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| Thread: Why are you the way you are? |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 · NEXT» |
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted August 11, 2008 12:07 PM |
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Why are you the way you are?
Why are we the way that we are today? What made us turn out this way? Did you want or think you were going to turn out like you are now?
These questions might go through some of our minds. I mean, they have gone through my mind a lot. Past experiences and current experiences make up a part of who we are. Our hobbies, our beliefs also make up a part of who we are. There could have been a movie that you may have watched one day that may have inspired you to try out acting, or you may have listened to a song one day and you thought to yourself that it would be cool to try and make songs. Me? I wanted to try and make music because at a young age I was curious about how sound was made. Not sounds that we hear every day like the wind going through the trees, but how a sound like a drum kick or a piano sound was made. I began interested in discovering how to make sound and eventually music. I started off slow with just simple little programs. You click a button and then the sound would come out. Really simple stuff. I then got into more complicated programs that would take a lot more time to produce songs. Problem is is that I didn't have any musical training, so I just taught myself how to make everything. It isn't a truly effective way of learning I have found but it has worked in a way.
Through out my life, I have wanted to be several things. I used to watch movies a lot and I wanted to try and become an actor. I did fairly well when I was at school and was in a Drama class. I was able to perform quite well, especially scenes that required me to get angry. For many years, I wanted to become a games developer. I played many games back when I was younger and I was fascinated on how they were able to be made and what the experience of making one would be like. that changed when I became interested in music and sound though. However, I have always wanted to do a career that involved computers. Computers is the thing I am good at and that I really enjoy using. I really wouldn't mind creating programs or even repairing computers, it would all be good in my eyes. When I was younger, I used to play many sports. Football (soccer if you want to call it that), Cricket, Swimming, Hockey, Floorball, Indoor Football (indoor soccer). I have at one stage wanted to be a V8 Supercars Driver, for Holden of course. Recently I thought what it would be like to be playing in the AFL and I was tempted to give that a go. For a while I wanted to give Boxing a go, but I was too lazy to really do anything more about that, and adding to the fact that I am really not physically fit (I am strong but I get tired very easily because of a poor diet).
There are of course other things that could influence what you want to be and what have made you the way you are today. Perhaps your friends? Perhaps some strangers on the street? Perhaps your own family? I have been influenced by friends and family the most. I have had different groups of friends over the years. When I first started High School I used to hang out with a bunch of people from my primary school and we used to get into all kinds of trouble. I then moved to some other friends that went to the same primary school and they weren't too bad. I got in more trouble with this group though because of my extremely angry and violent nature. When I started Year 11 I again went to another group of friends, although one of my friends was still in this group. I got into trouble here as well by getting suspended a few times, and nearly expelled twice. At the end of Year 11, one of my main friends left the school and he might have been one of the reasons why I got into trouble so much since both me and him didn't bother trying all too much at school and we both got into trouble. I went to a different group of friends since I didn't really have anyone to hang around with since many people left at the end of Year 11. I started to try more since I didn't have any distractions, well not as much anyway. The group of friends that I still hang around with like to try at school, well some of them, and they even help me when I am struggling. If only I was with this group from the beginning then maybe I wouldn't have had such a bad school time in terms of getting in trouble so much, but that is besides the point.
My family have also influenced in the way that I am today. I had fights with my family which I have said in Downhill Times somewhere. I was often blamed for most of the fights that the family did have and therefore when we got the Internet, it was like a break from everything. Needless to say, I slowly got addicted to the Internet and this was one of the reasons why some of my school work was declining. I started spending insane amounts of time on the Internet but I found it a way to get out of the family troubles and for myself to stay away from my family without causing as many fights. I got a computer in my room and this helped the fights decrease a lot although they still do happen at times, which kinda sucks. But this wasn't all good since it meant that I wasn't spending as much time with my family which have helped me a bit through the years dealing with my anger and violence.
