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| Thread: Fan fiction: The Adventures of Myself | |
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Kujo
Known Hero
who loves to script.
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posted November 23, 2002 12:47 AM |
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Edited By: Kujo on 22 Nov 2002
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Fan fiction: The Adventures of Myself
Hmm...i've noticed that not many people have been doing fanfiction, so I'll try my hand at it. It's prolly not very good, but ah well. Here goes
I woke up in the middle of the night, surrounded by my friends and by my enemies. What woke me up? Was it the silent movement of a bandit through the underbrush of our lush forest, or the dragging of feet which emanates only from the wolf? Still groggy from the day's march towards Malcott, our destination castle which my troops and I intended to capture, I sat up from my makeshift bed, which consisted of twigs, leaves and mud, and started walking towards where I thought the sound had come from. My eyes, half opened and cloudy, didn't notice the peasant who lay before me. Before I could stop myself, I had stepped on the poor fellow, who sended a piercing howl throughout our camp.
"Who stepped on me?" cried the startled peasant. "Whoever did will pay for it!"
"It was only me, my good peasant Dalforth. A noise woke me up from my peaceful slumber, and dragged me towards itself. I am sorry I did not notice you, but my eyes are very groggy."
"Oh my liege! I am so sorry to have yelled at you. It will not happen again, I swear! Please forgive me." the peasant begged.
"You are forgiven for given an outcry for the miscarriage of my feet. I too would have made known to all if someone stepped on me."
"Well, since we are both up now, shall we search out the cause of your midnight....stroll?" asked Dalforth.
"Yes, I am anxious to find the man, or beast, who is responsible for my waking. Let us make haste towards the forest, and search with great care," I replied.
Well what do you guys think so far? I'll do more eventually, but I gotta do other stuff right now. I'll take suggestions from anyone, as long as theyre reasonable  .
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guten tag
du bist schwul.
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Joel
Adventuring Hero
An Underdog (Version 2.0)
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posted November 24, 2002 01:54 AM |
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It's a pretty good start. I wouldn't mind reading more.
And do you want any criticism? (I'm curious if you've read over your story before you posted it.)
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The Myrmidons and Underdogs
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Kujo
Known Hero
who loves to script.
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posted November 24, 2002 02:19 PM |
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Edited By: Kujo on 24 Nov 2002
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ya sure i'll take whatever u got 
by the way..i haven't gotten to the action yet, so if that's what you're gonna criticize, I already know.
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guten tag
du bist schwul.
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friendofgunnar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
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posted May 14, 2006 03:57 AM |
bonus applied. |
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I, the self-righteously acclaimed master boob storyteller will finish the story:
Chapter 2:
I cleared the brush line. Even though I was moving with the stealth of trained assassin I could sense that my quarry was aware of my presence. Was he drawing me out? so that he could pick us off one by one? He would get more than he would bargain for. In one swift motion I now wielded both my long sword Toothspike and one of my poisoned throwing blades. I decided to call this one...Hangover
Dalfour was behind me and breathing heavily.
Too heavily.
I turned around and motioned him to stop breathing so heavily.
He did.
I heard a snapping behind me.
I spun with the practiced skill of a trained assassin.
Nothing.
I motioned Dalforth to go to the left and I was to go to the right. He shook his head. I motioned him again to go to the left. He shook his head again.
Fine, I thought, be a coward.
We continued.
he started breathing heavy again.
I spun around on him with a full glare. He was paralyzed in my sight. I made a shushing gesture with my finger and then mouthed the word 'please' to him. I don't think I told him that I was a trained assassin. Maybe he sensed it this time though because he started breathing a lot quieter.
We continued on. I heard water running, a stream perhaps, why had my scouts not noticed this earlier?
Suddenly I saw something,
something...fuzzy
to be continued...
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kookastar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted May 14, 2006 08:04 AM |
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LOL!!! I hope you do continue this story fog
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friendofgunnar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
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posted May 15, 2006 06:25 PM |
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Fan fiction: The Adventures of Myself cont...
Part 3:
Suddenly I saw something,
something...fuzzy
I struck a stealthy stance and moved forward to gain a better view. Presently my quarry came into view. It was a short, fattish humanoid-looking creature covered in fuzzy blue fur. Whatever it was it was relieving itself against a tree and seemed to be completely unaware of my presence.
Was this creature a danger? I thought. Should I take the opportunity to….
AAaaAAIIIiIIGGHGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
A bloodcurdling scream ripped through the night. It was Dalforth! Another one of these fuzzy humanoids had crept up behind him and was now intently ripping it's way through his lower intestines to the accompanying sounds of shredding flesh and snapping ligaments.
I lept up.
The savage beast that was soon going to be meeting Toothspike closely resembled like the first beast, the only difference being the purple caste to it's plush fur.
My blade singed in the night air.
According to the Master Assassin's supplementary defense program a clean cut requires you to learn how to bring your entire body weight and concentration onto the ephemerally thin line of metal at the edge of the blade. That was my plan.
My blade attained the fuzzy carapace of the creature and in my mind I expected to see it again soon on the other side after it had completed it's designated mission. It did not. It came to a halting lurch mere fingerlengths from the edge of it's fuzzy purple hide. The creature hadn't even noticed.
AAaaAAIIIIIGGHGGGGuRGAIHAAAA!
Dalthorf was still screaming. I took a moment to try and understand this because it seemed as if there was only about half of him still left, perhaps a little bit less.
I deliberated whether or not I should try to remove the sword from the creatures back. Perhaps if I just gave it gentle tug. No, no…that was completely the wrong thing to do, it really ought to be done with one clean jerk. I leaned down and improvised an impromptu reversal of the original directions as set forth in the supplementary defense program. I focused all my body weight and concentration into one swift retrieval of the blade from the creatures back.
It didn't budge.
Unlike the official technique however my hasty improvisation this time had managed to get the creatures attention. It stopped it's introspection of Dalfroth and looked up at me with it's blood and gristle smeared face. There was a pair of lungs in it's maw. Lungs that would never be able to breathe heavy again, I thought. I jumped back a pace and we studied each other. The creature had such soft eyes. There was also a large tattoo imprinted on it's chest in the shape of a cup with some type of thick pudding heaped on top. We looked at each other for a moment longer and then creature suddenly returned to it's carnivorous blood-soaked orgy.
Overlapping the sound of Darflour's deathgurgle now I heard the snapping of twigs. It was the very first creature, the one that had led me to this godforsaken altar of sacrifice. It was walking towards me now with a smile on it's face…kind of a cute smile actually. How odd. Didn't matter, in a matter of seconds the creature was going to be twitching in a furious palsy with foam blowing from his mouth. I snapped my hand and Hangover knifed through the air until it ended it's journey wedged tight in the crescent shaped emblem that adorned it's torso.
One down, one to go.
Not yet.
The creature stopped, looked down, and pulled Hangover from it's fat fuzzy body.
How disconcerting it was then to see it turn to me and gave a warm smile…and was it blushing?! It brought Hangover up to it's cheeks and gently waved on it's feet as if it was a child receiving a gift from a sweetheart. That was enough poison embedded on that blade's grooves to make an elephant wander around looking for a soft place for which to take an afternoon nap! What kind of creature was this? What kind of hellish godforsaken land was this that was ruled by these monstrous-yet-fairly-adorable-if-you-wanted-to-be-completely-fair-about-things predators. It started walking towards me again.
I turned back to Darfour and saw that he was now spread out across a fairly large section of the forest floor.
I touched my hand to my face and realized I was specked with blood and other small pieces of his eviscera. I remembered my training now. There is a chapter in the Assassin's Compleat Training Manual concerning this situation. I won't go into all the details and exceptions to the rule but condensed down the chapter was basically saying that if you are about to be wasting then you'd best be hasting.
I turned to look at my old friend.
So long Toothspike, you're on your own now.
I ran.
(to be continued…)
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russ
Promising
Supreme Hero
blah, blah, blah
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posted May 15, 2006 06:43 PM |
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Edited by russ at 18:45, 15 May 2006.
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Quote:
How disconcerting it was then to see it turn to me and gave a warm smile
How rude! That deserves a punishment! I hope you slay those foul beasts!!! Maybe you could even raise Darfour from the dead to make serve you in his new undead form.
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pandora
Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
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posted May 15, 2006 10:07 PM |
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QP applied - keep it coming
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"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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friendofgunnar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
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posted May 15, 2006 10:14 PM |
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Quote:
QP applied - keep it coming
You ain't seen NOTHIN' yet.
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friendofgunnar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
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posted May 20, 2006 08:48 PM |
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Fan fiction: The Adventures of Myself cont...
Part 4:
I touched my hand to my face and realized I was specked with blood and other small pieces of his eviscera. I remembered my training now. There is a chapter in the Assassin's Compleat Training Manual concerning this situation. I won't go into all the details and exceptions to the rule but condensed down the chapter was basically saying that if you are about to be wasting then you'd best be hasting.
