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| Thread: Suppression of Self |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 · NEXT» |
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted October 17, 2010 10:07 PM |
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Suppression of Self
How often do you speak your mind? Or rather how much do you suppress yourself? Everyday we are exposed to a multitude of situations that we may condone, disagree with, have interesting thoughts / mixed feelings or simply not care about them. Of course reactions may vary on the subject, who you are talking to, how strongly you feel on the subject but all things considered there are one too many barriers to overcome whether we realize it or not. For instance..
Do you generally express your opinions? If so would you do so in public or keep them amongst friends? If not do you hesitate because you are afraid your opinion may be unpopular / easy to misunderstand / offensive? Naturally there is no rule of thumb here, different people perceive things differently. Where one can go sour another may be intrigued, a honest answer can make you a meanie or a person worthy of respect and the story goes on. Would you care to help someone change his way of thought if you believed he was in the wrong?
What about your emotions? Do you keep them buried within or do you let them show to those around you? Will you express your anger, sorrow or disapproval? Or are you afraid that they will overwhelm you and it will all come out wrong? Things would be so much simpler if people could just read our emotions or understand what we are going through everyday, what burdens we carry. Or we'd be easier to manipulate but I'm not talking about complete strangers or people you have little reason to trust. There is a fine line between privacy and being yourself. Would you hug a female friend if front of her significant other or stick to shaking hands to avoid misunderstandings?
Either way you may want to ask yourself how that is working out for you. There is no need to drown in a sea of uncertainty when you could keep things clear and simple for the people who matter to you. Or show others their place lest they walk all over you. By being secretive you also make it harder for others to open up and inadvertently close doors you'd rather keep open. Then there is the matter of bottled up emotions, that can lead to unpredictable situations. I've seen a number of people make a U turn because they had been denying themselves in the past. Have you ever snapped because you were keeping to yourself?
Another point worth discussing is how much YOU cause others to hide deeper into their shells. Are you intimidating people with your mannerisms, body language, intensive staring or shouting? Likewise language can be subtly manipulated so as to make people avoid opposing your will or even agree. Put someone under the spotlight and often enough he will be too uncomfortable to refuse your opinions or will simply agree out of politeness. There was an interesting experiment where a number of people had to choose the longest of four lines in a blackboard. The first few were told to intentionally pick the wrong line. Can you guess what the last person picked? Yep people can be weak like that.
Another story I heard recently. There was this guy in a good position of a company, decent type, he did his work well. At some point someone took the position above him and abused his power to get his way. The first guy did not accept that and resigned. Fast forward into the near future the higher up gets kicked out and the boss invites him back to take his place. That man was resolute in his beliefs and in the end it paid off. Sure things could have gone worse but maybe we are making things harder on ourselves by allowing things to happen?
Go ahead, spill your tale  What are your ideas on the matter, how do you think your stand has affected your life? The reason this topic was not posted in the osm is simple, I do not want it to become a battlefield of arguments. Just talk, no need for religious/political/definitions discussion.
Keep it simple, keep it fun. The tavern sure needs more of that
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1910
Known Hero
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posted October 17, 2010 10:20 PM |
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I speak my mind nearly everywhere. If I have a problem with something or an opinion then I'm not afraid to say it. I do it in real life and online. A lot of the time it gets me into trouble but I do believe that what I'm saying is right and why should I be silent? I like to get things off my chest and I like giving my opinion about things whether people like it or not (they usually don't).
About my emotions, I let that show. I'm a lot better nowadays with the anger. I don't get physically aggressive but more show my anger in words (not constantly swearing but an aggressive way of talking). If I am bothered about something, like I said above, I will not be silent about it and I'd rather get it off my chest otherwise I'll let it grow and grow and by the time I let go of it it's 10x worse than what it would have been.
I'm a much better person than I was once and I'm constantly striving to improve. I find that the people around me help a lot and they've stuck by me when the going got tough.
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Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
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posted October 17, 2010 10:34 PM |
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Will, I highly doubt this thread was meant for you 
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Coincidence? I think not!!!!
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted October 17, 2010 10:42 PM |
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I generally speak my mind, at least when I'm among my friends. Occasionally it is necessary to find a good way to speak my mind - but I nearly always find a way.
Quote:
Would you hug a female friend if front of her significant other or stick to shaking hands to avoid misunderstandings?
Yes. Said female friend would object to her significant other if he didn't let her. Of course, there are no misunderstandings.
