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| Thread: Nice Guys |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 · NEXT» |
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Valeriy
Mage of the Land
Naughty, Naughty Valeriy
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posted November 20, 2002 12:44 PM |
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Nidhgrin
Honorable
Famous Hero
baking cookies from stardust
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posted November 20, 2002 05:06 PM |
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So no more being mister nice guy from now on.  Lol, it's not you, I mean... I see you more like a brother or something... I thrust you, you're such a good friend to me... you deserve better than me... Aha! So it's true! Nice guys are losers and will never be able to get/hold a girl! Poor nice guys 
Hmm, actually the texts have some points, especially on the field of guys who are insecure, but at certain things I disagree. Being and staying yourself is very important, that's so very true. Know who you are, what you can take, what you can't. Learn to love yourself (without growing into an individualist pig) and try to understand yourself as good as possible.
If you are a nice guy when just being yourself, then there's no problem in my opinion. You shouldn't start acting differently, using masks or mirrors to hide your niceness from the world. Surely insecurity, indecisiveness and shyness are not appreciated. But there's nothing wrong with someone knowing what he wants, knowing where he stands and knowing where he's going and being nice. One of my favorite statements is "you get what you give", be nice to the world and niceness will be your part. This doesn't mean I like everyone and want everyone to be my friend. Hell no! Though not many, but some people make me sick and if I'd come accross them in a computer game I'd punch them full of holes with a flak cannon  . But I rather ignore people I don't like or discuss things with them rather than bash their brains in. I try to remain nice...
Gals do like nice guys. If you're a nice guy and you're strong willed and self-confident, there are girls for you out there! Just be patient until you meet that special someone. Because you will. And if you do meet her, then go for it! If she's not interested, then tough luck. It will hurt, but the pain will go away soon. But if you say nothing, she won't keep waiting, even if she was interested first. Would you rather want that to happen than to be turned down? I for one wouldn't. At least that's my impression, perhaps I've been a lucky b@stard in the past to come accross nice guy loving girls, but I think it's true. Other opinions would be interesting though, especially girls' opinions. What do you think about nice guys? Do you agree they're all losers? Or is it just a fake rumor devised by really tough dudes to justify their macho behaviour?
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Laelth
Famous Hero
Laelth rhymes with stealth.
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posted November 20, 2002 06:03 PM |
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Indeed. "Nice guy" means you're a loser and no woman wants to sleep with you.
Whether they know it or not, whether they admit it or not, what women want (for sexual relations) is the biggest, most vicious barbarian they can find. This makes sense from a biological, survival-of-the-fittest point of view. They want big, strong children, and they want a big, strong barbarian to guard the cave from potential threats. The problem is that it's hard to live with the barbarian. He is, after all, vicious. He might beat the woman, yell at her, dominate her, control her, or whatever else it is that vicious barbarians do. So, women are caught in a bind. A woman's genetic makeup tells her to choose the barbarian, but she knows he's not going to make her happy. A smaller, more intelligent, more civilized person is less likely to beat her, more likely to be able to provide a good standard of living for her, more likely to give time and attention to their children, even more able to protect the family (with a better income), and just, overall, a better choice for a mate in a civilized society.
It makes one feel sorry for women, a little, but it still makes me angry when they follow their instincts and sleep with the barbarian ... cause that's not me!
(just my 2 cents, a pet theory I developed)
-Laelth
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Alan P. Taylor, Attorney at Law, LLC
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Khaelo
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Underwater
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posted November 20, 2002 09:27 PM |
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With regards to Laelth's pet theory: They -- the great scientific "they," that is, since I don't have a specific citation here -- have done studies about women's preferences. Apparently, most women's taste in men changes over the monthly hormonal cycle. During her most fertile phase, a woman will go for the barbarian who may be vicious but looks like he could sire big, healthy children... But during the rest of the month, she'll tend more towards nicer-looking guys who look like they'll take care of children, be a good partner, etc. I can't back this up with personal experience or anything (I want a month-round Nice Guy Barbarian partner ), but it's an interesting theory.
____________
 Cleverly
disguised as a responsible adult
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HeyYou
Known Hero
and beloved food provider.
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posted November 20, 2002 10:45 PM |
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Nice guys finish last.
