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Heroes Community > Tavern of the Rising Sun > Thread: *MYT ('05)* Contest Entries
Thread: *MYT ('05)* Contest Entries This thread is 2 pages long: 1 2 · «PREV
Conan
Conan


Responsible
Supreme Hero
posted April 15, 2005 10:21 PM

Terje vs Conan for Capitalism for Dummies...

- Find a funny way of describing a "Day in the Life of Michael Jackson". You can even go as far as to assume that he has been sent to jail as a pedophile!



"It Don't Matter if You're Black or White"

A day in MJ's life would go a little something like this:

7:00am: Open one eye, turn around and spoon with little Johnny for another 30 mins....

7:30am: Get up, play extreme skateboarding 3D arcade in his room with Bobby for 1-2 games.

8:00am: Have breakfast and shower in an "open concept" bathroom. Choose which nose he's going to use, big or small nostrils; which chin - with a cleft or not; higher eyebrows - whatever looks better in court.

8:30 - 12:00 : play around in the Ranch to meet new masculine little "friends" that would be willing to stay over for the night - you know, innocently, just for fun.

12:00 - 1:00 lunch : worst part of the day (No little boys): have lunch with lawyers - talk about child molestation case - not listening, thinking about tonight with little Joe.

1:00 - 1:30 : on route to court, put on huge sunglasses and a breathing mask, have one lawyer use a umbrella for shade - fear of getting just a tint of brown...

1:30 - 4:30 : Court proceedings with Janet sitting in the back thinking which way she could divert the public's attention this time... already showed her breast... maybe her behind might do the trick?

4:30 - 5:30 : Debreifing with journalists about court proceedings - the usual, no I deny it, I don't like little girls... uh... boys.

5:30 - 6:30 : Finally back at the Ranch with the kids. To bad almost all of them have gone home. Must devise a new plan to get them to stay longer in the evening without theyre parents... this court thing is taking too much time.

6:30 - 10:00 : Palay arcade again and watch movies while cuddling with his little "friends".

10:00 : Best part of the day! BEDTIME!

Hope you enjoyed!
____________
Your life as it has been is over. From this time forward, you will service.... us. - Star Trek TNG

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RedSoxFan3
RedSoxFan3


Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
posted April 17, 2005 02:55 PM

Round 15 Contest - Most Effective War Tactic: Espionage, Bombardment, or Hand to Hand Combat?

Quote:

It does not matter what method is used. It only matters whether or not the US decides to get involved. That's how wars end. Let's take an example.

WWI:

Dead cold stalemate for several years. US gets involved. Over in months. A fine example of US using hand to hand combat.

WWII:

Japanese attack Hawaii. US gets involved creates the most powerful bomb ever and drops two of em. War over Japanese surrender. A fine example of the US using bombardment to end a war.

Cold War:

Ok now I don't know anything specific about this. So I'll just use that as proof that the US did a damn good job spying on the Soviets. I mean how else would they have won? They didn't use hand to hand combat or bombardment? Must have been espionage. Yeah. Definitely. See you don't even know about any of it, so they did a damn good job. I mean they must have just like been able to just give those soviets a glance and they would drop dead, cause they probably had super invisible radioactive laser beams that they can out of their eyes. No one would be able to tell how they died either, because who can see super invisible radioactive laser beams.

Punic Wars:

Ok for this the US used some alternative methods, like time travel. You really think the Romans could have beaten the Carthaginians? Me neither. You know the US used time travel to make sure those Carthage bastards died. I mean come on who wouldn't? Another thing you should remember is how often people compare US to the Romans. Coincidence? I don't think so. The US used puppetheads for a thousand years to rule that vast empire. Then we kinda got bored and started playing April Fools jokes like with Caligula.

Jurassic Wars:

Ok if it wasn't for the US, we humans would have all been eaten by dinosaurs millions of years ago. Thankfully the US found a way to bring us humans a few hundred million years into the future and pull this giant meteor into the planet, so that all the dinosaurs would die. Once again the brilliance of the US saves mankind.