When I first came to HC I was immature. I was not smart and some of you would have seen that. Through the aid of some of my online friends that I gained, I really started to turn myself around and try to become a better person, which reflected online and also in real life. Many people would see my opinions as stupid or not making any sense. It's because I really get stuck with trying to talk on forums in a sophisticated way. Some of you are great at talking online, but I often struggled to write good posts. I guess I still do which is the reason why you might see many one liners from me. It isn't because I try to SPAM, it's because I really don't know what else to write at the time because I feel it would be stupid and I get stuck. But back the main point of what I was trying to say. With the help of some people here, I started to try and act mature and responsible in real life, and I guess to a certain extent, in the online world as well. My addiction to the Internet has made my communication in real life a bit different then how i used to talk. I was able to talk without feeling nervous. If I approach people in real life nowadays, I feel nervous and I often stutter when I try to say something to someone.
When I was younger I really didn't think that I would be like this. I often thought that I might be in jail by now or on the streets. I didn't think that I would have a family that does support me even though at times I seem to forget that, and have a group of friends in real life and online that support me. I never thought I would be in a role of responsibility at school either, especially since I have nearly been expelled about 3 times from that school. When I was accepted, I was very shocked. I never thought that this would be like I would turn out to be, but in ways, I am glad I am like this although there are things that I could definitely improve upon.
My question to you all if you wish to answer it is why you are the way you are today, what has attributed to how you turned out and did you think you were going to be like this when you were younger?
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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Asheera
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Elite Assassin
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posted August 11, 2008 02:38 PM |
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Wow William, you sure had a lot of troubles when you were younger (at school and in the family).
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violent_flower
Promising
Supreme Hero
Almost there.
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posted August 11, 2008 03:34 PM |
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Iam the way Iam because God is a stand up comedian.
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Learn how to duck and weave because I will throw truth at you all day!
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Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
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posted August 11, 2008 04:41 PM |
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Edited by Lexxan at 17:03, 11 Aug 2008.
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William,
I usually don't read long posts, but I read this one and with great care, because I recognised elements I experienced the last couple of years.
When I was around six, I made friends for the very first time, both in primairy school and with the boy-scouts, both new elements in my life. When I was young, I was liked and respected: "A bright, opinionated, philantropical child" my teachers said. However, I had, and still have, some great weaknesses:
Firstly, I can't shut up. Each time I'm in a conversation with someone, I allways take the lead and always mark my opinion as THE opinion. I usually succeeded in manipulating others to follow my ideas instead someone else's (and if it didn't happen through overpowered word-use, I would whine their ears off). I always made sure that everyone knew my opinion about everything at any time, even if it hurt others. I really didn't know what tact was.
Another of my Childhood weaknesses was fear: I feared simply everything someone could imagine: Darkness, Water, Death, Trains, Thieves, Lice, Spiders and MOST importantly: Strangers. Throughout my whole life, I've mistrusted and feared strangers. Even now, I still have great difficulties with simply starting to talk to strangers or trust them. (though these are minor compared to those in my childhood)
I also was a Spoilt bratt: I always wanted to have what I want, now at the precise moment! This beaviour often upset others, especially my parents and teachers.
Finally, I was always an extremely lazy and clumsy kid. I couldn't do a thing with my hands (except a few elementairy things, like catch and write), all I did was with my mind. My Eye-hand coördination sucked, and at the age of 8, I was still learning to write properly.
Despite all these things that can spoil human relationships, I was popular and like due to the enormous amount of random knowledge I knew (still know today).
Then the problems came: I had to go to high-school at the age of 12. I was put in a class with people I didn't know anything of, IOW complete sttrangers. Due to my lack of trust in strangers, I failed to establish a solid base for friendship, as I preferred to sit and be alone, unless they came to me. Not that I disliked them; I simply didn't dare to take the initiative. What if they didn't like me? What if they thought I was a freak? Why should they bother to hang out with me? Yet, by ignoring them, I gained the dislike of the majority of my classmates, some of them though I was a genuine freak. Then the inevitable began: The thing that always happens to someone who stands alone: Bullying. Despite the bullying, I was quite lucky as well: the only things they did to me were incessant rows between me and the bullies or they calling me names. I, although alone, always defended me as good as I could. Some of the more popular kids, who seemed to like me, often had to defend me during these rows. At that time I failed to acknowledge the fact I was being bullied, since I never was physically assaulted. Only when reaching the age of 16, I started to acknowledge it, and forgave my former bullies, who, Ironically, are presently among the best of my friends. The bullying, how small it had been, had changed it me inside: Before it, I was a cheerfull, ungratefull and somewhat shy kid; It all had left me uncertain, gloomy and gratefull towards others. Although some children saw me as a friend, I didn't. I believed, and still do, that friendship needs to grow over time, but at the end of the second grade, I started to trust the people I liked. However, I still was extremely uncertain and didn't dare to engage conversation with them. Four months later I dared to call my classmates, "my friends" and finally, after three yeras, I had made friends again.
