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| Thread: Hell Contest |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 · «PREV / NEXT» |
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted August 12, 2007 10:08 AM |
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Edited by william at 10:25, 12 Aug 2007.
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"Wow, where the Hell am I?"
*A creature appears right ahead*
"Well funny you should say Hell, because you are in it!"
"Okay seriously, what the hell is going on? Oh damn it, I said Hell again"
"Like I said, you are in Hell, which obviously means you died"
"Well what is there to do here?"
"Well, if you would kindly step onto this large mat, so it can change your skin to red"
"WHAT!?!?! I don't want my skin red!"
"Just trust me, if you don't have your skin red, then you will be the only one here who does not have red skin, you do not wanna get in serious trouble with some of our other guests here do you?"
"Well...no, not exactly"
*He steps onto the Mat, instantly turning red*
"Excellent, now would you please step this way"
*he follows the thing*
"Now, to your right is the where you will be sleeping, I hope you will find it comfortable"
"Oh my, there is some kind of creature in it, and it is eating someone!!! How can I sleep in here!?!?!"
"That creature is going to be your new pet, and it has a name. Killer is it's name."
"Killer, but why is it ca...."
*The thing walks away, and you follow it*
"Okay, so this is the lounge room. it includes a gate to the underground Hell, where even more dangerous acts happen mwahahah"
"Wow, that is a pretty cool lounge room, I like it alot!"
"Glad to hear you like it, now if you would most kindly follow me"
*follows the creature into the next room*
Now, this is the punishment room"
"Wow, what do you do in here?"
"Well, you obviously punish people that are getting on your nerves, but of course, you need to the rules"
"This is sounding to be first class"
"It is, now would you please take this sheet, it contains our rules for the stay here, enjoy"
*a bright light blinds you, and you are unable to see temporarily, and when you open your eyes, you see red smoke where the creature was standing, and when it goes away, there is nothing there*
"Well now, I guess I should read this then"
~ The Hell Resort ~
Guidelines to Hell
Firstly you must not disturb the other "guests" that we have here.
We rarely receive complaints of guests annoying other guests, but when we do, the one who is annoying, will be sent to the Punishment Room and will stay there for 2 weeks, until he/she has learnt their lesson.
BE WARNED
Secondly, All Food and Drink must stay in your rooms.
That is where you will eat for your entire stay here, since we lack a Dining Room.
Please be aware of this, and if we find anyone taking food or drink outside of their rooms, then the Punishment Room Awaits.
BE WARNED
Thirdly, You must not punish more then 5 people each day.
This is bad for our business, and we would hate it for you to disobey this most important rule, by punishing many people.
Please punish only 5 a day.
If you are caught punishing more then 5 a day, then you will be killed, and your soul will be taken from you.
BE WARNED
Fourthly, No Alcohol, Drugs or Smoking is permitted on the premises.
If you are found with any of these things, we will cut your tongue off, and make you eat your own hands.
BE WARNED
That is about all for our rules, please enjoy your stay.
*you see a book on the floor, you quickly pick it up and open it*
~ The Diary of the Creature from Hell ~
Day 1
Well I started this place, just to get away from all the blinding light up in Heaven, oh man, how I hate that name.
I am pretty bored, I just want someone to die who has been bad, so I can have someone to hurt, or maybe talk to if i like them enough.
Day 2
Well, i was so bored, that I decided to kill someone, and bring them here.
Oh, it is fun to torture them, but I wish there were more people here.
I can't keep torturing this one guy, because he is going to die eventually anyway. Perhaps I should just take his soul from him, and play with that for a bit, yeah that sounds like a good idea.
Day 1263645
Well I am pretty happy.
I have things planned for Arnold Schwarzenegger. I am going to get him down here, and then have my little mini version of me beat him up.
Oh it will be soo cute, and it will be pretty funny.
I think I might do this in our underground Arena, where I can get a whole bunch of my minions to watch it, and of course, some slaves as well.
