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KuzAnn
Adventuring Hero
Explorer
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posted April 07, 2011 09:09 AM |
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Edited by KuzAnn at 09:10, 07 Apr 2011.
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I believe that Thralsai was rez'd just so the Phoenix Lady could kill him to make it look like Derelin was dead when Sar-Elam was able to watch her again. Derelin was actually sent away to a place where he would receive treatment. So technically Thralsai is still dead. Or is re-dead, if you want to put it that way. 
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evinin
Supreme Hero
Servant of Asha
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posted April 07, 2011 09:11 AM |
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Edited by evinin at 09:20, 07 Apr 2011.
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Quote:
I believe that Thralsai was rez'd just so the Phoenix Lady could kill him to make it look like Derelin was dead when Sar-Elam was able to watch her again. Derelin was actually sent away to a place where he would receive treatment. So technically Thralsai is still dead. Or is re-dead, if you want to put it that way.
Right... (still confused) And btw - Alaric MUST die and it's not my wish - it's the way life goes, you know. Dead people stay dead.
Really small reveal
"So... I'm going to destroy Zehir's life now. Too bad that you can't join me - you have to kill Alaric. You know what to do, right?"
"Yes".
"Good creature." She hugged the Phoenix's neck. The fires didn't harm her. "I'm really confused now. My head is a real mess. Did Ylaya say my real name? Was that my real name?"
"No."
"Who am I... I have no idea who am I... I remembered before but now it's just mystery for me. I can't even remember how I got the venom. I was with Raelag and he left me to die... But that isn't the truth, is it?"
"No."
"Then I guess I'm just lost now, just lost. I need the cure more than ever. I need it so much that I'm really going to destroy Zehir's life." With those words she left the Phoenix which flew away.
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KuzAnn
Adventuring Hero
Explorer
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posted April 07, 2011 10:26 AM |
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Quote:
Right... (still confused) And btw - Alaric MUST die and it's not my wish - it's the way life goes, you know. Dead people stay dead.
I'm going to bed to try and clear my head, because right now I feel very deeply insulted. If I come back tomorrow feeling the same way, then I will unload what I was originally going to post tonight.
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evinin
Supreme Hero
Servant of Asha
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posted April 07, 2011 10:30 AM |
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Quote:
I'm going to bed to try and clear my head, because right now I feel very deeply insulted. If I come back tomorrow feeling the same way, then I will unload what I was originally going to post tonight.
Wait - what?  Are you serious?
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KuzAnn
Adventuring Hero
Explorer
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posted April 07, 2011 10:55 AM |
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Edited by KuzAnn at 10:57, 07 Apr 2011.
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I would not have replied as such if I was not. I feel like you are insulting my intelligence by telling me that's the way things are when you tread all over that very rule yourself. Like I would just meekly buy it and never question why you're allowed to do it when I am not.
Why do you tell us we can do what we want, and then punish us for what we come up with? Gnomes and I feel like we are walking on eggshells every time we post our hard work because we are worried that you will penalize us after we spent all that time on it. He was afraid that you would make him rewrite it, and I KNOW that he spent hours making it in the first place. We have come to a bad place when the regular players fear the reaction of the "leader" as a result of any little thing we post.
Help me to decide on whether this is a harmless breakdown of communication, or an attempt at manipulating other people for your own amusement. I would really prefer that it be the first option, because then it is entirely possible to work something out. I thought we had come together to build a story, not fumble across the face of Ashan while we worry over whether or not we are actually contributing something worthwhile. Tell us where you want to go with this and we will help rather than forcing you to work even harder and longer by going around what we have done. Telling us OOC* knowledge (knowledge that is known by the writers but is not known by the characters themselves) will allow us to build a more coherent story while allowing you to get on with the plot as you wish. I feel that keeping us guessing just makes everything harder. What's wrong with the contributors being in on the plot, while the audience at large is kept guessing? Especially if we have three clever minds able to weave the tale into something even more remarkable.
You have two strong writers helping you. Put our full skill to use rather than forcing us to guess what you want while also trying to pursue what we think are fun ideas. I want this story to succeed! We need to fix the communication problem or we're just going to keep getting issues like this.
This is not me being mean. This is me expressing my distress over what I see as a big problem.
* Out Of Character
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evinin
Supreme Hero
Servant of Asha
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posted April 07, 2011 11:30 AM |
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Edited by evinin at 12:41, 07 Apr 2011.
