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Drakon-Deus
Undefeatable Hero
Qapla'
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posted September 09, 2013 02:47 PM |
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I'll do that and thank you when it happens 
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William
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted September 09, 2013 02:51 PM |
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No need to thank me. Just have confidence. If you don't have confidence in yourself, nobody else will.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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Drakon-Deus
Undefeatable Hero
Qapla'
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posted September 09, 2013 06:05 PM |
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Well I had confidence that those girls would like me and want to be with me.. it didn't happen and I ended up frustrated every time.
So much for confidence... 
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OhforfSake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted September 09, 2013 07:18 PM |
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There's difference in wanting something and getting it. Even if that something is throwing itself at you.
Say, I'd really like to get something to eat right about now. It so happens there's some food I'd like to eat within reach of my arm. Heck I could have had it in my mouth or even stomach by now. I've all opportunities to get what I want, yet odds are I won't touch it until the hunger gets so bad I have to eat.
Why? I don't know, but I think it kind of illustrates that just because things turns out differently than you hoped, it doesn't necessarily mean anyone had bad intentions.
____________
Living time backwards
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted September 16, 2013 02:23 AM |
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So, my girlfriend's friend convinced her boyfriend to be okay with polyamory, so now my girlfriend has a girlfriend.  And she's visiting her next month. I'm really happy.
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Eccentric Opinion
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William
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted September 16, 2013 05:24 AM |
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I really struggle with how you can possibly be okay with that. I've never understood a relationship where that is okay.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted September 16, 2013 05:51 AM |
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To me, it seems a quite reasonable arrangement. I care about her happiness. She is capable of having sustained romantic interest in more than one person. The other girl likes her back. I lose nothing by her entering into another relationship, and gain the fact that she's happier.
I'd be happy to answer any questions anyone has about it, whether here or over HCM.
____________
Eccentric Opinion
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William
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted September 16, 2013 06:34 AM |
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But do you not feel any jealousy over that? What if she actually started liking them more than you and left you? How would you feel then? I know you're most likely going to say you're happy about this as well but it is a two way street with this and she has to care about your happiness as well. I just fail to see how you could be happy with the fact somebody else is being with your girlfriend and the potential of her going off with somebody else and you losing her.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted September 16, 2013 07:35 AM |
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I don't feel any jealousy about it, because I'm reasonably sure she's not going to leave me. She and I have talked about this in advance, and we've agreed that we're going to be each other's primary partner, in this case meaning that for each other, each of us takes priority over all other existing and potential partners. If we'll need to make a different arrangement at some point in the future, we'll talk about it, but for now that's how things are going to be.
My girlfriend and I are very compatible, so I think it's unlikely that either of us will find someone we like more than we like each other. On the off-chance that it happens to one (or both) of us, because we're in a polyamorous relationship, we don't have to break up, because we could stay with each other and with the new person(s). There's much less "choose between me or him/her" in polyamory than there is in monogamy. And anyway, the only absolutely guaranteed way to prevent your significant other from liking someone else is to lock him/her in your basement , and no one (who's not crazy) does that.
To summarize, I think it's very unlikely that this would make me lose her, so I'm not worried about it.
As for her being with someone else, that's not a problem at all. She's going to spend time away from me anyway - by herself, with friends, etc. If some of that time is going to be spend with another partner, I'm fine with that.
____________
Eccentric Opinion
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Celfious
Promising
Legendary Hero
From earth
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posted September 16, 2013 07:48 AM |
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Edited by Celfious at 07:49, 16 Sep 2013.
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I have had a few meaningful relationships. I am not rushing but I am looking forward.
I am not interested in worthless sex or relationships with someone I dont get along with or like.
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted September 16, 2013 01:01 PM |
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well, mvass is quite unique in his approach. It's probably better for him, too. What I find awkward is that he entitles her "his girlfrind".
It's your girlfriend because? obviously not because you're intimate, because she seems intimate with a good load of guys (and also now girls). I'd simply call her a good friend instead (which I have sex with), if I were you.
To me, that word has different meaning, with a sense of exclusiveness.