War on Terror:

This one is still in progress, but look at what the US can do. They can bullrush the enemy like they did in WWI, drop a huge ass bomb like they did in WWII, shoot super invisible radioactive laserbeams out of their eyes like they did in the Cold War, travel back into time like they did in the Punic Wars, and pull giant meteors into the planet and then teleport every human in the world millions of years into the future. If they can do all those amazing things than they can definitely end this war on terror too. I'd be happy to see what clever tricks they come up with this time.



____________
Go Red Sox!

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terje_the_ma...
terje_the_mad_wizard


Responsible
Supreme Hero
Disciple of Herodotus
posted April 17, 2005 08:13 PM

Assignement:
- Find a funny way of describing a "Day in the Life of Michael Jackson". You can even go as far as to assume that he has been sent to jail as a pedophile!

Here's my entry:
Quote:
Mickey’s Diary, May 15 2017

No court meetings yesterday, so I slept till 9am, and stayed in bed until 11. Bungles III woke up just a few minutes after I did; that ape is really one of the brightest creatures I’ve ever encountered. Anyway, while I was laying in bed, watching the roof, a thought struck me. Can there be friction where there is no substance? And can substance be tricked into hiding from itself? I spent some time pondering these fairly intriguing concepts, until I heard the sounds of the newsboy coming with the morning papers. I was all over the culture and news sections today again, as I have been every day for the last 13 years. Don’t people ever weary of reading about the same story day after day after day? And doesn’t anything that’s more important happen? I mean, I heard on the radio a few days ago, in between a documentary about my private life (memo to self: get lawyers to sue that radio station; they made some assumptions about my sexual preferences I didn’t particularly like. Hmm. Thank the Almighty Creator for these people always saying nasty stuff about me, by the way. I would have been on social security of not for them)… Well. Yes. That newscast. I heard on a newscast a few days ago that we have attacked Iraq again this week. Seems that the Islamists seized power again, but I mean, what do you expect when holding elections in a country where almost all the candidates in favour of our glorious nation have been completely alienated by our unilateral relation to them? Oh well. Third time this year, and I doubt it’ll be the last. After all, we attacked them fifteen times only last year, and it’s still only May this year…

Well, to return to more mundane things, I spent my breakfast reading court referrals, as I’ve spent every breakfast doing the last 14 years. I can’t believe that the American tax payers are willing to keep this charade of a trial up – after all, they haven’t produced a single piece of evidence yet, only the witness statements of kids I haven’t even seen before in my life. Ok, I may have incidentally touched a kid’s thigh before a concert in 1987, while I was kneeling down to give the kid an autograph, but who in their right mind would call that an act of paedophilia? I’ve begun believing that they’re keeping this trial up just out of spite these days, thinking that since they’ve already spent so much money on trying to get me convicted, they might as well spend twice or thrice what they’ve already spent just to make sure that none of it was wasted.

Oh well. I’m an old man now, and a poor man in addition, and the toll of this trial is killing me. My heart hurt again, too, while I was walking the dog after yeaterday's breakfast. I tried to get someone to help me, but they all recognized me from the C-SPAN shows from the trials, and just shouted “Get away from me, you child molesting FREAK!” when I tried to ask them to call an ambulance. This trial will be the death of me yet.

The rest of the day was spent in front of the TV. I still have a VCR, since I’m not able to afford the newest video media player. I fell off of that particular carousel after, hmm, third new thing after the DVD, it must have been in 2007, or something. Anyway, I was sitting in front of the TV, watching a tape of my old HIStory film. I got really sentimental and nostalgic, and got out a bottle of booze to drown my memory, but it didn’t help. It never does, but I always keep trying. When I woke up today, my mouth was full of earth from some pot plant, and the living room was completely trashed. *Sigh* I can't afford to keep this idiocy up anymore. Death, why won't you just come and take me away? You were merciful enough to collect my sister last year, after she sniffed all that glue after the failure of her fifth comeback attempt. Why won't you show me the same mercy?

But a new day waits, and I cannot sit here all day, writing this silly diary. I have a court meeting in half an hour. Goodbye, diary. I’ll update you tomorrow. I promise!



____________
"Sometimes I think everyone's just pretending to be brave, and none of us really are. Maybe pretending to be brave is how you get brave, I don't know."
- Grenn, A Storm of Swords.

