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| Thread: Jokes , hah ha ha |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
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zsa
Famous Hero
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posted October 18, 2001 07:57 AM |
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Jokes , hah ha ha
Ok , you can post all the jokes you want here.
I just wanna hear some good stuff and have a laugh; that's all, so feel free to post 
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DonGio
Promising
Famous Hero
of Clear Water Mountain Clan
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posted October 18, 2001 01:48 PM |
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OK, a couple of musician jokes for you (warning: if you're not a musician or at least have some aquaintance with music, you might not get these!)
What's the difference between a drum solo and a premature orgasm?
-You know it's coming, but you can't do anything about it! 
You're in a room with Hitler, Mussolini, and Kenny G (horrible, HORRIBLE saxophone player (know to rape the music of the likes of Louis "Satchmo" Armstrong and Gilberto/Getz), and you have a gun and two bullets. Who do you shoot?
-Kenny G twice, just to make sure 
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There are 10 types of people: Those who read binary, and those who don't.
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Oh_Smeg
Adventuring Hero
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posted October 18, 2001 02:03 PM |
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Ok...
...How do you get a one armed koala bear out of a tree?
You wave to it.
Ok...say "mop" 5 times quickly
What do you do when you come to a green light?
No, you don't stop dummy...you drive on
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Lord_Woock
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
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posted October 18, 2001 07:00 PM |
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Oh Smeg, that last one was really good. And here's something from me:
A cop walked down the street, said "I think, therefore I am."....
... and then he disapeared.
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Yolk and God bless.
---
My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!
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Milena
Responsible
Supreme Hero
in supreme disgrace
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posted October 18, 2001 09:53 PM |
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MM6
This one is from there:
Why didn't the skeleton cross the street?
He did have the guts. ;-P
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 Milena
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Lith-Maethor
Honorable
Legendary Hero
paid in Coin and Cleavage
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posted October 18, 2001 10:50 PM |
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a blast from the past...
Originally posted by Syllogism
Eric and the Gazebo ROLE-PLAYING GAMES SIG
by Richard Aronson
So... Eric was playing a neutral paladin (Why should only lawful, good religions get to have holy warriors? was the rationale) in Ed's game.
He even had a holy sword, which fought well and did all those things holy swords are supposed to do, including good or evil (by random die roll).
He was on some lord's lands when the following exchange occurred:
ED: You see a well-groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo.
ERIC: A gazebo? What color is it?
ED: (Pause) It's white, Eric.
ERIC: How far away is it?
ED: About 50 yards.
ERIC: How big is it?
ED: (Pause) It's about 30 feet across, 15 feet high, with a pointed top.
ERIC: I use my sword to detect whether it's good.
ED: It's not good, Eric. It's a gazebo!
ERIC: (Pause) I call out to it.
ED: It won't answer. It's a gazebo!
ERIC: (Pause) I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?
ED: No, Eric. It's a gazebo!
ERIC: I shoot it with my bow (rolls to hit). What happened?
ED: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.
ERIC: (Pause) Wasn't it wounded?
ED: Of course not, Eric! It's a gazebo!
ERIC: (Whimper) But that was a plus-three arrow!
ED: It's a gazebo, Eric, a gazebo! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it wih an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would even try. It's a @#%$*& gazebo!
ERIC: (Long pause - he has no axe or fire spells) I run away.
ED: (Thoroughly frustrated) It's too late. You've awakened the gazebo, and it catches you and eats you.
ERIC: (Reaching for his dice) Maybe I'll roll up a fire-using mage so I can avenge my paladin...
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You are suffering from delusions of adequacy.
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RMS
Responsible
Legendary Hero
-ing yummy foods
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posted October 18, 2001 11:59 PM |
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Edited By: RMS on 18 Oct 2001
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Tech Glossary
486: The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
State-of-the-art: Any computer you can't afford.
Obsolete: Any computer you own.
Microsecond: The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.
G3: Apple's new Macs that make you say 'Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago.'
Syntax Error: Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."
Hard Drive: The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error.
GUI: What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced 'gooey')
Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.
Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
Floppy: The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
Portable Computer: A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.
Disk Crash: A typical computer response to any critical deadline.
Power User: Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.
System Update: A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.
***
Tech Support
Just in case you think you are TC (technologically challenged). The following is an excerpt taken from a Wall Street Journal article:
1.Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2.AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3.Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
4.Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.
