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| Thread: Suppression of Self |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 · «PREV / NEXT» |
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Typhus-Null
Tavern Dweller
Typhus Reborn
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posted October 19, 2010 04:11 PM |
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On the Internet I'm very open and straightforward, to the point of being blunt and rude, at times. I vent my opinion and will argue it if i think it's necessary. I'm a very opinionated person, and Forums and the like are an easy way to get your point across with no "Real" consequences.
In real life is another story.
I very rarely express my full opinion outside of my closest family/friends, and even with them i often hold back to some extant. With strangers or people i barely know i'll usually stay non-committal about my opinion unless specifically asked for it, in which case i try to be truthful but polite.
Having said that i never lie about my opinion to anyone at anytime (Nod politely when i don't really agree). I think truth is always the best answer, and even if it's not something the other person wants to hear, i think in the long run they'll appreciate honesty over polite lies. However if they don't ask, i don't often tell, but that's just because i'm usually a jerk/insensetive ****, and saying what's on my mind will result in nothing gained, and good feeling lost  . I've been trying to find more... helpful ways to express myself. But my Bullishness is often too hard to overcome and the bluntness resurfacess.
About Emotions:
It's hard to say if i bottle them up or not. I'm always smiling/laughing/joking, so mostly the "Good" emotions are free-lancing.
But for sadness, anger, regret, and the others, it's hard to really say. I would say i'm bottling them up but i really don't feel them all that much. Anger may be another story, but sadness doesn't really affect me all that much. I'm not sure if i'm subconsciously forcing it down or if i just don't care about (Most) things enough to feel sad about them.
Wow, that's an extremely long post. Kudos for anyone who actually reads it
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For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible. -Stuart Chase
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Carcity
Supreme Hero
Blind Sage
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posted October 19, 2010 07:49 PM |
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I'm far from open and usually keep most, if not all, of my thoughts to myself and only give vauge anwsers when people ask me about opinions. I dislike the spotlight and sometimes want to sink of into the shadows. One day I'll probably get a breakdown or something.
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Why can't you save anybody?
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wog_edn
Promising
The Nothingness
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posted October 19, 2010 08:39 PM |
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I usually say exactly what I am thinking .. which of course leads to heaps of misunderstandings and arguments. But hey, I don't believe in suppressing either emotions or words. If someone asks me something they get a straight forward answer. Therefor I've learned to simply disappear whenever a girl starts asking questions like "Do I look fat in this?". If they ask me a question, why can't they accept the honest answer? 
And luckily I don't get angry very much anymore, else I'd be in loads of trouble all the time. Emotions are important, they shape who you are!
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OmegaDestroyer
Hero of Order
Fox or Chicken?
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posted October 19, 2010 08:55 PM |
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Diplomacy is the name of the game. Need to hold your punches in order to solve problems like rational human beings. Always better to come across as reasonable and attentive to the needs of others, than abrasive and dismissive.
If you come across as mature, cool-headed, and willing to listen, it really makes twisting the dagger in feel sooooooo good later on.
@Veco
Heracles? Good choice. Only he could help Ussop lose those unsightly pounds!
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted October 19, 2010 11:44 PM |
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Edited by Fauch at 23:47, 19 Oct 2010.
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Quote:
But this goes well beyond the trivial realm of dirty jokes. I have a huge problem with people who speak their minds with little regard for the other person's feelings. Simply put, there's too much negativity in this world, and they're just adding to all the problems. What good does their insensitivity accomplish? There is a time and place for frankness, but a lot of what I've seen and heard from people is simply uncalled for. I clash with such individuals a lot, regardless of any personal respect I may have for them.
I think we would spare ourselves lot of unnecessary strife if we'd only watch what we say and how we say it. To be indifferent and say whatever's on your mind is a surefire recipe for disharmony. People, there are better ways to communicate with one another! If you're going to be insensitive and intolerant, please relocate to another planet. We don't need life to be any more unpleasant than it already is.
some people say the truth in order to hurt. that's what they usually do when they don't like someone.
the problem with polite lies, nodding when you disagree and fake smile is that you don't know if you can trust people. someone can look friendly and you wonder if he really is or if he doesn't give a damn about you.
the problem isn't really about saying the truth (unless if you really want to hurt the other one) but when people are too egocentric to accept it. of course, you don't have to agree with everything, but there's no need to take it so personnaly. as a fact, it's not really the truth that hurts, it's egocentry, it's because you have a certain image, a certain ideal for yourself. in wog's example, why should the girl feel hurt if she doesn't care whether she is slim or fat?
