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Heroes Community > Tavern of the Rising Sun > Thread: Xerox's Book Thread
Thread: Xerox's Book Thread This thread is 4 pages long: 1 2 3 4 · «PREV
DagothGares
DagothGares


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
posted March 13, 2011 07:38 PM
Edited by DagothGares at 19:41, 13 Mar 2011.


I'll start with saying:
Not my type of fiction, anyway. Don't really like the scheme of:

"THESE ARE MY CHARACTERS. THEY ARE MANY. I WILL INTRODUCE AT LEAST TEN OF THEM IN THE FIRST CHAPTER. THEY WEAR THESE CLOTHES, HAVE THIS NAME AND SOUND LIKE THIS. THIS WILL BE THEIR DISTINGUISHING FEATURES. NOW I WILL TALK ABOUT COMPLICATED POLITICS FOR WHICH YOU HAVE NO REASON TO CARE ABOUT.

*Insert long-winded environmental descriptions here*"

, but that's just because I really like character-driven stories.

Though, I admit your style isn't too bad (mine is pretty awful, so I can't comment too much on that), you have a good eye for detail. Your world building has a certain feel of "seen it all before."

Also, the whole starting affair with the guards sounds kind of forced and very unlike how mature people behave and doesn't seem to serve any purpose, unless you mean to say that the dude who was about to blow people up is just a very tense, aggressive dude.
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xerox
xerox


Promising
Undefeatable Hero
posted March 13, 2011 09:56 PM
Edited by xerox at 00:00, 14 Mar 2011.

Well, as you may or have not missed, I said that this was an UNFINISHED, UNEDITED, SCRAPPED prologue chapter.

The real prologue chapter is completly different.
The "new" prologue is set when the "villian" race (hate to call them that, none of the races in the book are truly evil) called the Nordyr attack a remote human village, on the border to the Nordyr's land which is called Daeroden yn Gardos in aevloninan, which is the human's language which I have created and means The Northern Grounds.
That chapter is centered around one main character, one minor guy who dies in it and a major villian character (its mainly foreshadowing).

But if you're curious, the reason I made the thing with the guards is that I wanted to show that the Wood elves and Snow elves are very different culturally etc and do not really like each other, except Zelinde who I think I explain in the chapter, works as a diplomat and has lived there for quite some time.

I am working on the true first chapters ("new" prologue is pretty much finished) right now and so I will probably release the backstory I have for the human's capital city, Aebron.
For some reason, I always make background texts in english from the start as I think english sounds much better in a fantasy setting than swedish (*cough* trollstav *cough*).
I always make some background text before I write the actual chapter, and as you can imagen the first chapter is set in Aebron city and it is where one of the main characters are introduced. I would say that there are 3 main characters in the book but several side-characters who are also very important but not featured as much.


edit: once upon a time, Xerox decided to make a cool computerized map of his fantasy world
well, I lost interest quite fast, but you can atleast see the shape of it


____________
Over himself, over his own
body and
mind, the individual is
sovereign.
- John Stuart Mill

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Adrius
Adrius


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
posted March 14, 2011 12:01 AM

What was that Bak said about maps and generic fantasy?
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xerox
xerox


Promising
Undefeatable Hero
posted March 14, 2011 12:24 AM

What? That like 99% of all fantasy maps face the sea to the west?
Well, there's an eastern side too but I did not include it because it does not appear in this story. ;P Plus there's a central part of the map but that map was made in like Paint. xD

I guess that's true though.

The map probably faces westwards because i'm from Europe (I have not read through a single LOTR book, just the first half of the Fellowship book).

Actually, when I think about the original idea which I had when I was like 9 or 10 years old, was that the entire world would be some kind of twisted around, upsidedown version of Europe.
Lol, there are even remenants of that on that map The peninsula in the northwest in the map, was originally Sweden I think. xDD Lol, originally I had also ripped off HoMM and demons had their realm there (now there aren't any traditional red fiery demons in the story).
____________
Over himself, over his own
body and
mind, the individual is
sovereign.
- John Stuart Mill

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MacMasterMC
MacMasterMC


Known Hero
Resurrected Loreweaver
posted May 10, 2011 08:23 PM

Here is a suggestion Xerox, I noticed you were wanting names. I have a strange, but very effective way to cull them.