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You are right, Kuz, absolutely right, and I'm really sorry. I don't want to manipulate you, I never wanted that. I don't tell the writers everything because I want them also to be surprised. I will never make you rewrite something. My questions about Gnomes Fic are because I really didn't understand some stuff, I'm not that good in reading English as I want to be, so I'm asking just to know them I don't want them to be changed. If you want, I'll write to both of you and tell you all my ideas. I just thought that this way it's more interesting. I didn't want to insult you. I also didn't know that Alaric is really important to you because characters for me are just characters and in my writings they die a lot (with meaning of course). I'll fix things.
Edit: Have I ever penalized you for something? I just change the story but I'll never penalize you.
Edit 2: And I didn't say the thing about "dead people stay dead" to mess with you, I just always do that in my writings. Maybe for a moment I forgot that I'm not talking about my writings. I'm apologizing for that again.
I wrote this a couple of minutes ago, that's why I didn't answer you earlier.
Zehir was pretending to read. The truth was that he couldn’t see the letter clear. He was just sitting on his desk surrounded by books and scrolls and he didn’t do anything. He was just thinking. There wasn’t much to think for – it was a very simple decision. Still he couldn’t make up his mind. He didn’t know why should he kill his father but he felt that that was the right thing to do, he felt that this new father of his had almost nothing to do with the dead Cyrus.
It was nearly sunrise – Zehir didn’t sleep at all. He stood up and sat on his bed. Soon the sun was going to come even in his dark tower. The Wizard was still asking himself why – why should he become a murderer? Why should he listen to the Eleanor? She had betrayed them too many times already. Zehir heard steps outside. He was finally going to meet his new father. The door opened.
In front of him stood Cyrus but not the old Cyrus – he was younger, stronger; he was revived in his best age. Zehir could feel the power of the other Wizard – it was enormous. His father closed the door silently and approached. A smile appeared on his face.
“Hello, my dear son! Would you stand up to great your father?” Zehir couldn’t move. He was trying to convince himself that this was an illusion or something like that. “What is wrong with you, boy?”
“You are dead… You can’t actually live again – you are not my father.” He stood up holding a dagger in his right hand. “I need to get my powers back.”
“You don’t know what you are doing. I won’t fight you. Just come to your senses.” Zehir was still in a inner fight with himself. He lowered the dagger and looked at the floor. “That’s right – listen to your father.”
“You are not my father!” The dagger went deeply into Cyrus’s flesh. He panted and fell on the ground without a word, without a try to save himself. Zehir saw the life leaving his eyes and then he understood it – it really had been his father.
Zehir sat on the ground next to the disintegrating body. He could feel his magic coming back to him stronger than ever. A few tears fell from his eyes - he couldn’t believe what he had just done. He saw her coming through the window. She probably knew everything, she just tricked him.
“Don’t worry – everything’s going to be alright. I’ll take you with me now and soon the pain will be gone. I’m sorry for doing this to you, I really…” She didn’t finish because of the ball of energy that hit her. She hit the wall and fell. When she got on her feat Zehir was already up, too, forming another energy ball. “What are you doing? Believe me – you don’t want to fight me.”
“Again you are right – I don’t want to fight you.” The Phoenix Lady smiled. “I want to kill you.”
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gnomes2169
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
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posted April 07, 2011 09:06 PM |
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Quote:
So... 1.Derelin is Tharsai? 2.And is Ylaya really dead? I'm kind of confused. 3.And what happened to Gotai, Arantir and Kujin? They have to stay where they are.
1. Derelin is the same height as Thralsai. Since there would be no reason that Derelin would walk away from this fight or leave either of them alive, she used your villain to keep Sar-Elam from getting suspicious. (Plus she doesn't like there to be dead people that she didn't kill remember...  )
2. Ylaya is dead, though Derelin has to bring her back to life for reasons x, y, z. ;P
No, he's going to bring her back... But one week will just be for him.
3. I'll give you that when the next reveal comes. (The majority of them are, indeed, trapped. But since one of them would die anyway... Might as well save a brave warrior, eh? )
Quote:
SPOILER - you won't be able to use the Phoenix Lady for a week.
Hey, that works here. (I wasn't planning to anyway. )
So what did happen to Duncan and Godric? Ever find out?
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Yeah in the 18th century, two inventions suggested a method of measurement. One won and the other stayed in America.
-Ghost destroying Fred
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evinin
Supreme Hero
Servant of Asha
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posted April 08, 2011 03:26 PM |
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Edited by evinin at 21:10, 08 Apr 2011.
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Battle Scene
This is my apology for not writing in the next two weeks or so. About your writing I guess that Findan must kill Markal (or try to do so), the Phoenix will attack Isabel and Alaric and something about Derelin.
