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| Thread: For our female heroes!@ |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 · NEXT» |
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hexa
Responsible
Legendary Hero
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posted October 22, 2001 02:53 PM |
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Edited By: Hexa on 28 May 2002
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For our female heroes!@
Just sucking up a bit!@,,,,,,,,,
These are at the request of the women.
>> --------------------------------------
>> Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
>> Breasts don't have eyes.
>>
>> What is the thinnest book in the world?
>> What men know about women.
>>
>> What's the difference between men and government bonds?
>> Bonds mature.
>>
>> What do beer bottles and men have in common?
>> Both are empty from the neck up.
>>
>> What's the difference between a typical man and E.T.?
>> E.T. phoned home.
>>
>> How do you get a man to exercise?
>> Tie the TV remote to his shoelaces.
>>
>> Why are Blonde jokes one-liners?
>> So men can remember them.
>>
>> How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
>> One. Men will screw anything.
>>
>> Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
>> Because they don't have balls to scratch.
>>
>> What do you call a man with an IQ of 50?
>> Gifted.
>>
>> What's a mans idea of foreplay?
>> Half an hour of begging.
>>
>> How can you tell that soap operas are fictional?
>> In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
>>
>> Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
>> Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.
>>
>> A woman at 35 thinks of having children. What does a man at 35 think of?
>> Dating children.
>>
>> What should you give a man who has everything?
>> A woman to show him how to work it.
>>
>> Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
>> To stop the snoring before it starts.
>>
>> Why don't men have mid-life crises?
>> They stay stuck in adolescence.
>>
>> How does a man show that he's planning for the future?
>> By buying two cases of beer instead of one.
>>
>> How was Colonel Sanders a typical man?
>> All he cared about was legs, breasts, and thighs.
>>
>> How is being at a singles bar different from being at the circus?
>> At the circus, the clowns don't talk.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Jokes:-0))
>>
>> What makes men chase women that they have no intention of marrying?
>> The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
>> of driving.
>>
>> What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift?
>> Exchange him.
>>
>> Why do bachelors like smart women?
>> Opposites attract.
>>
>> Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
>> They're hard to get started, emit foul odours, and don't work half the
>> time.
>>
>> What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
>> After a year, the dog still gets excited to see you.
>>
>> What does a man consider a 7-course meal?
>> Hot dog and a six pack.
>>
>> What do men and linoleum have in common?
>> IF YOU LAY THEM RIGHT THE FIRST TIME, YOU CAN WALK ALL OVER THEM.
>>
>> Men are living proof that women can take a joke.
>>
>> What did God say after creating man?
>> I can do better.
>>
>> Why are men like laxatives?
>> They irritate the snow out of you.
>>
>> Women who think they are equal to men lack ambition.
>>
>> How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
>> He's breathing.
>>
>> How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
>> No one knows.
>>
>> What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
>> Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.
>>
>> What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
>> One is a bottom feeding scum sucker and the other is a fish.
>>
>> Why do men want to marry virgins?
>> They can't stand the criticism.
>>
>> At one of those "believe it or not" shows, they had a man born with a
>> penis AND a brain.
>>
>> What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
>> A man's undivided attention.
>>
>> What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
>> 1. No mind. 2. No business
>>
>> How is a man like a snowstorm?
>> Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get or
how
>> long it'll last.
>>
>> What do you call an intelligent man in America?
>> Tourist.
Nice .. Yes
Scoring really well with our babes now ,,,,,,?
____________
If you want to realize your dreams >>> you have to wake up!@
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rogue
Promising
Famous Hero
Prosecutors Will Be Shoplifted
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posted October 22, 2001 04:29 PM |
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Lord_Woock
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
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posted October 22, 2001 06:58 PM |
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NOW I'M MAD!!!!!
HEXA, WHY DO YOU INSULT ME???? 
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Yolk and God bless.
---
My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!
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Milena
Responsible
Supreme Hero
in supreme disgrace
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posted October 22, 2001 07:23 PM |
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LW...
Quote:
HEXA, WHY DO YOU INSULT ME????
Don't take this as an offense but I'd consider you a boy.. so, you don't count here
LoL. Nice things, I singled out the smartest ones and will show em to my friends.
____________
 Milena
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Lord_Woock
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
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posted October 22, 2001 07:26 PM |
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I don't! Now I see that I'm a terrible joke teller. Didn't U C that smiley? That was a joke!
____________
Yolk and God bless.
---
My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!
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Milena
Responsible
Supreme Hero
in supreme disgrace
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posted October 22, 2001 07:36 PM |
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Let me remind you
Quote:
I don't! Now I see that I'm a terrible joke teller. Didn't U C that smiley? That was a joke!
that posting in all caps seems like shouting. So, if I shout at you and smile at the same time, won't you feel confused.
Yeah, I'm just wacky, don't take this to heart.
