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Heroes Community > Tavern of the Rising Sun > Thread: If you were madly in love...
Thread: If you were madly in love... This thread is 7 pages long: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 · «PREV / NEXT»
xerox
xerox


Promising
Undefeatable Hero
posted May 18, 2014 10:42 PM

Committment in the sense of constraint say, "You're committed to me meaning you can't have a relation with anybody else", is bad and signals a sort of supposedly "romantic" slavery (I have a hard time seeing it as romantic). It creates a situation of severe dependence which I believe is likely to result in unhappiness.
____________
Over himself, over his own
body and
mind, the individual is
sovereign.
- John Stuart Mill

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Neraus
Neraus


Promising
Legendary Hero
Pain relief cream seller
posted May 18, 2014 10:54 PM

What kind of love did you feel as of now Xerox?

The love I know IS commitment, you should be ready to die for your loved one and not just as a figure of speech. In today's world, of course, this doesn't apply anymore as we apparently have forgotten what true love was and just substituted it with attraction. (I know this sound cheesy but bear with me)

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JoonasTo
JoonasTo


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
posted May 18, 2014 11:04 PM

Yeah, you're still long ways from real commitment then.
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xerox
xerox


Promising
Undefeatable Hero
posted May 18, 2014 11:10 PM
Edited by xerox at 23:15, 18 May 2014.

What is "true love" anyway?

My boyfriend is one of the very few people I have ever felt that I love (not counting close family members). I wasn't really sure what love was, if it was even a real thing, before I met him and started thinking about him constantly and felt it (which has liked happened to me like once before, and that was back when I was crushing on Lady Gaga). Actually, what triggered it was not so much physical attraction, but mutual interests and how I could relate to him on so many subjects.

however there is one problem and it is that it is a distant relationship atm so we mostly meet in the weekends, but that's about to change since I only have like a month left before I graduate from my senior year of high school
____________
Over himself, over his own
body and
mind, the individual is
sovereign.
- John Stuart Mill

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Neraus
Neraus


Promising
Legendary Hero
Pain relief cream seller
posted May 18, 2014 11:15 PM

At least you didn't say it was physical attraction or I'd have slapped you.

Yep, it's vague and cheesy, but I think that when the time is ripe you'll understand it.

Anyway, I admit I'm ignorant in this topic, in my experience everytime I fell in love I became depressed because I wasn't fit for the challenge and my interests disappointed me.
Also when did this become the "What is Love (Baby don't hurt me)" Thread?

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xerox
xerox


Promising
Undefeatable Hero
posted May 18, 2014 11:18 PM
Edited by xerox at 23:22, 18 May 2014.

I think at some level, you sort of "decide" if you want to fall in love and I did that to a person I knew was attracted and interested in me (it took like half a year though for something to happen lol) so the chances weren't as high that I'd be denied (but it sort of panned out naturally anyway). Being a gay person, I've already experienced crushing on plenty of straight guys I can't get because of something we can't control (sexual preferences). That's very frustrating to me, as a person who wants to be in control.
____________
Over himself, over his own
body and
mind, the individual is
sovereign.
- John Stuart Mill

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meroe
meroe


Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
posted May 18, 2014 11:35 PM

xerox said:
So... did you try being in an open or polyamorous relationship?


I had met someone who admitted that it was always an desire to have a polyamorous relationship .... long before he met me.  And after a while it was brought up.  Not in a way like "I really need this in my life", but more along the lines of "how do you feel about this.  If I found like-minded people, would you be interested in it?"

Well I thought about it.  I thought about it for along time.  I did this because I was in love.  I was in that stage of 'I can't live without this man'.  I tried to even rationalize it in my brain.  But of course, I have no desire to be disrespected in such a way.  Once I was honest with myself about this guy, I realized it was just a fantasy of his.  He lusted after the idea of consensual agreement with his primary partner (which would have been me) to allow for him to have sex with someone else.  He also admitted that the idea of watching his women with someone else turned him on.  Yet when I questioned him on certain realities - such as my perhaps prefering the other man, he got all indignant and possessive.  Even trying to lay down parameters to benefit his sensibilities and desires.

So yeah I have been there.  And no, it stood no chance with me.  

I know it probably seems I am picking on you and I'm not.  Its just that sexual freedoms like what you seem to hold as ideal are often the preserve of the naive and inexperienced.

You have also mentioned that you only tend to get together with your boyfriend at weekends.  Which indicates to me that its a friendship with benefits, but a good friendship.  No ties sex can exist.  But it also shows that you have no idea about all consuming love.  When that happens, I think you will find a very big difference in your 'values' and 'ideals', especially when you realize that your lover has their own feelings, needs and desires to be fulfilled.  Its not all about you.