Oh what fun!
Day 1263645
Well, we beat him up.
He is harder and stronger then we thought, but we eventually did it.
Well, today, I was actually browsing the internet, browsing some nice girls that I could bring down here, but I will not go into anymore detail just yet, maybe with my next entry I might.
But I was thinking of brining down some people from forums, like some username as Guitarguy.
Sure, he seems like a good guy, but he will be good fun to torture.
He also goes to Church, which is excellent, another way of me getting back at God.
Well I am going for a pee now, so I will be back soon to write more.
~ ~
"Ugh, what is that stuff he wrote in there?"
"Well I guess I better be moving to my bed, I am tired, and I wanna get a fresh early start for tomorrow"
*goes to his bed and sleeps*
Well there is my entry, I hope you enjoyed reading, and hope it wasn't too rude or whatever (the girls bit in the diary  )
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted August 12, 2007 07:46 PM |
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Born to raise hell, born to raise hell, we know how to do it and we do it real well..
Great! Some activity at last.
Currently we have two demonic contestants.
As for other folks, perhaps I should tempt you with a special reward?  All you need to do is win the contest...
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"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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Tenaka
Famous Hero
Makes sense
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posted August 12, 2007 09:58 PM |
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What? you're going to give the winner one of your peanuts?
I'd like to compete, but I don't have the time currently to participate in all these contests...
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Houseism of the week:
As fascinating as our bodies are, they're also stupid.
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bixie
Promising
Legendary Hero
my common sense is tingling!
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posted August 12, 2007 10:10 PM |
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Edited by bixie at 22:44, 31 Aug 2007.
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welcome to the hellton hotel!
we have a number of fabulous hotels for those who thought heaven was just for goody-goodies!
we have over infinity rooms, so you don't have to make any reservations. our lovely assistant Pan K'oan, the Decider of the dead, will happily show you to the wing of the hotel that you wish to go into, depending on what your preferences are. our beds come from the infamous "HElli beds" warehouse, and have a wide range of setting, from crawling spiders, to sharp spikes, to the flames of hell, to that nasty itch that you can never get rid of. the lovely wall paper goes from ultra violent, to infra dead, including bruise blue, sinister purple, and gang green along the way.
the food is made by several top notch chef's, who are down here to repent for their gluttonous ways (Gordon Ramsey is just down here because he is a genitalia head). food is prepared from only the finest of ingredients, including a number of rare spices that can kill an elephant with a single spec, but since your dead it doesn't matter! we also recommend thousands of small restaurants that aways know your name and always have a bar-room brawl to join in!
at Hellton hotels we pride ourselves on our leisure and "Pleasure" activities. whatever you want to do, we have a wide range of wild and crazy sports, from Head hurlie, to rock rolling, and riding the bucking Cerberus for only $5.99, things couldn't be easier. we have a wide variety of Blasphemous literature which will satisfy even the most intellectual of minds, everything from the satanic verses to harry potter. the Hellton hotels have an incredible amount of recommendations for musicals and plays, and many thousands of concerts, from Beethoven to Black sabbath. the local gladiatorial rings is always a well recommended visit, with thousands of souls, from Ivan the terrible, to Ivar the boneless, will be happy to instruct you in the fighting way. last, but by no means least, nothing could relax you more than our magma spar.
we hope you enjoy your stay at the Hellton hotel before being reincarnated as something else.
to the big seven: this was sent in by A.J Crowley in 2004, after that nasty incident with the anti-christ(read the book "Good omens" for more information) in order to get more customers in. i have had a chat to some of the other demon lords and, whilst hastur is still very against it, we all feel that it should be past onto you for final confermation.
-your loyal servant: Dagon, lord of the files
ALRIGHT!-satan, anger
sounds ok- asmodeus, envy
sounds tasty- beelzebub, gluttony
money spinner- mammon, greed
do it, let me get back to sleep- belephagor, sloth
ravishing- lilith, lust
sounds good to us, under my leadership i'm sure we can get more souls in- lucifer, pride
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Love, Laugh, Learn, Live.
