Heroes of Might and Magic Community
visiting hero! Register | Today's Posts | Games | Search! | FAQ/Rules | AvatarList | MemberList | Profile


Age of Heroes Headlines:  
5 Oct 2016: Heroes VII development comes to an end.. - read more
6 Aug 2016: Troubled Heroes VII Expansion Release - read more
26 Apr 2016: Heroes VII XPack - Trial by Fire - Coming out in June! - read more
17 Apr 2016: Global Alternative Creatures MOD for H7 after 1.8 Patch! - read more
7 Mar 2016: Romero launches a Piano Sonata Album Kickstarter! - read more
19 Feb 2016: Heroes 5.5 RC6, Heroes VII patch 1.7 are out! - read more
13 Jan 2016: Horn of the Abyss 1.4 Available for Download! - read more
17 Dec 2015: Heroes 5.5 update, 1.6 out for H7 - read more
23 Nov 2015: H7 1.4 & 1.5 patches Released - read more
31 Oct 2015: First H7 patches are out, End of DoC development - read more
5 Oct 2016: Heroes VII development comes to an end.. - read more
[X] Remove Ads
LOGIN:     Username:     Password:         [ Register ]
New Server | HOMM1: info forum | HOMM2: info forum | HOMM3: info forum | HOMM4: info forum | HOMM5: info forum | MMH6: wiki forum | MMH7: wiki forum
Heroes Community > Bards Glade Pyre (RPG) > Thread: For the VW people IC
Thread: For the VW people IC This thread is 5 pages long: 1 2 3 4 5 · NEXT»
gnomes2169
gnomes2169


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
posted February 22, 2012 02:58 AM

For the VW people IC

Tomas opened his eyes, slowly looking around to gauge where the hell he was. Rolling forward on the.. what the hell was he even on? A black space. Great, he was stuck in the bloody lag zone. His thundering head almost drove away conscious thought. Bloody creator gave me his hangover. B****.

Wincing and standing up, Tomas looked around. Black on his left, black on his right and blurry up the center. "Help?"

That message will get to you three days from now, due to lag.

Everyone else, well you guys woke up this fine day to find yourselves... different. Something changed and of course this means that you will have to do something about that. Why? Change is bad. Unfortunately, the program that the creator made to explain this change to you is named Tomas and is, well, getting some pretty hard-core lag right now.



Bob
Today you are purple. I'm not sure why. The program felt like it, apparently. The goblin that you stayed with last night, a nice guy who likes to play table tennis, waves at you and asks something that looks like, "How are we today?" but comes out as "GGghaoknvcibnujwdmv." That's his problem, you don't know his name because the voice file is corrupted. Sort of sad, really...

Jack
Well, that might have been the most hacked battle you've ever had. Funny enough, the cheater who was about to finish you off glitched out due to all the hacks he streamed into the system. And he dropped the loot he would have gained from defeating you. If that isn't Karma... A rather pretty girl dressed like a princess is standing a few blocks away from you, with one of the more legit players talking to her and accepting some quest or another he'll never be able to complete due to the glitches in the system...

Maximus
How does one throw out the boss of an arena? Very good question. Maybe they drug the beer he drinks in obscene amounts, stuff his mouth with some smelly oger's socks and kick him in the pants a few times. Of course, you could go back at any time, but the same thing would happen again like it does every night. Something strikes you that this feeling is not normal, something is wrong. And hey, maybe you being the boss you are can fix it. It's worth a shot, isn't it?

But where to start looking... well you could always try the tavenr ((name typo present in the game)). Or maybe the wishin Tell ((Wishing well)). Stranger things have happened, why just last week a bloody Walrus was walking around with a bow passed through the area...

Polly
Well, it looks like some people are actually going to try doing something today. And don't they need someone to annoyingly guide them? I mean, come on, what is an MMORPG without a Navi ripoff? You should totally be everywhere at once.

Oh, funny thing about that, there was a strange glitch and you got cloned so that there is enough of you for everyone... including yourself... and yes. You really are that good looking.
____________
Pokemon Helnith character sheets!

 Send Instant Message | Send E-Mail | View Profile | Quote Reply | Link
The_Polyglot
The_Polyglot


Promising
Supreme Hero
zombie
posted February 22, 2012 05:29 PM

'Well, actually, I feel... blue? No, that's not it... Sort of blue-ish, I guess. Anyway, thanks for letting me crash here for the night. I guess I'll be going now-wouldn't want to overstay my welcome. Oh, and by the way, thanks for introducing me to such a fine game - who knew it would be so easy and yet so fun!'