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Milena
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wiggy_wam
Promising
Famous Hero
local pirate
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posted October 22, 2001 07:58 PM |
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ahh, very comical indeed
interesting that most of these jokes have to do with the hormone levels of males, and it is very interesting how much "the crass demands of flesh and bone (hormones) will warp the matrix through which we perceive the world" <--- don't know who quoted it.
yes, men are cursed with testosterone at a younger age, in which (I believe) IS the cause of their lessened maturity.
to answer future questions: YES, I am a man. NO, I'm only 22 and I am still in my sexual peak :| , and NO, I am NOT gay!
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RMS
Responsible
Legendary Hero
-ing yummy foods
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posted October 23, 2001 01:28 AM |
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Edited By: RMS on 22 Oct 2001
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...hmm, well especially since this was mainly addressing the gals here, I can take a joke...although not a single one of those remarks even comes close to hitting the mark
...but yes, I truly do see your point...this is a wonderful way to score points with the ladies...if the only direction you want to suck in is up 
____________
This space for rent.
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Frenzie
Adventuring Hero
off with the faeries
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posted October 23, 2001 01:37 AM |
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I think you'd be surprised as to how many actually do come very close to hitting the mark RMS 
I may only be 22, but i've had some dealings with some pretty pathetic men (and some pretty pathetic women, but since we're on guys here ill keep it that way *grin*).
____________
Industrial design knows of no more useful object than the milk crate
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RMS
Responsible
Legendary Hero
-ing yummy foods
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posted October 23, 2001 01:53 AM |
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Edited By: RMS on 22 Oct 2001
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...hmm, well perhaps it does come close to describing some people, but its not fair to make such a gross generalization about all...
...although I am not arrogant, I hope I can easily say that not one of those describes me in the least bit...of course someone may think differently
____________
This space for rent.
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Hexa
Responsible
Legendary Hero
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posted October 23, 2001 08:29 AM |
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RMS : We (the somewhat older heroes) will talk to you again about this subject lets say "a year of 5-10"!@
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If you want to realize your dreams >>> you have to wake up!@
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thunderknight
Promising
Famous Hero
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posted October 23, 2001 08:33 AM |
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Hexa, nice "truth" about man. 
It seems I don't have anything in common with what you said. According to my mum and gf, I am always a boy.
I particularly like the followings:-
Quote:
>> What is the thinnest book in the world?
>> What men know about women.
>> Why don't men have mid-life crises?
>> They stay stuck in adolescence.
>>
>> Why do men want to marry virgins?
>> They can't stand the criticism.
Btw, did you make this due to request of a female hero - your better half ???
Just curious. Sometimes, the curiosity of man is as annoying as that of woman.
____________
Choose what you love
and love what you choose.
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hexa
Responsible
Legendary Hero
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posted October 23, 2001 06:29 PM |
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Nope just sucking up to the other gender!@
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If you want to realize your dreams >>> you have to wake up!@
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Sha_Men
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Jack-Of-No-Trades
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posted October 23, 2001 06:31 PM |
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I remember seeing...
jokes like that one about women...
Would I be popular then?
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Catch the vigorous horse of your mind.
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The_Gootch
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Kneel Before Me Sons of HC!!
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posted October 23, 2001 06:54 PM |
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You forgot one Hexa...
Q: Why does it take 200 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because they won't bother to stop and ask for directions!
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Milena
Responsible
Supreme Hero
in supreme disgrace
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posted October 23, 2001 07:05 PM |
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*rofl*
Quote:
You forgot one Hexa...
Q: Why does it take 200 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because they won't bother to stop and ask for directions!
*Picks up the phone and calls several of her friends to tell them this hilarious joke!*
____________
Milena
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rogue
Promising
Famous Hero
Prosecutors Will Be Shoplifted
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posted October 24, 2001 07:58 AM |
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Quote:
I think you'd be surprised as to how many actually do come very close to hitting the mark RMS
I may only be 22, but i've had some dealings with some pretty pathetic men (and some pretty pathetic women, but since we're on guys here ill keep it that way *grin*).
There's reasons for that.
Younger people are primarily looking for sex. They aren't looking for a lifelong partner, so things like intelligence, kindness, good conversation skills, etc are neglected by many males and females.
It's only after having several dealings with pathetic and unpleasant people do people start to realize the qualities in others that they may have overlooked when they were less experienced.
And I apologize for putting something serious into a joke thread.
____________
Answers to Everything
http://help.paulinetown.com
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Hexa
Responsible
Legendary Hero
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posted October 24, 2001 08:22 AM |
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Bad boy -- Rogue
LOL
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If you want to realize your dreams >>> you have to wake up!@
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Milena
Responsible
Supreme Hero
in supreme disgrace
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posted October 24, 2001 03:21 PM |
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Quote:
Younger people are primarily looking for sex. They aren't looking for a lifelong partner, so things like intelligence, kindness, good conversation skills, etc are neglected by many males and females.
You can say that again!
Tell this to my mother; she just won't listen. I like smart and witty people.
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Milena
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Zud
Promising
Famous Hero
box worshipper
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posted October 24, 2001 04:17 PM |
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Ummmmmm
Quote:
Younger people are primarily looking for sex. They aren't looking for a lifelong partner, so things like intelligence, kindness, good conversation skills, etc are neglected by many males and females.
call me greedy or mebe immature, but I want all of the above and hot sex too
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