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Heroes Community > Age of Heroes Coliseum > Thread: HC Olympics: Dramatic Writing
Thread: HC Olympics: Dramatic Writing [ This thread is 3 pages long: (1) 2 3 ]
GenieLord
GenieLord


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Geny is Kapara
posted August 21, 2008 05:50 PM

HC Olympics: Dramatic Writing

Everyone knows HC members are good in making very dramatic stories. So why shouldn't we turn it into an Olympic game? Anyway, I'll give you a subject. Your goal is to write a short story about it, that will be as exciting and dramatic as possible. It should be a true tear-jerker. But make sure it doesn't come out ridiculous. It has to be believable and enjoyable to read as well.
I will read all the stories, and the best three ones (best according to the requirements of this contest) will get medals.

You have two subjects to pick from:
Poverty or Mental Illnesses

But remember, in your story you can flow into other subjects (love, family, accidents...), as long as they are all dramatic enough. Good luck!
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mvassilev
mvassilev


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted August 21, 2008 06:43 PM bonus applied by kookastAR on 05 Nov 2008.
Edited by mvassilev at 19:58, 21 Aug 2008.

"GET OUT OF HERE!" the bouncer shouted, and roughly tossed John out of the bar. He landed roughly on the ground. "And don't you come back!" the burly bouncer yelled after him, and slammed the door shut. John got up, and rubbed the shoulder on which he fell. "I have to stop doing this..." he thought. He stretched his arms, which looked like they were muscular once, but now were merely fat. He limped away from the bar quietly.

It's been what, ten years now? Yes, that'd be about right. The roar of the crowd... The thrill of the match... The look on the agonized opponent's face... All that was central in my life. Until ten years ago.

John stumbled around the dark, deserted streets. He saw a light in the far distance. He approached it slowly, and noticed that it spilled out of a window that was protected by black steel bars. John looked up. The sign at the top of the building said "Liquor Store". "Ah, what the hell," John thought, and began to limp towards the door.

And the Olympic medal was mine! A gold medal! And recognition at home! I celebrated long into the night. But I didn't notice... What I didn't notice! Ah, it's too late now.

John pushed the heavy door open. He looked at the counters, filled with vodkas, beers, and wines. He stumbled to one counter, and looked at the clear bottle. "Gold Medal Vodka", the label on it proclaimed. "Well, it's my lucky day," John thought.

But it wasn't back then. How could I not have noticed... I should've known. My wife's attitudes towards me was getting worse and worse. "John, you don't care about me," she said, "All you care about is your stupid boxing! When are you going to have some time for me - like we're supposed to!" But I was sure. I was sure that one day, I would win the gold medal. But my wife's nagging grew more and more repettitive. Yet my skill increased more and more. One day, she was complaining, so I said, "You know what? You think I'm wasting my time? Come and look," so I took her to the training center. Jack was there too. He was beating up a punching bag. My wife watched, as did I. Then it was my turn. I did the same, smashing the punching bag. But...

Jack grabbed the bottle and started towards the counter. The old man there started. "Why... you're that one guy! Jack- whatshisname! What happened to you? You did well at the Olympics that one year!" John reached into the pocket of his tattered shorts. "Damn. Only five dollars left. Oh, well. That'll be enough," John though. He paid for the vodka and left.

Chinese, Russians, Germans... I beat them all. In the finals, I went up against Jack. "Whoever wins, it'll still be a USA victory!" Jack said excitedly. "Yeah, I suppose," I responded curtly. It was a long match, but finally I managed to hit him in the head with a strong punch, and the ref ruled that I won. I headed toward the locker room, showered, changed, and went to the party. My wife was there. "Great job, honey!" she said, and kissed me on the cheek. My old man was there too. "Great job, Jack," he said, "I've got something for you." He took out a bottle of "Gold Medal Vodka". "Just for Gold Medal winners," he said. We opened it, and drank for an hour or so. But then I noticed something...

John sat down on the curb, and examined the bottle. "Some drown their sorrows, others drink to victory," the label proclaimed. "Heh. I need both," John thought, and opened the bottle, and began to drink.

"Where is she?" I asked my old man. Where is she? I looked everywhere for her, but she wasn't there. She was nowhere to be found. I exited my house at the Olympic Village. Then I had a thought. I turned to the left, and went two doors that way. I knocked on the door quitely. Then I opened it, trying to not make any sound. I sneaked through the house, and I heard creaking somewhere in the distance. As I moved into the back of the house, it got more audible. I approached Jack's bedroom door, opened it, and saw...

The bottle was half-full now. "Half-full!" John thought bitterly, "More like half-empty!"

My wife said that I had caused her mental anguish, with my constant focus on training. The judge granted the divorce, she took half of my stuff, and left the courthouse holding hands with Jack, smirking. I tried to forget it. I couldn't get her back, but I could at least make more money.

Only a quarter of the vodka remained.

I still had one solace - the roar of the crowd. Yet little did I know that I would lose that too. One day, when I was in my locker room, getting ready for a fight, I was approached by a guy in a suit, with a briefcase. "John," he said, "You know Robert the Strong? The guy you're about to fight? Well, you know, he's not at his top shape. You know, his kid has pneumonia, and all... It'd be nice if he won this match. No offense to you, but I think he needs to win. He's not been lucky lately." John looked at the guy for a while, and said, "You want him to win?" The guy looked at him reassuringly, and said, "I knew a man like you would understand. And I know that you might lose a bit of money by losing, but I'll make up for it." He put his briefcase on the floor. "Thirty thousand dollars," the man said, "And just as much after you lose."

Barely any vodka remained. John heard a noise in the distance.