There are only a few (quite rare) exceptions to this rule:
1.) Nice rich guys.
2.) Nice very good-looking guys (like, the really really good-looking ones).
3.) Nice very very funny guys (least common of the exceptions).
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Valeriy
Mage of the Land
Naughty, Naughty Valeriy
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posted November 20, 2002 11:03 PM |
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To shape my theory,
I think niceness is a very good trait, what women don't dig is the nasty flavours of niceness. Many nice guys carry that smell... Otherways they would we gentleMEN, hehe
Nasty odour one.
Nice Guys think they will deserve affection by helping people and fixing their problems, so they often play psychiatrist or parent to the girl. This is all good for a while, but that can start to take too much of the air time and the girl starts to feel like there's always something wrong with her. She feels like a bad person with many flaws around him cause they keep talking about her problems or trying to fix her. And yet they tell her compliments and that they love her the way she is. How confusing is that?
Nice Guys must have had domineering parents who show affection by ordering their children what to do "for their own good".
Nasty stinch two.
Nice Guys want attention and recognition. That's why they are nice. They think that if they are really nice then she'll be around all the time.
She feels like she has to pay them constant attention or they get upset. And they are acting nice and she feels obliged to, and she can't and she feels guilty, and avoids him.
They also get upset for the girl seeing anyone else or doing anything fun without them. So she's even guilty to enjoy herself. She's just supposed to feel sorry for him eventually. She's the bad one and she has to make up for it. She feels obliged.
Frustrating smell three.
Nice Guys are so afraid to misplease for the fear of being abandoned that they are spineless. They don't say what they want to do, leave it up to the girl. They don't speak up for what they want to avoid conflicts. They stay quiet when they don't like something. As a result they become resentful for something that happened six months ago. Girl also feels responsible for not reading their mind right and making the right choices. She's responsible for all the choices, and therefore all the wrong choices. She feels like she's not getting anything. She's doing everything herself with her decisions for both of them. She feels burdened rather than taken care of.
So, would you spend time around someone who makes you feel flawed, confused, guilty, burdened and obliged?
Niceness itself does not contain the odours described above, but in combination produces the Nice Guy stereotype.
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You can wait for others to do it, but if they don't know how, you'll wait forever.
Be an example of what you want to see on HC and in the world.
http://www.heroesofmightandmagic.com
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Laelth
Famous Hero
Laelth rhymes with stealth.
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posted November 21, 2002 12:17 AM |
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Quote:
Apparently, most women's taste in men changes over the monthly hormonal cycle. During her most fertile phase, a woman will go for the barbarian who may be vicious but looks like he could sire big, healthy children... But during the rest of the month, she'll tend more towards nicer-looking guys who look like they'll take care of children, be a good partner, etc.
I've heard that one too, and it seems to be right, but it's even worse than the scenario I described above (from the point of view of a non-barbarian) This means a woman will want the "nice guy" when she needs money, support, etc., but that she still wants the barbarian for sex (and she'll sometimes go to him to get it too).
Very irritating.
-Laelth
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Alan P. Taylor, Attorney at Law, LLC
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Khaelo
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Underwater
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posted November 21, 2002 01:09 AM |
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Edited By: Khaelo on 20 Nov 2002
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rampant speculation
Hmm, I would think it better, not worse. The nice-looking guy is higher on the attractiveness-o-meter for a greater percentage of the time than the barbarian. A woman may ogle barbarians while she's in fertile mode, but at the end of the day, she stays with the guy who treats her well. Nobody's *completely* driven by hormones, after all.
As to the articles: "Nice Guys" seem to be synonymous with "Issues Guys." Maybe what women want are just "Friendly Guys." If I can't be friends with you, why would I want to be lovers with you? And clingy, needy people don't strike me as all that friendly -- there's got to be a give and take.
This is all complete speculation on my part, by the way.
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Cleverly
disguised as a responsible adult
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RMS
Responsible
Legendary Hero
-ing yummy foods
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posted November 21, 2002 04:54 AM |
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Well if that's it then there is no option left than that women truly do not want nice guys. I mean if you're not nice what else can you be? A not-so-nice guy?
