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Heroes Community > Tavern of the Rising Sun > Thread: For male heroes!
Thread: For male heroes! This thread is 2 pages long: 1 2 · NEXT»
The_Gootch
The_Gootch


Honorable
Supreme Hero
Kneel Before Me Sons of HC!!
posted October 23, 2001 06:51 PM

For male heroes!

Sorry Hexa, but I believe in equal opportunity jokes!


Q: What's the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?

A:  I'll spend an hour and a half looking for a golf ball.
_______________________________

Q:  How many women on PMS does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A:  ONE, AND THAT'S NOT FUNNY, BUSTER!
________________________________

Q:  What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

A:  Nothing--you already told her twice.
________________________________

Q:  What's the first thing a woman does when she comes home from a battered woman's shelter?

A:  The dishes--if she knows what's good for her.
________________________________

Q:  What do you get when you have a woman with PMS and ESP?

A:  A b**** who thinks she knows everything.
________________________________

Five reasons why beer is better than women...
5.  Beer labels come off without a fight.
4.  Beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
3.  A cold beer is a good beer.
2.  With beer you'll always get a good head.
1.  You can leave beer in the fridge and play HOMM.
_________________________________

And finally...  I don't trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die!!!!
_________________________________

Heh!  Now I feel more secure in my manhood.  LOL
____________

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Lith-Maethor
Lith-Maethor


Honorable
Legendary Hero
paid in Coin and Cleavage
posted October 23, 2001 06:56 PM

SP, b, l, & u...

Quote:
And finally...  I don't trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die!!!!


....MKAAAY kids?
____________
You are suffering from delusions of adequacy.

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Milena
Milena


Responsible
Supreme Hero
in supreme disgrace
posted October 23, 2001 06:57 PM

Well, I have to say I liked the other set more. ;-P
____________
Milena

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Slava14
Slava14


Promising
Famous Hero
I am 16 now....
posted October 23, 2001 06:59 PM

Quote:
And finally...  I don't trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die!!!!


  I saw Southpark too
____________
I'm always happy to help.. unless I'm helping myself.

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Hexa
Hexa


Responsible
Legendary Hero
posted October 23, 2001 10:59 PM

The_Gootch
I've got a lenghty one of males to ... I'll look it up!

____________
If you want to realize your dreams >>> you have to wake up!@

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RMS
RMS


Responsible
Legendary Hero
-ing yummy foods
posted October 24, 2001 01:19 AM

Add It Up: Relationship Guide  


   For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects...Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

   Here is a guide to the point system.

   Simple Duties:

You make the bed..+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pllows..0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets..-1
You leave the toilet seat up..-5
You leave the toilet lid down..-10  after the lights are out..-30
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty..0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex..-1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings..+5
But return with beer ..-5
You check out a suspicious noise at night ...0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing..0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something..+5
You pummel it with a six iron..+10
It's her father..-10

   Social Engagements:

You stay by her side the entire party..0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy..-2
Named Tiffany..-4
Tiffany is a dancer..-6
Tiffany has implants..-8

   Her Birthday:

You take her out to dinner..0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ......+1
Okay, it is a sports bar..-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night..-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team..-10

   A Night Out With The Boys:

Go out with a pal ..-5
And the pal is happily married ..-4
Or frighteningly single ..-7
And he drives a Mustang..-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) ..-15

   A Night Out:

You take her to a movie..+2
You take her to a movie she likes..+4
You take her to a movie you hate..+6
You take her to a movie you like..-2
It's called DeathCop 3..-3
Which features cyborgs having sex..-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans .........-15

   Your Physique:

You develop a noticeable potbelly..-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it....+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts ..-30
You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too"...-800

   The Big Question:

She asks, "Do I look fat?" ..-5
You hesitate in responding..-10
You reply, "Where?"..-35

   Communication:

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression ..0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes..+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV..+10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep..-20

***

Hopefully after you count up your points, it comes out to a positive number


____________
This space for rent.

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Lith-Maethor
Lith-Maethor


Honorable
Legendary Hero
paid in Coin and Cleavage
posted October 24, 2001 01:25 AM

LOL RMS!!!

