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| Thread: Chuck Norris Facts | |
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Iris
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posted August 31, 2006 07:54 PM |
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Edited by Iris at 19:56, 31 Aug 2006.
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Chuck Norris Facts
I forgot when the Chuck Norris craze started, but some funny stuff came out of it. I'll post a few that I found amusing. I'm sure some of you have heard of these:
-Chuck Norris does not go hunting, because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
-Chuck Norris doesn't shave; he kicks himself in the face, because the only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
-There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
-Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
-Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
-Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
-Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
-There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
-If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
-Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
-Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
-In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
-There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-Chuck Norris's house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Feel free to add more that you find/like. 
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vigant
Adventuring Hero
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posted August 31, 2006 09:08 PM |
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When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
http://chucknorrisfacts.com/
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TnT_Addict
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posted August 31, 2006 09:11 PM |
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*Cough cough* We actually already had a Chuck Noris thread, I was the lead man and made about 30 of those tosses, it was in the wastelands so it got deleted by ironfist Pandora...
My favourite that I've made was:
Chuck Noris steps up for Atlas when he goes to the can and holds the world for him. 
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friendofgunnar
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posted August 31, 2006 09:18 PM |
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Chuck Norris's own favourite was:
"They tried to carve Chuck Norris's face on Mt. Rushmore but the rock wasn't hard enough for his beard."
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Iris
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posted August 31, 2006 09:26 PM |
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Oops. Well, feel free to VW this then.
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TnT_Addict
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posted August 31, 2006 09:52 PM |
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Iris
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posted August 31, 2006 10:28 PM |
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Hahah, this wasn't the one I was looking for, but it's got the same idea.
Chuck Norris Wins!
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TitaniumAlloy
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posted September 02, 2006 07:49 AM |
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Chuck Norris isn't afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of him.
A woman once asked Chuck Norris "How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck would chuck wood?". Chuck Norris killed her with a roundhouse kick to the head. A few years later, Chuck Norris reported that he could see the funny side in the saying now.
God prays to Chuck Norris.
check this guy out:
Hilarious Chuck Norris Facts
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Aculias
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posted September 02, 2006 08:02 AM |
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CHuck Norris has no balls because he can do splits as good as Claude Van Damme .
CHuck also can knock a man or a woman out with just one back hand.
Chuck Norris can not beat Bruce Lee & probally Lew Alcindor .
Chuck Norris wears the dress when it comes to his wife.
Chuck Norris was a firestarter.
Chuck Norris Loved Garbage pail Kids.
CHuck Norris loved white.
Chuck Norris is not as white as SnowFlake
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