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Heroes Community > Bards Glade Pyre (RPG) > Thread: The Best RP the Glade Has Ever Seen
Thread: The Best RP the Glade Has Ever Seen This thread is 2 pages long: 1 2 · NEXT»
friendofgunnar
friendofgunnar


Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
posted June 30, 2006 07:58 PM
Edited by friendofgunnar at 20:10, 08 Jul 2006.

The Best RP the Glade Has Ever Seen

The sun rises and XaTXis strides across the valley.  His footsteps make the valley quiver and he leaves indentations a meter deep.   He is striding purposefully towards something....

The Land:

The Good People:  The good people are traveling through the land and have camped by the river.  They have a distinct culture.  The men lock their women in a cage whenever they leave the house (or tent if they are traveling). The good people also will occasionally mount raids on neighboring tribes for the purpose of  acquiring babies to eat.  And their method of execution is so hideously cruel that there have only been unconfirmed rumors.  They will ask the excecutionee what their favourite food is and they will then serve that food to them...through their chest. They are all descended from a man named Good, which is why they are called "The Good people".  The Good people are led by a man named Robert the Good.

The Bad people:  The bad people live on a ridge above the valley.  They also have a distinct culture.  They believe that there is always two sides to a story.  They believe that women rule,  except when they get a little bit too moody sometimes.  And most of all no matter how bad circumstances are, or how terrible things might appear to be, or how desperate their future looks, they believe that music and passion is always in fashion.  They have this written on their flag.

The bad people settled in the land of Bad, which is why they are called "The Bad people".  The Bad people are led by a man named Robert the Bad.





The characters:

(FriendofGunnar) I am XaTXiS. I am a Golem made of Oblinaite. I came from another universe. I am 80 meters high. My head is wide and there is a village of creatures living on it. I walk with a purpose that is not easy to figure out. When you look in my eyes you can see everything that I have seen in reverse chronological order. If you watch long enough you will see the universe that I came from.
I know only one word:  XaTXis

(Iris) I am Xena, a huntress who lives in the village on XaTSiS's head. I am 25 years old and I like to scream, "Ay yi yi yi yi!" very randomly and inappropriately. The only weapon I'm proficient with is the bow, but I like to carry around a multitude of other weapons that I have no idea how to use. I am a free-lancer who works for whoever pays me the most shinies. Oh yeah, I wear a lot of shinies.  I also have a metal pushup bra. That's really shiny. Yeah.

Oh, and my favorite food is pineapple chunks topped with hot fudge and sprinkles.

(Russ) I am Russ, I live in the same village as Xena and I follow her around everywhere using every opportunity to hit on her because I just can't resist her metal pushup bra.

(TNT) I am Zerdakus a Were-anteater, that's right half man half anteater with a cute pointy face and a wet long nose good for catching those ants and eh... Well other things too .

As all Were-anteaters I am very skilled with the flail and wear natural fuzzy and furry body armor, (water repellant I might add) For some unknown reason my breath always smells of ants .  I'm so evil that sometimes after a big fiest of black ants I do not wash my nose

I'm also a womenizer when it comes to cute animal chicks like arabic horses babes and those Lassy kind of doggy chicks, yeah can you dig those english doggies...?

(Kookastar) I am Gwendalyn Bonza, Robert the Good's cousin's wife's sister's aunt's cousin's niece. I am proud that I am so closely related to the mighty Robert himself  I am a bit ditsy but have the secret power of telekinesis - I have told no one out of fear. I have long blonde hair that always looks a bit matted, and I travel with the troops as a cook and a nurse.


(Titanium_Alloy) I am Trippy the Hippie, some guy of no apparent importance with the baddies. Although he'd rather sit around, chase the dragon and listen to R.E.M. all day, people look up to him as a cultural influence. He frequently talks in song, when he can't think of the right word. Which is often. Most of the time his songs have no relation to the current situation.
"Give peace a chance, guys, we're not all bad."

