptiness left in his wake. Next, the angel with the smile had come, and with her laughter the beast had weakened. The flight of her arrows an overwhelming antidote to Boredom. The beast retreated back to the bottom pages of the Tavern. And then, before her mission was complete, the angel was recalled back into the other world.
The monster laughed, “Who will fight me now?”
An arrogant jester juggled nipples artistic talents at the beast. Words, pictures, letters, and song. His creative attempts preventing the growth of the creature, but doing little to attack its heart. That required the whole community. Sensing the time was near, oldtimers began peering in, waiting for the call to battle. Watching to see if the evolving generations had it in them to defeat the monster. Moderators from the past return in anticipation.
The lion has awoken, he stretched his muscular body upon a rock as he heard the call. He pranced into the tavern and began gathering troops. An army was formed, each soldier unknowingly in training, each week becoming a more well toned machine. Each week their dreams are haunted by the monster, seducing them, tempting them to give up their quest. He knew that the community was growing stronger, that the lion was here in search of the chosen one, the one member who’s hand could slay the beast. The battle was only just beginning.
...The creature jangled the heavy shinies against his leg and grinned, as the Angel rose higher into the sky and disappered from the horizon.
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uhuh
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pandora
Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
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posted March 15, 2007 05:52 PM |
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I trudged groggily through the tavern, dipping and ducking to avoid the curses that were being flung about endlessly.
"Yes yes, you kiddos don't like KD... I get it" I muttered, sighing to myself.
*What's wrong with me??* I wondered to myself. Lately everything had been such an effort...Seemed so few things brough a smile to my face here. Lost in thought, I didn't pay much attention to where I was going and tripped over an empty can of spam.
"Damn it!"
As I stood up, a foul stench hit my nostrils...I turned around to see "him" standing over me.. around me.. he was everywhere! Soooo much bigger than before - I tried to cry out, but in doing so I inhaled too much of his toxic fumes and the world around me began to fade.
"Muuaaahahahahahahaha" The Boredom Monster laughed evilly, as he dragged his prize away....
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"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted March 16, 2007 09:06 AM |
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When I read Pandoras guide to.
I was thinking of something else & went to another thread .
Thanks for making me think differently Darkness Queen
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Dreaming of a Better World
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