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted August 12, 2007 11:21 PM |
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Ozzy time... *opens winamp and plays Hellraiser*
Quote:
What? you're going to give the winner one of your peanuts?
Dude, the reward is gonna be great, but let's not get too carried away here
You don't have time eh? Don't worry, you'll have plenty of it once you get down here...  A man can do a lot of stuff during an eternity
@bigzybub
Can't wait 
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"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted August 18, 2007 02:06 PM |
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Come on people!!!
Some more entries!!
I would like someone else to be able to compete with me.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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GenieLord
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted August 18, 2007 03:58 PM |
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Hell
Have you seen the commercial of McDonald's? Where a person gets to a place on the clouds. He gets shocked when he sees that it's written on the gate "Welcome to Hell".
Anyway, he sees behind the gate many people eating McDonald's.
A girl comes towards him with a McDonald's meal.
He asks her "This is Hell?"
"No" she says.
Suddenly appears a huge "mask" on his head that blocks his mouth, so he can't eat.
"This is hell" she says in a scary voice.
McDonald's were wrong! They have no idea what they are talking about! That's heaven!
But this is Hell!
The Hell, the most dark and evil place in the existence.
You can't get out of the store. You are stuck there forever.
That's the punishment of who behaved badly in his life.
He'll have to suffer in his death.
The McDonald's stores on the earth are just a demo of what half of the the people are going to have after life.
They warn us and give us time to prepare ourselves, so when we get to hell, we will feel we know the place.
The workers of hell (also known as waitresses) use a several torturing instruments:
1. The Hamburger
2. Fat Fries
3. Soft Drinks
4. Sweet Ice Cream
5. TOO Sweet Ice Cream
6. Crazy Double Hamburger:
7. Potato Wedges:
And the biggest nightmare of everyone who gets to hell:
8. THE MEAL!
Meet Satan:
He is the most evil creature on hell. He likes to harass poor people that just want to live their death peacefully. Many tell he is very annoying, and will never leave you alone, no matter how many times you ask him. He will make you buy torturing instruments and to eat them as well.
How things work:
Every person that gets to the hell has to eat a hamburger. It's a rule that Satan enact.
If the poor person can't make it, he'll probably have to go and to be locked on the toilet until he thinks he can.
Once per 5 years, every person have to eat a meal. Who doesn't do that, have to go to an errand on heaven, and to eat McDonald's food in front of new people that come to heaven.
Meals are served only by Satan, so usually people are affraid to refuse eating them.
Celebreties in hell:
Well, when John Travolta got to hell, he had to eat a Crazy Double Hamburger, and Satan still insisted to send him to the toilet, and insisted to accompany him. John Travolta has never been seen since that day.
Another celebrety that got to hell is our dear William, that said Quote:
I have not eaten proper food (non junk food), for over 17 years.
Right after he had come to hell, he become Satan's helper, since he was the only one that actually liked the food in the hell except of Satan. They are friends until today, and sometimes help each other on personal problems.
So beware! Behave well or you have to go to our HELL!
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JoonasTo
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted August 18, 2007 05:03 PM |
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Quote:
*he follows the thing*
"Now, to your right is the where you will be sleeping, I hope you will find it comfortable"
I knew it. Satan is a marsian
Quote:
Another celebrety that got to hell is our dear William, that said
quote:I have not eaten proper food (non junk food), for over 17 years.
Right after he had come to hell, he become Satan's helper, since he was the only one that actually liked the food in the hell except of Satan. They are friends until today, and sometimes help each other on personal problems.
Awesome GL
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted August 18, 2007 06:47 PM |
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Hellraiser, in the thunder and heat...
It seems someone isn't too fond of junk food...
Being such myself, I can only say that GL's hell is pretty nasty. Nice job 
Now we have three finished hells. The unholy trinity. The prince of darkness is getting some serious concurence... A few more hells and I'll start judging.