I'm happy with my friends having a good sex lives, and I don't call them my GFs - as they are not exclusively mine
But of course, I'm not mvass
And I think you'll have a much more carefree life in that department. Many guys feel like utter **** with their GFs having sex with other guys (and girls, lol). I kinda envy you Wish I could not give a **** about that either.
____________
We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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Azagal
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Smooth Snake
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posted September 16, 2013 01:14 PM |
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Quote:
we've agreed that we're going to be each other's primary partner
Such a romantic <3
Seriously though... if that works for you, good for you. People are different, I for one would not go for such an arrangement. Probably because being a couple is less of a logic exercise than a feeling for me. For me sex is something very passionate and intense, not something fun to do with another person (not that it isn't super fun lol). Hell I wouldn't let other guys or girls sleep with my girlfriend.
____________
"All I can see is what's in front of me. And all I can do is keep moving forward" - The Heir Wielder of Names, Seeker of Thrones, King of Swords, Breaker of Infinities, Wheel Smashing Lord
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Zenofex
Responsible
Legendary Hero
Kreegan-atheist
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posted September 16, 2013 02:08 PM |
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Primary partners, eh? This means that there are also secondary partners. And tertiary partners. Sounds like a planned, structured and scheduled orgy with different people from the hierarchy (top-down, of course) where during the mating sessions everyone is taking notes on the occurrence of the "oh"s and the "ah"s, their length and frequency, then applying a complex formula to re-evaluate the position of the current partner in ranking... What happened to the good old polygamy? 
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Azagal
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Smooth Snake
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posted September 16, 2013 02:27 PM |
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Sound accurate. If I had to imagine mvass having sex that's pretty much what I'd end up with .
____________
"All I can see is what's in front of me. And all I can do is keep moving forward" - The Heir Wielder of Names, Seeker of Thrones, King of Swords, Breaker of Infinities, Wheel Smashing Lord
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meroe
Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
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posted September 16, 2013 06:23 PM |
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Oh Mvass, that is called 'friends with benefits'. Don't delude yourself its anything else.
I feel truly sorry for anyone who believes the polyamorous bullsnow.
If your partner needs to find themselves another sexual partner, they obviously feel they are not being fulfilled within the original relationship. That isn't anything to crow about.
Don't fall for all this hippy dippy crap. If you or your partner cannot sustain an exclusive relationship, it means you are not ready or mature enough for one.
And its not just about jealousy, its about respect and trust.
____________
Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted September 16, 2013 06:50 PM |
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DF:
She's my girlfriend because she's in a relationship with me. She is now also someone else's girlfriend, in addition to mine. I call her my girlfriend because she's in a relationship with me - she's more than just a sex partner. We're devoted to and love each other, plan for a future together, and are very close friends.
I think you're also overestimating the number of people's with whom she's been intimate over the course of our relationship. It's not nearly as much as you seem to think - she's not actually had sex with anybody else while in a relationship with me, and has only done sexual things with one other guy, and that's only happened once. Now that she has a girlfriend, it's going to happen more, but it hasn't happened much until now.
Azagal:
Logic exercise vs feeling? That's a false dichotomy. A relationship isn't a logic exercise, it involves feelings, even for me (surprising as that may seem). I love my girlfriend. If I didn't, it would be a close friendship, not a relationship. But feelings don't exclude logic, and logic doesn't exclude feelings - the two often go together very well. I want to be happy, and my girlfriend being happy contributes greatly to that. If being in other relationships doesn't detract from ours, and it makes us both happier, we should go for them (when reasonable).
Zenofex:
"Primary" and "secondary" aren't that rigid of terms. As far as they apply to us, "primary" means a partner that is prioritized and with whom you live and plan your life, and "secondary" means a partner with whom you're in a relationship, but with less commitment. To illustrate, if a primary wants to spend more time with me, and that means spending less time with a secondary, the primary's desire takes precedence. If a secondary wants to me to move away with them, but a primary wants me to stay, I stay. Also, my primary is the person I'll marry and with whom I'll have a child. If it helps, think of "primary" as being similar to a partner in a monogamous relationship (minus the monogamy), and "secondary" as a close friend with whom you have a less committed romantic relationship.