(Arkm1) I am a member of the Good People. Whenever anyone says my name backwards, I turn into a Gigantic Kitten for 5 minutes (or untill someone says my name backwards again). However, no one knows this secret. Everyone just assumes I do it randomly. My name is Bob

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friendofgunnar
friendofgunnar


Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
posted June 30, 2006 08:00 PM
Edited by friendofgunnar at 20:32, 30 Jun 2006.

XaTXis strides through the valley at dawn.  He has actually been traveling all night but he has only reached the valley at the break of dawn.    Only a few people are awake at this hour to see him.  The ones who are and are also looking in the right direction see a dark colored humanoid 80 meters high striding purposefully into the valley.  The young are curious, the ones that are a little bit older are uncertain, and anyone above the age of 5 is pretty much terrified.


XaTXis bends down and puts his hands forward.  He has four digits on his hand.  Three of these digits end in a sharp wedge shaped tool.  He places his hands on the rock.  The digits start pulsating back and forth rapidly. It sounds like a catapult hitting a wall several times a second.


<SHEGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddA...>

It's really loud.  The entire valley has woken up now.

<SHEGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddA...>

He is pulverizing the rock as he moves his hands through it.  Soon he pulls out a huge V shaped section of rock.  He turns around and drops it.  He moves to the side and starts again.

<SHEGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddA...>



If there was a person close enough to XaTXis they would be able to see XaTXis exposing a network of tunnels lying close to the surface.  They look like insect tunnels.  They're bigger though, big enough to accomodate a man-sized creature.  Someone who was really watching closely might also be able to see furtive glimpses of some type of creature.

Meanwhile XaTXis continues to dig.  About the middle of the morning though some odd things start to come out of the mountain.  Statues, sarcophegi, pieces of stone with murals on it.  XaTXis seems to be unaware though.  He keeps moving forward, forging a tunnel through the stone.

Suddenly a glimmer of sunlight is caught on something.  Something really, extraordinarily, inexplicably, undeniably shiny.

But then it is buried again beneath the continually accumulating pile of rubble.

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Iris
Iris


Responsible
Supreme Hero
of Typos
posted June 30, 2006 09:33 PM
Edited by Iris at 01:54, 01 Jul 2006.

Xena

"Hmm," the woman mused as she bounced the bag of coins on her palm. "It feels like it's 2 pieces short."

"Really, this is all we can afford right now," explained the villager.

A loud thud is heard and the earth beneath their feet shook, but neither of them seemed bothered nor paid it any attention.

"Hey, my services don't come cheap," said the woman, frowning, as her grip tightened around her bow.  Suddenly, her eyes flickered as something behind the man caught her attention.  "You know what, I'll cut you a break.  Give me that and we'll call it even," she said, pointing to something behind him.

"T-That?"

Another thud.

"That's right, and I want it cut into little pieces."

"But..."

"Ay yi yi yi yi--"

"Okay, okay, it's a deal!" said the man quickly as he turned to fill her request.

"And be sure to placed them into a travel-friendly container!" she called before he disappeared into the house.

A few minutes later, the transaction was complete, and the woman is seen walking away from the villager's house.  The ground shook again, slightly harder this time, and she had to steady herself to retain her balance.  Her long black hair spilled over past her shoulders and her witchy green eyes looked up at the sky.  

I guess XaTXis found something interesting again.  I wonder where we are right now.

She was dressed in a simple leather dress with a very shiny metal bra.  (Hey, certain areas need more protection than others.)  A thin rapier was strapped to her back, a whip wrapped around her waist, daggers fastened to her boots, darts hidden in her hair, and blade earrings hung from her earlobes.  Though the only thing she could wield halfway proficiently was the bow in her hand, she always insisted on taking other such weapons, "just in case."

The grass rustled behind her, and she turned sharply toward the sound.  Probably just the wind.  She dismissed the thought and popped another piece of pineapple into her mouth.  Just then, the mild rumbles of the ground amplified to violent quakes, followed by extremely loud sounds of...

<SHEGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddA...>

That didn't sound too healthy...

<SHEGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddA...>

Several other villagers have woken and come out to check on this unnatural sound.

<SHEGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddAGUddA...>

She harrumphed and was about to turn away when something extremely bright and shiny caught her attention.  Her eyes widened and a smile spread across her face.  She quickly finished off the last piece of pineapple from her earnings, slung her bow over her shoulder, and proceeded toward the edge of XaTXis's head...
____________

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TNT_Addict
TNT_Addict


Honorable
Supreme Hero
Beautiful Liar
posted June 30, 2006 09:40 PM

Oh yeah, the tingling sensation again... Ants going through his nose was always the best part of being a wereanteater, sometimes he would just suck the ants in, then snort them out and resuck them back just to get his somehow weird satisfaction look on his face. He had one on him just now, and it made his friend chuckle a bit.

"What do you find so damn funny Snorf?" wiping his wet nose and checking for any ants that might have escaped from it he jumped on his sleeping bag. It was his second day of anthunting with his best friend Snorf the half porcupine half man, 20 jars of ants were stacked nicely beside Zerdakus's sleeping bag. From the spicey red ants to the big salty black fighter ants, Zerdakus liked to vary his daily menues.

"It's just that such a bad person like you Zerdakus looks like a little kid when you gubble your ant prey. With you being the prince of the bad people you need to watch your image, don't let people to mistake you for a good cuddly pet..."

"Tommorow we go back to the bad people village and get the army ready for the big bad battle, I have enough ants to last me through the longest seige. We will show those goody two shoes people what us bad people are capable of, but now for the well deserved sleep... Good night Snorf, just do not roll on me again like last night, I'm still plucking out your damn needles!"


____________

Please
click and help me out!! Thanks!!

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russ
russ


Promising
Supreme Hero
blah, blah, blah
posted June 30, 2006 10:08 PM

Russ was woken up by the loud scream coming from below.
"Damn! That golem is starting to get on my nerves! Whoever was the idiot who decided to build a village on his head? I mean: we do get to travel for free, but sometimes that rock dude is just WEIRD!"
Russ then noticed Xena heading towards the edge of golem's head. The shiny pushup bra looked as provoking as usual, so he hurried up after her. While running after her, he noticed her carrying a new whip. That observation filled his head with many creative thoughts and he ran after Xena even faster...

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kookastar
kookastar


Honorable
Legendary Hero
posted June 30, 2006 10:44 PM
Edited by kookastar at 23:09, 30 Jun 2006.

Gwendalyn’s buttocks were pinched roughly as she entered the cage.  Her man had been given a scouting mission and would not return for twenty-four hours.  She did not know which was worse; being stuck in this makeshift cage, or his stinking breath as he’d had his way with her.  She slid down the side of the enclosure and sat on the dirt floor, pointing her toes towards the gate.  Through the bars she could see the scouting party preparing to break camp, the river was flowing behind them and the sun was just beginning to rise.  If all things went well the men would feast on babies tonight.

“Dammit Greyson, get your hands off me!”  The clanger of keys, and the squeak of the rusty gate was always a sound that made Gwendalyn’s heart beat faster.  “Maddie” Her smile was genuine as she greeted her friend, “Did you get it?”
Her eyes sparkled and her cheeks were crushed by her smile, “Of course Lynnie.”  Relief washed over her as she leant back against the wall.  Her beau’s breath was definitely worse she decided, as her companion sat down beside her.

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friendofgunnar
friendofgunnar


Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
posted July 01, 2006 12:16 AM
Edited by friendofgunnar at 04:57, 04 Jul 2006.

Robert the Bad was preparing his defenses for an assault from the Good People who were camped out in the valley when everything was thrown into a tizzy by the appearance of this mysterious Golem.  Then to top it all off his scouts told him that there was some mighty interesting things coming out of the mountain that this golem was ripping apart.  Now Robert the Bad had to calculate whether he should leave the village defenses to go see what was going on.

After checking that all those unruly were-creatures were coming with him, he marshalled all his forces, went down the steep cliff trails, and moved up to the site of the digging.

The Good people had arrived mere minutes earlier.  The leader of the Good People had already stepped forward.


