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Heroes Community > Tavern of the Rising Sun > Thread: Heroes related jokes!
Thread: Heroes related jokes! This thread is 3 pages long: 1 2 3 · «PREV / NEXT»
Xenophanes
Xenophanes


Promising
Famous Hero
Chief Consul to Queen Mutare
posted June 17, 2002 06:41 AM

An orc waddles into a bar...

An orc waddles into a bar, goes up to the counter, hops up on the stool, and asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?"

The bartender says, "No."

And so the orc is sad, and he hops off the stool, waddles out of the bar, turns around, and waddles back into the bar. He goes up to the counter, hops up on the stool, and asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?"

The bartenders says, "No. I already told you--I dont' have any grapes."

And so the orc's all discouraged, and he hops off the stool, waddles out of the bar, turns around, and waddles back into the bar. He goes up to the counter, hops up on the stool, and asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?"

Then the bartender turns around, with this crazy look in his eye, stares at the orc, and says, "NO!! YOU STUPID ORC! THIS IS A BAR! I DO NOT HAVE ANY GRAPES! IF YOU ASK ME THAT ONE MORE TIME, I'LL NAIL YOUR SNOUT TO THE COUNTER!!!!"

And so the orc's all scared, and he jumps off the stool, waddles out of the bar, turns around, and waddles back into the bar. He goes up to the counter, hops up on the stool, and asks the bartender, "Got any nails?"

The bartender says, "No."

The orc says, "Good. Got any grapes?"
____________
<Dragons rule, Titans drool!>

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Sir_Elric
Sir_Elric


Responsible
Famous Hero
Having a bad hair day.
posted June 18, 2002 04:28 AM


Murphy was in the bath one day boppping his baloney, doing the five knuckle shuffle, choking the chicken, playing the blue vein flute (you get the picture) as he often does while wondering what it would be like to have a real girl instead of his well worn out blow up doll!

When there's a knock at the door, knock knock.

"Who is it!" Yells Murphy.

"It's the blind woman" is the answer.

Blind woman?

Murphy realises that he has no towel but thinks to himself blind women it shouldn't matter.

So he makes his way to the door butt naked and opens the door.

The blind woman, trying not to laugh, says "You call that a penis?!, by the way where did you want your blinds?"




(It's payback time!)
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Neverwinter Nights - "City of Melnibone"
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CraigHack
CraigHack


Known Hero
Have fantasies, will travel...
posted June 18, 2002 04:33 AM

So CraigHack picks up a $10. hooker and spends the night....
Several days later he finds that he has crabs!
He goes back to the hooker and says...
HEY! You gave me crabs!!!
She says.... For $10. what do you expect??? Lobsters?
____________
The Gods have brought us together... I can't imagine why.

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RedSoxFan3
RedSoxFan3


Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
posted June 18, 2002 05:41 AM

How dare you talk about Heroes in the off-topic forum. Can't you go in the TOH forum or Library of Enlightenment. These stupid people coming into an important place thinking they can't talk about whatever they want.
____________
Go Red Sox!

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PhoebeDuViels
PhoebeDuViels


Known Hero
Que?
posted June 18, 2002 08:43 AM

Quote:
How dare you talk about Heroes in the off-topic forum. Can't you go in the TOH forum or Library of Enlightenment. These stupid people coming into an important place thinking they can't talk about whatever they want.


I begin to think...that you were a guy with no sense of humour..
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CENSORED MATERIAL NOT APPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN !

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Aculias
Aculias


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
posted June 18, 2002 08:46 AM

No pheobe he really got a sense of humor I mean he thinks this thread is hahahahahahha serious LOOOOOL just LOOOOOOL
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Dreaming of a Better World

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PhoebeDuViels
PhoebeDuViels


Known Hero
Que?
posted June 18, 2002 09:00 AM

Ah...yes...I like your thinking...

____________
CENSORED MATERIAL NOT APPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN !

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Sir_Elric
Sir_Elric


Responsible
Famous Hero
Having a bad hair day.
posted June 18, 2002 10:12 AM

The Woodpecker and the Dendroid Soldiers


Two Dendroid Soldiers are standing in the woods when they notice a small tree growing between them. One says to the other, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The other says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. One of the Dendroid Soldiers says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, in a Sean Connery accent,
"It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. That, my friends, is the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

____________
Neverwinter Nights - "City of Melnibone"
Direct connect - ausnwn2.dyndns.org:5121

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RedSoxFan3
RedSoxFan3


Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
posted June 18, 2002 06:34 PM

Quote:
it's.... "Heroes 4 "




No you're wrong. It's this one:

A hero walks into a bar. Boy, that's gotta hurt!
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Go Red Sox!