Work a drive thru fast food job near a college/university.
Why you may ask?

Here is why. I wrote down hundreds of names of people that I thought were interesting, different, or unique.

These are not the Tiffanys and Ambers.

Often they are foreign names.
It helps if it is in a slightly poorer area, strangely enough you get some interesting spellings or sounds of names from normally spelled or slightly altered common names, respectively, as well.

Keep a running list, and it will grow to a large size, giving you a great pool of names for when you just hit that mental block.

This is perfectly legal, as nothing stops anyone from naming their child or anything else the same name as another. And you will never run out of names again.

Perhaps this seems a bit of a stretch, but it works!
Hope this helps you with the name challenge.

Note-this can work at any job, but something like fast food near a college allows you to get as wide a net as you can for a variety of names. Whether we like it or not, almost everyone who has/is/will be going to college has eaten fast food at some point, so your sample will be staggering if you do it diligently.

Of course, don't let the managers know, because sadly too often, fast food managers are the kind who don't go far, and will be rather punitive.
____________
...a shimmer in the woods, with
an expectant feel to the air...
...a figure takes shape...

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Adrius
Adrius


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
posted May 10, 2011 08:51 PM

Xerox almost gets a nervous breakdown when he orders pizza, and you want him to work at a drivethrough?
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MacMasterMC
MacMasterMC


Known Hero
Resurrected Loreweaver
posted May 10, 2011 09:03 PM

Well, then you should be his beard! You help him with it, compile the list for him.

But no, I was not aware of his shyness, I am still quite new here, not sure I have even been here a week, though perhaps some might think otherwise. Was just offering a suggestion that helped me generate name lists and ideas for names that I used for the book that I have on hiatus for now...
____________
...a shimmer in the woods, with
an expectant feel to the air...
...a figure takes shape...

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Adrius
Adrius


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
posted May 10, 2011 10:04 PM

Just kidding around man, I'm sure he appreciates your input. If he's recovered from the thought of the foreign delivery boy raping him that is.

Personally I keep a notebook on me in case an idea pops up... you always think you'll remember it but then it just disappears...
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shyranis
shyranis


Promising
Supreme Hero
posted July 21, 2011 04:11 PM

Hey Xerox, keep up the good work with this. =)
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xerox
xerox


Promising
Undefeatable Hero
posted August 04, 2011 02:52 AM
Edited by xerox at 01:18, 06 Sep 2011.

Thanks

So here's a small update of the progress I have made (which practically, is pretty much non-existant but theortically, has made some interesting twists and turns)

I have completly changed the ending of the books and I have decided on a huge twist.

So this is a very basic plan of how the most recent plan for my trilogy looks:

Book 1 - The Northlands/Northern Grounds.
Starts with a prologue where a general named Brand unsuccessfully tries to defend a remote village on the border to the lands of the Nordyr (the main "public" antagonist race).

His late-teenage son Cedrik lives in the capital city of Aebron. His father returns home in defeat and the king Lucifere is going to charge him for the failure.
Lucifere says to Brand that the Nordyrs recent offensive on human villages at the border is unacceptable, and that humanity will strike back. But he needs scouts, and people do not want to volunteer to infilitrate those dark woods. He also needs an emissary to the nordyr in an attempt to talk diplomacy.
So the sentence for Brand's failure will be that his only son Cedrik will travel to the nordyr capital city of Hjamgvard to talk with the nordyr king. On his way, he will also act as a scout.
A promising priestess named Aeyla and a half nordyr-half human criminal will help him with these tasks.
When Brand comes home, he tells Cedrik and wants them to move to the neutral nation Sanciel, but Cedrik says that he wants to fulfill the kings wishes.

The 30 year old king himself is being tortured with recent nightmares about the past, present and future. In one of the nightmares, his eight year old daugther Wera lies dead in the grass.
In real life, Wera and the king's wife Argwyn are on a "vacation" in the region of Dalriek, at their holiday palace.
King Lucifere worries about Argwyn and Wera, and decides to travel to Dalriek.

