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| Thread: Bad Poetry Contest |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
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friendofgunnar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
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posted August 10, 2008 04:00 AM |
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Bad Poetry Contest
This thread is to find which HC member can write the worst poetry. There will be three rounds. I'll pick a topic each round, and then contestants will write a 6 to 12 line poem. I'll grade each poem on a 1 to 10 scale of badness.
If you want to judge instead of being a contestant you can hcm me your grades at the end of the round (you must judge all entries for all 3 rounds to count). A round will last 3 days.
First round, the topic is love.
and...
Go!
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Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
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posted August 10, 2008 08:51 PM |
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LOL Let me try that!
Oh My Smiling, cellulite-bearing honey,
I love much, but more, your money
Yet I think we're the perfect match,
How your shave your moustache
so sensual
that makes me think
it was larger than usual
Oh, my furry Mink,
I love so much that I never told you how much you stink
that it makes my eyes blink
with tears
and makes me longe for four-teen beers
Oh, I remember how
You stood in front of the telly and wow
I missed half the football match
cuase I though the lipides were about to hatch
in your belly
and blow
infront of the telly
I go with the flow
But now I'm out of time
so let me finsh this stupid rhyme
And to remind you of my plight:
NO I WON'T MAKE LOVE TO YOU TONIGHT!
(you is a woman btw)
____________
Coincidence? I think not!!!!
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted August 11, 2008 12:50 AM |
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A haiku
Love is like a leaf
that lands on a power line
You burned my dinner!
____________
Eccentric Opinion
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted August 11, 2008 01:56 AM |
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Who needs love when you have sex. by Manio
When i think of the best.
I think about sex.
When she thinks I am lesser then less.
I still think about sex.
When she decides to put on a hex.
Well I really think about sex.
When a girl name is Tex.
You best not be thinking about sex 
When a girl looks like Shrek.
You best not have sex
When she thinks you are better then the rest.
I will always think about Sex.
When a lady says sex.
I want to have sex.
When she really like to flex.
You know i am here for sex
Just remember, just because I did not sing about sex,
It does not mean i dont want sex
____________
Dreaming of a Better World
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sandronecro
Known Hero
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posted August 11, 2008 02:12 AM |
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Love is here,
Hatred is there.
With no sounds,
And with no tears.
The noobs of runescape,
The newbies of maplestory,
all have given up,
but gathered upon here.
Together they knelt,
loosen their belt,
jump into the pot of smelt,
bathe together till they melt.
Love was dissolved,
In HC it resolved.
With brand new appearances,
wielding new appearances.
With no sex, no pain,
no wines, no faints.
The lovers of HC
all wants to pee.
But whenever they saw a *she*
they all hide their *buddy*.
____________
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kookastar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted August 11, 2008 12:38 PM |
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hmm that poetry is pretty goood 
beat this!!!
My love for you is like the aching throb of a stubbed toe
Exposed and festering, bruised and suggesting
There is no one that can compare to you though
For you my love these broadbean seeds do grow
I once dwelt in a dark, dreary, derilect din
Since you came along I drink a lot of gin
Your smile is as sweet as the worm at the bottom of the tequila bottle
And the sex is good too
____________
uhuh
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Mytical
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Chaos seeking Harmony
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posted August 11, 2008 12:52 PM |
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Ok, bad love poetry..I got to do this. Get ready with the ban hammer and rotten tomatoes. An ode to sex crazed MMORPG addicts.
When I saw your pixels fair, I got a warm feeling from here to there.
I got lost in your rendered animation and had to make you mine, regardless of the fact I would have to wait in line.
You teased and flirted promising so much, I gave you everything though we'd never touch.
My love for you has grown so, though who you actually are I'll probably never know.
A 400 lb trucker or some 40 year old person living with mom, maybe your a susan, but more then like your a Tom.
Still I will give you all my gear, and gold, just in case. Even if I won't ever see your real face. So keep on milking me for all I have got, because your 'toon' is just too hot.