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Xenophanes
Xenophanes


Promising
Famous Hero
Chief Consul to Queen Mutare
posted June 19, 2002 02:23 AM

Word for word, the other one's shorter...
____________
<Dragons rule, Titans drool!>

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Sir_Elric
Sir_Elric


Responsible
Famous Hero
Having a bad hair day.
posted June 20, 2002 03:02 AM
Edited By: Sir_Elric on 26 Jun 2002

Alagar and Gem

Alagar goes to see Gem, known for her healing abilitys, and says, "Gem I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much because they never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here."

Gem says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week Alagar goes back to see Gem. "Gem," he says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly!"

Gem says, "Good, Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

____________
Neverwinter Nights - "City of Melnibone"
Direct connect - ausnwn2.dyndns.org:5121

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RedSoxFan3
RedSoxFan3


Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
posted June 27, 2002 06:29 AM

What do you get when you cross Mephala and Solmyr?

F1 heroes
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Go Red Sox!

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XeRo13g
XeRo13g

Tavern Dweller
Map Creator
posted June 27, 2002 02:28 PM

True !


Simple question for Heroes 4...

Where are the    D R E A D   K N I G H T S ???

No DREADS no PARTY
____________
XeRo13g-Heroes3 Map Creator

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TheMinotaurK...
TheMinotaurKing


Adventuring Hero
posted June 27, 2002 03:58 PM


____________
Call Me TMK
o('-'o)(o'-'o)(o'-')o

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Damacon_Ace
Damacon_Ace


Famous Hero
Also known as Nobris Agni
posted June 28, 2002 02:17 AM

Here's another comic catchpoem:

One day Gundula knocked on the door of the Stronghold that Vey was living in.

"Knock Knock", said Gundula.

"Who's There?" answered Vey.

"Ugly."

"Ugly who?"

"Knock Knock."

"Who's there?"

"Ugly."

"Ugly who?"

"Knock Knock."

"Who's there?"

"Pretty."

"Pretty who?"

"Pretty are you glad that I didn't say ugly again?!" exclaimed Gundula.

HEH HEH HEH!
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No one knows my true nature here...

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RedSoxFan3
RedSoxFan3


Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
posted June 28, 2002 05:09 AM
Edited By: RedSoxFan3 on 27 Jun 2002

Solmyr sees Pee-wee Herman. (Before incident)

"Hey Pee-wee," says Solmyr, "Got any jokes for me?

"Well I sure do buddy. Ya ready?"

"Definately!" *waits eagerly*

"Ok. Here we go." *stupid pee-wee herman laugh*
"How do you scare bees?"

"I don't know!" says Solmyr.

"Well, you run up to the hive and yell 'Boo, bees! Boo bees!'
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Go Red Sox!

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Mysia
Mysia


Hired Hero
I am Insane, So Humor Me
posted June 28, 2002 07:42 AM

ok.... here we go...
A hero is hired to get rid of a sprite infestation. A few days later he is sitting by a busy road counting-- "31... 31... 31... 31... 31..." then a sprite comes by, sits a few feet away in the middle of the road, counting with him-- "31... 31... 31... 31..."

A few moments later a big wagon comes by, going to fast to stop.  The sprite gets run over.  The hero then resumes counting-- "32... 32... 32... 32..."

In a few weeks there are no more sprites in the area.
____________
I am not avoiding you... I am selectivly bypassing you.

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Damacon_Ace
Damacon_Ace


Famous Hero
Also known as Nobris Agni
posted July 10, 2002 02:44 AM

One day Axsis sits down on a park bench to enjoy a great harbour view.

Soon Nymus comes to him and sits down next to him.

Axsis looks away from the harbour view and looks at Nymus' chest and says; "Wow, l just love your big, fat, juicy b@@bs!"

Nymus responded; "Oh, thank you!"

Then Axsis and Nymus kissed each other and Axsis soon had a very big @rgasm.

____________
No one knows my true nature here...

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bort
bort


Honorable
Supreme Hero
Discarded foreskin of morality
posted July 10, 2002 03:15 AM

Crag Hack catches a short little man trying to pick his pocket.  He's about to kill him when the little man says, "Wait!  I'm a leprechaun!  Since you've caught me, you get three wishes!"

"Wow," says Crag, "I wish for a fully upgraded stronghold, The ultimate artifact, and a threesome with Gem and Jezebel!"

"Granted!" says the leprechaun, " But you have to let me do you up the ass first."

Crag is of course taken aback, but he really wants his wishes, especially the Gem and Jezebel thing, so he drops his loincloth and lets the little man go about his business.  When it's over, the leprechaun leans over to Crag and asks, "How old are you?"

"32," replies Crag.

"Aren't you a little old to believe in leprechauns?"

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Celfious
Celfious


Promising
Legendary Hero
From earth
posted July 10, 2002 03:48 AM
Edited By: Celfious on 12 Jul 2002

What's green red and spin's around 50 mph?
Goblin's in a blender.

*hint*-make joke's.

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