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| Thread: Tortillas |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
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Corribus
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The Abyss Staring Back at You
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posted August 12, 2010 03:48 PM |
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Tortillas
Angelito wonders:
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I wonder how long it will take to turn a thread about tortillas into a religious debate....
Well, let's find out!
GO!!!!
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Geny
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posted August 12, 2010 03:51 PM |
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Salamandre
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posted August 12, 2010 03:52 PM |
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"A few years ago the Chicago Tribune reported the story of a New Mexico woman who was frying tortillas when she noticed that the skillet burns on one of her tortillas resembled the face of Jesus. Excited, she showed it to her husband and neighbors, and they all agreed that there was a face etched on the tortilla and that it truly bore a resemblance to Jesus.
So the woman went to her priest to have the tortilla blessed. She testified that the tortilla had changed her life. and her husband agreed that she had been a more peaceful, happy submissive wife since the tortilla had arrived. The priest, not accustomed to blessing tortillas, was somewhat reluctant but agreed to do it. The woman took the tortilla home, put it in a glass case with piles of cotton to make it look like it was floating on clouds, built a special altar for it, and opened the little shrine to visitors. Within a few months, more than eight thousand people came to the shrine of the Jesus of The Tortilla, and all of them agreed that the face in the burn marks on the tortilla was the face of Jesus (except for one reporter who said he thought it looked like former heavy-weight boxing champion Leon Spinks!)"
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Geny
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What if Elvin was female?
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posted August 12, 2010 03:56 PM |
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Quote:
submissive wife
Jesus turns out to be a frickin' sexist basterd, doesn't he?
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Elodin
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posted August 12, 2010 08:15 PM |
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Clicky
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Esperanza Schopenhauer, 26, was serving herself lunch at the cafeteria of a state-run university when she found a tortilla that contained the image of the Virgin Mary. Schopenhauer, an atheist for the past 2 years, promptly contacted the American Civil Liberties Union.
"I've been waiting for a sign like this all my life," said Schopenhauer. "I don't understand why it had to come now--and at a state-run institution, no less. I really don't think that's appropriate."
Schopenhauer originally hoped for a cash settlement, but the ACLU had other plans.
"The university has an obligation," said ACLU attorney Clarence Marrow, "to remove the tortilla to a privately owned facility, where its presence will not constitute a government endorsement of religion."
However, in the time it took to file the lawsuit, many people came to the cafeteria and worship. The Christ's Disciples Foundation for Religious Freedom has countersued, saying that removal of the tortilla would violate the Constitutional rights of these worshippers. "America was founded for religious freedom," said Judith Priest, spokeswoman for the Christ's Disciples Foundation, "and that means the freedom of good Christian people to worship whatever they want to, wherever they want to worship.
"In today's America, freedom of religion seems to be reserved for pagans and heathens," Priest added, referring to the failure of an earlier campaign to have salt removed from the cafeteria after CDFRF members learned salt was sometimes used in Wiccan rituals.
The federal government, in line with its new _____ mandate, threatened to revoke the school's funding if the tortilla is removed. "The people who come to worship this tortilla have a faith that borders on idolatry," said Harry Iscariot of the Treasury Department. "And idolatry is protected under freedom of religion. So long as it's Christian idolatry," he added, but later recanted, saying Jews and Muslims are also free to worship graven images, provided they not strap explosives to their bodies.
The ACLU planned initially to press on with the suit, suggesting that the cafeteria be designated a "free-manifestation zone, where other religious icons would also be permitted to appear in a designated list of food items. However, the ACLU dropped the suit when their own panel of experts failed to agree on whose image in fact appeared in the tortilla. Other faces seen included the Buddha, Richard Nixon, and one panelist's ex-girlfriend from the 7th grade.
The tortilla has since been moved to a glass case in the cafeteria, which may get a sign underneath it if the factions involved can agree on an appropriate wording. So far, "Who do you say that I am?" has been rejected as too religious and "What do you see in this tortilla?" as too secular. The currently favored wording appears to be "The Blessed Virgin--or whoever."
The university has decided, in light of this controversy, to step up plans to privatize its cafeteria. "Let Starbucks deal with this crap," said the director of food services, speaking on condition of anonymity.
Schopenhauer, meanwhile, continues to seek legal relief. She is currently suing the ACLU for dropping her case and has also filed for a restraining order against the Virgin Mary.
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Keksimaton
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Talk to the hand
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posted August 12, 2010 08:33 PM |
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How exactly does one recognize the image of the virgin Mary? Do these people have a sort of "Mary alarm" that goes off whenever they see her or is the likeness of virgin Mary determined from icons and other such artwork?
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Binabik
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posted August 12, 2010 08:44 PM |
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Quote:
I wonder how long it will take to turn a thread about tortillas into a religious debate
Whatever happened to the good ol' days when every thread turned into a debate about capitalism vs socialism?
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Darkshadow
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posted August 12, 2010 08:45 PM |
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Quote:
Quote:
I wonder how long it will take to turn a thread about tortillas into a religious debate
Whatever happened to the good ol' days when every thread turned into a debate about capitalism vs socialism?
The soviet union decided to dissolve...
*sniff*
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Geny
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What if Elvin was female?
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posted August 12, 2010 08:47 PM |
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@Binabik
TheDeath age was replaced by the Elodin age, that's all. It's just the natural order of things.
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Elodin
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posted August 12, 2010 09:13 PM |
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Quote:
@Binabik
TheDeath age was replaced by the Elodin age, that's all. It's just the natural order of things.
