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Heroes Community > Tavern of the Rising Sun > Thread: Dedicated to fred
Thread: Dedicated to fred This thread is 3 pages long: 1 2 3 · «PREV / NEXT»
fred79
fred79


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
SCOURGE OF THE H-SEA
posted May 23, 2018 10:46 AM

i'm confused. what's going on in this thread?
____________
"I do suck it" - artu

"It actually isn't that bad, as long as you chug it" - Kipshasz

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Drakon-Deus
Drakon-Deus


Legendary Hero
posted May 23, 2018 10:51 AM

i just wanted to post some lyrics that i liked and that wouldn't get obliterated eventually like in the vw. i figured, what the hell.

Back to the topic. What are your orders, captain?

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fred79
fred79


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
SCOURGE OF THE H-SEA
posted May 23, 2018 10:53 AM
Edited by fred79 at 11:41, 23 May 2018.

is it that time already, smee? WHO SHALL WE HIT? WHO'S GOT THE BEST BOOTY IN THE SEVEN H-SEAS?

...

SMEE! BAD FORM!

oh well, i guess i better finish this rum he left... *urp*


*takes a couple more swigs, despite being fiendishly drunk already*



*projectile vomits all over the deck*



ALL HANDS ON DECK! ALL HANDS ON DECK! LOOK LIVELY, YOU BILGERATS!

*the skeleton crew climb the ladder into the sun*


now, swab the poop-deck, you scurvy sand fleas!





*laughs and stumbles off with the rest of the bottle, while urping some more*

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Drakon-Deus
Drakon-Deus


Legendary Hero
posted May 23, 2018 11:47 AM

i've been checking the maps sir, but these h-seas are uncharted territories.

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Maurice
Maurice

Hero of Order
Part of the furniture
posted May 23, 2018 01:46 PM

"Cap'n! Cap'n! Sails on the horizon! Could be a fat prize ... or it could think we're a fat prize.

Your orders?"
____________
The last Reasonable Steward of Good Game Design and a Responsible Hero of HC. - Verriker

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blizzardboy
blizzardboy


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Prince of Poetry
posted May 23, 2018 02:41 PM

CAP'N.... I just had an apostrophe!
____________

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fred79
fred79


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
SCOURGE OF THE H-SEA
posted May 24, 2018 03:10 AM

*rubs eyes and temples*

*urps, swallows a little bile*


do i spot 2 more crew members? are my eyes deceiving me?*







*spoken in slurred hangover speech

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Maurice
Maurice

Hero of Order
Part of the furniture
posted May 24, 2018 10:04 AM

"Cap'n! The prize is coming closer! And it looks like ... ehh, is it a good sign when their gunports are open?"
____________
The last Reasonable Steward of Good Game Design and a Responsible Hero of HC. - Verriker

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fred79
fred79


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
SCOURGE OF THE H-SEA
posted May 24, 2018 10:58 AM
Edited by fred79 at 12:14, 24 May 2018.

ALL HANDS TO BATTLE STATIONS! LOOK LIVELY, LADS!

*removes polished debonaire hook and attaches meat hook*

LET'S SHOW THESE DOLPHIN-FORNICATING, MERMAID-SHUNNING, PETER-PAN-LOVING VERMIN WHAT WE'RE ALL ABOUT, BOYS! LET YOUR BLOODLUST RAGE LIKE THE FIRES OF HELL THAT SPAWNED YOU!

*steers ship towards Sharktooth Reef*


THEY'RE IN RANGE! STARBOARD CANNONS! FIIIIIIRE!

...

THEY'VE BEEN HIT! HIT THEM AGAIN! NO MERCY! HIT THEM WITH EVERYTHING WE'VE GOT! SINK THAT PETER-PAN-FANBOY DINGY TO THE DEPTHS!

THE SHARKS'LL BE FULL TONIGHT, LADS!

HAW HAW HAW HAW!

*aims at the ship's captain with pistola*


BOOM! HEADSHOT!


HAW HAW HAW!

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Maurice
Maurice

Hero of Order
Part of the furniture
posted May 25, 2018 09:46 AM

"Hook 'm and cook 'm! Laddies, grapple hooks an' tow that ship in! Jump aboard an' start dashin' an' slashin'!

*Grabs a rope, swings over to the other ship and pulls out his sabre*

AAAYYYIAAAAA!!! Charge!! For glory and death! Treasure is ours!"
____________
The last Reasonable Steward of Good Game Design and a Responsible Hero of HC. - Verriker

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blizzardboy
blizzardboy


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Prince of Poetry
posted May 25, 2018 10:10 AM
Edited by blizzardboy at 10:22, 25 May 2018.

*heaves his heavy pot of simmering potato soup and, while closing his eyes in apprehension, hurls it at an enemy sailor swinging onto the deck. The pale yellow concoction falls short of the target, dowsing the drunken Cap'n Fred in a torrent of scalding and savory liquid*

CAPTAIN? WHO ELSE BESIDES ME HAS SOUP?

*loyally rushes to his Captain's aid and starts wiping him off with the rags from a leper he recently hoodwinked at the last port*


Don't you worry Cap'n, I'll find who done this to you I will!