I turned to look at my old friend.
So long Toothspike, you're on your own now.
I ran.
Nothing prepared me for what I was to see when I came upon the camp. It was utter carnage.
One of these creatures, a yellow one, was sitting on top of one my of my soldiers with his head in it's paws. With a tender ripping sound the head came off. Blood was now spraying from his neck in a spectacular humouric geyser. Buckets and buckets. and buckets
I looked in another direction. A green one was burrowing it's way through the back of one of my cooks until I heard the cracking of it's rib cage and I could see the creature emerge from the cooks chest with ribs splayed in all directions. After achieving it's penetration it began to lumber around in a clumsy manner with it's cook neck adornment still twitching.
Oh yes there was a some screaming going on. Some of these creatures had various metal implements sticking out of them at odd angles. Evidence of a futile, desperate last stand. Many of the food wagons were completely splintered, with broken wheels.
I paused a moment to try and decide if I should go in and retrieve my possessions. It was a short moment, I didn't need to see anymore. I continued my flight in as quick a manner as possible in a perpendicular line to the line formed by the creatures I was beholding and the creatures that I had met several minutes earlier. Actually though, just then I remembered one of my lessons from my childhood and decided that a triangle would make a better defensive posture with me at one point and the monsters at the other two points. I adjusted my path accordingly. I fled.
It was some 5 minutes later that I came across one of my best lieutenants. He is a somewhat colourless individual who proceeds in a manner of strict discipline. One of those types of people who are absolutely indispensable to any army with pretensions of being well ordered and effective. What was his name? Oh yes, Frankelito.
"What's your report lieutenant?" I asked, coming up to him.
"Hallo captain. I decided to make a tactical retreat and organize the resistance"
"You ran like a little girl" I said. I needed to keep my own discipline of course. He was silent.
"Very well" I said. "We shall organize our retreat here. Let's go"
"Sir, we should try to find the others"
"I uhh… just came from the camp, there are no others"…worth mentioning. "Do you have any weapons?"
He looked around his person and then gave me a short sword from his boot. Actually though it was more like a vegetable cutting utensil. It was better than nothing though. Good old Frankelito. He always slept in full armor with a dagger clamped in his teeth. As we crested the hill away from that ungodly carnage however it occurred to me that we no longer had an army which needed a stern unflinching discipline. I pondered on how that would impact on all our future interactions.
"You look tired Frankelito, allow me to take the burden of all the provisions."
"Don't argue Frankelito, you need to be rested and fit in case we meet another one of those creatures"
"Also I feel that since you are so proficient with this short cutting utensil, I should carry the flail."
"Very well Frankelito, keep the flail"
We began our official retreat.
Dawn had already broken and we decided to eat some provisions.
As I was sitting down and buttering my bread and wishing that I had a hot beverage suddenly I saw in the distance the blue creature. The one that had lured me away from the camp the previous night. Quite clearly these creatures could run faster than humans. Though we had only been walking these past few hours or so, so it was entirely possible that these creatures could merely walk faster than humans could and that's all.
"We need to go, right now." I said, taking no chances.
Frankelito studied it acutely "I've never seen this one before. Have you any idea of it's mode of attack?"
I didn't want to tell Frankelito that I had only seen it peeing against the tree. "I cannot even fully understand the horrors that I witnessed Frankelito. Come let's begone."
We gathered up our belongings as quickly as we could and departed.
The creature was walking fast. We decided to walk faster. The creature walked faster. We did a kind of walking-jogging thing. The creature did a kind of walking jogging thing that was a little faster than our walking-jogging thing. We did a kind of casual jog. The creature seemed to lose interest. I was immensely relieved and we went back to the walking-jogging thing.
Finally we came to a large mansion situated in the woods. How big? I don't know, we could only see one side. It could have been huge though. I mean massively huge, with all kinds of rooms and tunnels, and secret tunnels, and secret rooms. Irregardless, or regardless, I can never remember which…we were immensely relieved to find a possible relief from our predicament, and hopefully we might get some kind of hot beverage to boot. We walked-jogged up to the huge heavy looking double-doors at the front entranceway and I slammed the massive iron knocker down a couple of times. I hoped that the style in which I slammed it down reflected the urgency of my present situation.
"Hello" I heard a booming voice from somewhere.
to be continued…
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friendofgunnar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
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posted May 24, 2006 06:28 PM |
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Fan fiction: The Adventures of Myself cont...
Part 5:
"Hello" I heard a booming voice from somewhere. This was an excellent development.