"You have purposely lost, and thus violated the terms of your contract. Therefore you are suspended, and shall be fined for $1,500,000," the judge ruled. The feds came to my house, and took my stuff. Then they took my house. I was left without a home, with only the clothes that I was wearing left. I crashed at my old man's, but he died of a heart attack a week later. He was in debt, and the feds took his stuff too. So I had no choice but to become a bum.

John heard a child yelling in the distance. He finished his vodka. He heard a different child's voice, closer. Then he continued to hear their voices, but couldn't make out the words. It seemed like two kids - he still couldn't see anybody - were talking to each other. They were close now, but he still couldn't understand what they were talking about. He heard a bit about pawning something. "Ghetto kids," he thought drunkedly.

The kids jumped out from behind the corner. They looked about twelve, and were rather oddly attired. One's hair was long and dyed blue; the other's hair was obviously dyed blonde. They were wearing some kind of brown t-shirts that looked old, and were holding plastic shields. "Hey, kids, take my advice. Go home," John told them. They looked at each other. They mentioned pawning something again. "Look, kids, I don't have anything to pawn," John said. "We're going to pawn you!" one of the kids yelled. "Hey, wait," the other kid said, "I know this guy. He won a gold medal at an Olympics a while ago. My dad talks about him sometimes." "I bet he's strong," the first kid said. "Look, kids, I'm not going to do anything to you," John said.

Then both kids moved at the same time. They drew knives out of their belts, and rushed at John. Before he could react, they began to stab him. All went dark as one stab went into his throat.

So this is the end.


The first kid turned to his friend. "Well, we did the Ghetto." "Yeah," his friend replied, "but this guy wasn't all that tough." "You have to take balance into effect," the first kid said, "After all, he didn't drop any good loot."



Well, what do you think?
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Eccentric Opinion

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GenieLord
GenieLord


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Geny is Kapara
posted August 21, 2008 08:16 PM

Quote:
Well, what do you think?

I love it.
The story is dramatic and exciting. The only problem is the weird end. It doesn't sound very believable and that's kind of ruins the sequence of the story. Try to make other end.
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mvassilev
mvassilev


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted August 21, 2008 08:20 PM

No, it's supposed to be like that.
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Antipaladin
Antipaladin


Promising
Legendary Hero
of Ooohs and Aaahs
posted August 22, 2008 01:16 AM
Edited by antipaladin at 14:00, 23 Aug 2008.

Hay,My name is Jack,this is my story:
Me and John and Layland ware all pretty much 16-17 when it happend,we ware so poor we had to go out venturing into unkown,to sustian ourself,
it was then,when we enterd that town,we met her. The devil himself,she and her twin brother,too madmans,but elite killers,expearnced fighters.
I was the youngest of the three,and john was the first,he fought her first,after 10 minuts,she broke hes arm and twisted it,layland apperntly was killed by her brother in a single slash,it seems that her brother tried to summon a demon know,and I? I got so scared i couldnt move,my sword droped and made me anotice,she came to me,with a smirk on her face,looked at me,she was twice my size! i wasentshort,butshe was about 2.10meters.
she kissed me on the chick then,i dont know what for though.
i couldnt move at all
it felt great,but i was so scared...
then her brother finished summonin the demon,it seems however he lost controll for it,and killed hes summoner.
he turned on her,but i felt a dire need to protect her.
I jumpede and did seemignly no dammage at all,but i manage to get it blind with a eye attack,it gave us enought time to esacpe.

"Why did you try to save me?" She demanded.
"Why did you kiss me?" trying to change the subject
"I was kinda teasing you,you ware cute in incompetent look"She said,blushing a little
i was blushing six shades of red.
this made her giggle.
"you want to go sparing?"i suddnly asked her
"Sure"
We spared for like seemed hours,i got beat up pretty badly even though i was sure she was cutting me some slack.
"You can do better then that" She tounted.
I tried to deliver a strike which was counterd and i got a strong hit in the chest,i spit some blood,fall for my knees,and lost counsience.
i awaken hours later at a cave,with a few bads.
"Uh?" I was laying on a bad with all my wounds treated.
"How old are you?" she said,she was lying on my bad with her back facing me.
"18" I lied.
"Lier" she said i could sence something was wrong.
"Your frindes are they the same age?"
"There few years older"
"Where is you femily?"
"Where is yours?"
"Mine is dead"
"Mine is poor"
"You know,For a humane,your kind cute,i think ill keep you" she said playfull,directing her look at me,i could see her eyes warent dry
"Excuse me?!" i protested
She told me she was an elf,from a warior dynisti,that is long dead,afew remenetes.
We fell love shorty after,she made love to me almost everyday in the night,and exuhast me body in training and sparing to the point of near death every day
Her name was Juachi as i later found out. She was General in her army.
she was crown number 3'rd warior in the entire nation...yet she fell for me.
and i fell for her..

amoutnh later
"There is something i need to tell you" she looked at me whith sad eyes.

"You Found Me"

"Is this a dream?
If it is
Please don't wake me from this high
I'd become comfortably numb
Until you opened up my eyes
To what it's like
When everything's right
I can't believe

You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me
You found me

So, here we are
That's pretty far
When you think of where we've been
No going back
I'm fading out
All that has faded me within
You're by my side
Now everything's fine
I can't believe

You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me
You found me

And I was hiding
'Til you came along
And showed me where I belong
You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know?
How did you know?