...my niece had a Cosmo with that exact test....
____________
You are suffering from delusions of adequacy.

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thunderknight
thunderknight


Promising
Famous Hero
posted October 24, 2001 05:59 AM

Oh, damn, I nearly make every mistake possible mentioned in RMS relationship guide test except this one
Quote:
You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too"...-800

It must be luck (or love ???) that I still not got dropped away by my gf


Here comes the question for all male heroes:-

One day, your girlfriend/wife came back home earlier than you expected and guess what she saw ? Yes, she saw you lying on the bed.......naked.........with one or more girls, also naked lying beside you.

What would you say or do then???
____________
Choose what you love
and love what you choose.

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rogue
rogue


Promising
Famous Hero
Prosecutors Will Be Shoplifted
posted October 24, 2001 07:09 AM

Ah! What happened? Who are these strange women?

they must have drugged me and then had sex with me for the last 6 hours! Oh my god! Get them out of here!
____________
Answers to Everything
http://help.paulinetown.com

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Sha_Men
Sha_Men


Responsible
Supreme Hero
Jack-Of-No-Trades
posted October 24, 2001 08:04 AM

LOL

RMS...
I laughed really hard.

____________
Catch the vigorous horse of your mind.

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Milena
Milena


Responsible
Supreme Hero
in supreme disgrace
posted October 24, 2001 04:14 PM

I'm not a guy

but I would say:

have you ever thought of having a triple? ;-)
____________
Milena

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Hexa
Hexa


Responsible
Legendary Hero
posted October 24, 2001 04:51 PM

Just convince here she's hallucinating/dreaming and do what Milena suggested!


A DIRTY MIND IS A JOY FOREVER!@
____________
If you want to realize your dreams >>> you have to wake up!@

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Milena
Milena


Responsible
Supreme Hero
in supreme disgrace
posted October 24, 2001 05:05 PM

Hexa!!

Quote:
Just convince here she's hallucinating/dreaming and do what Milena suggested!


A DIRTY MIND IS A JOY FOREVER!@
Do you know you are hilarious? LoL
____________
Milena

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RMS
RMS


Responsible
Legendary Hero
-ing yummy foods
posted October 25, 2001 12:35 AM
Edited By: RMS on 24 Oct 2001

...well I would run for my life...normally, I can't even get "unstrange" (or whatever its called) women/girls to approach me and stay there, so I'de proably be frightened that they were in my house! ...and I'de be even moreso if I happenned to be in bed naked...since when have I even slept like that?!
...hmm, yep I'de probably probably lunge for the kitchen knife...

Wait! I just realized something. Since when have I had a girlfriend?? lol

***

Devil In The Church

One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church.
Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."



____________
This space for rent.

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The_Gootch
The_Gootch


Honorable
Supreme Hero
Kneel Before Me Sons of HC!!
posted October 25, 2001 06:00 PM

I can't believe I forgot this one...

Q:  Why do women wear jockstraps when they go skydiving?

A:  So they won't whistle on the way down!

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wiggy_wam
wiggy_wam


Promising
Famous Hero
local pirate
posted October 25, 2001 08:15 PM
Edited By: wiggy_wam on 25 Oct 2001

LOL this is great!

thanks RMS.

about the situation with the naked woman in bed, I think I'd agree with Milena and Hexa ... hallucination is your ONLY scape-goat there  
Tell her she overdosed on prozac again!

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doomnezeu
doomnezeu


Supreme Hero
Miaumiaumiau
posted June 01, 2004 12:12 PM

@revived!
Lol, nice stuff in here.
read it b&g!
____________

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Medusa
Medusa


Famous Hero
Yeah, right
posted June 03, 2004 12:18 PM

Lol!

LMAO! Those were really funny, RMS And the satan thingie too

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Marelt_Ekiran
Marelt_Ekiran


Promising
Famous Hero
Watcher of All
posted June 03, 2004 07:52 PM

That was almost three years ago. I wonder if he matured somewhat in the meantime.
____________
Perception is everything.

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Trogdor
Trogdor


Legendary Hero
Words in a custom title
posted June 04, 2004 12:03 PM

LMAO Funny jokes.
____________
"Through the power of the dollar you can communicate with the dead." - Artu

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