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Heroes Community > Other Side of the Monitor > Thread: What is Love?
Thread: What is Love? This Popular Thread is 220 pages long: 1 2 3 4 5 ... 40 80 120 160 200 ... 216 217 218 219 220 · «PREV / NEXT»
blizzardboy
blizzardboy


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Cave Moose
posted June 18, 2016 07:34 PM
Edited by blizzardboy at 19:57, 18 Jun 2016.

Agree 100%. Birds of the same feather flock together.

If you want to be miserable, don't judge people. If you want to be happy & successful, do.

____________

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The_Green_Drag
The_Green_Drag


Supreme Hero
posted June 18, 2016 07:44 PM
Edited by The_Green_Drag at 19:47, 18 Jun 2016.

Thanks for reading my long sob story

Looking back there were a lot of red flags...I used to notice them, even question them. Somewhere in the middle of everything I began to ignore them or even make up excuses for why she acts a certain way, just convincing myself. I didn't want to believe she would actually do the things she did. Instead of looking at the situation from a distance I went crazy trying to make sense out of the senseless. Words are most definitely cheap. Actions are the real talk. She only wanted to talk up how much she liked me but never cared to show it.

In the end I can say I wasn't treated like the nice guy. I was treated and dumped like a f*** boy who was just trying to hit it and quit it. When that was literally the last thing i cared about (okay not the last thing but you get me ).

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blizzardboy
blizzardboy


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Cave Moose
posted June 18, 2016 07:47 PM

Give yourself time Green Dragon to let the fog clear. It's painful but it does pass. Having her out of your life is a good thing, even if it doesn't feel good.
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Tsar-Ivor
Tsar-Ivor


Legendary Hero
Thunderlord of Nighon
posted June 22, 2016 04:32 PM

Randomly stumbled on this quote while looking at anime critics:

“you should pursue love interests even if they turn out boring or shallow, because you should always stick to what you initially wanted.”

Totally go for this, being indecisive when there's no need to be is #1 cause of missed opportunities.
____________
There is only one god - Allah, and Abraham, Jesus, Muhammad and Moses were his messengers.

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markkur
markkur


Responsible
Legendary Hero
Once upon a time
posted June 22, 2016 11:52 PM

Well if I got things right; the two things that jumped out at me were, 4 year relationship ending and dead Father. One would have been bad enough to try but both? That was a no go needing lots of time for her to sort things out, no matter what she could have said to you. <imo> Anyone that would shrug that Major stuff off would not be the one for me.

However, I bet she did like you, at the very least as a Friend with a kind heart but she must have been seriously affected emotionally and likely very unsure about many deep things about life. Death is often a ruthless teacher to those left behind.

My next comment will likely not be popular but I strongly advise against getting stoned and using that as a platform to anything. <imo>Pot "should" never be more than a once in a while treat and should not be a cornerstone to your life. How do you know when it is? "I gotta have a doob 1st before fill-in-the-blank" The more that pops up in your life the more you are abusing, not the drug, but yourself. i.e. Scotch-tape a finger and feel with it for a while; you'll be able to feel and touch. Then, rip-off the tape and give it a go; the difference is very clear. Don't you think it is safe to say your emotions and thoughts are far more complex than the sensing of a single fingertip?

I don't know about you but when it comes to life-decisions I don't want anything entering my body to alter my perceptions in any way. I think clean Reality works better than anything else for "important stuff".

Good luck and don't beat yourself up because you cared; you're learning to care and learning about life - good for you. If you stay the kind of man you sound like and follow your own interests, I bet you'll draw plenty of attention in the future.

One last caution <imo> when first meeting girls...let them do most of the talking because my experience was that "some girls" with other motives will play off all you tell them. So, take things slowly and listen more than telling everything about yourself until you get a good idea of the quality and nature of who you are really with.

Just one grandpa's advice.