You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me

(You found me)
(When no one else was lookin')
You found me
(How did you know just where I would be?)
You broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
The good and the bad
And the things in between
You found me
You found me"
(song for dramatic increas).
What did you found in me? or ware you with me becouse you ware scared?had our child..and i feel i've changed so much,why did you have to love me? "
"Sweaty,relax.."i was distracted as she punched me right in the face,sending my flyign across the wall
"I..am..so sorry!!" She cried.
"Honey!" i screamed
and she punched me more
That how it was,She beat me up during the day,and made love to me during the night.
it took her six more mounths to confide to me that she knew me:
----FLASHBACK-----
i was six at the time,or maybe 5? i was learning how to sweem,never did make it though...
I was trying to fish by te river. she was scouting the land.
she did spot me though,she was 20 then,an already proud powerfull warior.
i didnt saw her though,and i was minding my own buisness
(her POV).
"hmmph,is that cute kid is trying to catch a fish? wasent he told otherwise?"
Apperntly i fell down to the water.
she she gigled in the innocens of that fall and continue to obersving anticipating that i will get up myself.
after 2 minuts her eyes widend and she became afride.
she ran deep in,diving and lifting my up by my arm.
i wasent breathing
she revived me. Presserd my heart,and breathed air into my mounth.
after couple of trys i awoke,coughting water.
"You shouldnt be near water if you cant swim!" she said strictly.
"Who are you lady? thenks!"
"Im..No one."
she thought i was so cute kiddnaping me would be just too easy,so she wouldnt do it. we talked abit and i promissed i meet her agian,i didntk now it took me 10 years to do so.
-----end of flashback----------------
"Juachi,you have to understand,you a living creature,you desrve to love and be loved!"
"LIAR! Stop lying,you would probbly just want to hurt me! why is it you dont defend yourself whenever i beat you?! i could kill you anytime a new,yet you just let me too,even thoug you probbly could resist."
"I cant bring myself to harm you,thats the point of love."
"NOOO it cant be" She was crying now,tears,are something she wasent that femiler with yet.
"I feel good around you,but so vonrbull..i cant,can i?"
"You can" i slicned her with a kiss.
20 years after.
we ware merrid,had a child who was about my age when i met her mother,untill we encounterd her brother..who was reivived as a demon. "Join me sister" He tranced her..
she was about too,when i screamed,"NOO dont go your a femily wife now not a killer"
He just looked at me,and send me a spell that pierced my heart and killed me instealy,icould see her tears from heaven itself,as she rushed to my body and wiped.
"You killed him,you animal,I will kill you now!" she screamed
She deliverd meny blows in her bitter anger one after the other "Give him back ! Give him back!" she damanded,untill he killed her too,then we met in heaven,and departed as souls in the afterlife.
the end.

------------------------------------
Im a poor writer?

____________
types in obscure english

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william
william


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
posted August 22, 2008 03:06 AM
Edited by william at 03:21, 22 Aug 2008.

I woke up. "Great, another crap day i have to go through" I thought to myself. It was the second week back to school and I hated school. I thought that it just wasn't worth the time. I wasn't going too well at school, although I was quite smart. I guess I never really bothered to try. I was in Year 10, which meant that I could leave at the end of this year and get an apprenticeship or I could go on and complete Year 11 and Year 12, and at the end of Year 12 I would be able to get my HSC and a UAI, which meant I could go to University. Quite frankly, I really didn't care all too much about this at the moment. I had other things to deal with.

I walked out of my room and saw that my mum and sister were fighting. "Great, so I have to deal with this again?" I thought to myself. "Shut up you ***** and just leave me alone!!" my siser shouted to my mum. My mum was about to cry and I said "How about you shutup and just leave her alone you moron?" to my sister. She just stormed off into her room. My mum didn't look happy about what I had said and then told me to leave her alone and go have my tablets. "What the **** did I do wrong" I thought. I never really knew what I did wrong and I went to have my tablets. I always hated having these things. I could swallow them normally but it was a hassle and something that I thought was totally unnecessary. I didn't like having them with water too much so I got some coke and just had swallowed them with that.

I proceeded back into my room and took my normal clothes off and put on my school clothes. It was still summer and it was quite hot, but I never liked the idea of wearing shorts, so I just put on my long pants and got my school bag which was heavy from all the books I had to carry. I could have just left them at home since I never really cared, but sometimes if I didn't bring them then the teacher would get mad at me and then give me an afternoon detention, which meant that I had to stay at school after hours instead of being able to go home, and I absolutely hated staying at school for a few more hours. I just brought the books to stay away from afternoon detentions and to keep the teachers happy. Stupid teachers. I hate how they always give me stupid orders. I hate the fact that they always think that they're right and that the students are always wrong. They always thought they were in control, which they were not.

It was time to leave for school and I hadn't had breakfast yet, but I didn't really care. I never usually had the time for breakfast in the morning. I did manage to pack my lunch the previous night so I was lucky I had that sorted out. My sister came out still in the crap mood she normally was in. My mum didn't look happy with the both of us and I was left to shut the door. I slammed it since I never liked these situations. I'm sure that my mum and sister thought that it was my fault like they usually did. I got in the car and my mum started driving off to drop me and my sister to school. My mum didn't have a day job, and she worked at night. She wasn't in good health, and the night usually wasn't too good for her, but she did it so she could support us a bit more. I did have a dad and he lived with us although I didn't see him too much since he leaves work at about 5 in the morning and gets home at 6 at night. I liked seeing him although we had many fights at times. Of course, those were all blamed on me and I guess that is why my sister didn't really like me all too much. I liked her but she just didn't understand why I did things at times, in fact, it seemed like nobody understood my properly. Which was quite a shame.