Well, I'll make sure to stop being nice now then. I'm sure I'll be proud of this decision in the morning
Here's a sorta related article from a site that I frequent:
Itsa me! Clickie click me now!
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This space for rent.
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Romana
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Thx :D
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posted November 21, 2002 03:11 PM |
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being nice and being spineless are 2 different things.
It's great if you're a nice guy but don't let people walk all over you, that's what makes nice spineless.
I think it's best for everyone to set your own boundaries and don't let anyone cross them. To there and no further
so be nice 
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Celfious
Promising
Legendary Hero
From earth
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posted November 21, 2002 03:23 PM |
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Most guys I see dress young, as I do.
This I do not undewrstand. I would think we dress more mature and less *barbaric* lol.
The women go for this, but they rather settle down and take life seriously in the future.
When, and why do guy's settle down? I know they do almost, but when do they stop wearing clothes like the ones they wore in highschool?
oh well
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What are you up to
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Cat
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Gonna Get Dirrty...
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posted November 21, 2002 04:24 PM |
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A lot of men see themselves as nice guys, when in fact they are rather concieted and all the "nice" things that they do always carry a hidden agenda.
But for most (young.. you apparently grow out of this) women, "nice" guys.. well, you aren't interesting at all, I'm sorry. There is something very very attractive about the kind of man you shouldn't go anywhere near at all, under any circumstances. I'm not really sure why. Leading PSYCHOLOGISTS are not even sure why. It just happens.
When a girl says "you are very nice but...", well she means just that. You are nice. You are clean and wash behind your ears. You are in every respect perfect... except for one tiny thing. There is no spark there. And that undefinable spark that burns away well... if you are too nice, that doesn't happen. You just become needy and annoying when you always call when you say you will and are generally kind. I'm sorry guys... try not shaving for a few days and you will see your luck with girls rise considerably..
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 Diwethaf Gloau Sylw y Gymreag
http://aozos.com/phpBB2/index.php
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Laelth
Famous Hero
Laelth rhymes with stealth.
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posted November 21, 2002 05:05 PM |
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Cat, you nailed it on the head, I think. Nice guys are not interesting. I saw too many girls in high school drool over the football players (the most vicious barbarians available) to believe otherwise. But it must be said that this behavior makes sense. Women are attracted to power (because that power implies a better chance for success for her offspring).
Mercifully, however, most women do grow up. They're merciless before the age of 25, but after that point (particularly as they, themselves, become less attractive) they generally learn to make more intelligent and less hormone-driven choices in their mates. So, nice guys, hang on. There's hope yet. And it's very satisfying (in your thirites) to be more attractive, generally, than the football players in high school (who now have beer-bellies, and are, for the most part, disgusting loser slobs).
No offense intended to football players. There are always exceptions to any rule, and you may be the exception.
-Laelth
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Alan P. Taylor, Attorney at Law, LLC
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Khaelo
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Underwater
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posted November 21, 2002 08:04 PM |
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Edited By: Khaelo on 21 Nov 2002
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Quote:
A lot of men see themselves as nice guys, when in fact they are rather concieted and all the "nice" things that they do always carry a hidden agenda.
I'm terrified of guys who are deceptive like this.
The rest of Cat's post is out of my league. Maybe it's simple immaturity/inexperience, but I don't understand why women would pick the unpleasant barbarians over the decent human being men. There's a difference between guys to look at and guys to be with. If anyone watches "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" --
Spike = guy to look at and swoon over (and not touch with a 40-foot pole)
Xander = guy to hang out with and "be with."
He may be "interesting," but if the man is not pleasant to be around, why in the world would someone start a relationship with him? "Interesting" like that is best appreciated from a distance.
____________
Cleverly
disguised as a responsible adult
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Laelth
Famous Hero
Laelth rhymes with stealth.
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posted November 21, 2002 09:04 PM |
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Edited By: Laelth on 21 Nov 2002
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Nidhgrin
Honorable
Famous Hero
baking cookies from stardust
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posted November 22, 2002 05:58 PM |
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Quote:
Here's a sorta related article from a site that I frequent...
O my god!
This article says it all and in my opinion it's so true. As a man, you have to die once in order to live. This is so real!