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The_green_drag
The_green_drag


Supreme Hero
posted June 23, 2016 12:14 AM

Thanks for reading and your advice is much appreciated

I really had no intention of going after this girl, it just sorta happened. Ive been lucky to have been sparred the agony of losing a loved one, so while I can't empathize with her I knew it must have been an unimaginable pain. I know I'm far from perfect so I didn't want to bother her pretty much. But she was initiating the conversations so we kept talking and before long I started liking her.

She never really opened up to me about her father but I could tell when it was bothering her. If I ever asked about it she would try and avoid it so I didn't press her on it. I was very patient with her but i know I lost it a few times...it was just getting so frustrating. One excuse after the other, I didn't get why she wouldn't just say no if she didn't want to do anything. It's upsetting because I really was trying to be understanding about everything.

I tried my best to leave things on a good note even though she lied to me so much in the end. I caused enough stress for her. I'm disappointed in myself though, with knowing I couldn't just be the thing to help turn her year around. I try and be as selfless and kind as I can but I wasn't enough...kinda feel defeated.

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markkur
markkur


Responsible
Legendary Hero
Once upon a time
posted June 23, 2016 12:38 AM

The_green_drag said:
I tried my best to leave things on a good note even though she lied to me so much in the end. I caused enough stress for her. I'm disappointed in myself though, with knowing I couldn't just be the thing to help turn her year around. I try and be as selfless and kind as I can but I wasn't enough...kinda feel defeated.


Quit that! <S> You did the best You could for now. Maturity is a life long process. Never stop learning and growing.

All things considered you did waaay better than I did once upon a time.

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The_green_drag
The_green_drag


Supreme Hero
posted June 23, 2016 02:22 AM

I hear ya! I'm just trying to look at the positives now and learn from it all. What can i do better next time and what kind of things should I look out for.

I still think about her all the time. Distracting myself is harder than I thought. And I feel dumb because i know she isn't spending a second of her time thinking about me. I'm so desperate to find love and I've never even felt it before. I'm watching my friends find their girls, two of them got married last year, and I can't even keep one for more than a few months.


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ChrisD1
ChrisD1


Supreme Hero
posted June 23, 2016 09:16 AM

The_green_drag said:
I'm watching my friends find their girls, two of them got married last year, and I can't even keep one for more than a few months.

Without knowing what it's about,I'll say that each person settles for different things in a different manner. You will never know what your friends or other people who found love/got married, settled for. I don't deny luck happiness etc but permanent relationships are way harder than they seem. That s my point. So don't feel down about other people marrying or whatever. Ask yourself if this is smth you really want before comparing yourself to them.
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markkur
markkur


Responsible
Legendary Hero
Once upon a time
posted June 23, 2016 01:40 PM

The_green_drag said:
I'm so desperate to find love and I've never even felt it before. I'm watching my friends find their girls, two of them got married last year, and I can't even keep one for more than a few months.


Well if your friends based Marriage on SEX don't hold your breath on that thought long-term. And remember; a stiff Johnson has no morals, you're on auto-pilot and it's sucking all the blood from your brain. <L>

Get out of the house, learn and do what you like and make friends. Burn desperation and replace it with patient confidence in your manner and values. When it comes to sex later, "most" women care far more about confident-tender men than all the BS images in la-la-porno-land.

Believe it or not but men today can actually be the ones playing hard to get and should if they want a good wife some day - unless you are living on an island of men. <g>  

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The_green_drag
The_green_drag


Supreme Hero
posted June 23, 2016 02:25 PM

I'm truely not in it for sex. Yeah sex is great but that's not what I'm pursuing. Having your mind on somebody and knowing they're out there thinking about you is the greatest motivation to do anything ever. IMHO. Being able to say anything to someone without fear of judgment is something I can't find in my friends and family.

When I said I'm desperate, it's not like that. I'm desperate to find the perfect girl for me, who is a rare gem. My biggest problem with the last girl is that I gave her too much credit and started creating my own image of her. I made her out to be this caring, sensitive, and gentle person. She wasn't. She was actually dishonest, kinda mean, and immature. But I was (and still kinda am ) blind to that fact. I miss the girl that never even existed so to speak.