We arrived at school and I said bye to my mum and she drove off. It wasn't raining yet, but there were many clouds in the sky so I could tell that it was going to rain at some point in the day. I liked rain but I didn't like when it was stormy weather. That usually meant that there may have been a blackout which I never liked. I arrived in school and went to the library to see if any of my friends were there. No one was really there and I decided to stay inside since the weather was getting colder for some reason, so I was lucky that I wore long pants, although I usually wore them so it didn't matter too much. About 20 minutes had passed and more and more people started arriving at school. Some of my friends had arrived and we started into some discussion. Usually, the discussion consisted of games or funny things that happened on the weekend or about girls. After some talking, the bell had gone and we started walking off in separate directions to go to class.

I was walking near the senior area when a group of junior kids started laughing at me. I guess they thought that I looked funny in a way. They started saying stuff to me and I went over to one of the kids and got him in a headlock and started telling him and his friends to "shut the **** up". I was walking backwards and his head must have hit a bar because he made some sound as if it hurt him. I let him go and walked off. A teacher must have been quite close because they caught up with me and told me to stop. I kept on walking and they grabbed me and told me to explain what had just happened. I told them that they were laughing at me and I decided to take some action against them. This clearly didn't go too well with the teacher since I was a few years older than them and it wasn't good for an older student to behave in such a way as I behaved.

I was taken to my year coordinators office and he started telling me to explain what had happened. I told him what happened and this annoyed me since I had to explain a second time to someone. I just wanted to go home or get out of this stupid school. He told me to wait outside of his office so I just did what he said and a few minutes later he told me he had called my mum to take me home. I knew immediately that I had just been suspended from school. I had been suspended in the past but I thought this was unfair. I said "what the **** did you ****ing do that for?!" and he just ignored me and walked back into his office. "This was total bull****" I thought to myself and after waiting for half an hour, my mum had arrived to come and pick me up. She didn't look happy at all. "Great, now I have to deal with her and then dad whenever he gets home" I thought.

My mum asked why I did what I had done and I just told her to "leave me alone and stop asking ****ing questions".
We arrived back home and I walked into my room and punched my wall, which caused my hand to go through the wall and left a big hole. My mum came into my room and started screaming and shouted at me. I told her to leave me alone and I slammed the door shut on her. She was quite angry at me and I just decided to turn on my computer and listen to music. I was trying to keep myself calm and trying to forget about the incident that happened at school but my mind kept flashing back to what had happened.

I tried forgetting but those images burned into my memory and I was getting frustrated with myself. I started punching myself because I was getting angry. "Why the **** must this **** happen to me?" I said to myself out loud and I guess my mum must have heard me because she told me to stop swearing. "**** off mum" I said and I guess that shut her up. I needed her to just shut up and leave me alone for a day or two. I was getting sick of this crap house and my crap family. I wanted to get out of here as soon as possible. Hours had passed and my dad got home. He was told by my mum what had happened and he was furious. He came into my room and started punching me in the body and on the face while saying that I was a **** son and that he wished I was never born. I tried defending myself but he was too strong for me to defend against. He left shortly after and my face and body hurt from the punches that he had inflicted upon me. I really wished he would get run over by a bus. I went to bed a few hours later only to face a new crap day tomorrow, since my mum was home, but I guess it was better since I didn't have school for a few days because of the suspension...

***A few months had passed***

I was doing slightly better in school in terms of behaviour and I had met a girl that I really liked. She was beautiful and she liked me for me. She didn't know that I had a mental illness and I hadn't decided to tell her. My family situation had improved and my dad wasn't hitting me as much as usual and my mum and sister respected me a bit more, but there were still the occasional fights that occurred and I always hated when they happened but I guess that it was my fault that they happened since I was usually told by me sister that it was my fault and I suppose that my dad and mum thought they were still my fault as well.

I decided to take my girl to dinner so I picked her up and drove to a restaurant. We had a good time and we talked about many things. I thought that this would have been the opportune time to tell her that I had a mental illness, although I didn't know how she would react. I told her and she was surprised. She told me to "**** off" and "you are just a ****head, why did you not tell me you jerk?!". I was surprised that she acted like this. I was embarrassed that she was making such a big deal of this since people on other tables started looking at us. I was also hurt since this was something that I had to deal with throughout my whole life and I needed somebody to support me. She kept on saying what a jerk that I was and I finally snapped. I through everything off the table and told her to "**** off you stupid *****". She started shouting at me and one of the people on the other table started comforting her. I then was grabbed by somebody on another table and I defended myself by elbowing them in the stomach and punching them in the face. I now had a few people on some other tables try to take me on but I was stronger now and I all got them down to the ground.

I decided to get out of this crap place and I walked outside and to my car, but only to find that it was raining outside. I guess that this was a time to reflect on what had just happened and why this was always happening to me. I started blaming myself and I got home and went straight to my bedroom. I went online to see if my girl was online but I was told that she had decided not to talk to me ever again, and I was then called various names. "Why did everything happen to me?" I thought.





If you were wondering, that was based upon mental illnesses and based off some of my real life experiences.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~

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TitaniumAlloy
TitaniumAlloy


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Professional
posted August 22, 2008 04:41 AM bonus applied by kookastAR on 05 Nov 2008.
Edited by TitaniumAlloy at 05:31, 01 Apr 2009.

removed
____________
John says to live above hell.

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Lexxan
Lexxan


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
posted August 22, 2008 05:49 AM bonus applied by kookastAR on 05 Nov 2008.

I wish I could turn back time.


That phrase kept racing through my mind the days after the disaster. I miss all of it. The coziness, the warmth, the cohesive and powerfull liaison family was. I screwed it all. I thought all of it is my fault. I wished it ended. I was laying on my back, on a much too hard and cold bed, in a cold, dark, claustrophibicly tiny room, contemplating how it was able to go that far...