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Silverblade
Silverblade


Known Hero
Notorious Homo Erectus
posted April 18, 2005 04:02 PM

T.A.K. Satyros' entries - My precious.. (The Sequel)

+++Round 15:

@Lets have War Contest:

Between Espionage, Bombardement, and Hand-to-Hand Combat I would go with Espionage.

You can avoid unwanted bloodshed and casualties just by sending someone sneak in or go undercover behind enemy lines gain the trust of the enemy, learning its secrets and plans to inform his true allies to be prepared use their weaknesses to their advantage etc or he could just instantly become a saboteur or an assassin if things get really hot! A skilled agent can mislead or manipulate the enemy by giving out false information. Stealth and cunning are basic attributes such agent must have.

Of course throughout history wars were resolved by hand to hand combat where most of the times the largest army was usually victorious. Nowadays numbers don’t count as much as intels

Remember: Knowledge is Power


@Apology Contest:

Silverblade's entry.
Quote:
To my Beloved Mommy,

Mom asking for your forgiveness, I have to confess these
To tell you how sorry I am for breaking your crystal geese,
For not having studied while you told me to
I promised you I know, but I only reached page 2
I tried my best to clean the curtains for you
But no one told me I shouldn’t use a vac, neither did you
You told me to clean my room and make my bed
Instead you found my dirty socks lying next to a few pieces of rotten bread

For all these I have done to you and plenty more
I wish to apologize because I know I cause troubles since I was born
You are the sweetest mom ever existed
Even if you make me spill blood to do what you have listed
I wanna make up to you but I don’t know the way
Perhaps if I could do all the chores you do, would that be OK?
I will clean the dishes and I won’t use shampoo instead of soap
I will clean the chimney even if that means hanging from a rope
I will clean the curtains this time really good
And I promise I won’t be anymore rude
My room will always be tidy and my bed made
Although I have to admit would need aid
As for those dirty magazines you found under my mattress
I can only say “Mom you are wearing a wonderful dress!”
I will even get the dog out to do his needs
And I will clean everything he does but that’s all with the good deeds

Mom I love you and I would do anything to satisfy you
You are the most precious thing for me you know that don’t you
I won’t sneak girls inside my bedroom while you are sleeping
Because I understand you lose your precious sleep listening to my bed creaking.
That’s all mom, I apologize for everything
And I will make up to the last thing
Just give me a chance to become once again your favorite son
I think you will agree so this bet is on

I love you mommy,
Your baby boy
____________
Back for Oblivion

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Leo_Lion
Leo_Lion


Honorable
Supreme Hero
The 5th Element & 6th Sense!
posted April 26, 2005 08:18 PM

Royal Rumble Tournament entry...

@Wrestler Profile:

Name: Hulk Hogandhi (aka: Bollywood Hogandhi)



Height: 6' 7"

From: Venice Beach, India

Finishing Move: New Delhi Express



Past Titles: WWE Championship, World Tag Team Championship, WCW Championship

Theme song: I am a real Indian

I am a real Indian, I'm passive-agressive for the rights of every man,
I am a real Indian, I don't fight for what's right, I just hunger strike!


(Repeat Chorus)

Interview:

Mean Jean: Hulk Hogandhi, tell us what you think about Pakistani Pete's recent comments about your upcoming match at Wrestlemania.

Hulk Hogandhi: Listen here

Other projects:

Acting


____________
*The end to no beginning...



*Take care, Leo

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terje_the_ma...
terje_the_mad_wizard


Responsible
Supreme Hero
Disciple of Herodotus
posted April 26, 2005 09:56 PM

Wrestler profile for Royal Rumble Tournament:

Name: The Amazing Claus.
Height: 148,64 centimetres.
Weight: 90 kilograms.
Distinctive features: Massive hair growth in armpits.