____________
Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz

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JoonasTo
JoonasTo


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
posted May 18, 2014 11:42 PM

Quote:
But of course, I have no desire to be disrespected in such a way.

This betrays your own position and inability to comprehend the situation. There is no disrespect in it. The only disrespect comes from your prejudice to the idea.
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xerox
xerox


Promising
Undefeatable Hero
posted May 18, 2014 11:44 PM
Edited by xerox at 23:45, 18 May 2014.

It seems to me like you were kinda of forced into that sort of relationship on his premise, instead of exploring the idea on your own terms (without the prejudice).

I want my boyfriend to be happy and I care about his feelings and desires. I don't really see why that should make me unable to also love other people, or just casually have sex with another person (which for whatever reason seems to be a huge sin, going by the monogamy norm). It's really different having sex with somebody you love and with somebody you're just physically attracted to anyway.
____________
Over himself, over his own
body and
mind, the individual is
sovereign.
- John Stuart Mill

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meroe
meroe


Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
posted May 18, 2014 11:45 PM

Read my entire post Joonas.  Then understand what I am saying.

If a man wants to have sex with many women, then just don't start a relationship with someone who assumes (and most us will) that it is going to be exclusive.

Be honest and just hook up with people.
____________
Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz

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JoonasTo
JoonasTo


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
posted May 18, 2014 11:50 PM

I did.

But honestly, you were just assessing all the ways you could get out of the situation and how he didn't really want it anyway so it was all good you didn't like the idea. That's not what we were interested in. Your failures or successes of sexual or sensual relationships do not interest us. Your experience or assessment of open/polyamorous relationships does. I know you feel the example above was linked to this but the part you wrote out was mostly besides subject.
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OhforfSake
OhforfSake


Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
posted May 18, 2014 11:50 PM

So you dated Mvass?
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Living time backwards

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meroe
meroe


Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
posted May 19, 2014 12:13 AM

@Joonas - I have had this conversation with Mvass before in the "what is love" thread.

My own personal opinion on open relationships/polyamory are this.

I don't believe in them.  And I don't believe that they have anything really beneficial to offer society at large.  Not enough to get excited about.

What grown adults get up to in the privacy of their own homes and within their own circles, is their business.  I really don't give a hoot.

And despite everything I am perfectly happy to live alongside people that live this way.  I really don't have that kind of prejudice.

What creams my corn is that certain people, often in the flush of experiencing this lifestyle get too ardent and try to convince us that they have discovered the utopia.  That this lifestyle is the way to do.

For them it may be.  The rest of us really just want to be left alone to make our own choices.  They are just as valid.  Just because my choice is monogamy, does not indicate I am not free thinking.
____________
Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz

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JoonasTo
JoonasTo


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
posted May 19, 2014 12:16 AM

Why not just write that post in the first place?
I think it is an excellent overview of your take on the issue where people can poke at the parts they want to hold more discussion of.
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meroe
meroe


Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
posted May 19, 2014 12:18 AM

I am sorry, seriously Joonas.  I know I have a massive tendency to get my knickers in a twist and then go round and round in circles and not always get to the point.
____________
Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz

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OhforfSake
OhforfSake


Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
posted May 19, 2014 12:25 AM

Well Mvass doesn't think Dungeon has anything going for it.
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Living time backwards

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JoonasTo
JoonasTo


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
posted May 19, 2014 12:25 AM

Save the sorry for the times you should worry~
This is just an attempt at pushing you to look at your post from a detached perspective.
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mvassilev
mvassilev


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted May 19, 2014 12:34 AM

Meroe, why should polyamory have to offer anything to "society at large"? I'm not polyamorous because I'm doing it for society, I'm doing it for me.
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Eccentric Opinion

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meroe
meroe


Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
posted May 19, 2014 01:01 AM

mvassilev said:
Meroe, why should polyamory have to offer anything to "society at large"? I'm not polyamorous because I'm doing it for society, I'm doing it for me.


Because whatever you do, does and will spill into mainstream society and you have a responsibility, just like everybody else.  You are not the only person on the planet.  So what you say and do has an impact.  And anyone who doesn't understand culpability for your actions is a sociopath.

But mainly because it doesn't offer anything beneficial to society on the whole.  There are no traditions or benefits that can be passed onto newer generations.  Its just a selfish, self serving way of life that's fundamental tenets are of impersonal excess and self gratification.

But that is just my view
____________
Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz

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mvassilev
mvassilev


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted May 19, 2014 01:07 AM

If "society" doesn't like what I do, that is too bad for it. I don't live for it. I interact with people in voluntary mutually beneficial relations, and society is the network of such relations. If someone else doesn't like what I do, they're free not to interact with me, but I don't care if they don't like it.
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Eccentric Opinion

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