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Eccentric Opinion
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted October 17, 2010 10:45 PM |
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Ooh Lexxan is jealous  Actually I appreciate his feedback and hope more will go ahead and share something.
As you know I appreciate blunt honesty, it can be refreshing. In fact if someone criticizes me I consider it a favour, chances are he has seen something I am not aware and he can help me change it. Or he is being annoying but the very fact that he took the time to let me know is a good thing. Might as well make something out of it.
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Keksimaton
Promising
Supreme Hero
Talk to the hand
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posted October 17, 2010 11:20 PM |
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Finnish society is a bit high on norms about privacy. A lot of things that in many other cultures are normal to discuss, such as work, family, politics and religion, are considered to be private matters.
There came an odd situation once when a comrade told me that marijuana was being legalized in the state of California in the US (is there any truth to that?) and asked me what I thought about it. I answered like any politician would by not really saying anything meaningful. Then this comrade of mine began to list off arguments on that it's not a bad thing and perhaps even a good thing. I kind of nodded and didn't argue back as I kind of didn't disagree, but didn't want to express any agreeing either.
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Noone shall pass, but no one besides him shall pass.
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veco
Legendary Hero
who am I?
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posted October 17, 2010 11:24 PM |
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I wrote about 5 lines of text and then all of a sudden I surpressed myself
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none of my business.
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted October 17, 2010 11:37 PM |
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on internet, I'm usually direct, except with people that are close to me. you don't take much risks saying what you think to strangers on internet.
in real life, I'm more careful, because I know people can easily be hurt or feel insulted, usually I say what I think, but I can hesitate a bit, trying to not be too blunt. I hide many things to my family, not that I have anything bad to hide, but well, if I start a conflict it's pretty bad since I live with them...
I usually hide my emotions, but I tend to do it less than I used to. not only when I'm angry, but also when I'm happy (I have to say, where I live, you almost never see anyone smiling for no apparent reason)
I usually answer to stranger's requests, even if they look a bit weird, while many people just ignore them. mainly by politeness. I find it rude when you talk to someone and he ignores you.
people seem to usually perceive me as someone very intelligent and talented, or very blunt and even cruel sometimes or as a random loser with a low self esteem and potentially mentally ill 
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blizzardboy
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Nerf Herder
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posted October 17, 2010 11:43 PM |
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I'm not shy, but I consider myself a pretty reserved person that will keep my thoughts to myself if it's over a delicate issue. If I trust that the person I'm talking to has a thick and mature skin I might open up more, but it's not something I do lightly. If it's online I'll be far more open since there aren't' significant consequences here.
I've found that most people aren't able to maintain a good composure if you disagree with them over sensitive ideological topics, but sometimes you'll run into people that like to discuss these things, and the people that are bold enough to do that are usually the same people that are pretty bullheaded about their views. My executive director at work will occasionally start talking about politics, and I don't agree with her on quite a few things, but I'll nod my head and glide through the conversation. I don't want things to become socially awkward for when I walk in the office everyday, and plus she really really likes me right now and I want to make sure I get an outstanding reference for my next position.
There's a Chinese proverb that says those who speak do not know, and those who know do not speak. I think that is often true.
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"Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us."
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted October 17, 2010 11:53 PM |
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I've just checked, you were the same animal as me. batman 
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Keksimaton
Promising
Supreme Hero
Talk to the hand
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posted October 17, 2010 11:58 PM |
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With your halls hoarded full of jade and bronze, thieves will be there to rob etc.
The sage creates, yet does not own.
The sage is distant, yet is part of the group.
Blah blah blah.
The mysterious female with the key to the gate from which the ten thousand creature spring, ga-blurghaburg...
A pot is of clay yet its use is dependant of the empty space which in surrounds. The non-existant fulfills the existing or something.
Therefore
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Noone shall pass, but no one besides him shall pass.
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JoonasTo
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted October 18, 2010 12:03 AM |
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Edited by JoonasTo at 00:05, 18 Oct 2010.
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I'm quite apathetic when it comes to these things. Most of the time I watch people do stupid things from the sidelines and just smile inwards. It's very rare that I make my mind known if the subject does not concern me. If they really want to know my opinion I'm honest about it. Most of the time people only ask you to get recognition to their own idea and aren't actually looking for your opinion. That said, I answer honestly to "Does this thread make me look fat?".
I have no problems whatsoever huggin my friends, especially the female ones, even at the presence of their significant others. Actually, that's pretty much the way I greet all my female friends, cousins and second cousins who are old enough. I don't know about you south europeans but around here hugging is normal, unlike kissing cheeks.