"Once upon a time, there was a happy family of three persons. A cheerfull and sympathetic mother, a wise and intelligent father and me, their only son. The family lived in a pristine villa near the outskirts of Washington DC, where happiness literally shone on them. They seemed to have everything their heart desired... or did they?"

I stopped thinking... the memory was too pain full... but I knew I had to go on, I had to remember, it could save my life... but I knew it would mentally break me. I swallowed and accepted my fate. I continued digging through my memory...

"Worried that something bad would happen to their only son, the cheerfull mother and wise father protected their son against all harm. He wasn't allowed to play outside, to do things what other kids of his age were allowed to do. He was brought up in that beatifull, pristine villa, away from any contact with other children. The villa had become his prison."

"No... I can't face it" I stammered to the ceiling, as if it had forced me to remember. "No, you have to" I said in a more calmer voice. "I si-si-simply wish I could turn back t-time." "You can't", I said in my calm voice. "Al-al-alright, I-I'll do it, G-Goddammit!" I stammered again. I turned away from the ceiling and face the cold, black walls of my cell intead. Remember... always remember...

"Finally at the age of six, the boy made his first contact with children. Because he never had contact with them before, the boy had troubles with conversing with them. Though of amable and kind nature, the boy wasn't accepted  by his classmates. Cute as children are, the cruel they can be. An inevitable period of bullying began."

"Pissant children, I HATE YOU ALL!!!" I yelled at the wall. I turned again to face the ceiling and continued, wishing I could trun back time

"Despite the harsh and incessant bullying, the boy refused to tell his parents of the mental pain he had to endure. At home he was the opposite of his school-self: At home he was Sympathetic, kind, maaybe a bit cocky and very playful. At school he was dark, gloomy, timid, frightened. No one noticed the pain he had to endure. No one noticed the two lives he began to live."

"AAARG! NO IT'S UNBEARABLE!! STOP!" I started to cry... the past was painfull, but it wasn't going to beat me! I wished I could turn back time...

"Then the two me's were created. My calm, easy-going self at home, and my angry, frustrated self at school. It didn't take long till the boy, who had now become a teenager, couldn't separate them. The two selfs mixed, he became erratic, unstable. His parents finally noticed what was going on and let a doctor examine him. Apart from the multiple bruises he'd gottenhimself in his constant rows and fights, he discovered the first symptoms of his desease... my desease."

"Oh, God, NO let is stop please let it stop" I felt like I was going to drown, though I was in a cold and unhospitable room without any form of water in it. I wished I could turn back time, but my mind mercilessly continued...

"At the age of 15 he got finally diagnosed with Shizophrenia. When his bullies and classmates heard from it, they felt sorry for me. They almost immedeately stopped bullying me, and started to help me instead. Despite of this chance of attittude, deep inside the boy, a deep hatred still burned. However, he took the opportunity of his classmates' openess to become friends with them. He bought his own computer, installed things like Hamachi, MSN and Yahoo, and began to talk with them, play on-line games with them, and everything like that. Slowly, he became addicted to it and didn't show interest in anything else, which cause his grades to suffer immensively, while he became more popular and popular. His parents couldn't accept that their son, the son they cared for for sixteen years, was turning into a computer slave. In addition, a tension began to arrise between the two adults. They blamed eachother for their son't shizophrenia, whi blemished their relationship beyond restoration."


End of Part one.
TO BE CONTINUED...
____________
Coincidence? I think not!!!!

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GenieLord
GenieLord


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Geny is Kapara
posted August 22, 2008 05:49 AM

Wow, so much for me to read.

Quote:
No, it's supposed to be like that.

I meant to the last four paragraphs.
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Zamfir
Zamfir


Promising
Supreme Hero
posted August 22, 2008 06:20 AM
Edited by zamfir at 15:15, 24 Aug 2008.

NOTE: This is not sad story, but it's interesting and exciting. The subject: Mrs. James, with some litle help from Alcoholic Anonymous, tries to save her 'alcoholic' husband, Mr. James, but really messes up things.                      