5.A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.
6.Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
7.Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
8.A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.
9.A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer". The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer - but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.
10.An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
11.Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"
12.True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!
13.Another IBM customer had troubles installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk - I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first.
14.In a similar incident, a customer had followed the instructions for installing software. The instructions said to remove the disk from it's cover and insert into the drive. The user had physically removed the casing of the disk and wondered why there were problems.
As Ripley would say, believe it or not!
***
From the WordPerfect Help Desk
This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
".......Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
".......Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
____________
This space for rent.
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Oh_Smeg
Adventuring Hero
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posted October 19, 2001 02:09 AM |
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LMAO
Nice ones guys and gals...
Hahaha...great post RMS
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Hexa
Responsible
Legendary Hero
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posted October 19, 2001 08:34 AM |
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Kewl RMS...!@
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If you want to realize your dreams >>> you have to wake up!@
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BoogieMan
Famous Hero
The John of Spades
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posted October 19, 2001 10:30 AM |
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A cowboy, enters a bar and walks to the counter:
"One wiskey and a woman!" He asks, and hits the counter with his fist!
The bartender brings the wiskey but says:
"We can't give you a woamn, sir, but may I recommend you John?"
"What, are U fu**ing me? I'm not gay, get outta here!"
Next day, same cowboy, same bar.
"One wiskey and a woman!" He shouts angrily, hitting the counter again"!
The bartender brings the wiskey but says:
"We can't give you a woamn, sir, but may I recommend you John?"
"I thought I told you I'm not gay! Now scram or I'll crush your skull!"
And again, the third day...
"One wiskey and a woman!" and he almost breaks the counter in two.
The barteneder bring the whiskey, and barely says:
"I'm terribly sorry, sir, we don't have any women for you here, but ... but I can recommend you John!"
The cowboy's face gets all red, and he looks ready to explode, but he comes to his senses and says:
"Ok, have it your way, I'll take John. But this must stay between the two of us because, you know, I'm not gay."
"This is going to be quite hard, sir, because there are already seven people who know this."
"What ?!?! What is that supposed to mean?"
"Well there's you, there's me, there's John, and there are the four people who are going to hold John, because he' s not gay either!"
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The BoogieMan wrote ... and saw that it was good.
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Shae_Trielle
Honorable
Famous Hero
of Heroes
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posted October 19, 2001 11:04 AM |
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LOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!
How's this guy right? He works in the local post office down the road and one day he was at work sorting the mail out of these huuuuge canvas bags. He picks out these four suspicious-looking boxes with the names Ben Larden written on them. All four boxes are black and weigh a ton and the first thing this guy does is puts one to his ear.
Tick tick tick tick.....
Realizing that they're all bombs, the first thing he does is call his office manager into the mailing room. He's running around like a chook with his head cut off screaming out 'What do I do? What do I do?!'
The office manager tries to calm him down and after five minutes he gets the workers attention. "Calm down mate! There's nothing going to happen to us! It's probably just some sort of fraud and some joker's put these things in the mail to scare us."
"But what the hell are we gonna do?!" the worker exclaims.
The office manager clicks his fingers. "Easy. You take all four boxes, put them into one of the mail bags and jump in the delivery van and head off to the cop station. They'll know what to do with 'em."
The worker thinks for a minute and then says, "Nah way! You gotta be kiddin' me! Four bombs?! What the hell am I gonna do if one of those things blows up on the way to the cop station? Huh?"
The manager slaps himself on the forehead. "Jeez you're an idiot mate! If one of 'em blows up, well you just tell the cops that you found three...."
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Avallach
Hired Hero
Disputo ergo sum.
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posted October 19, 2001 01:46 PM |
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Not exactly 'jokes' as such, but they're good for a laugh:
[url=http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/content.php?id=33641]Diplomacy[/url] - the best way to deal with Osama?
[url=http://www.gotlaughs.com/funpages/bin2.cfm]Bin Laden Song[/url]
____________
"Death slew him not, but he made death his ladder to the skies"
- Edmund Spenser, on the death of Philip Sidney
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Nickman77
Famous Hero
from Poland.
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posted October 19, 2001 02:26 PM |
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Quote:
Not exactly 'jokes' as such, but they're good for a laugh:
Diplomacy - the best way to deal with Osama?
