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Heroes Community > Heroes 5 - Temple of Ashan > Thread: Heroes 5 Faction Lessons
Thread: Heroes 5 Faction Lessons [ This thread is 7 pages long: 1 2 (3) 4 5 6 7 ]
HEBPEME
HEBPEME


Hired Hero
I have TotE now!
posted April 14, 2008 02:23 PM


Thank you Cleave

This was merely the beginning of my all-funny posts yet to come.

Stand by for more...

Cheers

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Cleave
Cleave


Promising
Famous Hero
Raging Blood
posted April 14, 2008 02:59 PM

You're welcome, keep the funny posts coming!
____________
13 Heroes

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DagothGares
DagothGares


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
posted April 14, 2008 06:14 PM

I want to do a request race (just give any race besides necro and dwarf(since I already did that))
____________
Cursed one, do you really think you can manage the glories which are my spells?

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Cleave
Cleave


Promising
Famous Hero
Raging Blood
posted April 14, 2008 06:45 PM
Edited by Cleave at 18:45, 14 Apr 2008.

Quote:
I want to do a request race (just give any race besides necro and dwarf(since I already did that))


Nobody so far has posted about Inferno?
____________
13 Heroes

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DagothGares
DagothGares


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
posted April 14, 2008 09:11 PM
Edited by DagothGares at 21:13, 14 Apr 2008.

-Are you a total reject?
-I mean a reject among rejects?
-I mean, were you such an ugly elf that the "merciful" and already terrible elves dumped you with the dark elves and that you never fitted in with the rejected dark elves?
-Do you have an average hight of 2.5 metres?
-Do you like working for a convicted, sentenced for life prisoner?
-Are you into bondage?
-Do you have a cruel and sadistic philosophy?
-(helpfull, but not absolutely required) do you know magic?

Then join the ranks of demon cultists!!! Work for someone who calls himself "the dragon of chaos"(the best part is that he lets you freelance most of the time). We will learn you how to use magic and swing around a huge axe. We will give you an outfit specially designed by Kha-Beleth(which should make you look a little lighter).
If this all seems hard, don't worry, we have great relaxation programs where we will learn you that pleasure and pain are exactly the same thing(even if you don't realize it). You will meet ppl who will make you feel good about yourself(you'll never feel so attractive after having spend a few months in Sheogh). You will be given eternal live!!! Something everybody wants, off course. Even if it is spending it in extreme torture, like so many hundreds like you, who are there just because the demon lord looked at him funny(but hey, what are the odds that would ever happen to you?)And you never have to be alone!!! You can always summon us in times of need. So you can have one of the most repulsive creatures to accompany you. Just join us and we will give you a few imps and send you into the world with our luck wishes

Remember, you will be disrespected by your boss, despised by your troops, hated by the rest of the world(kinda like being a lawyer or working with the IRS), BUT the pay...
actually...
kinda sucks (WTH are you supposed to do with souls?)
____________
Cursed one, do you really think you can manage the glories which are my spells?

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DagothGares
DagothGares


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
posted April 14, 2008 09:13 PM

I'm always open to suggestion
____________
Cursed one, do you really think you can manage the glories which are my spells?

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Cleave
Cleave


Promising
Famous Hero
Raging Blood
posted April 14, 2008 10:48 PM

Quite good actually.

Quote:
(the best part is that he lets you freelance most of the time).


That part is so true!
____________
13 Heroes

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HEBPEME
HEBPEME


Hired Hero
I have TotE now!
posted April 15, 2008 12:32 PM

- Are you always nervous and your blood boils inside your veins but you are not really sure how to chanel it to your benefit and thus improve your phsyical abilities (YES IT'S POSSIBLE!) ?
- Have you ever wondered how cool it would be to be able to roar like a wild pig instead of using words for communication?
- Have you ever wished to be mentally challenged so that you are not disturbed by everyday problems like money, love, job...?
- Don't tell me you never imagined making love to a shaman!
- Are you fond of rodeo and would love to master bull back riding?
- Did you ever want to know how goblin tastes like?