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markkur
markkur


Responsible
Legendary Hero
Once upon a time
posted June 25, 2016 12:30 AM

The_green_drag said:
Being able to say anything to someone without fear of judgment is something I can't find in my friends and family.


Very true. <imvho> Marriage is the greatest institution on the planet if it is based on friendship and most of all on commitment. My wife is my best friend and she absolutely without any reservation my other half. Forget the "better-half" stuff she and I equally needed each other to truly make us, in a sense, one whole person. She has taught me more tenderness and nurturing that I ever could have learned alone as a man(I was very defensive/warlike by nature)and I have shared my more "protective/challenging" nature with her; we have both bloomed. My Father thinking and her Mother thinking have blended very well. It's lots of work but we respect each other very much and could never imagine going back and leaving the other behind. True friendship is an expression of sanctuary, the truly safe haven. It is rarer than it should be but can be done. I have 1 best male friend and my wife is my best female friend. As time has passed she has taken the rightful number one spot and only death can separate us now.

I hope you work for this, it seems to me you are on the right track even if it may "feel" like you are not. Keep the goal you desire and work hard for it to come to fruition.

Love, peace and joy to you and all people you touch during your life.
____________
"Poetry is a felt change of consciousness"

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The_Green_Drag
The_Green_Drag


Supreme Hero
posted July 22, 2017 02:32 PM

Time for another sob story with my never ending quest for happiness. I find it helps to write this stuff out when getting over someone.

Gave online dating a shot. Met a girl who had it all. Intelligent, great sense of humor, loves watching movies, didn't give a snow about social media, very outgoing, always down to try new things, open minded, and stunningly beautiful. We had an instant connection and got along perfectly for a solid 5 months. Saw each other about every other day, sometimes more and always had a great time together. Sending cute snapchats and texts to each other with each passing day. I was truely the happiest I'd been in a long time. We never fought or argued and things Couldn't have been going any better.

Then we went on our long planned Fourth of July trip to her parents lake house with her sister and her boyfriend, and two other couples that were friends of her sister. Long story short I did not mesh well with her sisters friends and was sorta an outcast on the trip. We return from the lake and my girlfriend is convinced I have social anxiety and starts acting completely different. We have a near perfect five month run and it's all down the drain because of a poor weekend away. She's been faking it since we've been back. not having any sex, which is a clear sign things are not going well anymore. And last night we talk about it and she says she isn't sure about the relationship anymore.

The kicker is that she claims she still really likes me, is attracted to me, but isn't sure what to do. And she's apparently scared the same sorta Fourth of July trip will happen again one day. That wasn't our first trip together and it wasn't our first big social gathering and yet everything is ruined because I didn't have the time of my life binge drinking all day with everyone and hanging out with her sisters friends.....

Love hurts.

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Elvin
Elvin


Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Tastes like chicken
posted July 22, 2017 02:48 PM

You'd think she'd be more interested in your relationship with you than your relationship with others. My guess is that this company is very important in her life or that she'd had a run in with someone suffering from social anxiety which didn't end well.

I'm curious though, how exactly did you not mesh well? I mean, did you come across as weird to them or the opposite? Was there some big disagreement or a silent distance? Did they not like your sense of humour?
____________
Being human is a roller coaster ride of emotions during rainstorms and sunshine, sprinkled with moments when you can almost reach the stars.

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tSar-Ivor
tSar-Ivor


Legendary Hero
Thunderlord of Nighon
posted July 22, 2017 03:20 PM
Edited by tSar-Ivor at 15:22, 22 Jul 2017.

Quote:
I'm curious though, how exactly did you not mesh well? I mean, did you come across as weird to them or the opposite? Was there some big disagreement or a silent distance? Did they not like your sense of humour?


Most likely felt out of his element, probably got the idea in his head that he had little to offer to the milieu which more than likely bothered him, which then made him anxious and thus less likely to enjoy himself. Id est social anxiety, doesn't need to be chronic social anxiety, but that's what it was imho. When your girlfriend suggested it, you most likely instantly dismissed her and went defensive. These are people you'd have to see again a social climate you'd have to get accustomed to working with/getting to know, and I assume you chose to ignore it thinking little of it, but it must've bothered her a great deal since it made moving forward impossible if you couldn't/didn't want to mix well with her family-extended friends.
____________
There is only one god - Allah, and Abraham, Jesus, Muhammad and Moses were his messengers.