However, apart from school, there was another place where I met people of my age: the boy-scouts. These persons were different from those at school: At school, they were understanding, patient, wise. At the boy-scouts, they were indulgent, over-acting and sometimes downright menacing. Around the time of my bullying at school, I had to learn how to build camps out of wooden poles and rope, how to make fire, all things I struggled with. In this world strength and Dexterity are the way to survive, much less than Charisma and Intelligence, the things I usually relied on. I never felt I belonged in that enviroment, and so did most of them. Right after the bullying at school had ended, the one at the boy-scouts began. I usually saw them only on Sunday, but twice a year there were two great camps of two weeks each, during which hell often broke loose. I was able to tie ropes properly (ending up tied with them, more often than tying them to wooden poles) I struggled to make fire, I was extremely weak (struggling to pick up things heavier than 20 Kg) and, the most deadly of all, I failed to see where I could help. This was a sad mix of my Shyness with my lazyness, forcingng them to tell me exactly what I should do, Where I should do it, and How I should do it. (and those were still no guarantee to success). It must have been frustrating and tiring for them. Despite these weaknesses, I sometimes manage to positively impress others. I have a rather large spatial insight, which helped me to read maps, and to set up tents correctly. Moreover, My large amount of common Knowledge impressed others greatly (every time we played a game involving Memory and mind, I mostly managed to lead my team to victory)
Still there was a small group that really liked me, a vast majority that neiher liked nor disliked me, and a tiny, but powerfull core that hated me. That core was the core of the bullies. They picked a random victim from the Friends Group (mostly) who within the year left the scouts. When I was fifteen years they picked me and I turnded out to be one of the thougher nuts they had to crack, as I already had survived another bullying (ofwhich they knew nothing). They had to bully me for two years untill I got enough of it, and left them, cursing them for their behaviour. I'm certain they've picked someone else now. I hope he can manage to stop them before they become leaders.
Their tactis started like those at school: constant rowing and calling names (both on their and my behalf), but two years later all began to escalate. That year we had extremely weak leaders, who ignored the problem (I wasn't the only victim that time). Over yeras time the group had shrivelled from 30 to 12, and it is harder to ignore your bullies in a small group. Morevoer they started to act more and more brutal. They started to pick me as victim number one during games, they destroyed or damaged my stuff they incessantly called me names,... I realised that I was this close of being punched and hit 'till I bleede severely. I knew the ris was too great. I quit before they had the chance of severly injuring me (both mental and physical). Aftert the bullying the old me was destroyed, and a new one arose. It's only one year ago when all of this happened, and I don't see it as a weakness. In fact, I see it as my greatest strength, as it made how I am now.
Presently, I significanly less bossy and tactless that I was a yaer ago. I lost my shyness, timidity and gained arrogance and confidence instead. I now dare to talk to strangers, I lost my all fears (only the one of Spiders remains), I learned to gain respect and stand up for myself I now longe for independance, freedom and Friends, things I've been neglecting for so long...
Even now, Years later, I still consider the title "Friend" the greates title you can get. It means a lot to me.
Even now, I get tears in my eyes when I remind myself of these things.
But still, I remember how all ended up well in the end.
And I am sure that all will, in the end.
I never told anyone of this. Not even my parents or my closesnt friend know. I know how they would react; they would comfort me, make me feel at home, but this won't help me in any way. I outed it, something I post-poned for a year now. Now I did it, and it feels like I broke out of a cage and feel free to breath and move independantly. I won't forgive nor forget, but my path is clear. I only have to follow it.
EDIT: To correct the Typos!!! 
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Coincidence? I think not!!!!
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted August 11, 2008 06:05 PM |
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Lexxan, that actually sounds a lot like me, only minus the boy scouts and going to high school at the age of 12. And I wasn't bullied quite so much.