Than, my man, you must join the STRONGHOLD !!!

We will make you a beast in no time!

Learn how to throw a goblin and feel good about it, while also inflicting damage with his tossed rotten little body!

Learn the way of the blades through alot of sweat, crushed bones and head bruises!

Train to kill both your enemy and your own fellow comrades which you dislike (crushing blow, word of the chief, sacrifice goblin and some other secret techniques)!

Don't take snow from noone ever again and never appologize cuz you will be so darn strong and scary (for extra 1000 gold, we will equip you with a frightful aura that will make enemies around you snow their pants!)

Not to mention that sex with shamans (and goblins if that is your prefference) is 100% absolutely FREE of charge! Rape them, mary them, eat them - whatever makes your blood to rage!

Join the STRONGHOLD and taste the life you never knew existed!

(The basic training costs 18000 gold, 75 mercury and 91 knowledge)


Important notice:

We are NOT responsible for any possible food poisioning caused by eating a random goblin from a slum, any venerical diseases you might get after sleeping with unupgraded shaman or if you get killed by one of your troops in the process.

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DagothGares
DagothGares


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
posted April 15, 2008 02:42 PM

- Have you ever wished to be mentally challenged so that you are not disturbed by everyday problems like money, love, job...?


That was damn good(orcs are mentally challenged)
____________
Cursed one, do you really think you can manage the glories which are my spells?

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Cleave
Cleave


Promising
Famous Hero
Raging Blood
posted April 15, 2008 03:57 PM

I liked the rodeo reference.
____________
13 Heroes

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carcity
carcity


Supreme Hero
Blind Sage
posted April 17, 2008 07:00 PM

- are you hated by everyone in the closest 20 miles?
- do you love to swing your own axe?
- do you love the sound when you break the neck of your enemy?


then join the DEMONS! we promice that you will have unlimited acces to most of the world. you will get unlimited armies of loyal (ok not loyal but really scared so they do whatever you say) demons. kha beleth will personally promote (or kill) you. you will get really good payed (whatever is in the pocket of the one you kill). you wil one day rule the world with the rest of your demon slaves (if just those wizards would stay away from those treehuggers everything will go fine). you will never be lonely. you get your own personal three headed pet to join you. and iv you ever get tired you can rest on your fellow nightmares (WARNING! we will not pay for any injures or lost bodyparts.) and if it will happen that the repels will attack you first we will send back-up immediatly. (it may come when you have died but it is the thougt of sending it that is good). a
nd finally if you hate those stupid humans you get to burn their villlages for FREE!
____________
Why can't you save anybody?

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HEBPEME
HEBPEME


Hired Hero
I have TotE now!
posted April 18, 2008 08:14 AM


I don't think it's wise to rest on your fellow nightmares, unless you have fire resistance or at least shield of crystal ice to sit on

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DarkShadow
DarkShadow


Legendary Hero
Cerise Princess
posted April 28, 2008 03:56 PM

Gah,I would post Necro but the describe's id use would break CoC.

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Lexxan
Lexxan


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
posted April 29, 2008 02:36 PM

Join Dugeon

Tired of Sunburnt and Flower-sniffling Elves. You want prove that Elves aren't pansies ?

JOIN DUGEON, and all this will come true.

The Dugeon prove all nice, but different facilities:

Education: Your children will study at the famed School of the Black Hand: No Maths, French of Physics at this school though. Children get Pursecutting, Stalking and Poisons here instead. The best school ofr future cutthoats and Spies !

Pleasure: Ever heard of the Shadow Mistress' turn-on ? It could be you, so have a nice try. Dungeon provides many Dominatrix facilities, all girls are very whippy here . At the Hall of Shadow BDSM classes are given daily: WOMEN BE DOMINANT, MEN, SUFFER AND ENJOY. For the youngsters such training is unadvisable, but their can spend the day at the local Themepark: There they can visit the Labyrinth (and get lost ); feed the Lizards in the annexed Zoo, or watch how real Dragons are tamed.

