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| Thread: Online dating |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 4 5 6 · «PREV / NEXT» |
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Nitramar
Adventuring Hero
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posted February 24, 2015 03:09 PM |
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Stevie said:
Now, about that example: I have an aunt that practices webchat to sell sex. Yea. Her main source of customers is online dating sites. You heard that right. DOZENS of profiles. Once, she struck the mother lode with a company director which she actually managed to seduce into marrying her. Worst decision of that guy's life. Not only she was unfaithful to him but she was also wasting his money and dragging down his career. He eventually divorced her, and now she's back to what she always did, stalking online profiles and recommending herself. So there is the risk of getting in a business which you did not signed for with dating websites.
Some months ago, there was an article in one of our major newspapers about a 30-or-so man whose job was to pretend being various women on some, admittedly rather shady, online dating service. He basically had dozens of profiles too, with fake pictures, and spent every day seductively chatting with men to get them hooked while coming up with excuses for not being able to meet them irl. Ironically, while some dating sites claim that usage fees are necessary to secure security, quality or whatever, this kind of thing could only happen on sites that have fees  .
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Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
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posted February 24, 2015 03:10 PM |
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A dating website is just a tool. Like any other tool, it has to be used correctly. It could be the way you're using the tool that's inefficient, not the tool itself. Which is, I believe, JJ's point.
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I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. -Mitch Hedberg
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted February 24, 2015 03:12 PM |
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ohforfsake said:
Doom, I've lived all my life with that, and you're assuming way too much.
So let me quote what I heard, as directly as possible.
"You must understand that I will never love you because I am incapable of such feeling. In fact, I am incapable of any feeling. Everyone is just meaningless to me. I like to stay with you because you're sharp, ironic, highly intelligent and you make me laugh a lot, but if you expect to become someone special to me... it's not possible, I feel nothing at all. It's up to you whether you want to stay with me or quit, I'm sorry - I can't change who I am".
I'd love to see you jumping in such relationship 
Corribus said:
A dating website is just a tool. Like any other tool, it has to be used correctly. It could be the way you're using the tool that's inefficient, not the tool itself. Which is, I believe, JJ's point.
The tool is inseparable from the whole agenda & atmosphere of those sites, which warp perception of those "inside". So it's more than just a simple tool. It's a whole different world of meeting people.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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JollyJoker
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
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posted February 24, 2015 03:13 PM |
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Ok, I know what's wrong with some of you - you are completely self-delusionary. 
Think about it: you OBVIOUSLY spend a lot of time of the day hacking away ona keyboard, BEING ONLINE!
Equally obviously, that's some kind of flaw, right?
So it makes sense to date someone with equal interests - someone who's online as well.
And there online dating comes pretty handy - because you meet each other in an environment where you are both at home.
Now, if this is an environment "in which it is very hard to find someone who you actually like" - what does that say about yourselves?
The only thing obvious is, that you have no use for people who use the internet ONLY as an alternative method to meet someone and their only app on the mobile is What's App.
On a re serious note - you KNOW how it is. In my country online datingwebsites started a good ten, eleven years ago, and as with all SUCCESSFUL(!) things, a lot of money is just waiting to be made - and to be spent by gullible people...
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Doomforge
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Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted February 24, 2015 03:15 PM |
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JollyJoker said:
Think about it: you OBVIOUSLY spend a lot of time of the day hacking away ona keyboard, BEING ONLINE!
Equally obviously, that's some kind of flaw, right?
I obviously what..?
The whole line of thinking is just some silly presumptions. I don't spend much time online, at all.
Ask more, guess less.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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JollyJoker
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
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posted February 24, 2015 03:17 PM |
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Doomforge said:
Corribus said:
A dating website is just a tool. Like any other tool, it has to be used correctly. It could be the way you're using the tool that's inefficient, not the tool itself. Which is, I believe, JJ's point.
The tool is inseparable from the whole agenda & atmosphere of those sites, which warp perception of those "inside". So it's more than just a simple tool. It's a whole different world of meeting people.
Yup, that's my point - in a way it's like a search engine: you have to know waht to search and how, and you have to know how to tag your own site, so that people find you.