Costume: Glossy, green thong.
Moves: Many, the most prominent of which is the Pit Shake, where his opponent grabs his armpit hair, lifts him using this as handholds, and flings him into the safety railings, upon which Claus collapses in a heap on the floor. Another of The Amazing Claus’ famous moves, is the Great Balls of fire, where his opponent simply kicks The Amazing Claus in the testicles, upon which The Amazing Claus collapses in a heap on the floor.
Escort: The Amazing Claus is escorted into the ring by a posse of fifteen nude, female Czechoslovakian clowns of “modest height”, who are all body painted to resemble cacti.
Catchphrase: “It’s time to take out the angry little man!”, “The angry little man is coming for you!”, “Gawddammitgwddammitgawddammitgawddammit that hurts!” and countless other classics, too numerous to mention here.
____________
"Sometimes I think everyone's just pretending to be brave, and none of us really are. Maybe pretending to be brave is how you get brave, I don't know."
- Grenn, A Storm of Swords.

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Vadskye91
Vadskye91


Promising
Supreme Hero
Back again
posted April 27, 2005 02:52 PM

Here are some of my entries...



maybe I eat when I'm meant to be thin
maybe I take in to much McDonalds
hmm, how to hide my fat?
the joyful burger
the ancient fries
the tug from some left over ice cream
the yummy Mcflurry, making me obese
it's worth it

CHORUS:
give me milkshakes good to eat
here on my table for food
we'll be waiting for
a burger to carry me through the day
don't you worry, mate
I can't wait to eat

I try to diet, but I just can't do it
a salad, yucky
a milkshake's better
how do thin people, stay so thin?
then I slept one night
with three burgers
and dreamt there was no ketchup
on my fries
was a nightmare
oh well

- CHORUS -

eating yummy burgers
eating yummy fries
eating yummy Mcflurries
I'm eating at McDonalds
yummy

- CHORUS -

give me milkshakes good to eat
here on my table for food
we'll be waiting for
a burger to carry me through the day
don't you worry, mate
I just love McDonalds!



The real lyrics:

maybe I push when I'm meant to be still
maybe I take it all to personal
Jesus, how to reconcile
the joyful noise
the ancient land
the tug from some invisible hand
the dying mother weaving bulrushes
along the Nile

CHORUS:
float her basket over the sea
here on a barren shore
we'll be waiting for
a tailwind to carry her (an) orphan's cry
don't you worry, child
I wrote a lullaby

I try to settle, but I just pass through
a rain dog, gypsy
a wandering Jew
all those homes were not ours
then I slept one night
in Abraham's field
and dreamt there was no moon
the night he died
counting stars
Selah

- CHORUS -

BRIDGE:
building you a home
building you a home
building you a home
we're building you a home
Selah

- CHORUS -

float her basket over the sea
here on a barren shore
we'll be waiting for
a tailwind to bring us your sweet cry
don't you worry, child
I'm gonna sing you a lullaby



Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Wait, you're from Poland?
I'll pwn you, foo!

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
When I win Flash Games,
You'll be blue, too!

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Tossing is hard,
But I'm better than you!


____________
Knowledge is power...

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Leo_Lion
Leo_Lion


Honorable
Supreme Hero
The 5th Element & 6th Sense!
posted April 28, 2005 11:55 PM

Round #16 entry...

@Olympic Sport Contest:

In an attempt to return to the roots of the original Olympic Games from Greece, the International Olympic Committee has decided to reintroduce an old sport with a an even older twist. So, without any further delay, let us unveil...

Manhood Fencing

As the Olympians used to do in the past, they will compete in the nude...but, instead of using thin metal swords to do battle, they will use their "fun sticks" to try and score points.

Let's just say that besides trying to return to its ancient roots of competing naked, the IOC's real plan was to boost interest in the Olympic Games by appealing to a wide female audience and also to millions of homosexual men around the world...not to mention, the new Pope!
____________
*The end to no beginning...



*Take care, Leo

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Korejora
Korejora

Promising

posted April 29, 2005 12:14 AM

Well, for reference / curiosity purposes, here's the African Safari entry.

_______________________________________________

J.O.K.E. presents... The Springbok Effect!

Springbok #1
"Hey, look! It's a gazelle!"
"Are you sure?"
"Well, it's some kind of gazelle."
"I'll get the safari book..."