"Um yes, I was passing through these woods nearby and seemed to have run into a fair predicament. Now I am weaponless and in danger. And I am requesting your lordship for some assistance or perhaps some safe harbor for a time.
Silence. The voice returned.
"What do you want?"
I paused a moment to reflect on that. Should I repeat what I just said or perhaps try a new tact? Just then the blue creature that had apparently been tracking us appeared over the top of the hill.
"There's a pack of murderous bear thingies out here. Can we come in?" I said in a voice that was embarrassingly high-pitched.
"Oh, I see you've met the clan. Have you met Grumpy yet?"
Grumpy? "No I haven't had the pleasure Mr. ah…what was your name?
silence
more silence
I was quite sure my heartbeat was loud enough to break the silence now. How wonderfully ironic that I was to die a grisly death here in gods-know-where merely because I had stopped to introduce a polite formality into the discussion. Ha ha, it was actually quite funny in a "I wish I wasn't me at the moment" kind of way.
"You may call me….Master"
master "Ahh yes, that's a umm…very uh….powerfull name. Nice to meet you, Master. "
"Thankyou"
The blue creature had suddenly gotten hung up on some dead branches. Perhaps there was hope after all.
I decide to reinitiate the conversation.
"So ahh I'd like to get back to the topic at hand which is that there…"
"Look, I'd like to invite you in, really, but I'm kind of preoccupied at the moment with some other visitors"
I took a moment to think on what he had said and calculated what my response would be.
"I appreciate your responsibilities as a host, as I know you take your obligations very seriously. We live in a day and time when people feel they can shirk their normal social duties. Indeed it is a reflection of changing social mores and values that many people feel are not an improvement over ages past. However I would like to press upon you the urgency of my situation and perhaps be able to persuade you to consider my current pressing situation, which requires immediate alleviation of the circumstances…of my present situation."
"Are you done?"
"Yes"
The blue creature was free from the branches and was now bounding towards us with a happy smile on it's face.
"Very well, you must promise me something though."
"I'll consider it"
"You mustn't disturb the other guests in any way, shape or form."
The creature stopped bounding, mainly because it was now within easy walking distance.
"That sounds like a fair agreement. If you allow me the pleasure of your company, inside your house of course, I think we can give a proper gentleman's shake over it."
I felt as if my intestines were gathering themselves together and preparing to exit via my arse.
"Very well"
I heard a giant shakocking sound, as if a gigantic bolt was being drawn. It was too late though, the creature was within lunging distance.
Now at this point in the juncture of my soon to be short existance, I took the opportunity to reflect on my nefarious past. Some who would examine the same things that I was now examing would say that my past was "evil" or "wicked". Please, I have no such use for such dramatic words. Irregardless though, or is it regardless, I can never remember which… there were many deeds in my life of which I was not proud. Well maybe a little bit, but the point being that an objective person who was examining my life would look at it all and probably come to the conclusion that on the whole I was a detriment to the well-ordered functioning of a normal society. Like I said, time was running short so I'm not going to disagree with that.
However…from this point on, I decided that all that was going to change. I resolved to become a more decent, caring human being. I resolved to study my own compassion daily and improve on it whenever I saw the opportunity. I planned on organizing a charity drive for the poor and the destitute. I resolved to find cures for blindness and that mysterious disease that makes people not able to swallow anymore. And most of all I resolved to spread the word that badness was no longer fashionable and that goodness was the new order of season. All of this I resolved to do.
However all of this goodness would never come to pass if I was dead, so I placed the palm of my hand firmly between the shoulder blades on Frankelito's back and gave him a sturdy shove towards the maws of the lunging beast. As the screaming began I was highly pleased to find that I now had a few extra seconds to open up the now unlocked door and slip inside. I'm sure that if the rest of the world had known of this wondrous miracle, it would have been pleased also.
As I was sitting on the other side of the door trying to steady my own breathing the screaming suddenly stopped. God-speed ye Frankelito, you were one of my best. I made a mental note to inform Frankelito's parents that he died a valourous death in combat with his friends at his side. I found this only fitting as befit my new found benevolent nature.
After I had collected myself to the point where I was able to step into the foyer, I stood up, dusted myself off, and stepped into the foyer.
The voice boomed out again.
"Welcome to my abode"
to be continued…
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kookastar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted May 24, 2006 09:15 PM |
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Post breaker :)
Is good fog, keep going.
Hope it doesn't sound like I am swooning here 
Just think it is an amusing story.
Thanks
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