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Heroes Community > Tavern of the Rising Sun > Thread: 50 reasons why Lord of the Rings sucks
Thread: 50 reasons why Lord of the Rings sucks This thread is 5 pages long: 1 2 3 4 5 · «PREV / NEXT»
MightyMage
MightyMage


Honorable
Legendary Hero
of INSANITY and DELICIOUSNESS
posted March 26, 2003 10:19 PM

I doubt it.  Believe it or not there are many people who didn't know the movies were based off those great books.  There was this one website that thought the two towers should be re-writen due to the destruction of the World Trade Center.  I mean com'on.  The movies are just taking the books and making them visually appealing.  
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RMS
RMS


Responsible
Legendary Hero
-ing yummy foods
posted March 26, 2003 10:58 PM

Don't feel bad. This is just what seperates us from the others.
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silx87
silx87


Supreme Hero
posted March 26, 2003 11:14 PM
Edited By: Lith-Maethor on 26 Mar 2003

50 why the guy who wrote this is an idiot and should get a life!

Quote:
Fellowship of the Rings was shoved down our throats.

I've heard some students are even forced to read some novelization of the movie in their literature classes. Ridiculous. Does Hollywood run our classrooms now?

This guy obviously has never heard of Tolkien before


Quote:
Greed.

Hollywood can't make a movie these days without crapping out a sequel the next year to squeeze more money out of the sheep. Guess what; there's ANOTHER LOTR movie coming this Christmas. Gee, I wonder what will bring Rocky out of retirement this time?

Same as before.Has obviously never heard of it!


Quote:
Quality Control at New Line.

Millions of copies of the LOTR DVD have thick black bars at the bottom and top of the screen throughout the film. Didn't anyone catch this? You know what happens at the end, in the extreme foreground and extreme upper sky? Neither do I. Bush league, guys.

He didn't have nothing to say,so he thought a joke would be just fine here.Not funny!

Quote:

They switched Darrens on us!

Look closely and you'll notice the human member of their party is played by two different actors at different points of the movie (it takes a sharp eye to notice, but one of them has red hair, one black).

There actually was 2 human members in their party,one with red hair,Boromir,and the other one with black hair,Aragorn

Quote:

Quality Control at New Line, II.

In the massive Mt. Doom battle scene at the beginning of Fellowship of the Ring, a DVD pause reveals at least half a dozen of the 50,000 Orc Warrior extras are wearing modern tennis shoes.

No matter how many times I watch it,I can't se what his talkin about!Seriously!Maybe it was they're mistake,but I can't find it!

Quote:

Speaking of Orcs...

The Orcs were obviously stolen from PC game maker Blizzard and its Warcraft series. Too bad Blizzard is apparently too scared to sue New Line over it.

Oh come on!!!!This guy is seriously paranoid!The stories of the orcs and everything were written in a trench,during WWII!

Quote:

Racism.

Percentage of protagonists in Fellowship who are white: 100. Meanwhile the black antagonists and their black crow spies and their black glass seeing ball inhabit their black towers and perform black magic. Gosh, I wonder if there's some symbolism there?

again,he didn't have anything to say and he thought something funny would fit here.Yet again,NOT FUNNY!
Quote:

Gold: The Stretchy Element.

The ring, which is seen to be at least two inches in diameter at the beginning to fit the polish sausage-sized finger of Sauron, suddenly fits Frodo's child-sized finger later. I guess this movie takes place in a world where rings magically change sizes on their own.

Well,u guess right,its a fkin magic ring damnit!
Quote:

Violence.

Give me one reason that story couldn't have been told without all the fighting.

Cuz its more interesting with the huge battles!
Quote:

Horse sense.

Why didn't they take horses on their quest? Or even better, why didn't Gandalf's giant flying bird friend haul them into Mordor? Watch out, Frodo! All of your methods of transportation have been swallowed by the Dark Lord of the Plot Hole!

Well,who would be such an idiot to take horses to the mountains!I mean,they were climbing mountains!And bout the birdie,well it wasn't Gandalf's pet,it was his friend!

Quote:

Return of the Living Dead.

If you watch closely during the Inn scene, Frodo and his crew are shown getting stabbed by the Ring Wraiths. Then, five seconds later, they are fine again. Note to the director: try proofreading your movie before you release it to the public.

If u watch closely,u see that the wraiths were stabing pillows,not the hobbits!
Quote:

Did someone say plot hole?

Liv Tyler's character is seen easily defeating nine strong supernatural beings, even though she is clearly a woman.