I hope that I've done good. 
Edit: I know that I made Zehir too badass but I couldn't help myself.
The Phoenix Lady didn’t expect the tower to be so tall. When she crushed on the ground she thanked her demon skin for saving most of her bones. She started healing herself with holy magic but that was extremely hurtful for her. She saw Zehir by the window and made a quick thought about the situation – he was more powerful that ever having his father powers and mana and the Phoenix Lady lost so much energy in her previous fights – killing an immortal, fighting that elf… Her conclusion came quickly – Zehir was going to kick the Hells out of her. Her only chance was to fool him.
“We both know you don’t stand a chance – why don’t you give up?” The answer came around her – thousands of elementals. She thought of the irony – it was a silly situation to be in. They all hated her in the guts – that was bad. But an idea immediately came to her. “Wanna play tough? Let’s play tough!” She summoned her warlock staff and cast Anti-Magic on herself. Then she hoped for a little luck and cast Empowered Armageddon. She immediately fell on the ground but she felt the impact – she felt the disintegrating Water elements, the melting Earth elements and the Air elements from which the oxygen had been sucked out.
A second after the Armageddon was over the Phoenix Lady cast an Ice ring but it wasn’t enough to save her from the Fire elementals attack. The stupid things didn’t die at all – the fire burned her and she felt her demon skin melting. She cast Chain Lighting and Meteor Shower in order to slow the elements down and sent a couple of bolts against Zehir – but he wasn’t standing by the window anymore – he was on the top of the tower. He continued his summoning. “I’ll bring you and your stupid elementals down and I’ll do it necro style!” She turned her staff upside down and it began to glow greenly. She closed her eyes, cast the spell and her little army of undead started to rise and attack the elementals. She felt that she was almost out of mana – she had to finish the battle quickly.
“Do you have anything else for me?!” Her fake laugh didn’t have time even to begin. The magical blades were coming against her really fast. She broke her staff and united the two pieces together turning them into a sword and she started battling. “Seriously? Blades can’t beat me! What else do you have?”
He didn’t answer again. Hives of bees appeared on the battle field and started spreading everywhere. “You’ve gone mad!” She cried slicing one of the blades in half. “Bees can’t harm undead!” But she didn’t understand his plan. The bees started gathering around her and blocking her vision. She destroyed the last blade and cast a huge wave of Banish in order to kill some of the elements without seeing them. But that was the trick – she banished some of her own, too.
The bees fled revealing a Phoenix – but not her Phoenix, oh, no, this one wanted to kill her. She closed her eyes again and performed a battle cry – a very desperate move but it worked – the Rage of the tribe hit the Phoenix and killed it. It immediately came back to life. She used her lasts bits of mana to hypnotize it but it didn’t work. The Phoenix Lady realized that for a first time she was out of mana – her own Phoenix was a source for her but it was very far away. She used a rune to make herself strong but the fire bird attacked her. She took some mana from a nearby corpse and cast Berserk – but the Phoenix was near her anyway. It picked her up – something that she didn’t expect – and dropped her. She hit the ground and this time the sand wasn’t enough to save most of her bones. She cried in pain and then felt Zehir’s foot on her throat. He looked her directly in the eyes and said:
“The game is over, you demonic b****.”
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KuzAnn
Adventuring Hero
Explorer
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posted April 08, 2011 08:31 PM |
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Edited by KuzAnn at 20:37, 08 Apr 2011.
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I think that people usually get that way when they're super angry. Or just Zehir maybe. We never actually SAW him this angry in the campaigns and he certainly has every reason to be incredibly angry right now. Heck, I don't think we even saw him angry at all... The angriest he got was mild annoyance.
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evinin
Supreme Hero
Servant of Asha
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posted April 08, 2011 08:44 PM |
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This is my first dynamic battle scene in English. Any comments about the scene itself?
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KuzAnn
Adventuring Hero
Explorer
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posted April 08, 2011 09:05 PM |
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Quote:
This is my first dynamic battle scene in English. Any comments about the scene itself?
I can certainly see what's going on in it, though I would break the paragraph up a bit. That may be just personal preference though.
Quote:
“We both know you don’t stand a chance – why don’t you give up?”
The answer came around her – thousands of elementals. She thought of the irony – it was a silly situation to be in. They all hated her in the guts – that was bad. But an idea immediately came to her. “Wanna play tough? Let’s play tough!” She summoned her warlock staff and casted Anti-Magic on herself. Then she hoped for a little luck and casted Empowered Armageddon. She immediately fell on the ground but she felt the impact – she felt the disintegrating Water elements, the melting Earth elements and the Air elements from which the oxygen had been sucked out.