Springbok #2
"Look! Another one of those gazelles!"
"Okay! I've got the book out. Just give me a sec..."
"What's it say?"
"Umm... It's a 'springbok'."
"Are you sure it's not that one?"
"Gemsbok? No, I think it's too small."
"Let's look-- Aw, darnit, where'd it go?"

Springbok #3
"Okay! Now we can check to see if it's the right one!"
"I think it's a spotted-back gazelle."
"No, look here - that's a springbok."

Springbok #5
"Okay, I'm sure this time, it's definitely a springbok.""

Springbok #10
"Hey, look! Another springbok!"
"Aww, they're so cute!"

Springbok #20
"So... how about them springbok..."

Springbok #30
"Spring-bok. Haha. That sounds funny."

Springbok #50
"Aren't there any gemsbok or something around here?"

Springbok #100
"Hey, look, another springbok."
"Uh-huh."

Springbok #356
"Did you see that?"
"What?"
"I think it was a leopard!"
"Sweet! Get the camera!"

Springbok #1000
"So... I guess that wasn't a leopard..."
"Nope."
"There sure are a lot of springbok around here..."
"Yep."

Springbok #2453
"Hey! Why are all of those jackals swarming that one spot?"
"I think they're eating something."
"What do you suppose it is?"
"Well, considering all those zebras aren't running away, it's probably some small animal that lives here in great quantity."
"You mean a springbok?"
"Yes. Yes, I do."

Springbok #3872
"Hey, look!"
"What? A springbok?"
"No, that's the point!"

Springbok #lots
"I spy with my little eye, something that is..."
"Springbok?"
"Yes."
"Okay, your go..."

Springbok # ...oh, who cares anymore?
"I spy with my little eye, something that is not a springbok."
"Springbok?"
"....yes."

Springbok #1 000 000
"I spy... oh, for the love! They're not even cute any more!"

Springbok #2 000 000
"Noooo! Nooooo! So many... so many springbok!"

Springbok # some really big number
"Dear diary... There are too many springbok in this world. Today my friend Joe succumbed to overspringbokia. I have decided that I will cleanse the world of springbok to save it from being overrun by this terrible affliction... or maybe I'll just tell Jerry..."

...

Now that you have been educated in the effects of seeing too damn many springbok, we ask you: Please donate to Jerry's Overspringbokia Knowledge Establishment.

We are dedicated to informing tourists and other susceptible parties of the drastic and long-term effects overspringbokia (also known as the springbok effect) can have on the mind, and advising them in how to limit their springbok viewing during safari. Just a few million dollars today could save over twenty-two twenty-sevenths of a person from seeing too many springbok and dying.

Thank you.

_______________________________________________
____________
That's the best part.

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terje_the_ma...
terje_the_mad_wizard


Responsible
Supreme Hero
Disciple of Herodotus
posted April 29, 2005 07:05 PM

Round #16 Contests


Conan vs Terje for The Socialists Lounge...AND...for Capitalism for Dummies.

@World Leader:

- Find a picture or voice-recording of a "world leader" and make fun of them. *You can either alter the pic, insert a silly caption, or "translate" their message!*


Belusconi speaks to the masses of the world!



“Hello, citizens of the world! My name is Silvio Berlusconi, and I’m, amongst other things, the legally elected prime minister of Italy, leader of my own political party, Forza Italia!, and CEO of my own corporation, controlling every newspaper and television channel in Italy. I am also president of the football club AC Milan.

Now, some of you may have heard nasty stuff about me. There have been rumours around, saying that I’ve been bribing public servants, and passing laws that will make me immune to legal prosecution. The latter is, to a certain extent, true, but the former isn’t. It’s just a lie put out by the socialists and the communists, who wants to overthrow my legally elected government and establish a “dictatorship of the proletariat”, as they call it.

As for me passing that law that secures me against legal prosecution. Well, we cannot live in a society where the legally elected prime minister live under the constant threat of being brought to court for some minor bagatelle, while socialists and communists seize the opportunity to wreak havoc and bring chaos, anarchy and, eventually, socialism to our Great Nation? No, that, we cannot, nay, must not allow! Therefore, to hinder this from ever happening, we must let our legally elected prime minister enjoy immunity from prosecution.