Did she beat 9 supernatural beings?No,she didn't!She said some spells and the river took them away,she didn't beat anyone!
Quote:

The Battle Droid Syndrome.

The mutated muscular soldiers of Mordor turned out to be hilariously ineffective soldiers, a dozen of them held off by a single dying human. Apparently they made the beasts by crossing Orcs, Goblins and the French.

Again,the failed comedy.
Quote:

Sloppy CGI.

Gandalf's smoke boat is pretty impressive, but smoke cannot be made to travel horizontally, thus revealing it to be nothing but a cheap special effect.

Have u ever heard the word "magic"?Yeah,it doesn't exist,but come on!Its a fkin story!U know,about wizards and magic!
Quote:

The Asbestos Wizard.

We all saw Gandalf fall into the molten core of Middle Earth after his battle with the firebeast thing. Well, I guess the Gandalf action figure must have sold well, because in the slap-together sequel coming up this year Gandalf is back. I wonder if they'll even bother to explain it. Maybe he'll be resurrected via voodoo, a la the corpse in Weekend at Bernie's II (look closely and you'll notice LOTR steals several elements from the WAB films).

Again,I must say,this guy didn't probably bother to watch the movie!He obviously hasn't heard of Tolkien!
Quote:

Invisible Implausibility.

Every time Frodo or Bilbo went invisible with the ring they should have also gone BLIND. Your eyes cannot function unless light is reflected off the cornea. If light passes through it (as must be the case with invisibility) sight is no longer possible. Also, rings do not turn you invisible.

Again:its a story,that includes magic,all sorts of supernatural stuff,u know...
Quote:

The Asbestos Wizard, II.

The giant fire beast thing at the end was breathing a firey breath hot enough to send heat-distortion waves through the air. The sheer temperature of the air should have burned off Gandalf's beard and eyebrows. None of my reading on evolutionary biology reveals a single reason why a particular race of humans would develop unflammable facial hair as this would provide practically no advantage in either survival or mating.

Yet another failed joke.Nice try loser,but still not amusing
Quote:

I'll have to rent that one.

The rushed-through story the screenwriter threw in as the first ten minutes of Fellowship of the Ring looked a lot more interesting than the movie we were forced to watch. Why didn't somebody make a movie off that instead?

Yeah,right!If they had made a movie of that,u'd have said:The material in the end of the movie about Frodo and the fellowship was a lot more interesting,why not make a movie about that?
Quote:

Magic Mechanics.

Experts on the occult say in order for a wizard to floorspin a fully-grown man like Gandalf, he'd need three magical staffs, not two.

Huh?I don't get this one...another failed joke maybe?
Quote:

Finders, keepers.

So Bilbo, who we are supposed to identify with as a protagonist, finds a piece of someone else's jewelry and just keeps it for himself? That's funny, because I would expect a good man to submit it to the local Lost and Found so it could be claimed by its owner. It makes me wonder if he bought that hillside house or if he was just squatting.

No one's perfectly good!I'm tired of watching movies about "good guys" who do absolutely nothng wrong!This is the world:no one's a perfectly good guy.As for the "lost and found" and the hillside thing,well...that's just pathetic!U,whoever wrote this,why not et urself a life?
Quote:

Go-Go Gadget Arrow Sprouter.

Legolas shoots arrow after arrow at his enemies, and yet the number of arrows in his quiver never decreases. I guess elves have glands on their back that secrete arrows.

A very large quiver?Actually he runs out of arrows in the battle for Helm's Deep.
Quote:

Watch out! He's going to explode!

The heroes are shown eating again and again, and yet no one ever goes to the bathroom throughout their entire quest.

1st of all:if u watch the movie closely,u'll see that in the Two Towers,they actually DO visit the toilet!
2nd:who the hell would want to see a movie about some ppl taking a crap anyway?Would u?
Quote:

Meesa gonna make theesa movie suckah!

The character of Gollum in The Two Towers will be entirely computer animated, in a cheap effort to cash in on Jar Jar Binks Mania. Thank you, Peter Jackson. Thank you right to Hell.

This guy has a serious paranoia problem!Suddenly,everything from the movie is stolen from another movie or game made decades later?
Quote:

Propaganda.

The Elves, clearly the most advanced and wise species, are also clearly gay.

And another pathetic attempt to be funny
Probaly wanted to make it 50 reasons,so added something randomly!

Quote:

Speaking of Elves...