*waddles off in the direction of the door*

 Send Instant Message | Send E-Mail | View Profile | Quote Reply | Link
Drakon-Deus
Drakon-Deus


Bad-mannered
Legendary Hero
Everywhere and nowhere
posted February 22, 2012 05:48 PM

"This whole thing is a hack. Chaos is what killed the dragons not knights in shining armor.  Luck is a harsh mistress. I should have cheated and ripped his lungs out with my sneaking skills...more mumbles... is that a tavern up ahead? Then I'll go see the princess after a few pints."

 Send Instant Message | Send E-Mail | View Profile | Quote Reply | Link
gnomes2169
gnomes2169


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
posted February 23, 2012 12:11 AM
Edited by gnomes2169 at 00:12, 23 Feb 2012.

Bob
A pleased sounding corrupted voice file bids you "Adue" as you walk out. Off in the background, a white squirrel is eaten by a rather fluffy kitten and a dragon eats the kitten, but then that dragon is eaten by a damsel in distress. Perfectly normal day in the neighborhood. Oh, speaking of eating, a tavern up ahead labeled 'Tavenr' seems to have a deal on all breakfasty items, including their super ultra delux plain every day old pancakes.

Also, this bloody quest-giving princess girl just won't shut up, babbling for help and other such nonsense.

Jack When you come into the tavern a beer is thrown at your head, which you nimbly catch, and then an anthropomorphic Walrus walks in. Oh, and it's purple. Whatever it is that's wrong with this world, it just got 20 times worse. You should totally talk to it until your HP regens.
____________
Pokemon Helnith character sheets!

 Send Instant Message | Send E-Mail | View Profile | Quote Reply | Link
The_Polyglot
The_Polyglot


Promising
Supreme Hero
zombie
posted February 23, 2012 03:38 PM
Edited by The_Polyglot at 15:39, 23 Feb 2012.

*Gulp*'That damsel looks dangerous... I bet she's here to monitor my movements... I should try to sneak past her... Oh, is that a tavenr up ahead? The perfect hiding place!

 I((read:Bob)) try to sneak past the damsel, ever so slowly edging towards the entrance of the tavenr. In the process, I somehow attract a crowd's attention, knock over a few miscellaneous items,(vases, chairs, a table, some drunkards... The usual stuff), and nearly trip myself up, but I eventually manage to, well, barge into the tavenr seemingly undetected by the Damsel of Doom...

Good thing that that crowd surrounded me, at least she couldn't get a clear look. But why did they stare so much? Surely, I'm not that ugly a walrus... I mean yes, I'm just an adventuring ex-vocalist, but that stuff doesn't show, does it?  

...nearly knocking over a poor fellow clad in a bright purple robe. I mumble an apology, but he doesn't seem to hear it; he's busy catching a bottle of beer approaching him at a considerable velocity, without flinching - or, for that matter, looking up.

Wow, those are some lightning-quick reflexes he's got there. One has to wonder, where does one learn skills like that? Can it even be taught?

As I try to mingle, picking a table, and ordering the first item on the menu - 'Crępppe rayppugnanth' - I keep an eye on the purple fellow.

He seems to be in a bad mood; he looks around with the expression of someone who's convinced that the world can't get any weirder, clutching his (already half-empty) beer as if it was his only remaining means of making sense of a world gone mad.

His robe is(apart from being a ludicrous shade of bright purple-ugh. Who in their right mind would wear purple anyway? Aristocrats? Snails? Snail aristocrats? It's a haughty colour, unfit to be worn by anyone decent, that's all I'm saying.  dirty and torn in a few places, with just a hint of what smells like dried blood. Of course, it could be just about anything else - my eyes aren't great at picking up details. In fact, if not for that purple monstrosity, I would have lost sight of him already. He seems unwell - he is sort of slumped in his chair, not quite able to sit properly - and, if my trusty vibrissae are not mistaken, he smells faintly of danger and death(Or dried cardboard and stale oranges, I always mix them up)  I wonder, what could injure a man capable of catching makeshift missiles absentmindedly?...

Oh, no!He's coming this way!    



 Send Instant Message | Send E-Mail | View Profile | Quote Reply | Link
Drakon-Deus
Drakon-Deus


Bad-mannered
Legendary Hero
Everywhere and nowhere
posted February 23, 2012 03:56 PM

"So, where did you come from? My coin says this ia a bad omen so get in the corner will ya? Would you like some fish?"

Oh okay, maybe I deserved that bottle after what I did to the barmaid last week... let's see if anyone is up for a game of "Whack-a-Mage".No one? heck, back in the day... more mumbles... it's not easy to be scarred but I can drink gin and ale at the same time and not feel weird...another round please..and another..."