Another nasty thing you may have heard about me, is that I have engaged in a political alliance with the “neo-fascists” of Alessandra Mussolini’s (the niece of Benito – but the sweetest girl you ever saw!) party, and that she physically attacks people who oppose her opinions on live national television. Sure, Alessandra’s a lively girl, who knows how to silence a socialist when he’s spewing his filth, but seriously, who hasn’t wanted to teach a socialist a lesson? I know I have.

When it comes to them being neo-fascists, I see no reason to object to that. They have their opinions, and I have mine. The fact that our opinions are quite similar doesn’t prevent us from enjoying a close cooperation. And it’s not like she’s a German, is it? All those sauerkraut-eating Fritzes, who are running about, questioning the state of Italian democracy from the speaker’s platform in the European Parliament! Imagine that, someone doubting the legitimacy of my reig.... uhum, err, leadership in Glourious Italy!

So, dear citizens of the world, if the day ever comes that you shall have to vote for a leader of the world, do not forget good old Silvio – honest business man, straightforward, legally elected politician, and in no conceivable manner related to mob business: that’s just socialist propaganda!”
____________
"Sometimes I think everyone's just pretending to be brave, and none of us really are. Maybe pretending to be brave is how you get brave, I don't know."
- Grenn, A Storm of Swords.

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Conan
Conan


Responsible
Supreme Hero
posted May 02, 2005 06:49 PM

Conan vs Terje for The Socialists Lounge...AND...for Capitalism for Dummies.

@Funny Leader:

- Find a picture or voice-recording of a "world leader" and make fun of them. *You can either alter the pic, insert a silly caption, or "translate" their message!*


Powell: Wow Mr. President, you've really put in alot of practice into making them circles! Now, how long will you be in office for again?

Bush: After this election, four more years baby!
____________
Your life as it has been is over. From this time forward, you will service.... us. - Star Trek TNG

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RedSoxFan3
RedSoxFan3


Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
posted May 02, 2005 11:20 PM

Round 15 Royal Rumble:

Quote:

The Mountain Dewer:

Picture:

Quote:




Height – 7”
Weight – 12.5 oz (when filled)

Moves:

Fizz Explosion – Drenches the opponent in a wet sticky substance similar to soda.

Temptation – The opponent at any given time, might be inclined to stop fighting and attempt to drink The Mountain Dewer. Such will result in the quenching of the opponents thirst and an immediate truce called by the opponent. This is used as a last resort by the Mountain Dewer to either keep from losing or to trick the opponent. Often times the Mountain Dewer may fill itself with poison or jalapeno pepper juice. This is usually enough to psyche out the opponent.

Ghost Puppet Strings – The can seems to come to life, but in fact it is only being controlled by a guy sitting in the catwalks above. Often times this will scare the opponent out of the ring due to its creepiness

Script Editing – This is done before the fight starts and basically rigs the match so the can will win. After all, 90% of all wrestling fights are written and rehearsed before hand anyway.

Tag Teaming – If things start to get out of hand, the Mountain Dewer will bring in back-ups, including The Big Slam, The Two-Liter, and even Fountain Machine. However this guy has trouble moving around, so he’s usually not available to fight, but when he does, Look Out!!!

Costumes – The Mountain Dewer will on occasion sport a Code Red outfit and even a Live Wire one. Since Saturdays are Ladies Night where The Mountain Dewer wrestles, look to see him wearing a Diet Mountain Dew costume. That always Drives the ladies wild.

Catch Phrases:

“Shk! Kshhhhh…” – This is his warm up phrase to get the crowd into things.
“PSHHHHHH!” – An intimidating taunt that he always says when using Fizz Explosion.

Check out The Mountain Dewer in action. He’s about to win.



Here he is again using his patented Fizz Explosion.





____________
Go Red Sox!

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terje_the_ma...
terje_the_mad_wizard


Responsible
Supreme Hero
Disciple of Herodotus
posted May 22, 2005 10:51 PM

5) Terje vs. Conan for Capitalism for Dummies.

Capitalist Statue Contest

@ Submit something that has to do with a statue erected in the name of Capitalism. You can write something, edit a picture, or make a doodle...whatever inspires you that is related to a Capitalist statue.