____________
Message received.
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friendofgunnar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
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posted August 12, 2008 04:22 AM |
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heheheh, some pretty bad poetry so far  
here's mine (won't be judged of course)
my love for you is like a pair of hotpants
all snug and tight
that makes me feel sexy.
I want to parade down the streets
and show the world my love.
I want to jaywalk at Times Square,
and disco thrust while pointing my finger
baby
I want to shock the natives in Ginza
with the red satiny sheen of my love
I want to boogaloo in front of the cameras at Kensington Square
baby
so the whole world can see me in my love
because
baby
you're worth it
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Trogdor
Legendary Hero
Words in a custom title
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posted August 12, 2008 10:19 AM |
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Love is like a refrigerator
You shut her door hard if you hate her
Love is dead and I killed it
A lot like a cheque when you billed it
Love has failed me again and again
So I'll go back to hiding in my den
Where I live with an inflatable doll
Because I know I'll always be on a roll
____________
"Through the power of the dollar you can communicate with the dead." - Artu
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friendofgunnar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
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posted August 13, 2008 06:49 AM |
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First Round:
Mvass:
3 lines is too small
upon which to judge your talents
will 5 points entice?
Aculias: If the topic had been sex you would have nailed the competition, however sex and love are two different topics. You rhymed "sex" with "sex" twice though which qualifies you for a 6.5
Mytical: "Still I will give you all my gear, and gold, just in case. Even if I won't ever see your real face. So keep on milking me for all I have got, because your 'toon' is just too hot. "
Your poem was contemporarily relevant and pretty amusing. In other words I thought it was actually pretty good. However the rhyme scheme was as forced as a star wars prequel script and for that I give you a 7
SandroNecro: I give you a 7.5 because I spent 5 minutes looking for hidden meanings in your poem and found none just like all the bad poetry I had to read in college.  
Kookastar: For some thoroughly mixed messages and for some totally gratuitous alliteration I give you an 8
Trogdor:
For this almost sensical line "Love is like a refrigerator, You shut her door hard if you hate her" and for trying to rhyme "doll and roll" I give you an 8.
Lexxan: I think you have a talent for this. My favorite line "cuase I though the lipides were about to hatch". 9 points
Next topic is Death.
bonus points will be awarded for alliteration (for example dark, dreary, derilect din)
and...
go!
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Mytical
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Chaos seeking Harmony
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posted August 13, 2008 07:04 AM |
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((Of course it was forced..this was supposed to be BAD poetry correct? ))
____________
Message received.
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friendofgunnar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
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posted August 13, 2008 07:59 AM |
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exactly, badness = higher score
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kookastar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted August 13, 2008 12:27 PM |
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Death
Hiding he hides hidden
Cloak drawn over his eyes
Forehead facing forward frowning
He’s kinda bored of fries
Shadows sprawl shapes behind him
Seductively she sighs
Something seems not what is seems
Something silver dies
Death
Eating
Abalone
Take away
HooraY
hmmmmmmm can we edit before the due date...
____________
uhuh
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GenieLord
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted August 13, 2008 12:39 PM |
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The death
Is the best thing on earth
Because the best things
Always come at the end
There's no other way
It will come one day
Then you'll have to deal with
The death
You can go left
You can go right
But the death will catch you
At one dark night
So when comes the body's blight
Don't prepare for a long fight
Turn off the light
And deal with
The Death
____________
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TheDeath
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
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posted August 13, 2008 12:43 PM |
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LOL GL
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Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
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posted August 13, 2008 12:49 PM |
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*Ahem* Death... by a Playmate of HH
The room was vacant
but that wasn't bizzarre
This might be blunt
But you never were popular
And all these black men
at your funeral
I keep hoping that
my inheritence won't be small
*Gospel Music*
as soon as you die - as you die
But you will die - you will die
you must delay -no delay-
cause the funeral is set - yes, it's set
*/gospel music*
Do my dear Hugh,
I never loved you
Death draws near
so does the money
my dear honey
All I have to fear
Are the big butts and I cannot lie
it's stuck on me all the time
they flirt behind our backs
and keep expanding till
I sever them with an axe
and my life will go downhill
black bodies
hugely hung
I'm in heaven
you in hell.