Robert the Good: *In a loud voice.* I hereby claim this valley for the Good People

Robert the Bad: I’m sorry, we we’re here first.

Robert the Good: I think you’re mistaken, we were clearly here first.

Robert the Bad: No, I meant in the valley, we were here first.

Robert the Good: *looks around*  I don’t see any signs.

Robert the Bad: *Robert the Bad takes out his sword and drives it into the ground*  See this here?  This is a sign that says all Good People stay out!

Robert the Good: I’m sorry it’s too late.

Robert the Bad: Before you decide to throw yourselves on our swords there’s something you should know.  *snaps fingers.  The entire mass assembly of Bad People from the ridge suddenly start screaming and rushing with weapons towards the massed Good People.  Robert the Bad snaps fingers again.  The Bad People halt dead silent*.  See that?  We have passion.

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friendofgunnar
friendofgunnar


Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
posted July 03, 2006 08:13 PM
Edited by friendofgunnar at 19:42, 04 Jul 2006.

Robert the Good:  You and your passion.  Is that why you murdered and raped our villagers?!  Is that why you destroyed our homeland?  Passion?!

Robert the Bad :  That's a lie.  You Good People are always inventing lies to justify your aggresion.  The only thing that we Bad People have been doing for the past 3 generations is singing music, dancing, and tying an elastic rope to our waist and jumping off that proturbing crag up there.*points to a proturbing crag near the Bad People's village*

Robert the Good:  Enough of your dissimilation!.  You Badness ends today!

The  valley echoes with the screams of war.  Dust rises and and chokes the combatants.

It is the age old eternal question, who will win.  Good or Bad?.  The Good People are pushed back at first because of the surpise ferocity of the Bad People. But the Goods have been put on a ruthless training regime.    On their long marches anyone who falls behind gets a spike of shame through their nose.  Anybody who runs during combat will get the infamous "drowning by latrine".  They know discipline. They know fear.

They gather around their hero who has rippling muscles.  They fight and they push the Bads back.  Corpses are starting to decorate the ground.

Suddenly though a voice is heard.

XaTXis:  XaXTiS

the voice echoes across the valley.... XaXTis      XaXTis        XaXTis

XaXTis has stopped digging.  The battle stops as the Goods and the Bads fall back in awe.  A beam of energy is projected from XaXTis's eyes into the sky.  Music can be heard, subtle music that swells in intensity and volume. . Suddenly an image is projected into the sky!   It is some type of design with a two long rods attached to wheels.  The music swells to a deafening crescendo and then stops.

The music changes.  It is happy energetic music now that's being played with instruments and sounds that are completely alien to the assembled peoples of the valley.  Suddenly moving images appear in the sky.

The moving images appear to tell  some kind of story.  The characters are humanoids that resemble XaXTis, only much much smaller and with normal sized heads. They speak in a language that sounds like nothing the Good People or the Bad People have heard before.  There are scenes of the humanoids conversing, and then there are scenes where they appear to be engaged in some type of strange enterprise.  The scenes where they are engaged in a strange enterprise seem to be  set on a flat field that has walls set up in geometric patterns.  There are also walls to the side that are suspended in the air.  The humanoids are bouncing a huge heavy looking ball against all the different walls , but the purpose to this is not abundantly clear.

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william
william


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
posted July 04, 2006 12:57 AM

William the Good pauses, as he sees XaXTis.
He is absolutely in awe and shaken by his prescence that his sword drops to the ground.
He looks bback and sees some of his men shaking, just from looking at the mighty XaXTis.
"WHO ARE YOU" William the Good finally bellows.
There is no reply.....
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~

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kookastar
kookastar


Honorable
Legendary Hero
posted July 04, 2006 01:02 AM
Edited by kookastar at 08:38, 09 Jul 2006.

Maddie felt beneath her long shirt and retrieved the gift.  It was wrapped in a piece of tanned hide and secured with vine.  Gwendalyn’s face lit up.  This was all the thanks she needed.  She moved so that she was sitting on the floor in front of her friend, her back to the gate blocking any eyes that may wander in their direction.  “Go on, open it.”   Lynnie’s hands were shaking slightly as she unbound the package to reveal a small, jewelled dagger.  