This is the centrepiece in the lush green area know as amongst other things the Garden of Mammon. Here, happy people from all around the world gather every once in a while. They gather to worship their God. To display the gifts He has brought them. To contemplate how they can further expand their daily prayers, and increase the Glory of Their God.

The gold for the statue was bought cheaply from a Swiss bank. The skies are kept permanently blue through the help of new and groundbreaking weather manipulation technology (the clouds are gathered up and let loose as rain over the North Atlantic, as no one can afford to buy them). The luxuriant plants in the Garden are kept green and fresh through extensive irrigation (the water is bought for a reasonable price, from African governments who need the cash to develop an industrial base – it’s pure and simple altruism).

People of all ages, nationalities, genders and races are welcome in the park, although its visitors are predominantly pale males from Western Europe and North America. However, there is nothing barring people from entering the garden, as long as they are able to pay the admittance fee, which, considering the serene calm and the exquisite atmosphere in the Garden of Mammon is most reasonable.


This is what’s on the other side of the fences that surround the garden of Mammon.
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"Sometimes I think everyone's just pretending to be brave, and none of us really are. Maybe pretending to be brave is how you get brave, I don't know."
- Grenn, A Storm of Swords.

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Lord_Woock
Lord_Woock


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
posted May 25, 2005 09:38 AM

*riiing...*
Complaints Department? I believe you've sold me a... faulty keyboard. Um.


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Yolk and God bless.
---
My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!

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Wolfman
Wolfman


Responsible
Supreme Hero
Insomniac
posted May 27, 2005 02:27 PM bonus applied.

Pop mucic contest:

____________

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Leo_Lion
Leo_Lion


Honorable
Supreme Hero
The 5th Element & 6th Sense!
posted May 28, 2005 01:11 AM bonus applied.

Round #19 entry...

@Fake Conan Pic Contest:

I guess that no one has ever seen the picture of Conan when he came to my Halloween Party last year, dressed up like Conan - The Barbierian:


____________
*The end to no beginning...



*Take care, Leo

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Wolfman
Wolfman


Responsible
Supreme Hero
Insomniac
posted May 31, 2005 04:19 PM

North Korea Contest for Current Thingies@



VISIT SCENIC NORTH KOREA!!



Situated just south of the awesome People’s Republic of China, is North Korea.  North Korea is one of the main powers in the Far East, stretching their influence over all they can.
Our glorious leader, Kim Jong-Il, makes everything possible.

He stands a giant at 5’7”, with the special shoes and his pompadour hairdo.  

Thing to do:

Ever wonder what it’s like to drive a hovercraft through the DMZ?  Well, wonder no more!


At Colonel Moon’s De-Militarized Delights, you too can see what it’s like to dodge landmines and other such obstacles that make up the De-Militarized Zone along the 38th parallel. Sure it’s dangerous, but who cares!  You’re on vacation!

While you are in country, be sure to check out North Korea’s exciting night life!  Be sure to look hard, or you may miss it.


North Korea is known for being a family place.  If you come with your family, childcare services are available.  




North Korea, land of freedom, prosperity, and the Eastern way.

Book passage today on a U.S. Air Force RC-135S reconnaissance plane.  Be sure to wave to the North Korean fighter pilots that shadow your plane, they love the attention.

*Brought to you by the “Go North Korea” tourism board*

____________

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terje_the_ma...
terje_the_mad_wizard


Responsible
Supreme Hero
Disciple of Herodotus
posted June 01, 2005 02:37 AM

Conan vs Terje for Capitalism for Dummies.

Living Dead Contest

@ Considering that this is the Thread that just wouldn't die, submit something that has to do with zombies. You can write something, edit a picture, or make a doodle...whatever inspires you obssessed freaks that is related to zombies.




He had been out late, drinking beer with his buddies. Now, it was darker than in a coal mine, and he was soon supposed to be at work again. He stumbled up the porch that led to his house, occasionally bumping into a hedge here, an abandoned piece of gardening equipment there. After staggering through the dark for five minutes, he at long last reached the door. He fumbled some with his keys, but finally managed to get the one he was looking for into the lock. Just as he turned the key, he heard a muffled sound from the pitch dark porch behind him. Someone was disturbing the gravel on the walkway – if very quietly. Now he also thought he could hear someone breathe softly, but with a distinct rasp.

