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TNT_Addict
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Beautiful Liar
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posted May 18, 2006 04:45 PM |
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Thanks guys for your support, I appreciate it a lot really in this time of need. After I had finished writing this post, I reread it to fix some mistakes and after that just bursted out crying for about half an hour. The park was really empty and noone could see me weep my eyes out, I really didn't want anyone to see me in the state that I was. It was a good thing I did, it made me feel better and wasted all of my tears so when the time of the funeral came and I went there to identify the body for the last time (tradition) I had no tears left to cry anymore.
Altough we haven't seen each other for a couple of months she was probably the second closest person to me after my dad passed away and I had remained with only my mom. The loss is really undescribable right now to people who haven't lost anyone close yet, but I will get over it in some time from now and will continue my life as nothing happened, the show must go on. Hopefully I will be lucky enough to find another girl as great as her and she will learn to love and respect me and then after learning from my mistake I would not let her slip away...
Foggy, you can do anything you want and be more entertaining like you had stated, it is a free community and who am I to stop you from doing something you want. I will just refrain from posting silly comments for a day or too and then would come back with full power and loaded gas tanks...
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Please
click and help me out!! Thanks!!
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted May 22, 2006 08:05 AM |
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It makes you think about life in a different way when you lose a loved one & I dont care who you are.
You will always have some love for you X.
Sorry for your loss but to be strong is the best thang for anyone & she would prefer it that way.
This world is not fair & it's cruel with hate & losing loved ones.
I guess we have to expect it sometime.
Just live life the best you can & keep that head up.
Some people take a loss alot different then others.
It happens & this life wont stop in time & eventually we all will go in a cycle.
Your born, you work, you have kids then you die.
Sometimes people dont have kids .
Good luck on you loss & I think a GF will help you to cope with it.
Lonesome sucks.
DOnt lose that sense of humour or I may have to talk to your brother Edge about stealing Christians GF 
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NavonDuSandau
Adventuring Hero
of Black Sheep Tavern
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posted May 22, 2006 09:04 AM |
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Like Milena said earlier that "Which doesn't kill you makes you stronger" isn't true always.
You don't go pat on the back and say to a woman that has lost her husband and two children in car crash that phrase.
This world does hurt and destroy people such a ways that they become unrepairable for the rest of their life. This world can destruct people in many ways from both outside and inside. Scars that don't show in the outside have not any less value than the bleeding wounds we have outside.
But of course those that have still resolution to go on must do so because that way they may carry those that don't.
In life it's always that it won't be long when things go wrong and you need to learn to be strong.
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted May 22, 2006 09:18 AM |
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Eventually that pain & hurt will happen to everyone.
We all will die sometime, it's just unfortunate that accidents can happen in the most messed up ways.
You have to try to be strong somehow,even if it is that bad.
Sometimes people cant go on & they commit suicide or just lose thier minds.
All we can do is comfort them as much as we can, I mean what else can we do but to be there for them.
Theres always someone very special to you & how can you be ready just incase.
It's hard.
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted May 22, 2006 10:25 AM |
bonus applied. |
Edited by william at 10:32, 22 May 2006.
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My life.
My life is pretty much anger.
Everything I do is well nearlu everything I do is pure anger.
I have a thing called ADHD which stands for attention defiset hyperactivity disorder and I have ODD which stands for Oppositional defiance disorder, and they are bad when mixed, so that means that I am bad.
I was normal when I was a young child, but when I became older I started to change.
My anger started getting worse and worse, until I dont think I can control it anymore and I sometimes think about suicide, because I sometimes hate my life so much.
I have nearly gotten expelled, and I have been suspended from school about 5 or 6 times, so im not as good as you think I am.
I have quite alot of friends but often get angry if something doesnt go my way or if they disagree and start laughing at me and try to stir me up, and thats what happens, I get stirred up, and quite easily for that matter.
I play a game called handball at rescees and lunch time at school and I am the best at it, seriously should watch me play, and I often get angry in that game because I sometimes get out and I cannot handle the situation.
