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| Thread: Fear and Loathing (RPG) | |
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friendofgunnar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
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posted January 13, 2009 11:47 AM |
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Fear and Loathing (RPG)
OOC
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It was all so clear to me, it was the 70's and we had entered the promised land. This was the generation of love. All humankind had struggled through thousands of years of war and famine and suffering for this moment in time. When food was plentiful, and love was free, and all men could look at each other and realize that we were brothers.
And then there was Nixon. The lying, thieving satan, feeding the war mill so his war profiteer cronies could keep making payments at their country clubs. It was the end times man. There was two choices, the dark and the light.
We were camping with some other riders in the wilderness when it happened. It had just gotten dark and Carmen, this chick I'd met at Deep Purple concert a few months ago, was trying to get me to use her home-made tarot cards.
"What's wrong with your arms?" she asked suddenly.
I looked down and gasped. My veins were black. Hideous black lines up and down my forearms. I wasn't a shooter, what the **** had happened to me?
I looked closer, they were like little roads I thought, weaving and merging.
No
Nothing was wrong.
This was a map. A message from God. It was all laid out right there on my arms. A map to find Nixons ranch. Blood rushed into my head as I realized I was the appointed messenger of the apocalypse.
I crawled out of the tent and got onto my low-rider.
"Where are you going?" Carmen shouted as I pumped the ignition.
"I'm going to kill the anti-christ"
"That Nixon **** again? No, you're going to kill the president and they're going to stop you and put you in a hole for the rest of your life."
"Only a thousand years baby, get on."
"**** that" she said, "your ****ing wisdom pills have pushed you off the branch."
My wisdom pills, I'd need them for the final battle. Where did I...that's right, they were in the spare gas can.
She went back in the tent.
"Come on baby," I shouted at her,"one third of the sea is going to turn to blood."
She came out and threw something at me.
"If you wanna kill the anti-christ you'll need your ****ing pants."
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baklava
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Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted January 13, 2009 01:57 PM |
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Edited by baklava at 09:35, 14 Jan 2009.
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It seemed like it was morning. Or somewhere around noon.
It all depends on your point of view, I suppose. Sometimes, it can be both.
I woke up on the meanest, sharpest mother****ing cactus that has ever lived on planet Earth. I felt like a thousand angry Lilliputians stabbed me with their spears, in an attempt to slay the vicious beast that decided to pass out in the middle of their civilization.
Me.
I didn't remember how I got there. There was this small town stuck somewhere in my memory, and some mean looking folks over there. Who were they? Dealers? Mafia? Terrorists? Aliens?
I noticed a large bag beside me. Reaching my hand into it, I felt dozens of bottles of pills, small, plastic bags of something white and salty, and God knows what else. It probably contained everything from LSD to an Egyptian pyramid or two. While I was bending over, a loaded pistol fell out from my pants.
The puzzle came together in my head.
I just stole a ****load of drugs from the aliens.
I probably decided to make a run for it across the desert. And I dumped the car some time ago. The plan was probably to run across the desert afterward.
And so I passed out on a cactus.
It seemed like a good idea at the time. But now, I was baking in the middle of a desert, with several dozens of Lilliputian missiles stuck all over my back and ass, and aliens were after me.
There was only one way out of this situation.
Hitchhiking.
I stood up, put the gun back in my jeans (realizing with horror that I'm wearing leather underpants beneath them), reached into the bag, took a pill (can't remember which one), put the bag over my shoulder and stood by the road with my thumb in the air.
I saw the sound of a motor approaching from the distance (yes, I saw it. It was kind of purple-ish).
My adventures were about to begin.
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friendofgunnar
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Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
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posted January 14, 2009 08:41 AM |
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So it wasn't but a coupla hours before I saw this dude by the side of the road, all sunburned and wearing shredded clothes.
"What's wrong with you?" I said pulling over. "Man it looks like you've been schlepping with catwoman....ReoooaAWWRR hahaha, " I said with hand-claws for added effect.
"Lemme take a closer look at that." I turned him around so I could look at his back. "These markings...
What does this mean? What does this mean?..."
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baklava
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posted January 14, 2009 09:47 AM |
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I had no idea what to do. This strange man pulled over and started letting out inarticulate cat sounds.
Or were they cougar roars?
And then he spread his claws and started waving them at me. I felt there and then that I was doomed, destined to get devoured by a wild desert bike-riding cougar man.
But that never happened. Instead, the beast turned me around in my confusion, and started mumbling behind my back. Scheming.
My brain wheels started rolling eccentrically. I hit this monster with my elbow right in its human meat-filled belly, turned around and pulled out my gun.
"Hold it right there catmandude!" I yelled frantically.
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friendofgunnar
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able to speed up time
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posted January 15, 2009 06:38 AM |
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"This," *grabbing pistol* "Is exactly what we need. C'mon, get in. There's water in the spare gas tank if you need some."
*hands the gun back and gets on the low-rider*
"Those markings on your back, I've seen them before, when...*engine roar*
that girl who had hooves instead of feet *engine roar*
there was an entire village of twins...
*more engine roaring*
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Celfious
Promising
Legendary Hero
From earth
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posted January 17, 2009 02:33 AM |
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"What am.. or was I supposed to do?"
I pressed up one to many times and now everythings.. stuck.. I cut the line suspending me in this amidst all things. Las vegas.. Lost vega's.. It must be.. Incredible!!!
Their talking jibberish over there.. WAIT.. I was alone now I'm sitting in a diner.. How did I get here? Whats next
____________
What are you up to
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baklava
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Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted January 18, 2009 01:23 PM |
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It turned out that this man wasn't a desert beast after all. He was a ninja.
After disarming me with a single lightning-fast and complicated move which made it seem as if Bruce Lee himself was standing before me, this man decided to spare me and offer me some of his drinking water.
Ninja drinking water.
I drank what seemed like a few gallons and felt all new. Then I remembered the man had told me something about some markings on my back.
Alas, I couldn't see them. I tried and found out that my spine does not approve of that action.
Ah well, I thought, climbing on the back of the bike. At least I don't have a twin with hooves on her feet like that village.
The ninja also returned me my gun, which I put back in my pants for good measure.
"So where are we headed?"
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friendofgunnar
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Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
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posted January 20, 2009 10:47 AM |
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I started the engine and pulled back onto the highway.
"Would you recognize the end of the world if you saw it?"
I pointed to the spot on my arm, the throne of the anti-christ.
"This is where we're going. Straight into the maws of he-yELL"
Then I told him about the time when I was 7 years old and had been hiking in Suckee's canyon and a portion of the trail had suddenly slid out under my feet and me and my friend and his pet goat went sliding down into the ravine but I felt an invisible hand lift me up and gently drop me into the branches of a juniper tree and it hurt like a mother****** but afterwards I was alright but my friend and his goat had died and right there and then I knew that God had a plan for me and now it was TIME.
"But first we need supplies."
I pulled into the parking lot of an all-night cafe, grabbed an extra fuel can, and headed inside. I found a leathery woman carrying a coffee pot.
"Miss Waitress, I need seven shakes, and seven large fries, and seven bacon cheeseburgers with extra mayo."
"Why don't you guys have a seat and I'll be right with you."
"Seven, seven, seven, because it shall be written on sheets of gold. I would like to order that as quickly as my stomach will make it all possible."
I felt myself laughing because in my sentence my stomach was all-powerful to make things happen like that.
"Got it, seven seven seven, why don't you sit over there and I'll be right over."
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