“It is said to have once belonged to the heroine Shae, who was captured by an overlord and trapped in time for eternity…  Can you feel its power?”

Could she feel it’s power!  Even with the scattered light of the cage the gems radiated.  Gwendalyn’s eyes fixed on its serrated edge, it was beckoning her, enticing her.  A slide show of fantasies flashed frantically through her mind.  She banished them with a shake of her head, and wrapped the knife once more.

“Here” Maddie handed her the small belt that had secured the weapon to her inner thigh.  
“Thanks.  I will repay you for this one day...”  

Their exchange was interrupted by shouts coming from outside the cage.  She quickly hid the package and as they moved to the bars, she could see the northern sky afire with a flash of coloured light.  What the hell was going on

She thought of Robert the Good, and sent a silent prayer to those that watch over him.

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william
william


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
posted July 04, 2006 02:56 AM

William the Good then felt a surge of power, he knew he had been blessed by the Gods.
He picked up his sword which layed on the ground, then struck William the Bad with it.
William the Bad fell to the ground, blood pouring out.
"Ge them men" Was what he said after before he stopped breathing.
William the Good felt  a terrible pain in his stomach as though he had just lost a part of his family, then his face went white with shock.
William the Bad was actually his brother.
He quickly picked him up, put him over his back and fended off William the Bads men.
He struck one man in the eye with his sword, and he fell down to the ground instantly, his eye pouring out with blood.
He took his nearly dead brother over to the bushes which was away from battle.
"What do we do Sir, we cant hold them off for much longer" a soldier of William the Good said.
"Fend them off for as long as you can, im dealing with my brother now" William the Good replied.
"Your brother sir" the soldier replied as everyone suddenyl stopped fighting and now focused on William the Good and William the Bad.
"You will be alright, im so sorry, I never knew" William the Good said as he was stopped by his brother.
"It is alright my brother, I knew all along, I just didnt think you knew, I never wanted you to find out, but now you have, and for once I am glad that I have as strong a brother as you" William the Bad said.
"Look your not going to die right now, I must help you, you must help me defeat a powerful s..." William the good said but was stopped yet again by his brother
"I know what I must do, and that is to die, I have brought nothing but pain in this world, I hope you truly understand what I am saying here, if you do not, then nothing I will say will make you understand any more, I must go now, goodbye my brother" William the Bd said before,
"No your not, your not dying yet, I will save you, here drink this" William the Good said as he pulled out a healing potion that he got from his mother after he left his home 12 years ago when he was only 15 years old.
"I have been carrying this for 12 years, and now I think you must need it the most, take it and you will be healed" William the Good said.
William the Bad took it, and drank it, then leapt to his feet.
"Thankyou, I am vowing never to be bad again" William the Goods brother said.
"Agreed" And both there armies formed into one, and they set off trying to find the strange Xaxtis.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~

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friendofgunnar
friendofgunnar


Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
posted July 04, 2006 07:35 PM

Recap:  moving images appear in the sky.  The moving images appear to tell  some kind of story.... The humanoids are bouncing a huge heavy looking ball against all the different walls , but the purpose to this is not abundantly clear.....

The images continue the story.  Apparantly the humanoids have been practicing for the final scene of the drama, when they do their activities on a field with a multitude of other humanoids watching them.  There are multiple shots of the humanoids competing against each other in short seemingly violent conflicts.  To the assembled spectators, the activity resembles a parody of war.  Finally the climax arises and the music swells and the humanoids that were presented at the very beginning of the story appear to be victorious.

Immediately after the drama is over a picture of a solitary humanoid appears.  He then proceeds to show how to assemble a ball like the one that was used in the drama.  Then he shows diagrams of how to replicate the field that the humanoids were enacting their drama on.  Afterwards he and severn other humanoids give a demonstration on how to play what apparently is nothing more than a sport.  The tutorial finally ends and the valley is silent.