I have sworn at my mum and dad, and I admit I have hit my dad, and he has hit me.
That shouldnt happen, but sometimes I just need to let go.
Im not proud of it, and if you think I am then your horribly wrong.
I love going on the internet, but when my mum doesnt let me then I cant help but get extremely angry and let all my anger out, pure anger.
I have punched walls, doors, and just today I got angry in class and threw a chair and then punched a door and hard, and now I have a bad bruise on my hand, well on my knuckles really.
I hate getting angry, I absolutely hate it, and some of you may not like that word but thats how I feel.
It basically rules me, but sometimes I can control it and other times I cannot control it.
It makes me so angry at times that I can no longer feel any pain and I dont feel regret or sorry for what I have done.
I feel sorry after what I have done, and by that stage I am a total wreck and I am really depressed.
I have nearly been sent to jail for hurting a person younger than me, and that was very close.
I was deeply saddened, and even now sometimes feel sorry for what damage I have done to that kids family and of course to the kid.
I wished I hadnt done that stupid thing, but I couldnt help it.
My life is mainly anger, well that and computers.
What I do in my spare time is make electronic music, and go on the internet, and I suppose that that is my escape to my anger and to what is happening in the real world.
I like the virtual world ver ymuch because it is a way to escape.
I also love electronic music sometimes, that sometimes I may have a tear in my eye because of the goodness of the music.
I love the stuff and It makes me cry because im so lucky that I can do it well, and because I can listen to these excellent songs that me and other people have made.
That is my escape I suppose and when I cannot escape I go absolutely beserk and cant copntrol myself, and instead of talking calmyly, I let go in a fit of anger and let all my emotions let loose.
I dont like that side of me.
People have called me annoying before.
I remember yesterday I was talking to a friend of mine on msn, and he goes here by the way, and he told me that he thinks I am cool and he likes that side to me. But he said that I have another side that is annoying and he doesnt like that side to me very much.
I suppose I have two sides to me. One is very nice and caring and the other one is very mean and angry.
At school I often get angry, like today the teacher was annoying me, but I couldnt help it, and I threw a chari and punched a door, and I now look upon that incident and think to myself "how could I have done that, I acted like an idiot infront of my classmates".
And I did, and thats not me at all.
I dont like the angry side to me, and I wish it could just go away and leave me alone, but it wont ever leave me alone. It will always be around and even though I cannot get rid of it, maybe I can learn to control it and take over and regain my life again.
Here is the facts of ADHD:
SYMPTOMS
Children with ADHD are unusually inattentive, hyperactive and show impulsive behaviour at home, school and in social settings – to a degree that is inappropriate for their age and development. They may:
* fidget and squirm in their seats
* have trouble concentrating on tasks or games
* not listen when they're spoken to
* talk excessively, run about, and seem to be always on the go
* get easily distracted
* act impulsively
* not wait their turn and blurt out answers.
This behaviour makes life difficult – often extremely difficult – for parents, siblings and teachers, and often for the child as well.
What causes this behaviour isn't known. It's thought that there may be a problem in those parts of the brain which normally inhibit impulsive behaviour – the cortex and the limbic system. This may be due to an imbalance in the brain's message-transmitting chemicals (neurotransmitters) in these areas. ADHD often runs in families – studies with twins have shown that ADHD is inherited – so these changes may be partly genetic.
There may also be social or environmental factors at work. In some cases children who have these symptoms haven't bonded well with their parents. In the case of boys, the father may sometimes be absent or emotionally distant.
There are two types of ADHD. The most common is 'Combined' type, where the child has poor attention and poor impulse control and is hyperactive. Less common is the 'Predominantly Inattentive' type, where the child is inattentive but not impulsive or hyperactive.
Boys are affected five times more often than girls. The symptoms usually start before the age of seven. It's been estimated that between three and five per cent of Australian primary school children are affected.
Here is the facts of ODD.
What is it?