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Eccentric Opinion
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Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
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posted August 11, 2008 06:07 PM |
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Quote:
Lexxan, that actually sounds a lot like me, only minus the boy scouts and going to high school at the age of 12. And I wasn't bullied quite so much.
Oh. And which age do you go at high school then? In Belgium, it's normal to be 12.
Thanks for the feedback, Will, Mvass and Keksi 
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Coincidence? I think not!!!!
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted August 11, 2008 06:18 PM |
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Quote:
In Belgium, it's normal to be 12.
Unless the life expectancy in a country is 11, then it's normal to be 12 everywhere. 
Here in America, though, most kids start high school at 14. But at my school, high school starts in 10th grade, so we usually start at 15, although since I skipped a grade I started at 14.
Normal American school system:
Elementary School:
Kindergarten - 5-6
1st - 6-7
2nd - 7-8
3rd - and so on
4th
5th
Middle School:
6th
7th
8th
High School:
9th
10th
11th
12th
My school system:
Elementary School:
Kindergarten - 5-6
Pre-1st or 1st - 6-7
1st or 2nd - 7-8
2nd or 3rd - 8-9
3rd or 4th - and so on
4th or 5th (5th is in Middle School)
Middle School:
5th or 6th
6th or 7th
7th or 8th (8th is in the Mid-High)
Mid-High (which is on the High School campus):
8th or 9th
9th or 10th (which is part of High School)
High School:
10th or 11th (at this point, a lot of people drop out)
11th or 12th
12th
So if you are in pre-1st, it holds you back a year, basically. I didn't go to pre-1st, though, and I skipped second grade, so I'm a year younger than my peers.
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Eccentric Opinion
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Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
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posted August 11, 2008 06:27 PM |
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In Belgium we only have 3 types:
Kindergarden : 2-6 yrs
Primairy School
1rst Grade: 6 -> 7
2nd Grade: 7 -> 8
3rd grade: 8 -> 9
4th Grade: 9 -> 10
5th Grade: 10 -> 11
6th Grade: 11 -> 12
High School
1rts Grade: 12 -> 13
2nd Grade: 13 -> 14
3rd Grade: 14 -> 15
4rth Grade: 15 -> 16
5th Grade: 16 -> 17
6th Grade: 17 -> 18
University
1rst Bachelor: 18 -> 19
2nd Bachelor: 19 -> 20
Master: 20 -> 21
Doctorate: 21 -> 22
(University isn't obligatory, ofc)
We're Getting too off-topic. Create a thread if you like, but I won't reply anymore to this educational thingy in this thread
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Coincidence? I think not!!!!
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted August 11, 2008 08:04 PM |
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It only takes a year to get a Bachelor's, a Masters, and a Doctorate in Belgium?  Here, it takes 2 years to get an Associate's, 2 more to get a Bachelor's, 2 more to get a Master's, and 2 more to get a Doctorate.
But enough about this.
How am I the way I am?
On September 6, 1991, I was born in the Soviet Union, in the Russian Soviet Federative Socialist Republic, in Moscow. My dad was 21, and my mom was 19. My dad was in his third or fourth year of university, and my mom was in her second, I think. They were attending one of the two best universities in Russia: the Moscow Physico-Technical Institute, and my mom's parents were both professors there. My grandma taught first year Physics, and I don't know what my grandpa taught. Somewhere between my birth and my being old enough to remember, my grandpa left the university and started working as an electronic engineer. While my parents were going to the university, I stayed with those grandparents, who lived literally across the street from the university. So my dad got a Ph.D. in electronic engineering, and my mom got a Master's in physics. (As a note of interest, my dad's parents are professors as well. My grandma teaches English, and I don't know what my grandpa teaches. They live in a town a day's train ride from Moscow.) So, then my mom and dad both got jobs.
When I was 6 or thereabouts, my parents started planning to move to America. Shortly after I turned 7, my brother was born, and my mom went on maternity leave (and she never worked full-time since). Around that same time, my dad got a job in Oklahoma, in a town of 5000 people, so we moved here three months after my brother was born.