Bin Laden Song
COOL. Very good song.
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...............†.............
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RMS
Responsible
Legendary Hero
-ing yummy foods
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posted October 19, 2001 07:51 PM |
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Computer Gender
Women claim that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.
Men concluded that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
***
The Millennium Kid
Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, ''Congratulations sir, You're the father of twins.''
''What a coincidence,'' the man said with some obvious pride. ''I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.''
The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, ''You sir, are the father of triplets.''
''Wow, That's really an incredible coincidence '' he answered. ''I work for the 3M Corporation. My buddies at work will never let me live this one down."
An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back, this time she turn to the thirrd man -- who had been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets.
Stunned, he barely could reply. ''Don't tell me! Another coincidence?'' asked the nurse. After finally regaining his composure, he said ''I don't believe it, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!''
After hearing this, everybody's attention turned to the fourth guy, who had just fainted, flat out on the floor. The nurse rushed to his side and after some time, he slowly regained consciousness. When he was finally able to speak, you could hear him whispering repeatedly the same phrase over and over again.
''I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers... ''I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers... ''I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers...''
***
1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted. 2. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key. 3. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster. 4. 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2. 5. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. 6. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. 7. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features. 8. C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL 9. C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN 10. <--- The information went data way ---> 11. Best file compression around: 'DEL *.*' = 100% compression. 12. The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in. 13. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding. 14. The name is Baud, James Baud. 15. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! 16. Access denied--nah nah na nah nah! 17. C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner! 18. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay.. 19. Why doesn't DOS ever say 'EXCELLENT command or filename!' 20. As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. 21. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope) 22. Backups? We don' NEED no steenking backups. 23. E Pluribus Modem 24. >... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) 25. Ethernet (n): something used to catch the Etherbunny. 26. A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available. 27. An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting. 28. CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C. (Y/N)? 29. Does fuzzy logic tickle? 30. A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord. 31. 11th commandment-Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Pentium. 32. 24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence? 33. Disinformation is not as good as datinformation. 34. Windows: Just another pane in the glass. 35. SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . . 36. Who's General Failure & why is he reading my disk? 37. Ultimate office automation: networked coffee. 38. RAM disk is not an installation procedure. 39. Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS... 40. All computers wait at the same speed. 41. Computer: A device designed to speed and automate errors. 42. Go ahead, make my data! 43. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue..... 44. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue... 45. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! 46. E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage. 47. Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!! 48. All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? 49. Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue. 50. '640K ought to be enough for anybody.' - Bill Gates, 1981 51. DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS 52. Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS 53. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit... 54. Press any key...... no, No, NO!! Not THAT one! 55. Press -- to continue...
***
Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies
-It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
-When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
-An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.
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This space for rent.
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Vadskye91
Promising
Supreme Hero
Back again
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posted February 22, 2003 07:27 AM |
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revival!
This looks like a good thread so I just wanted to bring it back to the top. Oh, yeah, a joke: There was a hangman who liked to taunt his prisoners. He would say to them: "Say a statement. If your statement is false, you'll be hung. If your statement is true, you'll be shot. One day, a man was asked the question. After he gave his reply, the hangman said, "I guess I can't figure that out. You're free to go." What did the man say?
Answer: one of two things: "Everything I say is a lie" or "If this statement is true, then I'll be hung."
____________
Knowledge is power...
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Uncoatedtitan
Adventuring Hero
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posted February 22, 2003 10:24 AM |
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hehe:)
Hia all
Here goes an oldie but imho goodie
Ryland and Gem finally got married. The bought a nice little cottage in the lovely country side.
9 Months later Gem is somewhat bigger than she used to be
After a hard night at the local Elven first aid infermiry, the Doctor sends Ryland home. After only a few hours of restless sleep Ryland returns, anxsious for some news of his newborn child.
He rushes down the corridor to the place where his beloved Gem is resting.
BUT the local doctor ( who helped Gem deliver birth ) pulled him aside and say's
Doc: I am sorry to stop you like this Mr. Ryland, but I think we got a minor problem.
Ryland : What kind of problem Doc ?
Doc: Well, you see..you new boy...
Ryland: IT'S A BOY ????, Thank good! ( hugs the doctor for a long time )
Doc: Yes it is a boy, BUT I have some bad news...hmmm, your boy don't have any arms, so he can't be helding a sword, sorry!