As for hormones... I liked to think I could control them completely with my rational mind and that they only played a minor role. Wrong, wrong, wrong! Hormones are what drives us, they're the engine that pulls us through life. They are far more powerful than most of us realize and actually all else is but a thin layer of rationalism, painted over it to make it look civilized.
About women preferring barbarians I disagree heavily. In my opinion (feel free to question it ) women want guys that entertain them. To entertain is to be seen very broadly. Some girls prefer guys that make'em laugh all the time, some girls like guys with great looks and some girls like guys that are so weird they can't get a grip on them. There are probably more examples than these, but I'm only trying to make a point. Creativity plays an important role in this too. When a girl stops thinking you're funny, thinks she knows you for 100% and figures you'd do anything for her at a wink, it's time to say goodbye. There must be some kind of challenge. If it isn't there, then the relationship will die soon. Be yourself with your girl, respect her but don't forget your selfrespect. Be creative, do things. Routines are important but nothing is more boring than a life filled with routines.
Well, this is my idea about this. This challenge thing, a constant hunting/chasing game is something very important in my opinion...
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Laelth
Famous Hero
Laelth rhymes with stealth.
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posted November 22, 2002 06:16 PM |
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Edited By: Laelth on 22 Nov 2002
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About women preferring barbarians I disagree heavily. In my opinion (feel free to question it ) women want guys that entertain them. To entertain is to be seen very broadly. Some girls prefer guys that make'em laugh all the time, some girls like guys with great looks and some girls like guys that are so weird they can't get a grip on them.
I have to agree with this statement (or at least part of it). Most polls I've seen, and this hasn't changed in some 20 years, say that women prefer (more than any other single factor) a man with a "good sense of humor," whatever that means. What I have to point out, though, is that humor is, by definition, aggressive behavior. We "make fun" of other people. Humor is almost always at someone else's expense--just watch a stand-up comedian like Chris Rock and you'll see what I'm talking about. Now, I'm not saying humor is bad. We're aggressive animals, and we need an outlet for our aggressive behaivior. I'd rather you laugh at me than beat me with a stick, but, nevertheless, if you crack a joke about someone, that's mildly aggressive behavior. So, when I hear a woman say she likes men with a sense of humor, I hear her saying "I like aggressive men," i.e. barbarians.
-Laelth
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Alan P. Taylor, Attorney at Law, LLC
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Khaelo
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Underwater
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posted November 22, 2002 07:21 PM |
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Quote:
What I have to point out, though, is that humor is, by definition, aggressive behavior. We "make fun" of other people. Humor is almost always at someone else's expense--just watch a stand-up comedian like Chris Rock and you'll see what I'm talking about.
Woah! I totally disagree here. Making fun of other people is just one kind of humor. Making fun of oneself, making fun of society in general (not a particular person), and total absurdity are other forms that don't involve aggression.
But that's a topic for another thread. Suffice it to say that I disagree that liking men with a sense of humor is equivilent to liking barbarians.
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Cleverly
disguised as a responsible adult
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Nidhgrin
Honorable
Famous Hero
baking cookies from stardust
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posted November 23, 2002 04:14 PM |
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As Khaelo says here, humor and agression are two remotely different things. There are uncountable amounts of varieties of humor, of which some naturally include aggressivity. But even stand up commedians making fun of public people and society groups do not really use an aggressive foundation to make people laugh. I prefer to make fun of myself or absurdism when joking, but that's indeed fuel for another thread.
The time that girls wanted a man to drag them to their cave by dragging them by their hair is over. I would like to read some of those polls though, since I have a hard time understanding how the conception that girls like aggression is possible. The girls I know IRL usually detest rude, socially unskilled, rough aggressive men. Sure they do appreciate guys with muscular bodies and good looks, but you can have that without being aggressive. Not all girls I know think this way though. I know some women, luckily not many, that get treated really bad by some kind of jerk but still stay with him. It's strange to say the least.
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Cat
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Gonna Get Dirrty...
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posted November 25, 2002 01:28 PM |
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Bad boys have that certain attractiveness to many purely because you are always sure it will be you, your own magic touch, that will transform them into really really nice guys.
Err... no. It doesn't work like that!
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Diwethaf Gloau Sylw y Gymreag
http://aozos.com/phpBB2/index.php
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