 Send Instant Message | Send E-Mail | View Profile | Quote Reply | Link
The_Polyglot
The_Polyglot


Promising
Supreme Hero
zombie
posted February 23, 2012 05:02 PM

Play it cool, play it cool, he may not be onto me yet!

I managed to mostly suppress the involuntary twitch his sudden greeting caused, and half-barked: 'Who wants to know?'

 Send Instant Message | Send E-Mail | View Profile | Quote Reply | Link
berny-mac
berny-mac


Promising
Legendary Hero
Lord Vader
posted February 24, 2012 05:01 AM

Phallicus would have walked to the tavern (or Tavenr, as it was named), but instead tripped on a rock that didn't have its textures added, and so was therefore very hard to see. As he fell and clipped through the rock, Phallicus simply removed himself from the game and back instantaneously. There he appeared in the tavern, where too many patrons where running in place and the barmaid was handing out tankards without drink. As was expected, all of the females in here where either old, ugly, or ridiculously gorgeous/snowty. The barmaid was literally wearing low class lingerie and her cup size would have been considered to be an E cup. Most males were rather lacking in terms of handsomeness and muscularity, excepting those who are either supposed to be warriors or are part of the main storyline, whatever that may be.

After clipping through several chairs, Phallicus finally found one that would support his file size and sat down, awaiting what would happen next.
____________
Skyrim RP? YES!
Here it is!

 Send Instant Message | Send E-Mail | View Profile | Quote Reply | Link
Geny
Geny


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Elvin's backside
HC SUPPORTER
posted February 24, 2012 10:01 AM

Polly looks at his clone. The clone looks back.

*squawk*
*squawk*

Polly blinks. So does the clone.

"Welcome to your new adventure!"
"Welcome to your new adventure!"

"My name is Polly."
"My name is Polly."

Polly narrows his eyes at the clone. The clone narrows his eyes at Polly.


A short while later outside the Tavenr.

The skies turned black and echoed with the sound of thunder... no that's not it, the skies turned green and echoed with the sound of talking parrots. A LOT of talking parrots.

"Welcome to your new adventure!"
"My name is Polly."
"I will be your guide."
"To move around use your mouse."
"The red numbers show your health points."
"That princess looks like she needs help. Maybe you should talk to her?"
*squawk**squawk**squawk**squawk**squawk**squawk**squawk*
____________
geny is a meanie - fred79

 Send Instant Message | Send E-Mail | View Profile | Quote Reply | Link
gnomes2169
gnomes2169


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
posted February 27, 2012 06:25 AM

A great deal of players log out at that time, and with them gone the Polly clones vaporize. Now the noise level merely reminds one of the cries of torment one would find in hell.

Funny thing, Bob, Jack and Phal all get a Polly, which doesn't shut up and can't be killed.

Bob/ Jack
One second, Bob is purple. The next, he has an image of a nyan cat running across his belly. A hacker runs off, cackling gleefully. Bob frowns at it, and then the music starts playing as well.

((At this point, Bob, you develop the ability to change the graphics simulator and Jack is able to modify the sound bites. Unless you don't want to, of course. Oh, and this change is rather sudden and surprising...))

Phallicus
A stein hits you in the head for 20D6 damage. But as it connects, the damage is mitigated and becomes a mere single point. How? Well guess what! You can modify the damage values of, well, everything! But it apparently has to touch/ damage you first, and right now you have no way to activate it consciously...

The pretty wench says, "Sorry for the injury." She asks, "Can I do anything to make up for what has happened?"
____________
Pokemon Helnith character sheets!

 Send Instant Message | Send E-Mail | View Profile | Quote Reply | Link
Drakon-Deus
Drakon-Deus


Bad-mannered
Legendary Hero
Everywhere and nowhere
posted February 27, 2012 12:19 PM
Edited by Drakon-Deus at 15:31, 27 Feb 2012.

"What shall it be? a president's speech? an actor? Neil Armstrong? Nah, they'd burn me to the stake. Better go see the princess. Now, where did she go? Oh and do I have pay for all the drinks? Ok, can I come back later? * Elvis has left the building * " and *I did not have anything with the barmaid, Miss Lewinsky*

 Send Instant Message | Send E-Mail | View Profile | Quote Reply | Link
The_Polyglot
The_Polyglot


Promising
Supreme Hero
zombie
posted February 27, 2012 02:44 PM
Edited by The_Polyglot at 15:39, 27 Feb 2012.

Heh. No way they would send an assassin as inept as Mr. Purple after me. The poor drunk just kept muttering to himself...