Sport: No one can expect that soccer and cycling are popular here. Instead other, more intersting games are served here like Eyeball (football with Evil Eyes, while the point is not to score, but to dodge their hexes), Dragon Rodeo (hot and spicy), Lizard Polo (polo while rideing Lizerds), or Fury Gladiatorial games (Gladiatorial Games, but with Bloodfuries instead). Also the Televison provides us with nice show as "the Lizard of Oz" and "Sinitar Overpowered"

Other thing nice about Dungeon: -Women are all wearing leather, and are all almost nude.
                               - You'll never suffer from sunbrunt
                               - If you marry someone who is your opposite element, you'll never forget it
                               - Discount on all piercings
                               - And all leatherwear
                               - Life here is short, but you surely have a lot of quality time
                             

Anyway, remember these seven letters, they may change you life:

D-U-N-G-E-O-N                                
____________
Coincidence? I think not!!!!

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DagothGares
DagothGares


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
posted April 29, 2008 02:39 PM
Edited by DagothGares at 14:39, 29 Apr 2008.

lol "the lizard of Ozz"
____________
Cursed one, do you really think you can manage the glories which are my spells?

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King_Nikolai
King_Nikolai


Known Hero
with plans of Rebirth!
posted April 29, 2008 07:46 PM

-Do you spend most of the time reading books?
-Have you ever wanted to summon an entire army of elementals to do your bidding?
-Are you an animal person? (Elephants especially!)
-Do you like smoking?

Then the Acadamy is your choice! If (I said if) you complete the apprentice course you are by all right a wizard, free to roam the world in search of books and other things that will make your absurd huge mind even more absurd. The area is calm except from a few visitors (Demons, Orcs and Undead being the most regular) and you will live in the largest beach area in the world! Sign in now and we will send you a completely free STEEL GOLEM PACKAGE. I repeat a free STEEL GOLEM PACKAGE. Join the Acadamy for an eternity in the library...


(I was tired, kinda imitated your layout, don't hit me )

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carcity
carcity


Supreme Hero
Blind Sage
posted April 30, 2008 10:10 AM
Edited by carcity at 10:11, 30 Apr 2008.

Quote:
If (I said if) you complete the apprentice course you are by all right a wizard,


But if you do fail the test we can give you a free lifetime with THE ORCS. you get the cowardice goblins who will give you a free bull and an axe. and ou even get a little colourbook with a lot of paintings that you can paint. our smartest shamans have developed an IQ-test. if you score over 20 you will immediatly be thrown outta here. but if you are allowed to stay then you can get your own wyvern who will do all your bidings. you even get a new lexikon. named LANGUAGE FOR DUMMIES. there is everything you need to talk funny. and if your friends are to smart you can kill them. you even get smart maulers. (they even know how to hit twice in a battle.)


WARNING: if you are a goblin we will not pay for any damage dealt to you by shamans or cyclopses.

sorry for using your quote in this. hope it's okay.
____________
Why can't you save anybody?

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King_Nikolai
King_Nikolai


Known Hero
with plans of Rebirth!
posted April 30, 2008 01:26 PM

Haha it's ok, you ment me righ That was great xD Now we know what happens to apprentices who fails the test By the way, nice avatar

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carcity
carcity


Supreme Hero
Blind Sage
posted May 05, 2008 10:01 AM

@King_Nikolai. yes it is a nice avatar. like yours to.

____________
Why can't you save anybody?

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carcity
carcity


Supreme Hero
Blind Sage
posted May 09, 2008 08:03 PM

do you like to curse people?
do you want an unliminited army to follow you loyaly?
are you dead?


then join the necropolis. we kill you and resurect you as a vampire lord. you get's a nice outfit (look at my avatar) and you get thousands and thousands of hordes to follow you. you get every know dark magic spell that excist. but if you don't like us and try to curse us that wont do cause we are protected thanks to our ant spray (warning do not use on living people). you also get to live for ever. so probably life will get boring in a while but to bad! so join us now and live forever. or die by enemies (how the h*ll can they kill undead)??????
____________
Why can't you save anybody?

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