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The_Green_Drag
The_Green_Drag


Supreme Hero
posted July 22, 2017 03:38 PM
Edited by The_Green_Drag at 15:45, 22 Jul 2017.

@Elvin
Yeah I thought so too. She used to have bad social anxiety that got better over the years thanks to some therapy. I wouldn't say I have that but I know I'm not always a social butterfly. She's jumping to all these conclusions and laying out scenerios in her head where I'll be acting the same apparently.

As for the other couples , everyone was already good friends with each other, and have been for years. So I was already kinda the outsider. We were just on different wavelengths. They were frat boys who were really into sports and heavy drinking. Had this been a night of going out it'd be fine but it was four days at this lake house and I just couldn't fake it for that long. Nobody was arguing or anything just different personalities. So I was doing my own thing during certain points of the day, like fishing, which she didn't like. By day four I was completely over the trip.

@Tsar
Yeah you're mostly right about it. Except I never dismissed it when we talked. I told her that's basically what happened and owned up to it and she Talked like she was understanding but her actions spoke differently. These aren't even people she ever met nor do we have plans on ever seeing them again so I don't get how this could possibly ruin such a good thing. It's not like this has ever happened before and we've gone out plenty of times with different groups.

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tSar-Ivor
tSar-Ivor


Legendary Hero
Thunderlord of Nighon
posted July 22, 2017 04:23 PM
Edited by tSar-Ivor at 16:24, 22 Jul 2017.

The_Green_Drag said:
@Elvin

As for the other couples , everyone was already good friends with each other, and have been for years.

These aren't even people she ever met nor do we have plans on ever seeing them again so I don't get how this could possibly ruin such a good thing.


I won't hound you over this, but the contradiction did bother me a little. I know it's hard to break into an already established group of friends, but you never know until you do, simply taking the focus off the preconceptions like 'they're into sports and frat boys' would've done a lot to help you feel like you belong better. Takes effort, and it's alright to not to want to, but I can definately see why that might cause a rift between you and the lass.
____________
There is only one god - Allah, and Abraham, Jesus, Muhammad and Moses were his messengers.

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The_Green_Drag
The_Green_Drag


Supreme Hero
posted July 22, 2017 04:41 PM

I definitely handled it poorly. I tried everyday to bond with these people and socialize with them more but it's just difficult when I have no idea what they're talking about, don't get their jokes, and have little to no similarities. I attempted to make up for this by being helpful through out the day with cleaning, making food, offering to grab drinks for people, etc. I wasn't trying to come off as rude.

I was very apologetic about how I handled the trip when we returned. I bought her flowers and her favorite ice cream. I'm always doing things for her. Just seems very unfair for this one not so good trip to cause such an impact :/

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Elvin
Elvin


Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Tastes like chicken
posted July 22, 2017 05:47 PM

The_Green_Drag said:
I tried everyday to bond with these people and socialize with them more but it's just difficult when I have no idea what they're talking about, don't get their jokes, and have little to no similarities.

That sucks though trying too hard can backfire in a number of unpredictable ways.. Hope you'll make up though But I wouldn't be overly apologetic, if there is a problem then a big part of it lies with her. Finding why this affected her as it did might help.
____________
Being human is a roller coaster ride of emotions during rainstorms and sunshine, sprinkled with moments when you can almost reach the stars.

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The_Green_Drag
The_Green_Drag


Supreme Hero
posted July 27, 2017 03:19 PM

A few days go by and she breaks up with me. One trip gone sour and our whole realationship goes down cause of it. She wants to tell me how great she thinks I am and how I have all of these rare qualities that she's never found in a guy. She's so glad she met me and she's gonna miss me so much. And yet she ends things cause I apparently have so much anxiety. Because of one bad lake trip.

Women and their f$@&ing bull$&@#

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