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fred79
fred79


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
SCOURGE OF THE H-SEA
posted May 25, 2018 11:39 AM

*smacks blizz's hands and disease-ridden rag away*

*wipes face off with hand*

*rams battle meathook through blizz's cheek, knocking out a tooth, and draws him close*


that was pure folly, codfish. of which you will pay dearly. for one so full of guts as you, to smite ME, in the feverish height of BLOODLETTING BATTLE, and as I YOUR CAPTAIN!?

*bares teeth, preparing to bite off offender's nose*

*then thinks better of it, and draws cutlass, placing the blade tip at blizz's bellybutton*


now, shall we empty you of those awful, offending, TRAITOROUS guts? hmmmmm?


*musket round whizzes past head*



ah. another time, then? when i can punish you at my leisure?

*smiles wickedly, with the blackest shark's eyes*


SMEE! THROW THIS VERMIN IN THE BRIG! I WANT HIM KEPT ALIVE!


*unhooks blizz's face and throws him to the deck, takes a hanging rope, and swings across to the enemy ship with a warcry that empties weak bladders; where remaining enemy heads start coming off at the neck via bloodthirsty cutlass*

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Drakon-Deus
Drakon-Deus


Legendary Hero
posted May 25, 2018 11:42 AM

Aye, sir.

*throws blizz into the brig*

You call this no adventure?


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fred79
fred79


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
SCOURGE OF THE H-SEA
posted May 25, 2018 11:50 AM

*slices a throat*

SMEE!

*impales a stomach*

I LEFT MY PISTOL!

*hooks an enemy's eye socket*

LOAD IT AND START FIRING!

*slices off the enemy's head to silence his screaming*

THERE'S MORE AMMO IN THE CIGAR BOX BEHIND YOU IF YOU NEED IT!

*kicks over a powderkeg, and rolls it with it's leaking contents towards a group of enemy sailors*

SMEE! THE POWDER KEG! BLAST IT!

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blizzardboy
blizzardboy


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Prince of Poetry
posted May 25, 2018 12:03 PM

Aye aye Cap'n!

*Somehow manages to bulldoze directly through the wooden wall of the cell and loads the pistol*

We are going to build a nice farm off the beach with this booty! Eh Cap'n?

*fires at the keg and misses fabulously, instead blowing the end off of Fred's mustache and narrowly missing his skull*


CAPTAIN!?
____________

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Drakon-Deus
Drakon-Deus


Legendary Hero
posted May 25, 2018 12:05 PM
Edited by Drakon-Deus at 12:08, 25 May 2018.

let's blow these landlubbers to davy jones' locker!

*loads the pistol and fires at the powder keg*


(hey blizz, that's bad form! this is my role. )

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fred79
fred79


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
SCOURGE OF THE H-SEA
posted May 25, 2018 12:11 PM
Edited by fred79 at 12:23, 25 May 2018.

yeah, blizz. you're already in the brig, ya dolt. no wizard armor snow here!
===============
===============

*the shot hits the powderkeg, blowing it and the surrounding foes to tiny bits*

*and the lord did grin, and the people did feast on the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and...*

WAITAMINUTE, WRONG MOVIE SCENE! SILLY ME!

HAW HAW!

*anyway, as i was saying, the surrounding soft flesh became a pouring waterfall of hellish chaos, of blood and flesh and bits of bone, all of which landed in a surrounding splatter-zone to make a delightfully gory reddish-maroon ink-blot; of which the dreaded Captain Hook lie just inside the outskirts of*

*cleaned of the soup and baptised in the blood and gore of his foes, our fiendish Captain Hook tilts his head back and laughs like a hyena on steroids and crack cocaine*

HAAAWWWWWWW HAWWWWWWWWW HAWWWWWWWWW!


*the few remaining foes promptly jump overboard, preferring the sharks' company to the dreaded Captain Hook's*

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blizzardboy
blizzardboy


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Prince of Poetry
posted May 25, 2018 12:17 PM
Edited by blizzardboy at 12:19, 25 May 2018.

Aye Cap'n!

*casts Reverse Time and undoes running through the wall*

*masturbates violently while sitting in the brig, spraying the walls with load upon copious load of semen while the seamen outside do battle*
____________

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fred79
fred79


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
SCOURGE OF THE H-SEA
posted May 25, 2018 12:22 PM

lol. nuttier than a squirrel turd. and twice as amusing.

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Maurice
Maurice

Hero of Order
Part of the furniture
posted May 25, 2018 02:26 PM
Edited by Maurice at 14:27, 25 May 2018.

Slice an' dice! Mince an' meat!

Or was that "meet?"

Cap'n! I cleared below-decks!

*smears off a bloodied sabre at the tunic of a fallen enemy*

Perhaps ... I should mention to you ... something ...

*stands pondering, contemplating what he wanted to say, amidst the carnage at the poop deck*

"Wait ... it's at the tip of my tongue ..."

*starts pacing around, thinking, squinting eyes, stroking his beard, almost slipping over some unfortunate's innards sprawled across the deck*

"Something about a black ... powder. Ah, yes, gunpowder! And ... something else ..."

*Eyes the captain*

"What do you call that again, below a cooking pot or in a hearth?"

*Thinks even harder*

"Ah yes! Fire! Cap'n! It's my duty to inform you that fire is about to meet up with a sizable gunpowder cache stored within this vessels' lower holds!"
____________
The last Reasonable Steward of Good Game Design and a Responsible Hero of HC. - Verriker

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