ODD is a psychiatric disorder that is characterized by two different sets of problems. These are aggressiveness and a tendency to purposefully bother and irritate others. It is often the reason that people seek treatment. When ODD is present with ADHD, depression, tourette's, anxiety disorders, or other neuropsychiatric disorders, it makes life with that child far more difficult. For Example, ADHD plus ODD is much worse than ADHD alone, often enough to make people seek treatment. The criteria for ODD are:
A pattern of negativistic, hostile, and defiant behavior lasting at least six months during which four or more of the following are present:
1. Often loses temper
2. often argues with adults
3. often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
4. often deliberately annoys people
5. often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
6. is often touchy or easily annoyed by others
7. is often angry and resentful
8. is often spiteful and vindictive
The disturbance in behavior causes clinically significant impairment in social, academic, or occupational functioning.
How often is "often"?
All of the criteria above include the word "often". But what exactly does that mean? Recent studies have shown that these behaviors occur to a varying degree in all children. These researchers have found that the "often" is best solved by the following criteria.
Has occurred at all during the last three months-
8. is spiteful and vindictive
5. blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
Occurs at least twice a week
6. is touchy or easily annoyed by others
1. loses temper
2. argues with adults
3. actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
Occurs at least four times per week
7. is angry and resentful
4. deliberately annoys people
Those are the facts of it, and unfortunately I have both of them, and let me tell you, it isnt easy for a 15 year old well nearly 16 year old, to have both of these disorders you may call them.
It is hard work, and I often cannot control myself, but right now Im trying my very hardest to regain control of my life and just to be a normal teenager who doesnt have much anger in my life anymore.
Another thing is that my family is angry alot, and I dont think that that elps me at all.
I think that it makes me worse, because when others are angry, it is most likely that I will be angry.
And when im trying to control myself so much and then suddenly something tiny happens, then I go off like a rocket and cannot contain myself.
It is very hard for me, and I think by telling all of you and showing my true feelings, that it will help in some way, and I hope that you can help me, and give me some hints on how to improve my life and not be so angry anymore.
Thanks for listening to me.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted May 22, 2006 10:57 AM |
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Eventually just like Rychenroller says, your priorities will change when you get older & with your symptoms which I didnt have to read because I know them.
You do thangs without thinking & it's not really your fault I mean you have a hard time settling down & it's hard to cope because you have to be doing somethang.
It's hard to sit still & very hyper.
Understandably, ADHD is a symptom which now i can see why you dont go out as much.
It's hard for you to be social at times.
Trust me, theres ways to help cope with that problemlike seeing a doctor about it.
It happens, it's no ones fault.
Then ODD comes in & that dont help because ADHD also effects listening problems & distractions & that can get anyone angry.
Getting mad at your parents & those tandrums.
I can only imagine how hard it is for the parent or parents.
Maybe seeing a doctor like a psychiatrist would help.
Both of these problems at one time is a handful alone.
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted May 22, 2006 11:07 AM |
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hard for my paretns. yeah it would be hard for them but it is harder for me because I am the one that has the symptoms.
Also there is another thing which I havent told any of you about and I havent told many people about this.
Before I was about 11 months old I ate alot of stuff.
When I got to 11 months old I stopped eating.
Just stopped.
I was supposed to be 6 foot 6 tall, but currently I am only 167 cms or something like that, and I only weigh about 47 kgs.
That also has something to do with my ADHD and ODD.
It is hard to sit still and be hyper, but I am having medication and that helps alot.
I sit at home alot because I dont have any friends on my street.
Well I did but my nieghbour caught me and my friend lighting a fire,a nd that got me extremely angry because that neighbour is a bit nosey at times.
That got me angry and then what got me really angry was that the kid blamed it all on me.
And it was his idea.
I was so angry that if I had the chance I wouldve killed him, seriously.
I am still angry about it even 3 or 4 or 5 years later, because I cant believe after all of those years that me and him played together, that he would lie to me and my trust was instantly broken with him and I will never forgive that, never.
That is how it is tough for me.