Elves are beautiful and wise and tall? Great warriors? Makers of fine lightweight weapons? Our modern knowledge of elves has observed only an ability to make cookies and toys. All the elves in the film are portrayed as living in a warm paradise (Rivendell) but our own information tells us the aforementioned group of toymaking elves work and thrive in the arctic. Hey, Mr. Jackson: Research is half of writing.

Yeap,research is half the writing!Please,do yours before writing such nonsense!
Quote:

Homage or theft?

The "happy village of little people" idea was stolen from Willow.


Homage or theft II?

The wise old wizard character was stolen from Harry Potter.


Homage or theft III?

The "travelling on our quest through a corn field" scene was stolen from Shrek.


Homage or theft IV?

The character of the rebellious-but-helpful Ranger was stolen from Val Kilmer in Willow.


Homage or theft V?

The concept of the violent dwarf was based on Al Pacino.


Homage or theft VI?

The "old man looking through the door hatch at the approaching little people" scene was stolen from A Clockwork Orange.


Homage or theft VII?

The cantina scene with a noisy bar filled with a mix of otherworldly species was stolen from Cecile B. DeMille's One Night in an Alien Bar.


Homage or theft VIII?

The incident with the flock of evil magical spying crows serving the All-Seeing Eye was based on an actual incident.


Homage or theft IX?

The character of the Giant Evil Flaming All-Seeing Eye was based on former President Jimmy Carter.


Homage or theft X?

The character of Elrond was based on Agent Smith from The Matrix.

Here he goes with his paranoia again!
Quote:

Weighty issues.

AKA "Plot Hole No. 273." Even with all that walking and light eating, the character of Sam only got fatter.

What are u talkin bout?He did stay the same,but I didn't see him going fatter!
Quote:

Realism, schmealism.

Liv Tyler's immortal elf volunteers to give up her eternal life for a single romance with a human man. Could any man really be that well endowed? I find it unlikely.

U sure its unlikely?U know how boring life gets when u live forever?
Quote:

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow.

The most advanced civilization is that of the elves, which are long-haired, new-age types? Sorry, Mr. Jackson, but modern science has proven that in any modern civilization, hippies would be extinct.

The movie is not about modern civilizations!Either ur a moron or u just wanted to be funny!
Quote:

Too many notes.

No movie should be over two hours long. Did we need that whole thing in the mine? Didn't it seem like they were just adding pointless scenes in the middle to pad it? It's like they decided beforehand they wanted three hours and used filler to flesh it out.

No u idiot!Again,as this guy already said:research is half the writing!How come he didn't do his!Personally I think that 3 hrs was not long enough for the book!But then it would have to be split into 2 movies which would be a bad idea.
Quote:

Too many notes, II.

I just want to re-emphasize the above point. There is no reason entertainment can't be concise.

Re-emphasize?U sure?I think u decided beforehand that ur gonna write 50 reasons about this movie,since u couldn't,u added some pointless ones!
Quote:

Too many notes, III.

Too many characters to keep track of. The dwarf was clearly only there as a token dwarf character to sell tickets to lucrative movie-going dwarf demographic. Lose him.

Howabout the research u was talkin bout back there?A token?Oh come on!U must be kidding me!

Rationalization for violence.

Why is the black octopus creature painted as the bad guy when it attacks, when one of the fellowship had clearly been throwing rocks at it?

Quote:

The Shoeless Land.

The Hobbits both 1) refuse to wear shoes and 2) run a livestock-based farming economy. Wouldn't they constantly be stepping in crap? Why doesn't the movie address this issue?

Why would it adress this issue!Its totally irelevant!Who the hell would wear shoes anyway if u got hairy feet?
Quote:

Casting.

Why couldn't Frodo have been played by Christopher Walken?


Casting, II.

Why couldn't Gandalf have been played by Bruce Campbell?


Casting, III.

Why couldn't Bilbo have been played by Vin Diesel?


Casting, IV.

Why couldn't the Ranger have been played by a monkey?


Hah hah hah!That was realy funny!
moron!
Why does this guy even bother?
Quote:
The Score.

The background music wasn't nearly funky enough for me.

Who the hell said it was supposed to be funky anyway?
Quote:

What's that smell?

As bad as the Lucasfilm leaks were last year, the filmmakers of The Two Towers already have the novelization out in paperback. I've seen it at Barnes & Noble already. As if we needed any less of a reason to go see it.



To tell u the truth,this actually made me laugh!
How can this guy be such an idiot!
Yo,u should realy consider getting urself shot!