And while it is a different world, it's also a world where you should feel at home.
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted February 24, 2015 03:19 PM |
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And my point is: the search engine of people desires is a failed concept. Fueled by desperation more than anything else. 
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted February 24, 2015 03:48 PM |
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Edited by Fauch at 15:49, 24 Feb 2015.
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Stevie said:
Then, there's the format. The farthest you can go with online dating is chatting and webcams if the feature is implemented. This creates a comfort zone in your psyche from which you will then have to get out, and that happens very hard. Ever heard of people that refused to meet IRL because they didn't wanted to get outside their comfort zone and be disillusioned? I have.
I'm under the impression the comfort zone is a serious obstacle. and I think it may go in pair with the massaging ego that doomforge talked about. the "great" thing about being online is that you can reassure yourself in the fact that lots of guys love you, and maintain the illusion by staying in the comfort zone.
what I wonder is if a real life love relationship is actually something desirable, or rather a risk to avoid and which only happens by accident, when people lose control over their feelings?
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Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
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posted February 24, 2015 03:53 PM |
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Doomforge said:
And my point is: the search engine of people desires is a failed concept. Fueled by desperation more than anything else.
I don't see how this is much different from real life dating. What you lack in immediate visual cues you make up for in an increased sample pool. In fact, I could easily call "real life dating" inefficient because you can only screen so many people in real life in a certain amount of time. In an online environment, you can screen a much larger body of people more quickly. Of course, finding a successful hit requires honesty both on the part of the people being screened and your own checklist of desired attributes, but again this is no different from real life. People put on false veneers in face-to-face meetings as well.
I don't see how online dating is inherently any less efficient than what we've been doing for hundreds of years before the advent of computers. If anything I'd say it's more efficient at bringing people together, because there are people who have found companions online that they never would have found in real life, if only because of geographical circumstances.
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I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. -Mitch Hedberg
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JollyJoker
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
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posted February 24, 2015 04:06 PM |
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Doomforge said:
JollyJoker said:
Think about it: you OBVIOUSLY spend a lot of time of the day hacking away ona keyboard, BEING ONLINE!
Equally obviously, that's some kind of flaw, right?
I obviously what..?
The whole line of thinking is just some silly presumptions. I don't spend much time online, at all.
Ask more, guess less.
I wasn't taking exclusively to you - but this is at least proof for a partly delusionary attitude. Your posting statistics here prove that at least you HAVE BEEN extremely active or the 8+ years you are here - which is effectively the time you try online dating as well. The stats also show that you have been a lot less active within the last year, but that doesn't mean you are NOT online a lot recently: it may as well mean, that you are busy elsewhere, maybe facebook or twitter.
Of course you may NOT be online a lot recently, but that may be forced for some reason.
In short: you don't strike me as honest here - which would incidentally explain your disappointment.
I so agree with Corribs' last post.
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Doomforge
Admirable
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Retired Hero
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posted February 24, 2015 04:08 PM |
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@Corribus
In general, that's because "in real life" people have a lot more "features" that makes is interested which aren't viewable in teh internet. Even small things, like tone of voice.
So when we strip ourselves of all those little quirks that make things more interesting, we literally become online sets of raw data and (photoshopped) pictures on a cyber marketplace. And we cannot spot obvious faults until (usually) we invested some time getting to know the chosen person via emails or skype or whatever already.
@JJ - HC is usually active somewhere in my browser, but that doesn't mean I'm even anywhere near the computer at that point.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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ohforfsake
Promising
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Initiate
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posted February 24, 2015 04:21 PM |
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@Doom
Again it's a matter of commitment (from her). She may not be able to feel emotional bonds, but she can still decide what's important to her and stick with it.
That is in my opinion the real issue..