I find it still quite easy to find friends, but if I find a friend and it is like the once friend that I had then I will just go "see you later, dont want another friend like the piece of **** that I had before" and sorry to swear but thats what I feel.
The other day when I was angry at angelito for giving me a penalty, well that was my anger, well not all of it, but some of it.
And I could see that some of you were annoyed/upset/hurt by all this bickering and hate going around the forum.
I am sorry for that by the way.
Also another thing, I come to this forum for peace and stuff and to post my opinions and my feelings, but my anger also comes here to as some of you may know that already.
Not many people here like me because of that, I know that legendmaker likes me I think and I_hat3_CT, and I think the_hydra, but I dont think that Aculias likes me, or Lord_PC or alot of other people.
I used to talk to Val quite alot, but because of that thing with angelito, he hasnt and doesnt want to talk to me on msn anymore and that greatly saddnes me because I used to love talking to him and it makes me sad that he refuses to talk to me anymore.
My ADHD and ODD affects this forum I think, and not in a good way.
Im sorry for all the trouble i have caused and sorry to have annoyed so many people after my couple of months of being here.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted May 22, 2006 11:16 AM |
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SOmetimes in life you just have to let thangs go.
SOmetimes it's just not worth getting mad over it because you have better stuff to do.
If people cant hear the truth then screw them.
Your the better person because honesty in the heart is better then someones opinion about accusations that may or may not be true.
I knew you had some kind of problem but not this bad but close to it.
I been around alot of people & I tend to know alot.
Hate is a big word & I was trying to help you but you got in one of your angry attitude so I said F it.
What you need to learn is you dont need no ones respect & shouldnt expect it & you shouldnt worry who likes you & who does not.
Who cares, look how long I been here & only 10% people respect me & 15% like me.
I dont care because I never hurt them & I showed respect to people who respect me the same.
Understanding I am open minded.
Do I hate you, na If I hated you I wouldnt be replying to this nor would I have not been trying to get you to understand.
Nor would I not be replying to any of your threads if i did.
Remember that when next time i reply
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Lord_Pc
Promising
Famous Hero
Groin-Grabingly Clever
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posted May 22, 2006 11:40 AM |
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William, about your suicide thinking
dont do it. it wont solve anything. it may seem like a good option but think about what effect it will have around you. your parents and all your relatives will be greatly affected. and just remember that no matter how bad you think your life is, there are always people who have a much worse life. just fly to mali. most of the population dont have houses.
and following up from what Acu said. i also dont hate you, there is only one person i every disliked at HC and they are now gone. i wouldnt take the time to reply if i hated you.
just try to think of what will be the effects when you press submit reply
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Da-da-dada-HEY-dada-da-da
Two goldfish were in their tank. One turns to the other and says, 'You man the guns, I'll drive.'
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RedSoxFan3
Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
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posted May 25, 2006 04:00 AM |
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Man william reading your post was a little uncomfortable for me. It felt like looking in the mirror. When I was younger I was so full of anger all the time. I throw a chair once and a trash can. I never tried to hurt someone, but one time I hit someone with the trash can cause they were reading behind the couch, which is where I threw it.
It's funny how I too sought out the internet to escape and I feel like I still do to this day at least to some degree.
I still have my temper as I always did, but it's restricted now to competitive situations only. Like games. Whenever I make a stupid mistake playing a game, or I die and I have no clue what I did wrong, I always yell and swear.
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Go Red Sox!
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SirDunco
Responsible
Supreme Hero
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posted May 25, 2006 09:23 AM |
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Well William,
it was interesting to read your story, it sure made me think and gave me a picture of you, eventhough I don't know you at all... A few years back I too was quite hot headed and sometimes bad tempered. All teenagers are, just some are less and some are more. It has to do with growing up into the "real" world.
But ADHD and ODD are just somethign different. Eventhough they may have the upper hand at times there still is a way to master them, get them under control and control it absolutely.
The best thing you can do is do something about it. A problem just won't solve itself. Like Acu said, you probably should try to talkt o someone about it. A psychologist, a doctor. Most of behavioral problems are mental and come from past experiences. Talking to people who want to help is a great step on solving things.