                          Alcoholic Idyll

    No matter what you would say, Mr. James couldn't be considered alcoholic for the two beers he drank daily.
    He was a familist aware of his responsibilities. His only weakness, or, better said, his great tragedy, were the two little beers consumed each day.
    And when I say tragedy I don't exaggerate, because you will see latter what happened to him.
    One day, Mrs. James found a booklet of the Alcoholics Anonymous, the merciless association who fights in vane against alcoholism. I say 'in vane' because, each time when they convert a drinker, ten another drinkers raise from nowhere and begin the fight against the association.
    But the league continues. It organizes symposiumses about the damaging influence of the alcohol. Meanwhile the public drinks beer, and only the poor speaker has a humble glass of mineral water.
    Yes, Alcoholics Anonymous is the one who shouts loudly that everyone who drinks only one beer daily can be classified an alcoholic, a man who's mind slowly darkens, and that there is enough for a man to drink only a single mug per day, to become idiot in only a year. Furthermore, in the booklet it is described with many details the stroy of an alcoholic functionary who's only mistake was that he drinked his daily beer. Drinking a beer day after day, his brain darkened and darkened, and he lost completely his sense of duty. So it happens that, because of an neurastheny, he couldn't perform the extra chores, thus losing those honorariums wich completed his rather modest wage for such a numerous family. and so, in a once so armonious family life mizery appeared. despite this, he continued to drink his curesd daily beer, not minding that his wife and his children starved. To be able to drink the beer at leisure, the man took some money from his working place, eventually stoling an important sum of dollars. for this deeds, he was fired and imprisoned. After the functionary was released, he found his family near collapse. He took an axe and he put a stop to their life, thus thoroughly finishing his horrible deed, a result of alcoholism.
    Reading all this, Mrs. James started to cry, because, considerin what was written in the booklet, her husband was a total alcoholist. In another article, published in the same booklet, she read that the stupidness doesn't always occures instantely. Sometimes, the procces is slower and can be seen on the unhappy victims of the alcoholism only through a steady observation.
    So it happened that in that day, when her husband returned from work, Mrs. James started to watch his manifestations, in order to see if Mr. James really becomes dumb. She shaked with horror in the moment when Mr. James, looking at the girl's new cretonne blouse, said with indifference: "Aha, this is from cotton!". Mrs. James instantly remembered other details about her husband's way expressed his feelings, , details that were once unimportant for her. For example, she remembered that, an year ago, her husband stated that dried tongue can be cooked with Pole sauce, using sour youghurt. Mrs. James also recalled that, each time she tries to inform her husband about the news fashion brings, the poor alcoholic only says:
"Well, if it brings, let it bring! I hope it will bring a pizza."
    The woman's tender heart thrilled as Mrs. James remembered these details and, watching with attention at her husband, she searched on his face for the signs of stupidity, or at least the signs of that silly smile, a smile that defines a stupid man.
    Mr. James smiled indeed, like a man who had a good dinner. But this smile was a true torture for her. Yes, there is no doubt that Mr. James becomes an idiot.
    The next three days were tormenting: the poor wife found that the husband had the same smile when he dranked the first beer, at lunch, and the second and the last one at dinner.
    If somebody is alcoholic and becomes an idiot with only one beer per day, what will happen with Mr. James, who drinks two?! Two beers per day! He was a totally addicted to alcohol!
    Mrs. James was walking flurried, searching a way to save her husband and her family life from disaster.
    Good thing that she had the newspapper. She read in the fourth day the following advertisement:
    "The specter of alcoholism is reaching your wedlock with it's claw! If you don't do something while there is still hope left, your husband will become an assassin, an incendiary or a burglar. How will you stop him from killing his wife and children in a moment of crazyness? Address with confidence to the "Euclidus" chemist`s shop from Tweedletown, wich offers you, against the low price of 12 , one bottle of anti-alcoholic brandy. From this bottle, pour 40 drops in your's husband's favourite liqueur . We guarantee healing  in four months. NOTE: The drops are contra-indicated in beer."
    Mrs. James send 12 and received the bottle with the miraculous remedy a few days after. In the same day, during lunch, she asked her husband what liqueur he preffers. We must say that, in this respect, Mr. James was a teetotal. Obviously, his said that he doesn't even want to hear about such a beverage. Because until then, Mr. James never tasted liqueur and, while speaking, he was looking so astonished at his wife, that the poor woman realized that her husband become a true idiot and verry hardly he can be cured.
    - Ei, wouldn't you dring a galss of cherry liqueur? I don't think it can make you any harm. You know, I bought you a phial of good cherry liqueur, to drink a little after each dinner. It can't harm you, instead, you'll notice how good it is! It will make you eat and work better.
    And she went to the kitchen, where, with tear in her eyes, she filled up a glass with cherry liqueur, in wich she poured 30 drops from the miraculous brandy that calms the alcoholic fury. Afterwards, she wipped her eyes and gave her husband the liqueur. He, after he drained the glass, asked immediately another one. The treatment was radical. Mr. James drinked after lunch ten glasses, and after supper, a score. The next day, after lunch, twenty, and afetr supper thirty. The third day, walking towards office, he made a little stop at the pub.
    It is indeed verry distressing  to see what one-two beers per day can do to a man. In such cases, as you can see, not even "Euclidus" chemist`s shop from Tweedletown's brandy can cure the alcoholic fury. In this respect, a sad evidence gives our verry Mr. James, who, at the end of the three month treatment, asperssed his wife and children with gas, he set them on fire and he burned with them, everybody turning in ashes.




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JoonasTo
JoonasTo


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
posted August 22, 2008 07:22 AM

I'm working on a story but you'll have to wait for it to finish.

No half done works for you. No, no.
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carcity
carcity


Supreme Hero
Blind Sage
posted August 22, 2008 10:47 AM

I woke up tired in the morning. My head had tortured me another night. I had to work 15 hours a day to get enough money to buy food and pay for my daughters brain surgery. I worked at a Car wash. It wasn't that god payed but it was the only job I could get without needing an education. I ad quit school before going to the university because of my girlfriend back then got pregnant and I had to start working in order to pay for her and my living.

When I got to work today it started out as a normal day until at 3 a clock when a big and fancy limo drove into the car wash. He saw that everyone was away on lunch break. Everyone but me. I had to stay and clean up the ca wash. The man in he limo said that he would give me a thousand dollars if I cleaned and repainted his car in half an hour. I completed the work in 20 minutes and then for the remaining 10 I used a special drying machine to make the paint dry. He gave me my money as promised and made me swear not to tell anyone. I took the money and thanked him.

When the day was over I got home as soon as I could, Happy that my daughter finally could get a Good doctor. I fealt that our problems finally was over. When I told the family about the news they became really happy. The same day we went to the hospital. When the doctor had operated my doctor they came out with some bad news.
- She is missing a part of the brain. A part that is nesecary for a human to have in order to live.
We all were chocked. After some minutes of silence I aksed:
- Isn't there a way to fix that doctor?
- I'm sorry but there is no way, Said the doctor. Unless...
- Unless what?
- Unless we operate in that part of the brain from another person.
- How long will that take doctor?
- If we find a human, a criminal or something, That we can take that part of the brain from we should be able to fix it in half an hour from the start of the operation.
- And do you know a person that we can take that part of the brain from doctor?
- I will check.