He turned around, and almost fell off the stairs and into a shrub. When he finally regained his balance and managed to focus properly on the footpath, he couldn’t see anyone there. He quickly scanned the garden, but his alcohol-dulled senses could not detect anything. There were only familiar objects in the garden – bushes, the two hedges that went parallel to the porch up towards the stairs, some trees here and there, and if he squinted, he could see the faint contours of various gardening tools lying spread around, shining in the vague moonlight. He turned towards the door again – a little slower this time – and hurried inside the house.

...

With a start, he sat up in his bed. A glance on the clock on his bedside table told him that it was half past four in the morning. It was in other words two hours since he’d gone to bed. What was it that had waked him up? Was it a dream? Or a noise? Yes. Yes, that’s it. It had been a noise, which had penetrated even his deep, alcohol induced sleep. What kind of a sound had it been? He searched his memory. It hadn’t been a sharp sound. Not a gunshot, not the jingle of broken glass, nor a shrieking animal. It had been more like a thump of some kind. And it had come from downstairs.

He got out of bed, and started moving towards the bedroom door. Suddenly, he heard another thump from the ground floor. He froze in his tracks, unable to move so much as a finger. Slowly, his limbs thawed again, and he reached out to pick up the baseball bat he always kept next to his bed. At a snail’s pace, he opened the bedroom door, and began moving out of the room. He knew that many of the floorboards had a nasty tendency to creak, but he’d lived his entire life in this big old house, so he had no problems staying close to the walls and placing his feet where he knew that the boards were firmly attached to the bearing girders. An unexpected grin spread across his face. This was just like in the good old days, when he was trying to sneak out after bedtime to go drinking with his friends!

However, the grin faded as he got to the staircase. He could now hear a heavy, rasping breathing from downstairs – a breathing he recognized from the garden earlier that night. Cold sweat started pouring down his back. He started trembling, and had to wipe his hands cry on his pyjama overall, to retain a fast grip on the baseball bat. Then, as he was three steps down the stairs, he smelled a reek stink emanating from below. It smelled of damp earth, mould, and rot.

Suddenly, one of the floorboards on the landing behind him creaked. He threw himself around, and just as the hammer crushed his skull, his eyes fell upon a hideous grin, whit bits and parts of face hanging about, almost falling off...

____________
"Sometimes I think everyone's just pretending to be brave, and none of us really are. Maybe pretending to be brave is how you get brave, I don't know."
- Grenn, A Storm of Swords.

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Leo_Lion
Leo_Lion


Honorable
Supreme Hero
The 5th Element & 6th Sense!
posted June 01, 2005 09:52 PM

Round #20 entry...

@Bad Burglar Contest:

A burglar was creeping noiselessly through the darkened home, filling his bag with various valuables. As he reached his hand out to a box of jewellery, he heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you." Shaken, the burglar stopped. For a full minute he didn't dare breathe. Finally, he switched on his flashlight and carefully played it around the room, but saw nothing. Convinced that it must have been his imagination, he turned off the flashlight and continued in his quest for another man's wealth.

He was busily unhooking a stereo-set when he again heard, "Jesus is watching you." This time he nearly jumped out of his skin, he was so freaked out! Beads of sweat dripped from his face, and as he switched the light on again, the beam shook violently from his terror. He looked about the room and noticed a birdcage in the corner. Upon closer inspection, he discovered a parrot in the cage.

"Are you the one that spoke to me just now?" asked the burglar.

"Yes, I am." said the parrot.

"Why did you say 'Jesus is watching you.'?" asked the man.

"Because I felt like you needed to be warned." replied the bird.

By this time the man was over his fright and was more than a little irritated at this smart mouthed parrot that had tried to scare the living daylights out of him.

"What's your name?" asked the burglar.

"Moses." the bird said.

"Yeah, right?!" said the man. "What kind of people would name their parrot Moses?"

"The same kind of people that would name their Rottweiler Jesus!".
____________
*The end to no beginning...



*Take care, Leo

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