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted October 23, 2010 02:46 PM |
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I've been meaning to reply for a few days but I'm just too busy or not in the mood for posting. Hopefully soon 
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H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted October 23, 2010 05:17 PM |
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you are suppressing yourself
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markkur
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Once upon a time
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posted October 23, 2010 06:44 PM |
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Quote:
Go ahead, spill your tale  What are your ideas on the matter, how do you think your stand has affected your life? The reason this topic was not posted in the osm is simple, I do not want it to become a battlefield of arguments. Just talk, no need for religious/political/definitions discussion.
Keep it simple, keep it fun. The tavern sure needs more of that
I'll take a pint of your best Mead. What? It's not free, I gotta spill the beans first?
Three growing-pains that formed a 'pre-disposition' of mine, towards any conflict.
1. My life, well into my double-decades was a proving ground. Faults were always found and nothing good shared. This led me to carry a large shield and to always be on the defensive. Somehow everything FELT like an attack.
2. I always had a lot of things running around in my mind and that made me a poor listener. Once a very good friend came into my office and sat down to tell me about a major issue he had going on back home. Here I was, a truly caring friend but yet he caught me in a blank stare. At that moment I was somewhere else and shouldn't have been. He laughed but it was not his real chuckle. Much more akin to shock or unbelief and here I'd been his...'Best-Man'. Right
3. Taking my self too seriously and not being able to laugh at my own ignorance. Ignorance is normal...it's my stupidity that I try to draw the line at these days
I know a big step for me in being better towards others, was to first give myself a break. I was my own worse critic. I no longer had to win the debate. I didn't care about that anymore. I just wanted to be listening and learning when possible. The after-effect was a welcome peace with who I am. Sounds silly but it's not. I was at war...full time before.
Markkur slides chair back and downs the last bit o' mead from his chalice . Good thread, good mead. Thanks
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"Do your own research"
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted October 27, 2010 08:49 PM |
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@guitarguy
I am more concerned with intentions, truth for truth's sake can hurt but it cannot be refuted and may even make you aware. But if used to hurt someone like most people do, that's another tale. Like you said there is a time and place for frankness.
@Typhus-Null
Quote:
However if they don't ask, i don't often tell, but that's just because i'm usually a jerk/insensetive ****, and saying what's on my mind will result in nothing gained, and good feeling lost
Hehe  Trying to find better ways to express yourself is always a good plan, a healthy balance pays off. But hey you're 16, you'll have all the time to calm down
@carcity
You're just a bit shy. I was probably worse back then but I had some influential people in my life. It's all until you realize what you have to offer and that there are people who care for you. Some you may have not even met, look for them.
@edn
Quote:
Therefor I've learned to simply disappear whenever a girl starts asking questions like "Do I look fat in this?"
@omega
Quote:
If you come across as mature, cool-headed, and willing to listen, it really makes twisting the dagger in feel sooooooo good later on.
Hey some people DO have it coming. How are your lovely clients lately?
@Fauch
As you can guess I have a major dislike for people like that.
@Markkur
I have two favourite quotes for you.
Osho - Be less of a judge and you will be surprised that when you become a witness and you don't judge yourself, you stop judging others too.
Life is too important to take seriously. Not sure who said that one but I must say I like his mentality
Thanks for sharing your tale.
I believe that the root of suppressing ourselves is one of the collective humanity's worst fears: What if. Uncertainty causes us to question one thing after another all too often so we tend to be more cautious about what not to do. Then again there's damned if you do and damned if you don't, in the end we often just worry too much
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Map also hosted on Moddb
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JoonasTo
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted October 27, 2010 09:22 PM |
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We can either live or we can regret about not living.
You choose.