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Living time backwards
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted February 24, 2015 04:40 PM |
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TDL said:
I also think that there is one other thing in play here, at least in my book. In order to secure a relationship or even a one-night stand/several dates, you have to be ready to have something to give the other person in return, as in quid pro quo. I swore to myself back in school I would never date or think about dating/love until after I found stable ground, and have something to provide the other person with, be it emotionally, financially or physically. Maybe this ended up more of a curse as I turned down options early, but my resolve somewhat strengthened over time because I realised how flawed most relationships are and in order to have them work, you have to put in the hours and, again, give smth in return. If you are a selfish snow like I am, you'd probably see things similarly and why even bothering isn't worthwhile.
really, how much do you have to give? you could very well be better off not doing any effort than by trying your best. give too much, your partner feels pressured in returning as much but finds out she can't, she feels guilty, she blames it on you and eventually leaves.
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JollyJoker
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
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posted February 24, 2015 04:45 PM |
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Doomforge said:
@JJ - HC is usually active somewhere in my browser, but that doesn't mean I'm even anywhere near the computer at that point.
I rest my case.
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Nitramar
Adventuring Hero
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posted February 24, 2015 05:38 PM |
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@Fauch
I think TDL's point (the way I read it anyway) is not so much a question of giving/trying as much as possible but having at least the potential to give as much as the other person has potential to give you. A balance of perks, so to speak. If you consider yourself boring, unattractive, incapable, immature or whatever, then you might feel like you'd benefit more from the relatioship than the other person (like a parasite ), and therefore it would feel wrong to enter such a relationship in the first place.
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted February 24, 2015 07:19 PM |
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I don't have any experience with other dating websites, but I know that in the case of OKCupid, it serves as a filter that you wouldn't have if you were trying normal dating. You get some impression of what the person is like from their profile description, and you can tell a lot about what they're like from how they answer the match questions. You learn about their politics, attitudes towards sex/religion/children, lifestyle preferences, etc, that you otherwise may not have discovered until much later.Fauch said:
but you have a massive advantage, you already have a gf, so other girls must believe there is necessarily something making you desirable.
Maybe. On the other hand, it could be a disadvantage - I have a girlfriend, so the only people that could date me are polyamorous, which is a smaller population. Regardless, I have friends who weren't in a relationship that had roughly similar experiences to mine, in terms of being messaged by women.
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Eccentric Opinion
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artu
Promising
Undefeatable Hero
My BS sensor is tingling again
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posted February 24, 2015 08:41 PM |
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I never used on-line dating sites but I've met more than a few girls through Facebook or some community sites. One of them turned out to be a year old relationship and I remember her dearly and kindly, so what if she wasnt the love of my life... I have nothing against such sites on an ideological or moral base. When it comes to the question of do they work, well...
I can see how the "marketing" feeling can be a turn off to some people and how it doesnt feel so subtle but if you really come to think about it, a lot of social conventions are built upon the very same marketing mentality, including old marriage customs of traditional societies, collage parties, balls, most of night-life rituels... People search for mates and sex matters. This is not an abomination.
And about the statistical inbalance, while it is true that both sociobiologically and culturally, it's much easier for a girl of average attractiveness to be able to pick men, then it is for a man of average attractiveness to be able to pick girls, internet is the platform of huge quantities and there's certainly too many sites with too many people to rule a decent chance out. But of course, if you expect an intelligent sex bomb who share exactly all your interests to read your profile and immediately fall in love with you, no, that most probably wont happen.
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Are you pretty? This is my occasion. - Ghost
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Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
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posted February 24, 2015 09:29 PM |
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@DF
A lot of sociological research has been done on online dating. If you go to googlescholar and search "online dating" you will find lots of articles about deceptive practices, what people are interested in, and so forth. Many of the articles you probably can't access unless you are at a university, but you can still read abstracts, which will give you a basic summary of findings.
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I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. -Mitch Hedberg
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DanielLee5
Tavern Dweller
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posted March 18, 2015 09:44 AM |
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Can't agree. Online dating can be both the worst and the best thing for men/women, it depends on the way you use it. I met my current girlfriend straight at online dating site ( https://mymagicbrides.com  , but we both were eager to find a decent person for real relationships, not occasional hook-ups. Online dating is a panacea for busy people sufferring from lack of time, virtual chatting give chances to meet someone for people like me.
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Salamandre
Admirable
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Wog refugee
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posted March 18, 2015 09:58 AM |
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Naturally, and if you remove the site address you would sound much more serious. Or moderators will remove any scam-like.
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