XaTXis:  XaTXis..        ..XaXTis      XaXTis        XaXTis

After the tutorial is over, XaTXis goes back to the mountain and continues digging.



By the time the drama and tutorial are over with, night has fallen.  Robert the Good retreats to his camp with his lackeys, and Robert the Bad retreats to his camp with this followers.  Music is heard from the Bad People's camp.
Both of them though are still within long range arrow shot of XaXTis and the now huge pile of rubble.

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william
william


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
posted July 05, 2006 01:33 AM

William the Good wlks with William the Bad or now supposedly good aswell.
They tak aboutmany things, then William The Good spots images in the sky, slow moving images, then he sees him.
Xatxis.
"Lets go, its time to go" William the Good shouts.
"What why" William the Bad asks.
"Because there is a massive person right behind you" WTG replies.
"Hahaha you crack me up there couldnt be a massiv OH MY GOD THAT PERSON IS ABOUT OH MY GOD LETS GET OUTTA HERE" WTB shouts.
They both run...
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~

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TitaniumAlloy
TitaniumAlloy


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Professional
posted July 05, 2006 09:51 AM
Edited by TitaniumAlloy at 09:56, 05 Jul 2006.

In the Hall of Bad Importance, the Bad people sat in council.

Trippy walked in, and sat down.

In the corner.

Away from all the attention.



Then Robert the Bad walked in and sat down at the majestic throne at the front, to begin council with the women of the village. The one people pretended they wanted to listen to, but really only wanted to criticize.

But Trip never listened to such things.
He only noticed that none of the women were ever allowed to give guidance every day of the month, there was always a time in which they had to sit with the rest of them.

The people like Trippy, who was currently sitting in his corner lighting up.



A kind of strange armadillo man, or, emu man, or rhino or something crazy like that sat down in a less majestic, but still somewhat majestic throne, his small beady parrot eyes darted around the room... the floor.

They said something about a war, and something about people cheering, and then something about sex. Or was that just his imagination.
Trip shrugs.

Then they all just started singing.
____________
John says to live above hell.

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friendofgunnar
friendofgunnar


Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
posted July 05, 2006 07:36 PM
Edited by friendofgunnar at 19:40, 05 Jul 2006.

*Robert the Bad sits down on the portable throne that set up in the giant council tent*

Robert the Bad: Let us have all have a moment of musical silence for our fallen comrades.

*after the music stops Robert the Bad motions Zerdakus the were-anteater to come over to him.  Zerdakus ignores him.  Robert the Bad motions again.  Nothing.  Finally Robert the Bad walks over to the Zerdakus’s throne.*

Robert the Bad: I need someone to lead a raid against the Good People base camp and steal some of their women.  

Zerdakus: That’s dangerous.

Robert the Bad: *pauses*  Okay I also need someone to climb to the top of that weird creature and see if you can get the people who are on top to join us against the Good People.  Whichever mission you don’t pick I will have my son do.

Zerdakus: That sounds dangerous too.

Robert the Bad:  *squints*  Fine, what do you want?

*Zerdakus rolls his eyes, and looks around the room.*

Robert the Bad: How about a bigger throne? *Zerdakus is silent.*

Robert the Bad: Allright fine, you’ve had your eyes on my virgin alpaca ever since you came to this valley.  I bet you want nothing more than one night in the stables with her.  *Zerdakus’s snout starts quivering.* I bet you would just love to know what my virgin alpaca feels like wouldn’t you?  *Zerdakus reaches out to stop his snout from shaking.*  Aha! I see I’ve found your weakness.

So what will it be, the raid or the creature?

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Iris
Iris


Responsible
Supreme Hero
of Typos
posted July 06, 2006 12:00 AM

Xena glanced over her shoulder again.  She had the distinct feeling that she was being followed.  After quickly running through a few possible scenarios, she decided that finding the shinies was the more important matter at hand.  Another several steps forward and more rustling of the grass was heard.  She sighed and rolled her eyes.  "Russ, is that you?"