Meroe:
This is beyond "friends with benefits", because there are romantic feelings on both sides. It's not just sex.
Our relationship is very fulfilling for both of us (sexually, emotionally, etc), but that doesn't stop us from doing things that would make us even happier, such as entering into other relationships. It's like friendship in that regard - you may have one good close interpersonal relationship, but that doesn't mean you aren't open to more of them.
And you have to be mature to sustain a polyamorous relationship. It involves a lot of trust and communication.
As for respect and trust, I trust her completely, and she trusts me completely. Entering into other relationships isn't disrespecting each other in any way.
____________
Eccentric Opinion
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Minion
Legendary Hero
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posted September 16, 2013 07:09 PM |
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Mvass that is nice to hear. I am happy for her too, haha. I don't remember if I asked it already but what is the biggest compromise you have had to do in your relationship? Because you seem to feel the same way about most things, but surely you have differencies too?
____________
"These friends probably started using condoms after having produced the most optimum amount of offsprings. Kudos to them for showing at least some restraint" - Tsar-ivor
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted September 16, 2013 07:09 PM |
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mvass: do you have pics of your girlfriend? naked if possible
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meroe
Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
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posted September 16, 2013 07:23 PM |
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"We're devoted to and love each other, plan for a future together, and are very close friends."
You can't be devoted to more than one romantic partner, don't you get that? Your statement is a nonsense. You are merely referring to a compromise that you have found acceptable at the moment. Devotion in real love terms, does not mean beyond two people. Then it just becomes watered down 'caring'. After reading this statement of yours, I know you don't actually understand the real emotional meaning of being devoted in love to someone.
"If being in other relationships doesn't detract from ours, and it makes us both happier, we should go for them (when reasonable)."
Again, this isn't a relationship, its a compromise - almost a schedule. "Oh I'll have Daphne on Monday's and Thursday's and on Wednesday's and Friday's she's with Colin and weekends with Justine".
That isn't a relationship, its a fetish of sorts. Like dogging or swinging. And those people also try to convince themselves and everyone else that what they do is "normal" ha.
And of course it detracts from your relationship!!! Seriously, do you think your 'girlfriend' gives two figs about you when she's doing the nasty with someone else?? Like "Oh I think Mvass would like this". That's just nuts. When she is with someone else, romantically, she is 'devoted' to that partner during that time - not you. (See my response above).
"And you have to be mature to sustain a polyamorous relationship. It involves a lot of trust and communication."
No, you just have to be emotionally selfish. See my two points above.
Mvass, I am sure you are nice guy. And that you are trying very hard to be mature about this situation you have found yourself in. But honestly, relationships have a hard enough time as it is without including other sexual partners. Its bound to failure, broken hearts and a severe bout of deep bitterness.
Maybe I give you too much credit. I doubt you truly know love and at the moment, this relationship is fine with you.
Have fun, while you can.
____________
Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted September 16, 2013 07:41 PM |
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Minion:
I spent 15 minutes thinking about your question, and came up blank. I can't think of any time we've had to compromise about anything. Sure, we've had disagreements, but they've always ended with one of us agreeing that the other is right. We've never had a situation that was like "You want X, I want Y, it's impossible for both of us to get what we want, so we have to meet in the middle". We've always been able to convince each other, so neither of us has had to give anything up.
Fauch:
Yes. I'm not posting them.
Not even of the ones of her clothed. She doesn't want pictures of her to spread around the Internet.
Meroe:
Not everyone can be devoted to more than one romantic partner, but some people can be. I understand that it may be difficult for a naturally monogamous person to imagine, especially considering that they probably don't know a lot of openly polyamorous people. I assure you that it is indeed possible to have multiple devoted romantic relationships. Nor does being devoted to one person exclude being devoted to another. When she's with someone else, she remains just as devoted to me as ever.
It's not a compromise. A compromise is when you both give up something that you want in exchange for getting something else. We're not giving anything up, we're only gaining.
Anyway, I know other people who are in happy devoted polyamorous relationships, so it's not just me. I know polyamory can seem weird - it seemed strange to me when I first learned about it - but it's good for some people.
____________
Eccentric Opinion
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