A second after the Armageddon was over the Phoenix Lady casted an Ice ring but it wasn’t enough to save her from the Fire elementals attack. The stupid things didn’t die at all – the fire burned her and she felt her demon skin melting. She casted Chain Lighting and Meteor Shower in order to slow the elements down and sent a couple of bolts against Zehir – but he wasn’t standing by the window anymore – he was on the top of the tower. He continued his summoning. “I’ll bring you and your stupid elementals down and I’ll do it necro style!” She turned her staff upside down and it began to glow greenly. She closed her eyes, casted the spell and her little army of undead started to rise and attack the elementals. She felt that she was almost out of mana – she had to finish the battle quickly. “Do you have anything else for me?!”
Her fake laugh didn’t have time even to begin. The magical blades were coming against her really fast. She broke her staff and united the two pieces together turning them into a sword and she started battling. “Seriously? Blades can’t beat me! What else do you have?”
He didn’t answer again. Hives of bees appeared on the battle field and started spreading everywhere. “You’ve gone mad!” She cried slicing one of the blades in half. “Bees can’t harm undead!” But she didn’t understand his plan. The bees started gathering around her and blocking her vision. She destroyed the last blade and casted a huge wave of Banish in order to kill some of the elements without seeing them. But that was the trick – she banished some of her own, too.
The bees fled revealing a Phoenix – but not her Phoenix, oh, no, this one wanted to kill her. She closed her eyes again and performed a battle cry – a very desperate move but it worked – the Rage of the tribe hit the Phoenix and killed it. It immediately came back to life. She used her lasts bits of mana to hypnotize it but it didn’t work. The Phoenix Lady realized that for a first time she was out of mana – her own Phoenix was a source for her but it was very far away. She used a rune to make herself strong but the fire bird attacked her. She took some mana from a nearby corpse and cast Berserk – but the Phoenix was near her anyway. It picked her up – something that she didn’t expect – and dropped her. She hit the ground and this time the sand wasn’t enough to save most of her bones. She cried in pain and then felt Zehir’s foot on her throat.
He looked her directly in the eyes and said: “The game is over, you demonic b****.”
I'd break it up a bit like that. It may make it a bit easier to follow that way. It's not as descriptive as the work my favorite authors, but I am easily able to see what's happening. I can't even imagine writing a novel in another language. You are quite gifted to be able to do this at all, imo. (Meant as a compliment, btw.)
(And btw, "cast" should be used in the place of "casted". )
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gnomes2169
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
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posted April 11, 2011 11:22 PM |
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Update?
Here's your, BTW
This trouble with Zehir was getting out of hand. He needed something to subdue the blasted magling... But he had oh, so many monsters to do so...
Raelag: The red haze faded away, leaving a demon dressed in red alone in the temple. He sighed once before turning back to the succubus consort next to him. a burning red portal opened before him, and they walked through.
The last of Kujin's blood shards shattered in the lock. "Father Sky damn-!" She hissed, her language becoming quite colorful in orc. Arantir also met with failure.
Gotai's bonds made a small click as his last shard shattered. His chains fell off. He wordlessly looked up to the others and the nodded. Gotai wordlessly stood and walked to the broken door, making rather allot of noise for someone trying to be stealthy. The only thing in the room was the orb. The Khan shuddered compulsively as he looked at the orb, shaken by the magical thing. With this, he ran out of the chasm.
----
He arrived at a small witches hut as the sun began to set. She invited him inside, and Gotai, gracious for the assistance shelter and food, agreed. When he saw the broken and bruised dark elf sipping tea, Gotai nearly jumped out of his skin. "You-!"
"Yeah. Lucky to be alive, yadda yadda yadda... Listen, I'm going to need your help..."
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Yeah in the 18th century, two inventions suggested a method of measurement. One won and the other stayed in America.
-Ghost destroying Fred
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evinin
Supreme Hero
Servant of Asha
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posted April 12, 2011 05:43 PM |
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Gnomes, I'm on a sort of vacation in Turkey, I don't have time to write. I'll use it later. I gave you and Kuz "the way" (I'm thinking stupid right now) a couple of posts above - the Phoenix attacks Alaric, Derelin has his part, Findan goes to kill Markal (or at least try).
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gnomes2169
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
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posted April 13, 2011 12:07 AM |
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Ah, alright. Well then, here goes my fics... *Uncertainly raises glass*
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Yeah in the 18th century, two inventions suggested a method of measurement. One won and the other stayed in America.