No, I don't tend to snap. Snapping isn't worth it.
I get a little gruffy when I'm tired and hungry though.
I'm pretty big with a good frame and I'm pretty intelligent looking so my presence is a tad pressuring.
Especially so if talking science and I have my glasses on. 
And some food for thought:
"Sometimes people put up walls, not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to tear them down."
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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Adrius
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
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posted October 18, 2010 12:27 AM |
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Veco noticed me lurking this thread and then accused me of being a suppressor so I now I gotta post here to prove myself
So yeah... prepare yourself. Totally unsuppressed and uncensored.
If someone asks for my opinion I give it to them.
I usually don't just speak my mind like you know, randomly (Like Facebook style "I JUST ATE AN ICE-CREAM LOL" 5 people like this... guess that's why Facebook doesn't really appeal to me.).
I like to think that if people are interested in my opinion they'll ask for it (which people usually do, thankfully), and in that case I'm honest and open about my opinion. Not afraid to take a discussion either because I can usually keep it from getting too heated...
I've noticed a few quirks with my body-language since I started studying that kinda stuff too...
Everyone suppresses their body-language, I mean, I can spot hundreds of fake smiles every day (Commercials are hilarious, so many fricking faked smiles...), but most people are just trying to be nice to eachother. Like, showing your friend a smile even though you find what they're saying BORING BEYOND OBLIVION.
Me, I think I'm better than people. Yeah apparently I do, subconsciously. I consider myself humble but my body disagrees
I do this half-smile, quite a standard sign of a feeling of superiority. And I do it like all the time. All the fricking time.
I've also noticed that my body has adapted to hiding this expression by resting the left side of my face on my palm when I'm discussing with someone. It hides the side of my lips that is deviously smiling.
Anyway, on a conscious level I do not feel superior to people, but I find it quite interesting that my sub-conscious considers itself superior to others, and expresses this without my consent.
Even if people haven't studied these expressions their subconscious knows most of them by instinct, thus, your feelings on a subject is often registred by people in your surroundings anyway.
Guess what I want to say is that we communicate in so many other ways than words, and most of the times words aren't even needed.
I guess I mistrust people this way... might be why I took up studying body-language to begin with. I like to know what is behind all those words, the true feelings.
Damn that was a lot of ranting... I guess this is the part where I begin apologizing for being too serious (Oh look there's that half-smile smiley again, I use that one a LOT... coincidence? )
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted October 18, 2010 12:50 AM |
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hello Ekman
Quote:
Everyone suppresses their body-language, I mean, I can spot hundreds of fake smiles every day (Commercials are hilarious, so many fricking faked smiles...), but most people are just trying to be nice to eachother. Like, showing your friend a smile even though you find what they're saying BORING BEYOND OBLIVION.
lol, so true. there is a more obvious example : "hello, how are you?" (I don't give a damn, but I just want to appear nice)
"I'm fine, thank you!" (I wanna die, but you won't care about my problems)
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted October 18, 2010 10:23 AM |
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@keksi
We are a bit more open about work and politics but it depends. Work is usually discussed amongst friends, politics you may see discussed even in a bus. We are grumpy with politics for a while
@veco
Oh noes I was right! Just don't overdo it
@fauch
I'm pretty much myself with family but I do not feel comfortable talking on the phone or surfing the net in their presence. I am not afraid of conflict, in fact I will match the tension evenly if an argument starts and especially when something has been discussed numerous times and still happens. But I still want some privacy. On that note I am more likely to start an argument with family or friends exactly because I care about them.
About requests from strangers or even people I know I will normally try to help within reason but the best approach is to 'help people help themselves.' I have no qualms in refusing - no excuses, just a vague hint that I need to be elsewhere.
Quote:
people seem to usually perceive me as someone very intelligent and talented, or very blunt and even cruel sometimes or as a random loser with a low self esteem and potentially mentally ill
Ah perceptions 
@Bliz
There is a time for honesty and a time for diplomacy. While some people are totally asking for a shocking reply I really don't want them to start whining or react awkwardly, esp at work. I value the discreet people that will get that you are simply unwilling to speak on the matter and leave it at that. Ofc there are many ways to disagree with someone, intense disagreement puts one on the defensive.
@Joonas
Yeah we are of a similar mind though I do not consider my stature as pressuring. Not unless I wish for it I'm probably less apathetic but the principles are more or less the same, best not to involve yourself too much on things that are not your concern. Kissing cheeks is pretty common here btw.