Ryland : WHAT....
Ryland fells to his knees and statrs to cry out loud. The Doctor pulls him up and walks Ryland down the long corridor.
After a few min. in silence, the Doctor say's ;
Doc : Mr Ryland, I must agree that I have even more bad news for you.
Ryland ( sobbing ) : Yes?
Doc: I am afraid your boy don't have any legs too ( so no Logistics or Pathfinding for him too )!
Ryland is just like a statue now.......big tears running down his leathery chins.
The Doctor, professional as he is , takes Rylands arm and walks him even further towards Gem's bedplace.
After a while walking in silence, Ryland says';
Ryland : Doc? he does have a torso, right ? I need the weekly growth.
Doc: Well Mr. Ryland you best see for yourself.
They enter the room where all the small children are laying in handcarved beeds.
Ryland puts on his speedboots and gloves and runs to his new son.He looks down in the bed and to his 'disgust' he sees ONE BIG EYE staring at him!
Ryland cracks down besides the bed....in total affection...
Then the doctor walks up besides Ryland and say's ;
Doc : Mr Ryland, I think I have even worse news than those before!
Ryland ( stammering) : W...ha..ttt ii...ss it.. ?
Doc: I am afraid, he's blind too.
Uncoatedtitan
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Uncoatedtitan
Adventuring Hero
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posted February 22, 2003 10:37 AM |
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mmmkay:)
Hia all
This unfortunaly Warlock had been injured in his recent battle, and was in dire need of aid.
He went to the local witch to ask for healing.
Warlock : Plzzzz, help me I am dying, plzzzz
Witch: Sorry mate I dont do Warlocks! and I am about to lock up for the day.
The witch shuts the door slam in the warlocks face.
The warlock looks at his fatal wound in his back ( a big knife was *planted* there by a Barbarian with Frenzy)
Warlock: I can't , I can't wait....
He knocks on the door again.
Warlock: Plzzzzzzzzz, I know you don't do warlocks, but plzzzz, this I am special, I can cast meteor shower, so plzzz help me!
Witch: Hmmmm, turn around you!
The warlock turns around.
Then the witch pulls out the knife and stabs the warlock in the eye.
Witch: Now run along lass, the Elven Optician is open till 5 pm !
Uncoatedtitan
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Wolfman
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Insomniac
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posted February 22, 2003 01:36 PM |
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René Descartes walked into a bar (that is not the end of the joke) and the bartender asked if he could serve him anything.
"nope, I think not" and he dissapeared.
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silx87
Supreme Hero
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posted February 22, 2003 01:45 PM |
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Edited By: silx87 on 22 Feb 2003
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Great thread:D
Okay,some more jokes,please,don't feel offended anyone,okay.
So here goes:
There are three boiling pots in hell,one for jews,one for russians and one for estonians.
At the first one there is the heaviest security,b'cuz if one of the jews tries to escape,the others,out of good will, help him.
At the second one,security isn't that tight,b'cuz if one of the russians tries to escape,the others don't give a damn and don't help him.
At the third one there is no security at all,b'cuz if one of the estonians tries to escape,the others get jealous and pull him back.
///////////////////////////////////////
An american,a french guy and a russian have an assignement:
they have to drink a bucket of vodka in the morning,shake hands with a bear and rape a nunn.
The american goes first: he starts drinking the bucket of vodka but dies after finishing half of it.
Then the french guy: drinks the whole bucket and drops dead.
Last,the russian: drinks the vodka without difficulties and proceeds to the bear cave,everyone outside the cave hear strange noises from inside the cave,but after a while the russian comes out and asks:
"Okay,now where's the nunn,who's hand I had to shake?"
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A jew,a german and an estonian get sent on a lonely island,each get to take only one item:the jew takes a phone,the german takes a woman and the estonian takes a large box of cigarettes.
After 10 years they are brought back:the jew has done business on the phone and comes back a rich man,the german comes with a bunch of children,the estonian comes back and asks:
"Anybody got a match?"
Okay,this is about all I know that I can post here.
Pleas,americans and french and russians and everyone,don't b offended,see,I made fun of esotonians too
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Wolfman
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Insomniac
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posted February 22, 2003 02:15 PM |
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I liked them
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