Before she received an answer, the ground quivered violently again, sending her down to her hands and knees.  Just then, music filled the air and beams of light shot up into the sky.  Xena lifted her gaze to follow the rays as images started to form.

Looks like XaTXis found and audience.  Yay, movie time!  ^_^  I wonder what he's going to show this crowd.

After a long stream of seemingly random images, Xena blinked a few times in disbelief as the pictures faded from the sky.  Footsketball?  Again?  He's shown this for the past three encounters!  Of all things to show them, I can't believe he decided to show this stupid sport again!

"Ohh, you... you blockhead!" she yelled as she smacked the ground, as if doing so would send a message to XaTXis about showing more meaningful things.  "Oh well.  Maybe next time."

Suddenly, a thought popped into her head.  If there's an audience, then there's an opportunity to make more shinies.  I bet there are a lot of people who need my services down there.  I can even charge them extra!

Xena looked behind her shoulder again.  "You want to come along, Russ?"
____________

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russ
russ


Promising
Supreme Hero
blah, blah, blah
posted July 06, 2006 12:34 AM

Russ wasn't particularly excited about seeing one of the most boring games he's ever seen for the third time. He got bored of it during the first minute of the first time the golem was showing it, seeing it for the third time did not make it any more exciting.

He finally caught up to Xena who have politely asked him to join her (most likely because she knew she didn't have a choice, but she felt like being in control), so he replied:

"sure! I'll go get the ladder"

He then went on to grab a rope ladder from under the Fshming tree to his right. Fshming trees were the only kind of trees that grew on golem's head. As a matter of fact, it was the only place where they grew. Those trees had a nice solid trunk that was an excellent source of building material for the village, its narrow but very long leaves were an excellent source of ropes and in addition to that those trees were full of Fshming fruits several times a the year. No matter how many times the vilagers tried to grow something else, they've failed. So, after a long time of suffering they ended up getting to like the Fshming fruits. They even took pride in having over a hundred different ways of eating those. As a matter of fact, it was a tradition for every male villager to always carry around a bag of dried Fshming fruits. Russ was very proud of his Fshming bag. During golem's last stop Russ met a jeweller who incrusted his bag with some unknown symbols. Russ didn't understand them, but he found it extremely cool nevertheless.

After dropping down the ladder, Russ decided to show his gentleman nature and did a gallant gesture offering Xena to come down first.

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TNT_Addict
TNT_Addict


Honorable
Supreme Hero
Beautiful Liar
posted July 08, 2006 05:22 PM
Edited by TNT_Addict at 17:26, 08 Jul 2006.

So what will it be, the raid or the creature?

Zerdakus was stumped, they were two dangerous missions and none of them looked fun to him, they were almost as dangerous as getting stuck in a rotten tree trunk after an unsuccessful termite hunt.

He winked at the alpaca and tounged his snout invitingly, she was sure hot and semelled of fresh manure. Oh the time he could have with her alone in the royal stables... He knew he must do what Robert the bad asked him to, but what mission should he pick?

Women - Yuck! Who needs women when there are tons of exotic gorgeus beasts anywhere he went. Women were too smooth for his liking, he liked hair and female stench, once he had dated this one pig at highschool that was just to die for. 2 feet high 6 feet wide and a lot of meat to grab, plus she had 8 honkhonks for Zerdakus to play with, ah the good old days... Too bad that Robert wanted something to eat just before their wedding ceremony...

Zerdakus: "Okay Robert I will take some of my finest men and head to the freackin' golem village to see if they would join us, not that we need any help beating those sissy good people with their weener leader! Hehehehe!" Zerdakus snorted loudly and spit flew from his snout everywhere, he wasn't very hygienic.

Robert the bad: "I know I could count on you Zerdakus my right hand anteater, go get those people and beware of this greedy Xena chick that lives there, she could mean trouble and whatever you do... Do not! I say do not fall in love with her!"

Zerdakus: "Will do pops, I'm outa here, war man war!"

What was he talking about, falling in love with a human chick Hehehe he was just nuts...    