And the doctor checked trou all the files they had. But he could still not find any person they could sacrifice. We waited for weeks on the waiting list. Eventually the condition of my daughter became critical. And I could'nt watch my daughter suffer. So one day we wnet to the Hospital and I said to the doctor:
- I will do it. I will take the operation.
- WHAT! my family shouted.
- I will take the operation! I will save my daughters life.
- Are you sure about this? my wife asked.
- Yes I am. I have never been so sure since I married you.
- But you will die!
- I know. But rather me than my daughter.
After many arguments I finally made the operation. My daughter lived on her life without remembering a thing about before the operation. I survived to. But I got seriously handicapped. All I could move was my mouth and my eyes. And finally on the day my daughter became 12 years old I told her. I told her that she was the most mportant thing in my life. I told her that in order to save her life I was ready to sacrifice my life. But I survived. And from that day on she understood. She understood why I was sitting in my wheelchair. Why all I could do was moving my mouth and see and hear. And she understood why she had no memories from before her 7th birthday. She thanked me and gave me a big hug. Eventually she lived her life and grew up. But she never forgot me. She started working at a hospital and became a good doctor. And she got a family.


There GL a small story about mental injury. hope you like it
____________
Why can't you save anybody?

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Lexxan
Lexxan


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
posted August 22, 2008 12:22 PM
Edited by Lexxan at 12:23, 22 Aug 2008.

I wish I could turn back time

My mind raced and kept repeating that blasted phrase time after time.

"The relations in the family were damage, but it was during this time that the boy was the happiest. His two personalities had shifted. He was his good self at school, while he was his evil self at home. He also made sure that he caught up with his fellow teenagers by almost contstantly SMS'ing, MSN'ing, calling and meeting his new friends. Their presnence made sure he could lock up his evil self... till he would get angry. Indeed, when he experienced a powerfull emotion, the boy had trouble with controlling his personalities."

"Tom" my lips soundlessly said "If I only could turn back time."...

"The boy had fallen in love with someone of his class. Not only was TOm very attractive and mature ofr his age, he was also very bright and social. He was one of the first who accpeted the boy as he was. During these years, the boy had had hidden feelings for Tom. His good side simply accepted the fact he was gay, while his evil side constantly denied it. His parents sometimes heard much of the conversations between me one and me two, and argued what about they were. The relationship between the parents was finally broken. The Father started to drink, and ceased to eat properly, causing him to loose weight at an alarming rate. the Mother however, became depressed and constantly ate in search of confort. "

I sobbed "Mo-o-o-other, Fa-a-ather.. I-"
-"Shut up fool, it's all your fault"
"Now it's not, YOU did it"
-"Me? I don't give a damn about them, why should I?"
"You made me do it, only destroy me. I hate you... I HATE YOOOOUU!!!!" I yelled at the ceiling.
I turned again towards the wall.

"The house had become a ticking timebomb. The Father drinking and littering the place, the mother eating and sobbingly trying to clean up the father's mess, the son staring at a screen for hours, fighting his inners-self. Two years after the diagnosis, the boy, who had now become a man, decided to out himself to his beloved Tom. He knew Tom always had been fascinated by American Football, so he bought a precious golden minuature statue of an American Football player he didn't know the name of. The statue was about Thirty centimetres high and could easly be held on one hand. I started marching to Tom house, when he suddenly..."

"WUAAAAH, NO, STOP I CANNOT! I can't. I wish it were over, I wish I could turn back time." I moaned. Yet the memory mercilessly came...

"...when he suddenly came across Tom, Tom who was kissing a beatiful young woman around 20 in an alleyway. An Immense rage filled the man, ste statue he held in his hand, was now clenched in his fist. He stormed towards the woman and hit he with the statue over the head. Once. Twice. Thrice. He had lost count. He hit untill she stopped moving and beyond. Hit. Battered. Bludgeoned."

No same came out of my mouth his time. It was if I breathed out my vocal chords. Turn back time I thought, sweating like a
Warthog.

"He wheeled around, towards Tom, who was sitting near the wall, his eyes wide, a mixed expression of fear and incredibility on his face. Still furious the amn held the statue high above his head, ready to strike, while he looked in Tom's eyes. His beatifull bright eyes. At the same time the man felt a drop falling in his neck. He quickly felt it and saw it was blood. He suddenly realised his right arm was soaked in the woman's blood. Shocked by this and by the look in Tom's eyes, he dropped the blood-soaked statue and ran for it... He ran like he never ran before, the terrified face of Tom hovering in front of him. He came home via the kitchen. His mother was seated in the kitchen watching some dumb Oprah show while eathing what appeared to be Chips. When she saw me covered in blood she looked terrified, as terrified as Tom did. This mentally broke the man."

"M-Mother" I stammered "MOTHER I yelled at the wall. I turned towards the ceiling again, as I would've liked to turn back the time.

"He broke. He told her everything, about the bullying, the gayness, his troubles inside him, his mother nodding and hugging him, like she'd done so many years ago, when ha was just a little boy. He wished his father didn't hear anything about it, as the father was a real conservative man. Too late. While he was confessing everything to his mother, his father  waggled the kitchen. Seeing his son and his wife covered in blood, he demanded an explanation. He'd been drinking again. the mother explained him everything, but the father became more and more angry with every word the mother said. He charged his son and clutched his hands around his son's throat. The man managed to save himself by kicking his father in the crutch, which drove the father berserk. He took a knife and chased his son around the kitchen. He managed to drive him in a corner and prepared to strike. Suddenly the mother jumped between her husband and her son, while the knife impaled her heart. She didn't feel a thing."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!" I WANT TO TURN BACK TIME? I WANT TO TURN BACK TI-I-IME!!!