But it is to late. When Lucifere arrives, the guards report that Wera has been killed though Argwyn wasn't harmed. There are no wounds on Weras body, but Luciferes personal guard of sorceror's conclude that Wera was killed by a blast of elemental energy - it was likely a Nordyr assassin.
Lucifere is angered and wants to invade the Northlands as fast as possible. He orders his guards to cut up his daugther, so that it would look like that the kingdom's heir would have been brutally killed. Back in Aebron, he shows up her daugther on the national square and announces that humanity will rise up to end the "nordyr oppression" once and for all.

In the wood elven realm of Sylvar, a snow elf diplomat and sorceress named Zelinde has arrived. She has been invited to a summit, where the increased tension between humans and nordyr will be discussed.
All the regional lords of Sylvar attend and it is debated if the elves should aid the humans in a conflict against the nordyr.
Half of them say yes, and the other half spearheaded by the sorcerous lord of the independant region Ximazan says no. No decision is made, but Zelinde is ordered by her mentor and one of her people's ruling Arch Magi to investigate the recent events in the human Kingdom.

Back in the Kingdom, Cedrik prepares to leave for the county of Millfield. Millfield is the religious center of the Kingdom where he will meet the priestess Aeyla.
But Aeyla is not there. She and a paladin has been sent on a mission to investigate the activities of a potential necromancers in the western parts of the Kingdom.
Cedrik goes to there and together with the paladin, they uncover the necromancer who is revealed to be one of the local nobles, they kill him and he is left to rot in the swamp.

Aeyla and Cedrik speak with each other, and they return to Millfield and prepare for their next journey. Aeyla explains that she also wants to spread her faith there and cleanse the tainted people living there.
Their next goal is to make it to the militant region of Eagle's Crest in the north, which is ruled by the immigrant ex-slave girl Sangirah.
They are to visit a prison there which also functions as an arena for gladiators. The half-nordyr/half-human ex-criminal who I will name Einar for the time is staying there. Apparently, he was sold to the xenophobic and isolated dwarves that are in charge of a prison and gate to their kingdom (queendom).
So they travel there and after some struggle, get him. He will lead them to the Nordyr capital city/fortress and help them talk diplomacy.

In the kingdom, nobles are talking about the upcoming war and are against it and talk about the possibility of starting a revolution, but everything is theoretic at that time.

The three - Cedrik, Aeyla and Einar - are on their way to the last region of the Kingdom - Arkendal. It actually lies within the Northlands. They will visit its capital, Nydaros. In Nydaros, they make their final preparations before going outside the borders.

Many things happen in the Northlands. They feel like they are being stalked by a hooded figure. While crossing a vast mire/bog littered with sacred runestones, they are captured by nordyr. It is Aeyla who gets them into trouble with her religion, and they are all sentenced to be witches and warlocks by the nordyr. They are to burned alive and sacrificed. But someone comes to their rescue. It is the snow elven diplomat and sorceress Zelinde who teleports in and gets them out. She hints at the existence of the snow elven race, and that she and her kind have been observing the recent events. She is highly interested in Cedrik's mission and in both Aeyla's and Einar's identities.
She wants to help them and her aid is accepted, except for Aeyla. Aeyla and Zelinde argue a lot like Zelinde calling her faith fake and that her powers are just part of the natural Ley energies that run accross all of the planet of Sceracion.

On the way, Zelinde also explains that the inner regions of the Northlands are protected by a shroud of energy that blocks Ley energy - hence her and Aeylas powers would be significanty reduced. The shroud is maintained by a series of a highly defended Rune Pylons. On their way, they also spot an army of Nordyr warriors gathering up.
Cedrik is suprised that they know about the kings recent announcement. Zelinde laughs and explains that of course enemies - and allies - spy on each other. The snow elves themself "observe" all major powers of Sceracion without their consent.

They also see a lot of defenses outside of the Nordyr capital city of Hjamgverd. Cedrik says that it will be impossible to sneak into the city, which is located on an island. Einar reveals that he was a spy himself once for the Nordyr king. Renowned enough so that people here would remember him. So he proposes that he should pretend to take Aeyla, Cedrik and perhaps Zelinde as prisoners and take them to the capital. To the Nordyr king. They all agree save for Zelinde, who claims that she has business with her people's ruling Arch Magi and has to return home. She departs, and Einar chains Cedrik and Aeyla.
Einar also mocks Cedrik over the fact that he believed that the mission was serious - Einar says that the fact is that this is a suicide mission and that's exactly what King Lucifere wanted for some unknown reason.