So I started going to the local elementary school. I didn't speak much English at first. I skipped second grade, and went on to third grade. I still didn't speak much English, but, since my mom made me study math at home, and I seemed to learn relatively quickly, I was bored with how slow school was. When I entered third grade, I read at the first-grade level. When I left third grade, I was reading at a sixth-grade level. I got a few friends around that time (I didn't really have any in Russia). Then I went to fourth grade, and completed it. By the end of fourth grade, I could speak English fluently.
Around that time, I noticed that some kids were like me with their fast learning pace, and some kids were much slower. In fact, when we would read out loud (an activity that I hated, and continue to hate to this day), I would just read ahead, and then sit bored, and hope that none of the really slow-reading kids would have to read, as that would just take ages.
Then came middle school. In fifth grade, I was obsessed with correcting everyone's grammar (remember that less than two years before, I couldn't speak much English!). Any time someone would come up to me and say, "What's up?" I would hit them on the head with a pencil, and yell, "No slang!" Also in fifth grade I got into the Gifted and Talented program, which was basically a once-a-week opportunity to get out of class and play games with the smarter kids. My current friends were all in that program, although out of my friends at the time, only one was in it.
In sixth grade, I became a lot more lazy. Earlier, I had been obsessed with quality, but at this point I became less concerned, and by grades suffered somewhat as a result. Also, the guy who would later become my best RL friend moved here that year. I didn't talk to him much then, though. That year, in Social Studies, we did a lot of projects with a lot of coloring, gluing, and cutting out, all activites that I hated. Also, my Social Studies teacher couldn't pronounce her "l"s. As a result, I didn't like Social Studies much, and my grade in there suffered.
In seventh grade, I made more friends, and my quality of work improved slightly. But Social Studies, this time with a different teacher, was still not enjoyable. There, we had to do a project of some sort, and I didn't do it, so I ended up with a 66 in the class for the last quarter. But that grade had its good moments as well. I joined HC in that grade. Also, we had a relatively amusing science teacher with a prosthetic leg. He would get mad if anyone would say the word "hyper" in his class. Also, I became a lot more creative in seventh grade, largely thanks to Gifted and Talented and my Journalism class, in which I got to write quite a few off-the-wall articles. I still hated coloring and cutting stuff out, though. Around that time, my dad quit his job and started his own business, which continues to run successfully to this day. Also around this time, I realized, after a few discussions, that I was different from most of my friends, and indeed most of the people around me except for my family in that I did not believe in a god. Also, three special-ed girls brought a bottle of brandy to school and drank in the girls' locker room. At that time, I noticed that a lot of the special-ed kids weren't really any slower than average, just a lot lazier, and more prone to doing drugs and drinking.
Eighth grade was in the Mid-High, an ugly old building. Out of all my years of school, it was probably my least favorite, although it, too, had its moments. All of my classes (and I mean ALL) were complete drudgery. One of my friends became home-schooled. One moved away. One, for some reason, started acting differently, and became a lot more lethargic. So I, with my remaining friend, formed a new group of people, all of whom I had hung out with in the Gifted and Talented program back in Middle School. Also, one of the most fun things in my life, Academic Team, began in 8th grade. I became the leading team member, and I became friends with the people in it. Otherwise, though, that grade sucked. I had a teacher who forced me to carry chairs for him. I got mad. Another day, that same teacher gave us an assignment to redesign the area where the dumpsters were kept, which I did in 5 minutes, and he told us to go home for the weekend and think about it. Next Monday, he saw that only a few people actually did the assignment (and, I admit, theirs was more elaborate than mine), so he refused to count the assignments, and gave us extra work. I decided that this was manifestly unfair, so I marched into his office, where this exchange took place.
Me: I disagree.
Him: With what?
Me: With YOU! You punished us all, when some of us did our work. I did my work. Why should I be punished?
Him: Let me see.
I showed him what I did.
Him: You didn't do anything! You just drew two lines! That's not much of an idea. I told you to go home and think about it, and you just did it in 5 minutes.
Me: I'm sorry that I could come up with a better idea in 5 minutes than you could at all.
In retrospect, it's a wonder that I didn't get into any trouble. However, he complied, and took up the assignments. Thus, I drew the ire of those who didn't do it, but the thanks of those who did do it.