*The Creppe Raypuggnanth arrives, and I take an unsuspecting bite*

'What the...?! This is borderline poisonous!'
Suddenly, I hear a squawk.
I look up, and notice a sort of flying skeleton(Admittedly with a wonderful plumage) joyfully flapping its wings right beside my head! It proceeds to speak.

*squawk* Adventurers are advised not to buy food in taverns, as in order to cut costs while maximizing profit, they only sell cheap concoctions like the perennial favourite 'Creppe Raypuggnanth' a.k.a. 'Disgusting Pancake', which while cheap to produce, are neither refreshing nor actually healthy. Adventurers seeking a delicious meal are encouraged to try out our brand new, state-of-the-art hunting minigame. *squawk*


'Who are You, and how did You find me?!'
____________
Screw interest, take initiative!
Anonymous

 Send Instant Message | Send E-Mail | View Profile | Quote Reply | Link
Geny
Geny


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Elvin's backside
HC SUPPORTER
posted February 27, 2012 05:40 PM

Bob
*squawk*
"Greetings. I am Polly. I will guide you through this world of peril... and cheese."

Jack
*squawk*
"Not paying for your drinks will count as an evil act. Some of the world's characters may frown upon such behavior. If you do not want this to happen why not try a not illegal robbery. Otherwise, I would suggest to try and rob a lingerie shop."

Phal
The Polly flying beside him merely looks at the wench then back at Phallicus and winks.
____________
geny is a meanie - fred79

 Send Instant Message | Send E-Mail | View Profile | Quote Reply | Link
The_Polyglot
The_Polyglot


Promising
Supreme Hero
zombie
posted February 27, 2012 05:53 PM
Edited by The_Polyglot at 17:55, 27 Feb 2012.

So, this world may be one of peril and cheese... Well, that's something I didn't know.

'*menacing stare*
Greetings, Polly... How did You find me? Who are You working for? Why do You think I need guiding?'

 Send Instant Message | Send E-Mail | View Profile | Quote Reply | Link
Geny
Geny


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Elvin's backside
HC SUPPORTER
posted February 27, 2012 06:15 PM

"Well, it's obvious that you're not smart enough to find your own way. And it's not like it is hard to find a huge walrus, you stupid git."
____________
geny is a meanie - fred79

 Send Instant Message | Send E-Mail | View Profile | Quote Reply | Link
The_Polyglot
The_Polyglot


Promising
Supreme Hero
zombie
posted February 27, 2012 07:02 PM

'Do not insult my intelligence, You un-bird! Yes I am a huge walrus, but still, I managed to evade capture for months before You came along. So, spit it out: How could a mere parrot be capable of such a feat as finding me?'

 Send Instant Message | Send E-Mail | View Profile | Quote Reply | Link
Geny
Geny


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Elvin's backside
HC SUPPORTER
posted February 27, 2012 07:27 PM

"Oh I am a professional guide. I get assigned to all adventurers of the realm, dear sir."
____________
geny is a meanie - fred79

 Send Instant Message | Send E-Mail | View Profile | Quote Reply | Link
The_Polyglot
The_Polyglot


Promising
Supreme Hero
zombie
posted February 27, 2012 08:52 PM

'How do I know that You are telling the truth?

((sorry guys, but Bob is supposed to be paranoid))

 Send Instant Message | Send E-Mail | View Profile | Quote Reply | Link
Drakon-Deus
Drakon-Deus


Bad-mannered
Legendary Hero
Everywhere and nowhere
posted February 27, 2012 09:19 PM
Edited by Drakon-Deus at 21:20, 27 Feb 2012.

"A parrott? You like my shiny coin? let's see what luck has in store for me...okay, okay, here's the money.

"Parrott friend, where's the Princess? I'll share her reward with you... everything in crackers of course."

 Send Instant Message | Send E-Mail | View Profile | Quote Reply | Link
Geny
Geny


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Elvin's backside
HC SUPPORTER
posted February 27, 2012 09:35 PM
Edited by Geny at 21:37, 27 Feb 2012.

Bob
"I do, you twit."

Jack
"Polly wanna cracker! Polly wanna cracker! Polly wanna hit you with a dead fish!
*squawk*
To talk to a person approach them, point at them and push something."


The two parrots look at each other and *squawk* in unison.
____________
geny is a meanie - fred79

 Send Instant Message | Send E-Mail | View Profile | Quote Reply | Link
Jump To: « Prev Thread . . . Next Thread » This thread is 5 pages long: 1 2 3 4 5 · NEXT»
Post New Poll    Post New Topic    Post New Reply

Page compiled in 0.0332 seconds