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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Carcity
Supreme Hero
Blind Sage
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posted October 27, 2010 09:30 PM |
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@Elvin, nah, I'm just having a period of life in which I generally feel like snow and see no real point in trying, new school's made it somewhat better though, I realise now afterwards how emo my first reply sounded.
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Why can't you save anybody?
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted October 27, 2010 09:38 PM |
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You look emo too For a moment I thought you were Adrius btw.
____________
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Map also hosted on Moddb
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Carcity
Supreme Hero
Blind Sage
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posted October 27, 2010 09:38 PM |
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Stealth mode initiated.
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Why can't you save anybody?
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Celfious
Promising
Legendary Hero
From earth
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posted October 27, 2010 10:19 PM |
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self expression. A Vast concept
Is it defnied in simple ways IE: appearing to others in a certain way versus appearing to others in the way I would have appeared naturally anyways?
Perhaps there is a layer of shyness (as a restraint issue) among the asocial norm of openess which would restrain self expression.
Being completely open however is not always based souly on self expression reguardless how long, well, closely, or pair-amatically intetwined, but a reduction in self/social/psycological restraint can be symptologically conferring that said individual is less -self consious- in concern of others or perhaps even themselves.
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Should i set rules on myself to dress nice in my own apartmental mirrage? Or only dress well when I leave?
I think the answer would more depend on how I felt at the time.
If my mind and focus bring question to me about how I feel about what I feel like asking myself how I feel about then....
Overall I tend to be entirely *00 % more OCD about many things within the specter.
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markkur
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Once upon a time
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posted October 28, 2010 04:36 AM |
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Quote:
@Markkur
I have two favourite quotes for you.
Osho - Be less of a judge and you will be surprised that when you become a witness and you don't judge yourself, you stop judging others too.
Life is too important to take seriously. Not sure who said that one but I must say I like his mentality
Like em...a lot. The latter is really good. It makes me think of a not-so-famous line from Kiss' Lick it up. "You gotta live like your on vacation" I worked my butt of for 50 weeks out of each year forever it seemed, just to 'enjoy' only 2? "Kiss...the inspirational band of the age"
I've always liked wordplay and maxims are a big part. You've heard; "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" I added to it; "But when you get there, you have to mow it too"
Make it great
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"Do your own research"
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted October 28, 2010 12:04 PM |
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Edited by Elvin at 14:25, 28 Oct 2010.
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Been reading a book on self defense.
A pivotal part of understanding the enemy is realizing that
he probably doesn't understand himself very well. When he
gives you the finger in the car, or stares at you aggressively
across a busy bar it's not personal, unless of course you
make it so. You are a manifestation of whatever it is in his
life that makes him angry: his dominant wife; his bullying
boss; his car that keeps breaking down or his adolescent
children. You become a displacement figure for the things in life that cause him stress.
Now here's what I was getting at. This goes a step beyond, how the society or our lifestyle can build up pent-up aggression. I do not believe that releasing that aggression in doses can make it any better except maybe if you like beating a boxing sack But it's all about making things personal and therefore easier to focus that aggression.
The combination of our confrontational society and
increasing amounts of neurological stressors means that we
are bound to develop pent-up aggression. Stores of stress
hormones sit waiting to be released by our behaviour,
awaiting the right trigger to let them go off with a bang. That
trigger might be a minor traffic incident, it may be some
lemon staring at you across the bar, or something as simple
as one of your children spilling juice on the carpet. Once
triggered, the pent-up aggression explodes in an
uncontrolled manner that can change the course of your life,
for the worse, forever.
Another interesting part, this time about our 'ancestral instinct'.
Of course these
things are not life and death scenarios, but our senses think
that they are and still give us the instinct to run away, which
a greater majority do and so never achieve their life's
dreams. People often don't take chances in their life, career,
relationship or hobby because they feel this mammalian
instinct to run for their lives. Fear is what keeps people
ordinary. Humans, as a species, do not realise their potential,
because fear acts as a barrier between them and their
dreams.
____________
H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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markkur
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Once upon a time
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posted October 28, 2010 06:31 PM |
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Quote:
You are a manifestation of whatever it is in his
life that makes him angry: his dominant wife; his bullying
boss; his car that keeps breaking down or his adolescent
children. You become a displacement figure for the things in life that cause him stress.