____________
"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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kookastar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted August 27, 2007 11:51 AM |
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I kinda lost momentum... may edit later...
Hell
Hell is an echidna.
This is not some metaphor or biblebabble open for interpretation, Hell is an echidna. Known to the ancients as Hirazza, this great beast traverses through space devouring spacejunk and asteroids, harnessing energy from stars, and leaving in its wake great wads of excrement that have led many astrologers to postulate, theorize, and ultimately get layed doctorates. Sometimes, hordes of humans gather on rooftops and cliffpeaks to watch as the steaming ones fall through the sky, the fortunate few naming these comets after their loved ones.
If archeologists could decipher the art of the ancients they would discover that Harazza’s great spikes hold captive the souls of the damned. Very few know this secret; his worshipers hide in shadows and speak in code, piercing their body {most commonly the ears} with great spikes. 
Some, have infiltrated positions of power and even been successful in marketing Hell as an Olympic mascot. Ollie if said with a mouthful while underwater and swimming backwards from a shark clearly sounds like Harazza. {try it  }
 .
Each spike on the echidna’s back contains a different world of torment. Here are just a few…
Spike 1
The internal walls of this spike are covered in freakshow mirrors, each bending the image of your body a different way to create a collage of distorted faces and watermelon bottoms. Although the space is filled with thousands of souls you are unable to see anyone but yourself, you feel completely and utterly alone. Your only entertainment is a pink button protruding the floor, you sometimes push it although you aren’t quite sure what it’s for…
Spike 2
Zero gravity. Three hundred stories of space. You float about, bouncing off the thousands of others trapped with you, trying to catch a glimpse of the holograms of other souls, ones with buttons. Buttons that when pushed inflict any manner of pain or discomfort…
Spike 3
A cluttered spike filled with stinking souls crouched above conveyer belts, each movement purposeful and precise, repeated in zounds for 16 hrs each day. Sweating, aching, and muted they return to their quarters to be faced with elusive holograms of beer. Their socks are always soggy. For 10000 days they slave until finally they reach their end, a tasty appetizer for Hirazza - entering his snout before being reborn in a new spike.
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uhuh
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted August 27, 2007 01:16 PM |
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*music suddenly stops playing*
Is that Robin Williams? 
In Hell?
I forgot to mention that... I'm dreadfully sorry.
Robin Williams does NOT, under any circumstances, go to Hell.
He is WAY too awesome.
Please fix that.
Thank you.
*music continues*
____________
"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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friendofgunnar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
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posted August 27, 2007 04:10 PM |
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Robin Williams in Hell.
Final Justice is sweet, oh yeah.
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted August 31, 2007 02:30 PM |
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Oh, you'll burn, FoG. You'll burn.
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"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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GenieLord
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted August 31, 2007 03:01 PM |
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When does the contest end?
How the rating is going to be? A mark from 1 to 10, or specific comments about things in the entry?
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted August 31, 2007 04:00 PM |
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...hellraiser, rock you back in your seat...
Quote:
When does the contest end?
I don't know, when we get enough finished entries. There's like 60 contestants and only a few finished hells.
Until the end, if you're bored, you might add up some more stuff in your hells, I don't know. Be creative
Quote:
How the rating is going to be? A mark from 1 to 10, or specific comments about things in the entry?
Wait and you'll see. You'll like it, I thought up a rather original marking system.
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"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted September 06, 2007 11:10 PM |
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Edited by baklava at 23:05, 11 Sep 2007.
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...hellraiser, and I'll make it come true...
Ok, I'm tired of waiting...
You have this weekend left to post a hell or edit your existing one. At Monday the competition ends.
The winner will be granted power beyond imagining (well not really but it sounds nice). Everyone else... shall descend to oblivion.
...HELLRAISER, I PUT A SPELL ON YOU!
ALRIGHT!
The time has come.