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friendofgunnar
friendofgunnar


Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
posted July 09, 2006 11:41 AM
Edited by friendofgunnar at 11:48, 09 Jul 2006.

*Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second is in a long boat with 5 other soldiers and Trippy the Hippie.  He leans in and whispers to Trippy so the other soldiers can't hear*

Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second:  I can't believe my Dad made me do this.  My name is Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second.  How can I be mighty if I sneak around during the night-time...and stealing women.  That's not something that mighty people do.

Trippy the Hippie:  You're right.  Have you thought of a name change?

Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second:  No!  I like my name.  I don't want to be Robert the Bad the Sneaky the Second, or Robert the Bad the Funny the Second.  I want to be Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second.  Why doesn't my dad understand that?

Trippy:  Have you tried talking to your Dad?

Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second:  He just doesn't listen to me.  He thinks I'm dumb.

*silence*

Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second:  We're getting close to the shore.  Thanks for listening Trippy.  And that's for coming up with the plan to capture the women.  You're really smart.  When I get to be the leader, you're going to be my number one advisor.

Trippy the Hippie: *blows a large cloud of smoke*  Looking forward to it.  By the way I don't actually have to go ashore do I?  

Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second:  My Dad said that you should lead the raid.  He said that you should be out in front.  And he said that if you didn't come back sacrifices had to be made for the greater good.

Trippy the Hippie:  That's uh...trippy...So, uh,  I don't actually have to go ashore do I?  

Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second:  Nah, we'll do that.  Just make sure the boat is ready when we come back.  By the way, why did my Dad pick you to come with me?

Trippy the Hippie:  Ummm...because he thinks I'm indispensable, now go get 'em mighty...

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friendofgunnar
friendofgunnar


Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
posted July 14, 2006 10:52 PM
Edited by friendofgunnar at 22:53, 14 Jul 2006.

The stillness of night is broken.

Bah KWOK bokka bah KWOK!!

It is actually one of Robert the Bad's men, with a rolled up piece of leather.  He is imitating a giant chicken to cause a distraction while Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second goes into the camp of the Good People to capture some hostages.

Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second and his four soldiers move into camp.  The move from tent to tent, listening for signs of potential hostages.  Meanwhile the chicken ruse is working.  It seems as if all the men who remained in the original base camp are out looking for a giant chicken.

Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second finds a tent, he opens it up and steps inside with sword drawn.  He sees a cage.  Inside the cage is the most beautifull woman he has ever seen.  To him. If violins had been invented yet, a listener would have been able to hear swelling chords of tearful emotion as Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second first gazed into the eyes of Gwendalynn Bonza.  And she blushed and averted her eyes.

Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second: Ahem. You are now a prisoner of Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second.

Gwen: *pats hair down, and feels the dagger against her leg*
huh? Prisoner of who? That's a big name for... ah... what?

Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second: You are now a prisoner of Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second. That’s me.  I’m mighty. What is your name?

Gwen: "Bonza! Um... I'm Bonza, I mean, Gwen"

Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second: Is that short for Gwendanolium?

Gwen: I had an aunt Gwendanolium, no realation to Robert the good though... I am Gwendalyn though my father never could say nolium. What am I telling him all this for Did you say I was your prisoner?

Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second: That is correct Gwendalynn Bonza…..Gwendalynn Bonza….. Gwendalynn….Bonza.  What a nice name.  Can I call you Gwen?  *suddenly a soldier rushes in*

Soldier: They’re starting to give up on looking for the chicken sire, we need to leave soon.

Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second: Very well, we will take Gwendalynn Bonza…..Gwendalynn…….Bonza.  And some other women too.  *waves his hand at the rest of the camp casually*

Soldier: They are all in cages sir.  

Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second: *Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second stops and looks at the metal cage.  He gives it a few taps with his sword.*  Did anyone bring anything to open cages with?

*silence*

Soldier: We can only take one with us on the boat.

Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second: Then we’ll take just take Gwendalynn…Bonza.  Gwe…

Soldier: The chicken sire.

Robert the Bad the Mighty the Second: Yes.  Let’s get moving.





(thanks to Kooka for scripting Gwen)

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