Eventualy you'll probably learn how to control yourself and get things under contol. But still I think the best would be to talk to someone, atleast to a very good friend, someone you can trust. Or having a sitting or two with a psychyatrist will not do any harm...
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted May 25, 2006 09:28 AM |
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I already see a counselor, and I have been getting over some problems and stuff, but the ADHD and ODD will never go away, it will be with me for the rest of my life, and it may sound stupid, but sometimes I just want to die.
Thats the way I feel about my life at times.
Talking to you people is also good because some of you understand.
You may have been hot tempered, but nothing like me.
When I am angry, I am not a person that you want to be near to.
It is very difficult for me, and because I am young, I cannot fully control it.
Well like sort of make it so that it isnt as bad, my temper I mean.
I am learning to communitcate nicely toward sother people, and negotiate with other people, because noone can get there way all the time, and sometimes I do not understand that.
I honestly say that ADHD and ODD are absolutely crap.
Sorry to swear, but if you had them, you may be thinking exactly as I am now.
You would hate it.
I hate it, because at any time I may just flip and go absolutely beserk, and I really dont like that happening.
I just want it to all go away and leave me alone...
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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SirDunco
Responsible
Supreme Hero
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posted May 25, 2006 09:49 AM |
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It's good that you are allready seeing someone. They should be able to help you control yourself and master your problems. But these things take time, will and patiance, but I belive you have them in you.
Things may seem dark at times, very dark. You may even feel that you are worthless and help noone and thoughs of death come up. We all feel desperate at times and I know that you must be going through a hard time right now, but just don't give up. Death is not the answer, eventhough those thoughs are...well just thoughts. It's best to push them aside. We all must find internal strenght. Everyone has it, but everyone must find ways of using it. In other words, stay strong 
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted May 25, 2006 12:50 PM |
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Not really any rush & the first thang to realise is that you actually have a problem, then you can actually try to help yourself in time.
Alot of people in other situations are in denial.
Like i am not an alcoholic etc.
You cant help a person who dont want to be helped or does not think they have that big of a problem.
Good to see you again Dunco, it's been yrs & I remember you when i first came here.
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SirDunco
Responsible
Supreme Hero
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posted May 25, 2006 01:39 PM |
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I see that you are still hanging around, good to see that Yeah it's been 5 years and look where we are now  ... But i'm OT here
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted May 25, 2006 01:40 PM |
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Actually i came back like 4 or 5 months ago after leaving the net for about a yr.
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sick_46_boy
Known Hero
*Lord of the bones*
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posted May 25, 2006 04:17 PM |
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Quote:
well thats good to know.
I dont need anymore people hating me because I dont like it and im sure you would either.
btw Acuklias do you have msn, I will add you.
Now william u can see how is to me when I come on your site and see all those attack from "SS" now u see how I feal!!
I dont need anymore people hating me because "ss"writening stupid things and call me spamer and other stufs!
And when new member come it will see and he may think that I am bad guy,butt even he dont know what happening there!!
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Once I used to be what you are now! And you will become what I am!"
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Peacemaker
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Peacemaker = double entendre
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posted June 04, 2006 09:05 PM |
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Lady Milena --
Your posts - and the experiences they relay - are monumental. You've been and continue to go through an awful lot for a person so young. My hat is off to you; I admire you tremendously.
In that, perhaps you are demonstrating the very reason you, I, all of us have such horrific episodes in our lives. Perhaps the Earth is a vast school where we all come to learn how to weather, how to persist, to put our lives back together, piece by piece after they've been dismantled either by chance or intentionally by another or however it happens, bearing the loss of what was through every painful step. Perhaps we are all here to learn to show one another how such things are to be done.
Now, to all of you: I want to share something with you about my experience with life. I've had forty-five years of it now because I decided on more than one occasion to stick around. I've lost everything -- several times. I've suffered years of clinical depression and finally sought medication. I've gotten off the meds, put it all back together again, piece by piece. It has taken years.