That is very accurate. My Father thought I was a mixture of an Aunt of his, who was a hypocrite-Christian and his Brother that was a dyed-in-the-wool-republican. It took one of my brothers to explain what the hell was happening with my Dad's tirades directed against me. <imo> People are too frequently 'abused' and most often when young and that does become embedded to manifest latter on in life. One 'key-word' spoken can cause an epic drama/tragedy to play in another's head.
Quote:
Now here's what I was getting at. This goes a step beyond, how the society or our lifestyle can build up pent-up aggression. I do not believe that releasing that aggression in doses can make it any better except maybe if you like beating a boxing sack But it's all about making things personal and therefore easier to focus that aggression.
I disagree to some extent. Not dealing with the things one at a time, as you go-along sets the stage for the one-two punch of the 'long-tally of wrongs suffered & emotional volcano bit'. You know what I mean there, someone explodes about some little thing as if it were a really big deal.
I found out that if I was raging inside, it was better to head out into the woods alone, do the childish bit and hopefully not get taken away. But I vented and I did no harm to anyone else. That worked for me but I realize it might not do a thing for others. What's one man's/woman's medicine is another's poison, still holds true.
Quote:
The combination of our confrontational society and
increasing amounts of neurological stressors means that we
are bound to develop pent-up aggression. Stores of stress
hormones sit waiting to be released by our behaviour,
awaiting the right trigger to let them go off with a bang. That
trigger might be a minor traffic incident, it may be some
lemon staring at you across the bar, or something as simple
as one of your children spilling juice on the carpet. Once
triggered, the pent-up aggression explodes in an
uncontrolled manner that can change the course of your life,
for the worse, forever.
Road rage comes quickly to mind. I think I've encountered what you've shared, many times on-line. It's the perfect situation. Like going to a halloween party and doing what you would never do, if you were able to be indentified.
____________
"Do your own research"
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted October 29, 2010 02:28 PM |
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By that I meant unloading your aggression on people, there are less harmful ways like you said. If I am in the same environment and someone does something that annoys me I prefer to deal with it before it begins to piss me off, some things are not easy to ignore However if it's something not aimed at me and I choose to take it personally the problem lies with me.
I had read there was a biological explanation on how frustration keeps building up but I forget the specifics.
____________
H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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markkur
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Once upon a time
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posted October 30, 2010 03:44 AM |
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Quote:
I had read there was a biological explanation on how frustration keeps building up but I forget the specifics.
I think it is called the highly technical name...GIGO
Btw, Choosing how I spend free time really helps with my 'auto-pilot-responses'
I live with wicked Chronic pain that has been growing for over a decade now. Nothing past my own personal stuff does a better job than creating a map or writing epic verse, to keep my mental-focus 'healthier'. It may only be a map or a poem but it sure beats the alternatives
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"Do your own research"
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invictus7
Adventuring Hero
Lurking About...
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posted October 30, 2010 01:57 PM |
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When I think of words that describe I come up with words like: reserved, quiet, introverted.
When I think about it it seems that I have two different personae.
It's hard to know 'which is the real me.'
(in real life/at school) I think I suppress myself for the risk of being ostracized. I won't often put up my hand; I'm not the 'voulunteery' sort.
With friends I become a completely different person. I'm funny, make jokes, and yet there really aren't many that I can have an in-depth conversation with, on some topics it's just most of the time, over their heads.
I'm happy when I'm alone, doing my own thing.
Thinking to myself, completely contained in my mind; nobody else matters, I don't have to watch what I say, what I do. A place where the only limitation is my mind's creativity, imagination. Free of suppression, of physical constraints, of social constraints, and the best part: nobody but me knows what I'm thinking.
It's funny that all of our ideas come from one of the most contained things: the skull; and yet the things we think, stretch beyond any containment.
Maybe my suppression comes from lack of confidence, from caring too much about what other people think.
My understanding of myself is that I need to be around other like-minded people before I can express myself fully.
Either that or I'm just in a sad/emotional mood...
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Question Convention
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