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| Thread: "Resignation Letter" or how to write one :) | |
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malkia
Promising
Famous Hero
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posted March 13, 2002 04:48 AM |
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"Resignation Letter" or how to write one :)
This was sent today in our jokes mailing lists....
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There are many tips on how to write resumes. But how about this for a resignation letter...(An actual letter sent by a fed up US employee in Port Huncliff, New England)
Mr. Baker,
As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superior shares an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of myself, and my co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen.
I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly
attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is.
Your shiny new Mac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp-dressed, useless look about you that may have worked for your
interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude.
In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.
Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting points.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your damn mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow, not ONE minute later.
Never f*ck with your systems administrators, because they know what you do with all your free time.
Sincerely,
Ted Brewer
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ShadowLord
Promising
Famous Hero
of Dope
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posted March 13, 2002 05:40 AM |
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Muwahahaha Bullseye! Damn straight! I like the way he mocked the boss and blackmail him. It's true that "Never screw with a system administrator!". Just hilarious!
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Do I need DRUGS when I have HEROES?
Heroes == Good
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Hexa
Responsible
Legendary Hero
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posted March 13, 2002 11:03 AM |
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ROTFLMAO here!@
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If you want to realize your dreams >>> you have to wake up!@
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Lith-Maethor
Honorable
Legendary Hero
paid in Coin and Cleavage
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posted March 13, 2002 11:15 AM |
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no comment
that guy is great  ...i like it 
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You are suffering from delusions of adequacy.
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arachnid
Promising
Famous Hero
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posted May 08, 2002 09:15 PM |
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How dare he talk about what i do in my spare time!!!!!!!!!!! That little sh!t put this on the web i cant believe it!
Nah just kidding but this sure does make you think what the hell he WAS doing with that ketchup! That guy is a total legend the only thing i want to know is did he get a good recomendation and what his bosses face looked like after seeing that letter.
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Maniac
Disgraceful
Famous Hero
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posted May 08, 2002 09:20 PM |
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Lord_Woock
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
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posted August 28, 2003 10:24 PM |
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This one's too good to stay on page 58... Revived!~
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Yolk and God bless.
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My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted August 29, 2003 01:08 AM |
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So how bored are you again Woocky  ?
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Dreaming of a Better World
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Lord_Woock
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
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posted August 29, 2003 01:37 AM |
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Quite bored, thanks for asking.
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Yolk and God bless.
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My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted August 29, 2003 01:46 AM |
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Sure buddy anytime
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Dreaming of a Better World
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Lord_Woock
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
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posted August 29, 2003 01:53 AM |
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Just a thought - how did you know that I was bored at the moment?
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Yolk and God bless.
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My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted August 29, 2003 01:59 AM |
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Come now anyone digging in this tavern from pages 11 & more have to be bored LOOOL just LOOOL.
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Dreaming of a Better World
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BountyHunter97
Famous Hero
King of all that is Chicken
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posted August 29, 2003 03:33 AM |
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LMAO ROFL lol... wow i wonder if he really did do that...
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Draco
Promising
Famous Hero
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posted August 29, 2003 04:23 PM |
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oh i did... er,,, he did hes a friend of mine yeah a friend. by the way he didnt get the letter of recommendation, but he got his manager fired. and was hired back as a police for the bosses.
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regnus_khan
Responsible
Supreme Hero
[ Peacekeeper of Equilibris ]
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posted April 04, 2004 05:11 PM |
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LMAO good one!
BTW, !revived
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Asmodean
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Heroine at the weekend.
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posted April 05, 2004 03:04 PM |
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Hahahahaha
I think I found my hero!
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To err is human, to arr is pirate.
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