Fifteen years ago I got the job of my dreams -- it wasn't just a job, it was a home. With that position I fulfulled the greatest dream of my life: I bought my own house. I made every inch of it my own; years of work resulted in the home and life of my dreams.
During those years I met a man, got married, had a baby, and gradually became miserable as we fell out of love. I became very close with another who was married to a psychopath, and was frozen into non-action by her behavior. Our mutual friendship and support transformed into one of the fieriest romances in the history of mankind.
I divorced, he did not.
The clinical depression set in.
Another year passed; a new boss came into my workplace; my "resignation was accepted."
I had to sell my house because I had no job. So there I was, homeless, with a toddler, hopelessly in love with a married man.
My son and I moved into an unheated hovel with no toilet, boards over the windows, holes in the roof and birds and small mammals running through the joint every morning.
With no job, I had time to start remaking the hovel. For months I worked, took the boards off the windows, patched the roof and ceilings; caught the birds and small animals and shoo'ed them out the door. With the remaining equity from the sale of my house I bought a toilet, a heater, new doors and windows, and all the materials to remake the place.
As unemployment ran out I began looking for a new job. My fate at my previous employment place was like a scarlet letter on my chest. Then after months, one day the city needed a stand-in personnel judge due to a conflict with an existing judge.
They loved me. Before I knew it I was on the payroll with ah half-time position there. It wasn't much but it was enough.
My lover finally left his wife and moved into a little apartment while she proceeded to run him dry financially during a long, contentious divorce. We propped one another up. He slowly began to lose everything as I had.
She began filing false police reports about me, had me followed, started calling me and harassing me, wrote false letters and actually managed to get a local newspaper to run a libelous story about me and her soon-to-be ex-husband.
Perseverence.
Last night we celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary. We pulled it back together, piece by piece. And this, I might tell you, was anything but easy.
I also recently went back to my old job; the one I so loved. As the boss left I began re-applying. How can you stand to go back there and grovel after the way they treated you? everyone asked.
Because it was a mistake and I knew it.
Now typically I follow the signs; my friends were telling me the signs said I wasn't supposed to be there. The place turned me down several times, but I persevered. I did not follow that particular sign, because I knew the whole thing was a mistake. Eventually, they figured that out. My perseverence paid off.
We live in a big, happy home. My son is nearly ten years old and he is a magnificent child. I love my job more than ever.
My husband's gone blind in one eye after seven failed surgeries (retinal detachment). It was a horrible episode that still haunts him with blindness in that eye. There were days when I honestly didn't know whether he would make it through, but bit by bit, he's coping with it.
He perseveres.
Through a series of emergencies last year, we lost about twenty thousand dollars. But there's still milk in the fridge and meat in the freezer. We'll make it. It's not easy, but we make it.
And every day I thank the creator I didn't bag it all one day a couple of decades ago. I know there will be more downhill times in the future, because I've come to realize that's the way life is. And I know I'll wonder why I bother to keep going when I'm in the middle of the agony. Then I'll think back to right now, and I'll know, rationally even if not emotionally, that there's a reason.
The reason is that it's not supposed to be easy. What the hell would we learn if it were easy? We are being neither punished by our bad experiences nor rewarded by our good ones. They are what they are, and we are merely here to learn to interact with them as best we can.
A truly magnificent life isn't one where wonderful things happen to you all the time, or even most of the time. A truly magnificent life is one in which you learn to persevere in the absence of those wonderful things, and instead in the face of dreadful realities. With perseverence, the wonderful things will come in their own due course. And the longer you persevere, the more of a chance you give them to finally turn up.
But in the meantime, as you persevere, you become your own magificent example for the rest of us, my child. We all do, for one another.
Persevere.
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted June 27, 2006 07:49 AM |
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My life: RECENT TIMES
----------------------
My life has been sort of good and bad, but as this thread is named Downhill Times I will only say the bad times.
Recently I got started talking to a girl online, I really like her and she likes me, but receneltly a rift has been made between me and her.
You see, my life is bad.