-Ghost destroying Fred
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evinin
Supreme Hero
Servant of Asha
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posted April 17, 2011 03:05 PM |
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Edited by evinin at 21:01, 17 Apr 2011.
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I'm back.
So... Why haven't you written anything?
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gnomes2169
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
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posted April 18, 2011 05:10 AM |
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I think I've gotten... 5-6 hours of sleep (?) each night due to homework lately... ZzZzzzzzZzzzzzzzZzz...zz.z...
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Yeah in the 18th century, two inventions suggested a method of measurement. One won and the other stayed in America.
-Ghost destroying Fred
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KuzAnn
Adventuring Hero
Explorer
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posted April 18, 2011 05:57 AM |
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Quote:
I think I've gotten... 5-6 hours of sleep (?) each night due to homework lately... ZzZzzzzzZzzzzzzzZzz...zz.z...
Less forum-ing, more homework.
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gnomes2169
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
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posted April 18, 2011 11:32 PM |
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Yes mom ()
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Yeah in the 18th century, two inventions suggested a method of measurement. One won and the other stayed in America.
-Ghost destroying Fred
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evinin
Supreme Hero
Servant of Asha
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posted April 19, 2011 09:24 PM |
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Edited by evinin at 21:57, 23 Apr 2011.
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Well, ok. Say when you have more time and so.
So... *scratching head* I guess I'll write something tomorrow...
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KuzAnn
Adventuring Hero
Explorer
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posted April 24, 2011 03:03 AM |
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Edited by KuzAnn at 03:03, 24 Apr 2011.
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Sorry it's so short, things have been busy lately.
~ ~ ~
Sar-Elam shifted, and glared out into the void in annoyance; Mother Earth and Father Sky, apparently bored with simply mocking him, had begun to gradually dismantle his spell work piece by piece. He had to find a way to stop them before they brought his plans crashing down around his ears.
A flash of brown flicked past his prison; Mother Earth had come to mock him in person again. “Your newest minion will soon be dead!” Sar-Elam snapped, trying to find a way to hurt the pair.
He felt her chuckle before he heard it, but apparently she did not wish to speak on the matter. The Seventh Dragon clenched an ethereal fist in anger; so apparently the phoenix wouldn't work after all, if Mother Earth's obvious amusement had anything to say about it. He mentally scolded himself for thinking that it would work as he thought. Alaric wasn't undead, a phoenix wouldn't work as it would on a vampire and it would be an embarrassing defeat if he somehow managed to kill the bird permanently, not to mention the amount of distress that the Phoenix Lady would feel at finding that her cherished pet had been needlessly sent to die.
Father Sky's nearly-invisible form flashed by as Sar-Elam lost himself in thought. If he could find some sort of focus for a barrier spell to keep the pair away, it would make things much easier for him. He grinned, having come up with a suitable idea, and cast about to see where the phoenix had gone; it was closing in on Alaric's location, and would engage him in battle soon, just enough time to give the bird new orders.
“Phoenix!” The mental yell caused the bird to stop and squawk in surprise. After recovering from the initial shock of Sar-Elam speaking to it directly, it hovered in the air and waited for him to speak again. “I will give you a small amount of my power, use it to stun Alaric and then carry him to this location.” The image of a mountain cave appeared in the phoenix's mind as Sar-Elam sent a tiny fraction of his power along with the location. The bird landed, shifting its feathers and grumbling in its own tongue at how weird the foreign magic felt. It also felt uneasy about this new location, apparently Sar-Elam did not trust the Phoenix Lady enough to have Alaric taken to her lair. “Do not kill him or Isabel. Now get to it.” Had Sar-Elam been a mortal wizard the phoenix would have hissed at him and ignored his orders, but he was a dragon-god, and capable of making its master suffer greatly, so the fiery bird took off again and continued on its search for Isabel and Alaric.
The phoenix panted as it hefted Alaric's limp body through the cave entrance. It had rushed in and stunned Alaric before Isabel could react, and had then flown out of her reach before she could get him back. Grumbling, the fiery bird grasped the man's belt in its beak and dragged him along deeper into the cave, where a magic circle was inscribed in the middle of a larger cavern. The engravings glowed as the phoenix approached and dumped Alaric in the middle of them.
“Excellent...” Sar-Elam's voice echoed through the cave as well as the inside of the phoenix's skull. “Now begone. The wards will not activate until you have left.”
Letting out a low hiss to display how annoying it found all this, the phoenix hurried out of the cave and began the journey to its master's home.
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This thread is pages long: 