"The mans saw that the last person who'd understand him was dead and in vinditive fury too the knife out of his mother's chest. Now the father had to run. The man chased his father throughout the house, till his father got trapped on the balcony. The man threw the knife an his father, the knife it the father in his chest. Though not mortally wounded, the father lost his balance and tumbled over the balcony's edge. He was dead"

I sat up right. I was too tired to speak, to flabbergasted to do anything but staring in front of me. I even could hear the annoying wvoice saying "You did it all, you killed three people. I told you you were a down-rotten, evil, dirty, rotten coward".

The next moring the guards brought me to the phsychiatrist, for whom I relived my life. I told him everything, but when we reached the death of my father, the annoying voice spoke through my mounth again: "See? You did it all, you killed three people. I told you you were a down-rotten, evil, dirty, rotten coward".I knew what I had to do, what I had to do to destry the evil in me, to forget, to give peace, to be happy. I yelled to the invisible voice: "NO YOU BASTARD, I AM NOT!". I assaulyted the psychiatrist, as if he were the annoying voice I heard the guard behind me yell "Freeze!". Like In slowmotion, I wheeled around smiling with insane happyness, not feeling the bulletholes in my chest. I fell on the floor, bled like an ox, it mattered nothing. I had found happyness, eternal happyness, after twenty years...

I had won...
____________
Coincidence? I think not!!!!

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GenieLord
GenieLord


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Geny is Kapara
posted August 22, 2008 09:22 PM

I'm printing your stories, to read them before I go to sleep.
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TitaniumAlloy
TitaniumAlloy


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Professional
posted August 22, 2008 09:23 PM

Maybe you should print them anonymously like school teachers marking exam papers
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John says to live above hell.

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GenieLord
GenieLord


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Geny is Kapara
posted August 22, 2008 11:00 PM
Edited by GenieLord at 23:32, 22 Aug 2008.

I've finished reading 5 of all the stories you've posted. Three are nice, but need a lot of improvement, two are great, and one is perfect. I don't want to stop reading. You are really talented, guys.
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Mytical
Mytical

Hero of Order
Chaos seeking Harmony
posted August 23, 2008 12:37 AM

    The hall grew silent when they saw her.  She stumbled in with a wild look in her eyes, and covered in blood.  A kitchen knife was gripped in her hand as if it was a life line.  Slowly she walked forward, and nobody could look her in the eye.
     A brave soul got up and started to approach her.  "Mirim, what have you done Mirim?" his voice was more high pitched then normal.  Everybody knew what she had done.  She had been warning she would do it for years now.  Nobody believed she would, but here she was, and it was obvious she had.
     Mirim looked at him with a blank look.  A look the spoke volumes, even if her words were hard to hear.  "Never again.  For six years I begged for help.  I told everybody what a monster he was.  Pleaded for somebody to make it stop.  Never again." she walked right up to the chief of police.  "Well, arrest me.  I killed him tonight."
      The chief looked away and lowered his head.  "Why, for gods sake why.  He was your husband Mirim.  He loved you and your children." He knew he would have to put her away for murder, and then what would happen to the children?
      Mirim laughed, a hollow mournful laugh, the laugh of a madwoman.  "That, my dear chief, is exactly why.  He did love the children, a little TOO much.  The touching I convinced myself I could overlook, but not after what he did.  Never after what he did.  He hurt Suzy, he took it too far.  He was not a man, he was a monster."
      "Mirim, Suzy has been dead for years.  She died in a car accident.  Your husband had nothing to do with that." half whispered her brother.  He knew that Mirim had snapped, that the years of physical and mental abuse that her husband had put her through had finally taken it's toll.
      Mirim cackled.  "No, I seen her..tonight.  He was..trying to force himself on her.  He had to be stopped.  I had to kill him." she turned around to the back of the room.  "Come on Suzy, come and tell them."
      Everybody in the place jumped when a young girl stepped out of the shadow.  She did look alot like Suzy, and somebody in Mirim's state of mind could have easily mistaken her for Suzy.  She wasn't Suzy, though.  "I am not Suzy Mirim, but she's right.  He tried to force himself on me.  She saved me."
      "Shhh Suzy, it's alright.  He won't ever hurt you again." soothed Mirim.  Her mind refused to acknowledge that this girl was not Suzy.  Everything was as it should be.  Her daughter was back, and that monster had paid for his sins.  Jail was a small price to pay for that.  "Now arrest me.  I killed him."
       Nobody came forward, nobody wanted to arrest her.  In the middle of a police man's ball, covered in blood, and nobody would arrest her.  Because they knew they were partially to blame.  Her husband had been one of their own.  She had told them, many times, but they didn't want to listen.  Jake couldn't be a pedofile, or an abuser.  He just couldn't be.
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Message received.

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carcity
carcity


Supreme Hero
Blind Sage
posted August 23, 2008 05:31 AM

What did you think of mine GL?

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william
william


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
posted August 23, 2008 05:31 AM

Lol, he is going to tell you what he thinks of all of yours when everyone has posted their stories.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~

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GenieLord
GenieLord


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Geny is Kapara
posted August 23, 2008 06:22 AM

Quote:
Lol, he is going to tell you what he thinks of all of yours when everyone has posted their stories.

Exactly.

While reading the printed stories, I wrote remarks on the sides of the pages. Those remarks will be consolidated into feedback for each one of you. I'll post them all, and will announce the winner and award medals. Basically, we are waiting for Daystar to post his entry, but anyone else can add his entry.

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