At the same time, the Nordyr army has assembled and are on their way south. King Lucifere gets to know that they aim to hit the city(-province) of Eagle Crest. He meets with its leader Sangirah and starts planning the defense, and the human invasion that will follow the siege.

In the snow elven capital city of the Celestial Spires, Zelinde tries to convince the Arch Mages to send an aerial warship to aid the humans in the upcomming Battle of Eagle Crest. She thinks it is a pity to see the promising human speices being exterminated, especially since their relatives in the south are going to suffer a similar fate.
Her plea is mostly rejected for the time.

The plan works, and Einar is soon on his way to the capital fortress with his prisoners. They successfully get an audience with the Nordyr king and it is revealed that Einar is his secret son, but he could not reveal it because a half-human heir would not be accepted by the Nordyr people. Einar hands over Aeyla and Cedrik in what is perceived as a betrayal. Einar says that it is not the end, only the very begining before leaving.
Aeyla and Cedrik are shocked and sent to a cell. They are being interrogated and mildly tortured.

The Siege of Eagle Crest begins.
The Nordyr are led by the Nordyr King's second son, who is also a general/warlord. King Lucifere, Sangirah and Cedrik's father Brand all fight. The Nordyr quickly gain the upper hand, and the nordyr warlord and his elite squad quickly set their eyes upon King Lucifere. Eagle Crest is built around an old volcano/mountain, on top is a large colosseum-like structure which can house naval combat. It also acts as a fortress.

The Nordyr Warlord and his elite squad battles his way up to the top of the city, to the colosseum/fortress where King Lucifere has retreated.
At the same time, a flash of light covers the skies.
Suddenly, a massive aerial warship of alien design and super advanced technology blocks the sun. Out of it pours several Disc-like vessels.
It is the Snow elves and Zelinde is with them.
With the Snow elves help, they gain the upper hand but at the top of the city, King Lucifere is getting cornered.

Lucifere gets the idea to lure the Nordyr Warlord and his Elite squad to the vast colosseum floor. He is outnumbered, but calls upon his griffins to escape while the colosseum floor is opened. The Nordyr warlord manages to escape from the floor as it opens, causing the Nordyr warriors to fall down into the water where they are devoured by a large aquatic beast which has been released.
The Nordyr Warlord makes his way up to the top and taunts Lucifere. He asks him to challenge him and not be a coward.
Lucifere accepts the challenge which will happen within a volcanic cavern beneath the city. A cavern which Sangirah uses to worship her pagan blood god that she brought with her from her homeland.

As planned, the two men gather in the glowing red cavern.
They start to fight, and the Nordyr Warlord is winning. He gets Lucifere down on his knees but then the Nordyr Warlord is penetrated by a spear. It is Sangirah.
Sangirah walks forward and pushes the Nordyr Warlord down into the lava. King Lucifere is angered, the warlords body would be sent back as a message. Either way, they step down to see flashes of lights everywhere as the magic of the Snow elves cause the remaining Nordyr to retreat.

In the nordyr capital city of Hjamgverd, Cedrik can't help to overhear the conversation of the guards that the most recent rumour is that the symbolic attack on Eagle's Crest failed and the king's heir has been killed. Cedrik was born as an aristocrat and with a father who is one of the king's leading generals/commanders, he knows some of the Nordyr language. Either way, Cedrik is to be interrogated and tortured again. Cedriks says that there is hope, looks at the medallion and for the first time, Aeyla and Cedrik kiss.
She blesses him to minimize the pain.

Epilogue; Zelinde is talking with King Lucifere. The Snow elves just revealed themselves to the humans for the first time. She says that the Snow elves will not provide direct military assistance in the invasion, but they will offer basic education of Ley energy manipulation to the soldiers which should give the humans an edge over the nordyr. Enough for the human's survival. Lucifere accepts the offer.

The book ends with Zelinde reflecting over if it was really a good choice to reveal the snow elves' existance and to give the powers of the Ley energies. She is very doubful but concludes that the despite the negative changes and tension this will bring to the human's religiously influenced society it will be nescesary for their survival.

This is where I realize that my basic synopis became very long and that I just wasted some hours of my life. O.o
So the shorter parts 2 and 3 will be completed tomorrow.











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