In ninth grade, though, things really started picking up. I had a weird English teacher, who acted like he was high on something, so I jokingly started talking about his being a druggie. My math teacher from a year before, though, took it seriously (even though none of the other teachers did) and actually went and confronted him about it. That year, I became a lot more creative, largely thanks to that English teacher, my excellent Geometry teacher, and my Newspaper class. My geometry teacher began the year acting like the teacher mentioned previously, but, instead of getting mad when I stood up to him, I won his favor, and he became friendly towards me. My Newspaper class was "taught" by an old lady who had been my English teacher the year before, but really we did nothing in there but play games and write the occasional story. It was really run by a senior (12th grade) girl who became the valedictorian that year. She encouraged my creativity, and I began to write much better. I wrote a lot of amusing things that year, including a story about how there were crop circles in the Bermuda Triangle.
But the most important thing that happened that year was my writing of "The Problems of [My town] High School", an essay (that I revised several times) about all of what I could see wrong with the school. And there was plenty to write about. My main targets were lazy teachers, large attention being paid to athletic teams but not Academic Team, and, most importantly, my opposition to school spirit. Once a month, our principal would corral us into the basketball gym, where we would listen to the band playing loudly, look at the athletic teams, and yell at a high volume. I refused to yell, which won me somewhat of a reputation. I hated (and still hate) these pep assemblies.
Also, the two additional causes of my general success that year was the fact that I was mostly in classes with advanced people, and that I could actually compete with somebody. Also, around that time, I became interested in politics, and economics, after being introduced to the latter by Charles Wheelan's excellent book "Naked Economics".
Then came my sophomore (10th) year, which was largely unremarkable, except that some people started dropping out, and some girls stated getting pregnant. Also, my sister was born.
Then came my junior (11th) year. I had my Geometry teacher again, this time in Pre-Calculus. I also had a fun class in AP Government, though my teacher there was a few fries short of a Happy Meal. That actually made the class a lot more fun, since it spurred huge debates in the class, which, as TheDeath and Asheera can attest, I enjoy immensely. (Unfortunately, quote wars don't work that well in RL ) Near the end of the year, though, that teacher was discovered sending text messages and naked pictures of himself to a lot of girls, and was forced to resign. But nothing was put on his record, so he can continue teaching happily again. Nor was this the first time this happened - it happened at the school where he used to teach too. Also that year, a friend and I started the Environmental Club. We had trouble starting it, since we needed the principal's approval, and it was quite difficult to track her down. It was like she was avoiding us. But we eventually were successful.
Now it is the summer before my senior (12th) year. I am going to apply to various universities, and, after the conclusion of this year, attend one of them.
Thus, a rough outline of my life story has been written. Took me half an hour.
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Eccentric Opinion
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Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
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posted August 11, 2008 08:49 PM |
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I forgot to tell you how my life at schools was during that bullying
Despite being constantly intimidated and dislike on the Sundays, I tried to live normally drung the weekdays on school. Even without the presence of the boy-scouts bullies, I still was rather tense and gloomy (probably an effect of it). My Grades started to suffer as I put everything on improving my relations with my classmates/friends. Not that I became sycophantical; I would never kiss someones ass. However, I focused being nice and friendly to them, and spent more time in seeing whom liked whom and fun with them, than I did in studying. I got distracted and completely desinterested in my sublject (only Biology, History and English had my constant attention). I forgot how to learn. Then the exams came; 56%, 65%, 50%, 53%, here and there something in the seventies, and an 81% for English (my second highest exam result for English ever). However, my Physics were suffering, as my German and Spanish would later do as well. To top it all, I got three lousy French teachers in a row for three years, making my French not as good as it should've been. Moreover, I started to dislike teachers. I don't know why up to this very day. I guess it had to do with the bullying. Teachers and Adults (I had similar rows at home, but those were less powerfull and dramatic) In the fifth Grade, I had an extreme row with my French teacher (who barely spoke Dutch), and , losing my temper, I called her an "imbecile" I got double detention for that, and it had arroused the Principal's secretairy (I never spoke to the Principal herself), who imformed me that the Teacher were that close of exspelling me. I lost faith, became extremely gloomy and silent and was extremely depressed and paranoia. I lived in constant fear on Expulsion. It would mean that the relationships I've been setting up for three years, would have been set up for nothing. I was silent in the class, as my mind constantly raced about the Expulsion thread. Apparently my silence had alerted the teachers, and in the end I was allowed to stay. I passed my Fifth Grade with Below Average marks, but still high enough to qualify for the Sixth Grade. The next year, I stepped out of the boy-scouts, and I finally felt free from any threat. I was