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Thread: A ridiculous short story- feedback | |
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lucky_dwarf
Promising
Supreme Hero
Visiting
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posted January 29, 2010 06:37 PM |
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A ridiculous short story- feedback
“Hit them with the explosive badgers!” said, Johnathan captain of The Miranda as he strutted .
“Yes sir!” yelled gunner Hill who rushed down the wooden stairs to search through the caged ammunition for the badgers, which were supposed to be sitting near the gunpowder.
Above deck the crew were scrambling to keep the ship afloat. Some were repairing cracks from the enemy hedgehogs, others were feverishly sowing the sail with the aid of mice, the rest were manning the 6 cannons of The Miranda. The swoosh and creak of the enemy ship could be heard as its daring captain had flown it 30 feet directly above them. There was a pink face that stuck his tongue out at captain Jonathan, The red feather, napoleon hat indicated he was the rank of captain.
“Sir!” gunner Hill gasped as he held the staircase leading to the bottom of the ship for support.
“The hook worms have gone and eaten our badgers!”
“AGAIN? RICHLARD!!!” said Johnathan, calling one of the pen keepers to his side. A fat lad, with ginger hair came trotting toward John.
“Y-y-yes?” said Richlard who was sweating behind the ears.
“You've left the hookworm cage unlocked and all our badgers are gone, and for your stupidity I am afraid I have no choice but to end your service.” said Johnathan who pulled from his side belt a pistol, which when fired released a metal tipped almond.
Richlard grabbed at his lairs of fat and to find the bleeding. He looked at the sharp puncture mark bullet had left.
“I never liked this ship anyway...” said Richlard who fell down on his fat belly and sat there, unmoving.
“No matter, PULL UP THE SAILS AND PREPARE THE WHISKS, WERE DROPING SEASIDE!!!” Said John who started to walk to the beak of the ship as the gunners abandoned their weapons and pulled down sail.
He leaned on the wooden rails and watched the other ship approach to board, it was on a head on collision course, but Johnathan knew that they would pull up right next to them at the last moment.
Gunner Hill came next to Johnathan and asked “But the clouds will surely eat us if we drop down sea side!”((By eat us he means that the clouds will absorb the fairy dust that is keeping the ship floating, and the fairy dust could not be reapplied while still in the thick layers of clouds.))
“They wont,” said Johnathan as the cawing of a rooster could be heard in the distance. He reached in his arm hand-bag and pulled out a bolt of white, writhing, lightning. As he did so, there was a collective gasp from the clouds surrounding them, the only sound you ever hear out of a cloud.
Johnathan's storm grey glove was built for such punishment. A glove made from the outer layer of a storm cloud could hold lightning as if it were nothing more than a metal pole.
John stepped back and hurled the lightning bolt like a javelin. It struck the clucking rooster ornament on top of the enemies vessel with such force that the whole rooster turned black and crumbled into ash, letting out a last CACAW! The brass duck atop the Miranda started to cackle with glee as he saw the rooster being pulverized.
The clouds now scrambled for the electrons that had just discharged into the air. They're hulking masses moving inch by inch, struggling against the cruel wind that toyed with them, its soft chuckle swirling in the air.
“KEEP DROPPING, THOSE CLOUDS WILL ONLY HOLD THEM FOR A FEW MINUTES AT BEST!” yelled Johnathan as he now walked to the wheel to relieve the first mate.
((Fairy dust is an essential part of ship maintenance, when a ship goes through a cloud it absorbs the fairy dust, not because it does anything for them like discharged electrons do, but because they just do. When a ship lacks fairy dust, it will plummet. Normally several crewmen will carry a small pouch around they're necks, this assures that a ship will not fall to the point where you cannot reapply the dust.))
I was thinking of making this an Rp, would you join if it were?
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So much has changed in my absence.
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Sir_Dragon
Known Hero
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posted January 29, 2010 06:55 PM |
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Question. Are you sailing on the sea or flying in the air? Can't seem to understand where exactly the ship is.
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lucky_dwarf
Promising
Supreme Hero
Visiting
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posted January 29, 2010 07:42 PM |
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The air.
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So much has changed in my absence.
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted January 29, 2010 07:46 PM |
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The premise is funny. It has this absurd feel, but, honestly I wouldn't play if this were and RP. I'd rather keep it more serious, you see?
Though, yeah, sky pirates rule.
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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