I have seen your hells, they are lovely, truly lovely. Some quite original ideas there.
But there can be only one winner. A contest like this can't be on the 'we are all winners here' level, now can it?
Ok, time to pronounce the winner.
And the lucky winner iiiiiiiis...
...me.
That's right.
Me.
"What the ****", you wonder, "he didn't even post a Hell".
My vision of Hell, however, is exactly this.
I have sent a PM to every contestant (excluding William, but I told him something like that in MSN) saying how there's a 99% chance that they'll win. Not only that, but I also promised an ultra new and original rating system (well, you can't say it isn't new and original...)
Let us see...
GenieLord's PM reply:
Thanks. I guess this is a message for the junk food eaters, but I will not say how I am talking about.
I can't wait to see what's your original way to judge them.
Ah. Well, GL, old friend, now you see it... My wondrous way of judgement.
I agree with you on the junk food issue though.
Bixie's reply:
coolio
Simple and clear. Perhaps a bit '80s, but cute, nontheless. Coolio. I might start using that.
Coolio... Just rolls down the tongue...
...coolio...
FriendofGunnar even tried to bribe me:
awesome
I have a half-kilogram of exotic guinean peanuts, predigested by giant guinea pigs, for you if you score me the win.
not that I'm bribing you or anything...
Tsk tsk tsk FoG... Tsk tsk tsk...
You doubt my sense of fair play.
Which turned out to be sort of justified, but still, on a bit different level.
I'd never sell myself for a handful of peanuts. Ok, that was a lie, but let's face it, you don't have 500g of Guinean peanuts.
Now, for the person who definitely made me smile, Kooka:
LOL
I really don't want to win it, I just woke up to myself and saw that it was fun and wanted you to have more entries.
You know who would definately win it
you
I wish you'd make an entry if you have the time, you are just about the funniest person here. '
maybe you could put the link in your sig if you haven't already to maybe catch some people from the other side {homm boards}
anyway blah blah thanks
Oh how right you were about the winning part Kooka  When I read that, I was simply like 'awww'...
Thanks for the compliment, and the signature advice. If I weren't such a bastard, I'd say you'd win the competition.
So you guys had hope. You were almost certain you'll win, and that would be about it.
But POOF. It all turned out quite different than people hoped. And, above all, pointless.
More or less, my vision of Hell.
It's just that, in Hell, hope probably wouldn't be based on a forum competition, but hey, with resources I had, this is quite good too
I hope you understood the point.
Right. Please don't hate me That would be about it.
Stay coolio folks
Wait, something's missing... Oh right.
Mwahahahahahahhaha
____________
"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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Geny
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted September 11, 2007 11:19 PM |
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I've been silent through this whole competition, but now it's time to speak.
Baklava, you may announce yourself the winner as long as you want, I don't care. However, the real winner is me. Why? Because now I have a lot of ideas how to make the real hell (that's where I'm currently employed) more hellish.
See you all in a couple of years...
MWAHAHAHAHAHA..*cough cough cough*
damn, where are my pills?
____________
DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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kookastar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted September 12, 2007 02:17 AM |
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GAH!
*remembering to be careful what I say to bak in a hcm *
*and then remembering I have the power to edit his post....................................................*
hmmm
____________
uhuh
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friendofgunnar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
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posted September 12, 2007 03:52 AM |
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Burn in Hell, Baklava.
no, not any of those other lamo hells,
burn in MY hell.
May every wisp of sweat that sizzles in your fryer vat remind you of the exotic guinean peanuts that you almost could have had.
As for me, it's beer and peanut time.
*breaking open bag*
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GenieLord
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted September 12, 2007 09:30 AM |
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LOL
I have the feeling that all Baklava's evil HCM's are going to be quoted on the boards...
Just a strange feeling. I don't know why.
And the HCM I sent you was:
Quote:
Thanks. I guess this is a message for the junk food eaters, but I will not say how I am talking about.
I can't wait to see what's your original way to judge them.
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