Dragon_Slayer
Honorable
Supreme Hero
toss toss toss
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posted July 29, 2006 11:00 AM |
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I Should Be A CEO
I’ve decided not to waste anymore time trying to climb corporate ladders. Work really isn’t for me as it has oddly turned out. I’m smarter than everyone else, and I always know what I’m talking about, even if it looks like I don’t. I really do, because that’s just meant to confuse you. Because of my unique qualities (not to mention my chiselled abs and stunning good looks), I should be appointed as CEO of a major corporation.
My reasoning continues below. You’ll note I’ve not attached my resume, because only total losers have resumes. Besides, that Resume Wizard thingy in MS Word is confounding as hell.
I don’t mind taking three hour lunch breaks.
It takes considerable talent to commit to reservations at a fancy restaurant ever day for lunch. Ever tried reading through a French menu and deciding between the Aile de Raie aux Câpres or the Emincé de Volaille sauce Roquefort Pommes de terre sautées? Just typing that makes me dizzy. I have the dedication to commit to a three hour or longer meal time everyday.
I don’t mind firing people. In fact, I love it!
You dont want to work? Fine, ill fire your lazy ass!
I’ll bring culture to your company with my refined taste in coffee.
Think I’m the kind of guy who’ll settle for an average cup? Think again. I’ll up the snob factor by five fold in your office with my requests for dark roast Guatemalan with two dashes of Cuban cane sugar and a squirt of Himalayan goat’s milk.
My wardrobe will make your staff sweat with envy.
As your CEO, I’ll make it my duty to ensure my underlings are reminded of their lowly stations as they see their sad reflections in my shining new suit.
I won’t hesitate to sleep with my hot personal assistant.
Aren’t you sick of playing Who’s Sleeping With Who in your office? You’ll always know my latest conquests because I’ll have my name tattooed on their foreheads. Better equip my office with a sturdy desk.
So, there you have it. I don’t just bring something to the table; I bring a whole new table. The kind of table with a hole in the middle, big enough just for me to sit in so everyone can admire me while I eat. Yeah, I should be a CEO.
DISCLAMER: Stop taking everything i say so seriously... yeah... people like you!
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posted January 15, 2007 09:43 AM