Yet I am not the one who introduce religion into topics. That is generally done by an anit-theist. I just refute their falsehoods with facts.
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Binabik
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posted August 12, 2010 09:26 PM |
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Nonono, you're doing it wrong Elodin. You're supposed to find a Bible quote about tortillas. For examples something along the lines of:
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Jose 3:14
Only when you become as little tortillas shall you enter the kingdom of heaven.
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Salamandre
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posted August 12, 2010 10:33 PM |
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Keksimaton
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Talk to the hand
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posted August 12, 2010 10:49 PM |
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I dunno mr. Salamandre. It kind of begs to ask the question if that Mary on the tortilla is hot.
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Corribus
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posted August 12, 2010 11:26 PM |
bonus applied by Elvin on 13 Aug 2010. |
Edited by Corribus at 23:46, 12 Aug 2010.
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Genesis I - Revised Taco Edition
1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. And God was hungry.
3 And God said, "Let there be tortillas," and there were tortillas. 4 God saw that the tortillas were good, and He separated the white kind from the yellow. 5 God called the white kind "flour," and the yellow he called "corn." And there were Mexicans to roll the tortillas out, and there were Mexcians to eat them—the first fiesta.
6 And God said, "Let there be an expanse between the tortillas to separate tortilla from tortilla." 7 So God made the expanse and separated the tortilla under the expanse from the tortilla above it. And it was so. 8 God filled the expanse with beans. And there were Mexicans to prepare the beans, and there Mexicans to eat them-the second fiesta.
9 And God said, "Let the tortilla under the beans be gathered around it, and let cumin and oregano and chili powder appear." And it was so. 10 God called the gathered tortilla a "shell," and the gathered cumin and oregano and chili powder he called "spices and herbs." And God saw that it was good.
11 Then God said, "Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds." And it was so. 12 The land produced onions and chili peppers and lettuce and tomatos: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds . And God saw that it was good. 13 And there were Mexicans to harvest and cook the onionis and chili peppers and lettuce and tomatos, and there were Mexicans to eat them—the third fiesta.
14 And God said, "Let there be cheese in the expanse of the tortilla to separate the beans from the vegetables, and let it serve as a sign to mark deliciousness, 15 and let it be piled in the expanse of the tortilla to make people want to eat it." And it was so. 16 God made two great cheeses—Sharp Cheddar for those special occasions and the lesser Monterrey-Jack for a casual snack. He also made Queso Fresco. 17 God sprinkled it over the expanse of the tortilla to give a nice flavor profile, 18 to create texture variation, and to make it euphoric. And God saw that it was good, and he called it a taco. 19 And there were Mexicans to make the tacos, and there were Mexicans to eat them—the fourth fiesta.
20 And God said, "Let the filling teem with grilled fish, and let cooked chicken simmer in the sauce above the vegetables across the expanse of the tortilla." 21 So God created the great fishy filling of the tacos and every gilled and tasty thing with which the taco teems, according to their kinds, and every simmered chicken according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. 22 God blessed these grilled fish and said, "Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the tacos around the world, and let the simmered chicken increase upon the earth." 23 And there were Mexicans to cook these creatures, and there were Mexicans to eat them—the fifth fiesta.
24 And God said, "Let the filling have grilled meaty creatures according to their kinds: livestock, especially cows, creatures that once moved along the ground, and wild tasty animals, each according to its kind." And it was so. 25 God made the grilled tasty animals according to their kinds, the succulent cows according to their kinds, and all the creatures that once move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that carne asada was snowing awesome.
26 Then God said, "Let us make men who will take my creation and mass produce it, according to my appetite, and let them rule over the yummy sauces of grilled fish and the simmered chickens, over the meaty cows, over all of the Mexican culinary scene, and over all the creatures that he might need to fill their tacos."
27 So God created these men according to His appetite,
in the appetite of God he created them;
Americans he called them.
28 God blessed the Americans and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the grilled fish of the sea and the simmered chickens and over every meaty cow that once moved on the ground. Put taco stands everywhere. You no longer need the Mexicans."
29 Then God said, "I give you every onion and tomato and pepper on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. 30 And to all the tasty cows of the earth and all the simmered chickens and all the creatures that once moved on the ground—everything that has the possibility of being stuffed into a tortilla—I give every green plant, spice and bean for cooking." And it was so.
31 God saw all that he had made, and he called it Taco Bell, and it wasn't very good. And there were poorly paid acne-faced teenagers to cook this food, and there were hordes of Americans to eat it—the sixth fiesta.
But God didn't join. Instead, he took a long siesta. And it was good.
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angelito
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posted August 13, 2010 09:51 AM |
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+QP material! 
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Elvin
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posted August 13, 2010 11:34 AM |
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Pretty much. Congratulations Corribus, you are one of the two people to ever gain a qp in the wastelands.
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Geny
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posted August 13, 2010 11:42 AM |
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I hate you so much right now, Elvin.
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Elvin
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posted August 13, 2010 12:05 PM |
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Because I'm beautiful right? Show some respect in this solemn thread, we tread on holy material.
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Geny
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What if Elvin was female?
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posted August 13, 2010 02:29 PM |
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Pfff, holy... I'm considering taking away the peanut from this place, since you've done such a good job of rewarding it.
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Elvin
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posted August 13, 2010 02:32 PM |
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That wouldn't be the first, remember Homer?
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