@Adrius
Interesting that you bring up body language, it plays a bigger role than people give it credit for. I think I'd read that less that 10% of people can notice the micro-expressions of our face usually subconsciously. Some attribute to them that feeling that you just don't like/trust someone.
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veco
Legendary Hero
who am I?
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posted October 18, 2010 11:16 AM |
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Edited by veco at 11:17, 18 Oct 2010.
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I'll give it another try.
I rarely voice out my thoughts when not asked to for two reasons - I assume that noone cares about them as I don't care about theirs. If I'm asked to speak then I will respond in a humoristic/sarcastic way to get past the mandatory courtesy easily and amuse myself while at it. I'll usually give out an honest answer after the second try (come on, be serious!) - that's when I know it's worth the hassle and I will put some effort to make a consistent statement It's somewhat difficult for me to remain in the bounds of grammar so I have to focus on what I'm saying so that the other person understand what I mean. Otherwise I'd sound like Ohfor, wasting mine and that persons time. No offense Ohfor but you need to get some composure - I can't read your posts!
But you all know about my bad grammar from reading this post anyway
I'm blunt when I feel like I can take what's coming to me afterwards, not when I'm in a hurry or tired or simply have a better way to spend my time.
Oh and I love to use body language in an exxagerated way!
but only in a group of people that I know will get the joke. To bystanders I must look like a complete moron
edit:
Holy cow I actually posted!
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none of my business.
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beyond
Hired Hero
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posted October 18, 2010 05:12 PM |
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I dont usually approach strangers. Prefer to keep my opinions and emotions to myself or my close friends. It takes a while for me to warm up to acquintances. Sometimes too long. But I usually speak my mind on forums and facebook.
This is a interesting topic, which I havent read for a long time.
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted October 18, 2010 10:06 PM |
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Who said I was talking about anger? Disappointment, failures, insecurities, fears, regrets - if you keep them all to yourself it's not very healthy. Frustration builds up.
Thanks beyond
Holy Molly I made veco post a piece of his mind right into the internets! As you know I enjoy the one-liner you but the occasional real you is a nice change, don't hide him too much
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Map also hosted on Moddb
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veco
Legendary Hero
who am I?
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posted October 18, 2010 10:27 PM |
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@Elvin
Don't tease me, internet is serious business. If I have time to post about real life I'd better spend it searching for underdog lolcat pictures
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none of my business.
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Guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted October 19, 2010 09:59 AM |
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Among strangers and casual friends, I won't divulge a great deal about my personal situation. With them, I won't go very deep into my problems or insecurities. This forum was a major exception, as the anonymity made me feel comfortable enough to vent my frustrations. Although I found those experiences somewhat therapeutic at the time, I can now look back and say I probably opened up about too much. If it were up to me, I would delete much of what I shared on this site.
Among my closest friends (and they are very few indeed), I'm more open to sharing deeper, darker details. This is only to a point, because there are some things I find too personal to relate even to them. At the same time, however, I don't want to burden anyone with my share of life's problems, so I know when to hang it up. On the whole, such deep talks occur infrequently over the course of one or even two years.
For everything else, I exercise restraint when I feel it's necessary. I'm a sensitive soul, and I'm often sensitive to the feelings of others. Whenever possible, I will tone down what I say to people. Verbal communication has its dark side. Forget sticks and stones; words can pack a mean punch on their own. I can be a joker nowadays, and I think of many things that would be very inappropriate to say out loud. I'm not Bruce or Carlin, and I'm not on this earth to push the boundaries of obscenity or whatnot. I know when to hold my tongue, and I have no problem with doing so.
But this goes well beyond the trivial realm of dirty jokes. I have a huge problem with people who speak their minds with little regard for the other person's feelings. Simply put, there's too much negativity in this world, and they're just adding to all the problems. What good does their insensitivity accomplish? There is a time and place for frankness, but a lot of what I've seen and heard from people is simply uncalled for. I clash with such individuals a lot, regardless of any personal respect I may have for them.
I think we would spare ourselves lot of unnecessary strife if we'd only watch what we say and how we say it. To be indifferent and say whatever's on your mind is a surefire recipe for disharmony. People, there are better ways to communicate with one another! If you're going to be insensitive and intolerant, please relocate to another planet. We don't need life to be any more unpleasant than it already is.
One OSM is enough.
-Guitarguy
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