Recently my heart is failing and I may not live to see 20 years old, and as much as I would love to do what I dream about most, I just may not survive it.
I wish to be a games producer when I grow up but unfortunately my time has been cut short by my weak heart.
I will tell you the story of how it began.
I was at school playing handball, not olympic but most kids would know it from school.
I was playing and as I am ranked probably the best in my school, I was playing kinda well really good.
Then I started feeling my heart thumping in my chest.
I took a break and the ball was hit to me and instead of me hitting it, I just ciuldnt do anything but sit down.
I felt like it was going to come out through my chest.
I didnt know what to do so I went to the front office and went into sick bay.
My Counsellour came and checked my heart rate.
It was 100.
She told me to rest, and then 20 minutes later she came back and checked it again, and in that time I did nothing but rest.
The heart rate was 130 this time, went up by 30.
Even though I didnt do anything.
They tried to call my mum as the normal heart rate is between 60 and 90, but mine was 40 - 70 over that well over the minimum heart rate of 60.
I was scared that I might die and from that day which was maybe a month ago maybe less, I have been scared that every night, I might not make it back again and that I might die in my sleep.
Im scared for my life.
That girl I mentioned earlier.
Me and her talk well should I say TALKED on msn, and I love talking to her, but she blocked me because I was sad and acting kind of mean, which I hardly/never do to girls.
I felt well I feel like a complete screwup because of that, because I have now lost a very good friend.
I feel that I might not get another friend like her, ever, and I am now both sad and ditrught as I fear I may never see her again.
We talked alot of the time, seeing as we live in different counties we loved talking to each other.
We talked about alot of things, and we laughed and stuff, it was quite fun.
But now, she is gone and my life, is both sad and crushedby this horrible endeavour that I may now have to go through alone.
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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I_HaT3_CT
Adventuring Hero
XJapan Fan (Rusty Nails)
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posted June 27, 2006 08:11 AM |
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Hey William, dun feel any sad. I have add her and am trying to communicate in her in anyway. If she still dun understand, why care??
A Good Friend
My definition of good friends:
-Should understand each other pretty well. So any good or bad things the other partner does would not affect the friendship
-Trust. Without trust, nothing would work out. And of course, if there is no trust, you all my aswell stick to ordinary friends rather than good friends
-Lend a good ear. Be able to listen to your friends everytime he is in trouble. Although im still not very good in this part, however, i will still consider to improve myself.
-Be able to sit through thick and thin. The good we share, the bad we shield. We should not abandon each other in times of hardship. If anyone of you has seen the shows like Band of Brothers, Black Hawk Down and Saving Private Ryan, you should know what i mean.
-Finally, acceptance. You will not laugh at your friends when they have sickness or are in serious hardship and trouble. You will lend a hand. When the time of joking comes, you can joke with friends. However, when your friends needs help, HELP THEM. Often, i see this factor missing in a lot of my so called "Good Friends". This is a very basic and known factor in friends, however, not a lot of people has this factor in them. They said they had, but they don't.
I wrote this definition to show you all what true good friends are. I know a lot of you here have lots of friend, but who are those who are true and real to you. They may appear to be good friends, but deep down, they may feel jealous or famous when you are with them. William, are you sure "the Girl" you know is your true real good friend. She maybe your friend, but she cannot be classified under your good friend. See the truth and real side of her, and understand that losing of a not so good friend may be a blessing rather than a sad thing. Be positive William.
@William: Remember the time i told you that i may have Kidey Failures?? That time you told me to be happy and all and forget bout it. Now its your turn Will. Live life to the fullest before you miss out on the good things in life. Go on a holiday with your parents. They may scold you and all, but inside their heart, they are worried and all. Why not have a nice vacation. Go cycling with your parents, enjoy the good times. You will treasure it, since you only have them once in a lifetime. Btw, cycling is also very healthy for the heart
Good Luck to ALL!!
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METAL!! Addict. The Music Maniax of Asia. Band of Choice -- (XJapan, Metallica and Iron Maiden)
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