wrong. In those two years I didn't study a single thing, and now I simply forgot how to study. My grades reached a historical downgrade in Februari this year, as I gained a 0 for Spanish, a 3 for German and Physics and overall being ploughed for 5 of my 12 subjects. Again, I became depressed and sad, but found a little force in my which pushed me to comtinue. After two weeks, that force had vanished and my grades were going downhill once again. Luckily those two weeks saved my from getting another disastrous report (only ploughed for three subjects that time: Spanish (4), Geograhpy(3) and Physics'4.5)). The Principals secretairy warned me of failing this year, which again arroused a great fear in me. However, due to the former success in the expulsion case, I soon forgot about it. Then in March this year I emotionally broke down during English. All the fear all the Frustration in me had felt the urge to come out. I literally shouted out my fears and frustration I had the last couple of months, and after that I felt fine. The April Came: A Trip to Greece with the Whole grade: It turned out to be exactly what I waited for: during the time we spent there, the Whole Grade became one big family. I forgot about my outburst and fears. It was threre were I finally gotten over the Adamantine barrier the bullying had created. May passed by as the hottest month untill now, and was like a big pleasant dream. in June I gathered my courages and started to study, and though I forgotten how, I tried and narrowly managed to pass.
The Last bit of Bullying panic in me had vanished on the moment I got my diploma. That Day was one of the happiest in my life, but also one of the saddest, as it would be the last day, I would saw my friends for a long time...
Who influenced me? The answer is simple: People of my age are the one that stamped my past. Not my parents, not my family, not my teachers... but they!
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Coincidence? I think not!!!!
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Darkshadow
Legendary Hero
Cerise Princess
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posted August 11, 2008 08:51 PM |
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I have to admit I have become who/what I am are by the fact that I changed my personality to get friends at school.And that "switch" has been left on, forever.I won't write long descriptions this time cause its late, but I can tell you, it wasn't that nice.
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Asheera
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Elite Assassin
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posted August 11, 2008 09:00 PM |
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What tough childhood some of you had... mine wasn't even close as harsh
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted August 11, 2008 09:23 PM |
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Sounds like a tough time, Lexxan. The furthest that I've been bullied is people calling me a Communist and asking me to say something in Russian.
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Eccentric Opinion
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Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
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posted August 11, 2008 09:49 PM |
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Bah, you learn to live with it over time
then it isn't that bad anymore.
Thanks for the support. You don't know how much that means to me.
<*sweeps a tear awa from the corner of is eye*>
Just... Thanks
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Coincidence? I think not!!!!
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted August 11, 2008 10:03 PM |
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I wrote an extremely long post and no one cares about me.
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Eccentric Opinion
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Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
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posted August 11, 2008 10:11 PM |
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I read it, and I actually found it quite fascinating. Your early childhood wasn't that easy, but now all is okay, Right?
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Coincidence? I think not!!!!
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Asheera
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Elite Assassin
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posted August 11, 2008 10:20 PM |
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Quote:
I wrote an extremely long post and no one cares about me.
Well, I read it. But I don't have much to comment on it
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Vlaad
Admirable
Legendary Hero
ghost of the past
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posted August 11, 2008 10:22 PM |
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What about your Russian? Is it fluent? Do your parents still speak it at home?
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Cepheus
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Far-flung Keeper
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posted August 11, 2008 10:29 PM |
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Actually mvass's 30-min life story is somewhat an awful lot like mine, except that I've never switched countries (nor stood up to anybody) 
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted August 11, 2008 10:38 PM |
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Lexxan:
Right, but my early childhood wasn't that hard.
Vlaad:
Yes to both questions.
Cepheus:
Then it's really not much like mine at all, is it? What country do you live in?
All:
So, does this shed any light upon my posting practices or what I say? If so, how? I'm interested by your reactions to it in general, as well.
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Eccentric Opinion
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