____________
Coincidence? I think not!!!!
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Cepheus
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Far-flung Keeper
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posted August 13, 2008 01:08 PM |
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The antithesis of quality, beat this
---
SEVEN GREASY WINDMILLS DO BATTLE OVER A HOT STOVE, EPISODE IV
Quote Quote Quote, death's not far
"The wars go on", the badgers snarl
From forum to forum they battle these deathless battles
With blue cardigans and shovels made of gold
They seek him here, they seek him there
That damned elusive Wraith
Not scarlet though
I think he was sorta green and grey
But it's hard to tell which
What a guy
Who's next to die,
You value your lives?
BEWARE
Why stop at the OSM?
No point,
Let's drag this
EVERYWHERE
Which thread falls victim next?
Famine, decay, there's nowhere to run
No thread will escape their nineteenth silver-plated belt buckle
Or swordfighting chickens from the 1940s
"It's not that bad", one chicken said
"It makeses good pointses, and tries its bestest"
That chicken was correct
But nobodies gaveses a care in the worldses
Quote Quote Quote, the fireflies shout
Slapped in the face by twelve dozen trout
"No chance of that," eleven chickens said
They achieved the impossible
They killed the Death
____________
"Those who forget their history are inevitably doomed to repeat it." —Proverb, Might and Magic VIII
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Trogdor
Legendary Hero
Words in a custom title
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posted August 14, 2008 10:10 AM |
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This is inspired by sites that (either existent or not, safe for work or not) contain graphic and/or disturbing videos and pictures of death in its many forms, a.k.a. 'shock sites'.
Hatchet through the head
The blood flows red
Watching you become dead
YOU'RE ON OGRISH BABY!
Deprived of all your limbs
After a meal of Slim Jims
Murdered by heartless crims
YOU'RE ON ROTTEN BABY!
Another victim of rape
And it was all caught on tape
Disfigured and out of shape
YOU'RE ON EXTREME FUSE BABY!
A Middle Eastern Cult
Their sadistic ways won't halt
Brains blown out with a Colt
YOU'RE ON THE YNC BABY!
Many cars are crashing
Many cars are smashing
Your body they are trashing
YOU'RE ON NOTHING TOXIC BABY!
____________
"Through the power of the dollar you can communicate with the dead." - Artu
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friendofgunnar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
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posted August 17, 2008 06:16 AM |
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And round 2 is now finished. My own contribution to the contest, on the subject of "death".
blazing bullets born of burning bitterness to burninate
a long latent longing to lobotomize and liquidate
multiple missiles to mitigate your BFG
spawning...so sorry you're standing where I can see
been vanquished by V1shnu, I am become death!
Kookastar
7 points plus .5 for more for all the superfluous "S"'s. 7.5 total
Cepheus
Flowery epic badness! Mercifully short!
7.5 points
Lexxan: "black bodies
hugely hung
I'm in heaven
you in hell."
lol, 8.5
GenieLord: "You can go left
You can go right
But the death will catch you"
Enigmatic thought-provoking lines like these shall not go unrewarded: 8.5
Trogdor: This one was quite bad, and a little bit of vile sauteed into the mixture too.   
9.5!
The next and final topic is Nature.
Make it one for the ages!
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Trogdor
Legendary Hero
Words in a custom title
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posted August 18, 2008 09:55 AM |
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I like to walk around in nature
Like the naturalist I am
All I have in the backpack I wear
Is half a dozen cans of Spam
Every second or third time I eat
I makes me want to take a leak
Now I have polluted a part of the world
And I've lost the ability to speak
____________
"Through the power of the dollar you can communicate with the dead." - Artu
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