So,these are my reasons,why I think this guy is a complete moron and should either go out and breathe some fresh air or go out and hang himself somewhere in a back alley where no one would find his body!
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Marelt_Ekiran
Marelt_Ekiran


Promising
Famous Hero
Watcher of All
posted March 26, 2003 11:38 PM

Exactly my thoughts.

I couldn't have said it better.
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Nebuka
Nebuka


Promising
Supreme Hero
Save me Jebus!
posted March 27, 2003 03:22 AM
Edited By: Nebuka on 26 Mar 2003

Hahaha!!

Hey guys, were you people who signed that "RENAME THE TWO TOWERS! It reminds us on S11!" petition?

Wouldn't be surprised, as it was a joke, as was these 50 reasons.

















Stolen from Warcraft?!

Whoa!!!

Still funny.
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silx87
silx87


Supreme Hero
posted March 27, 2003 06:23 PM

Quote:
it was a joke, as was these 50 reasons.


Quite a pathetic one it was
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DonGio
DonGio


Promising
Famous Hero
of Clear Water Mountain Clan
posted March 28, 2003 06:09 PM

Oh my Lord...

I never knew there were so many complete morons on this board...

These reasons are dripping with irony and sarcasm...

If I had to make a guess, I'd guess this is a guy who loves the writing of Tolkien, and who likes the LOTR films. He's trying (and often succeeding) to be F U N N Y.

I know this is a new and scary word for some of you. But try not to scream, faint or break out in a stampede. It doesn't bite.

And how can you think he hasn't read the books?!?! He obviously has.

OK? So when he says that they have stolen the field scene from Shrek, he is actually NOT being SERIOUS.

You have all been given brains. Not using it constitutes a fellony in my book.

Think well
DonGio
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Marelt_Ekiran
Marelt_Ekiran


Promising
Famous Hero
Watcher of All
posted March 28, 2003 07:45 PM

We realize that he (or she, for all we know) is trying to be funny.

We're just bashing the pathetic way in which he or she attempts to do this.

Whether or not he has read the book is open for discussion. Perhaps we should ask the him or her. However, there is a comment that he or she has seen the novelized script of the Two Towers in a bookstore. I think that this novelized script would just happen to be the actual Two Towers by Tolkien.
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Silx87
Silx87


Supreme Hero
posted March 29, 2003 11:09 AM

Well,DonGio,as I already said,a pathetic attempt it was.
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SirDunco
SirDunco


Responsible
Supreme Hero
posted March 29, 2003 08:38 PM

Reading the "aritcle" again it brought up some of the especialy supid points...

Hollywood can't make a movie these days without crapping out a sequel the next year to squeeze more money out of the sheep. Guess what; there's ANOTHER LOTR movie coming this Christmas. Gee, I wonder what will bring Rocky out of retirement this time?

This person has never actualy understood that it was based on a book...ignorance at one of its tops

The Orcs were obviously stolen from PC game maker Blizzard and its Warcraft series. Too bad Blizzard is apparently too scared to sue New Line over it.
Actualy Warcracft stole it from Tolkien

Give me one reason that story couldn't have been told without all the fighting.

Beacuse it waswritten that way and without the fighting it wouldn't be that story would it?

Liv Tyler's character is seen easily defeating nine strong supernatural beings, even though she is clearly a woman.

First of all this was a sexist coment and it's a story..

Gandalf's smoke boat is pretty impressive, but smoke cannot be made to travel horizontally, thus revealing it to be nothing but a cheap special effect.

Agin it's a story

Experts on the occult say in order for a wizard to floorspin a fully-grown man like Gandalf, he'd need three magical staffs, not two.

...Once again it is a story...experts on ocult..whatever

The Elves, clearly the most advanced and wise species, are also clearly gay

not only is he sexist hes alos homofobic...

Elves are beautiful and wise and tall? Great warriors? Makers of fine lightweight weapons? Our modern knowledge of elves has observed only an ability to make cookies and toys. All the elves in the film are portrayed as living in a warm paradise (Rivendell) but our own information tells us the aforementioned group of toymaking elves work and thrive in the arctic. Hey, Mr. Jackson: Research is half of writing.

These real elves come from scandinavian and old english legends. these beings were taller then men and very skilled in war and maic.
The small elves that are know were made up by Sheakespeare

The "happy village of little people" idea was stolen from Willow

Tolkien thoughtup the Hobitts so it si the other way around.

The wise old wizard character was stolen from Harry Potter.

Whatever...thhe old wizard character is common in amny tales including Harry Potter

Homage or theft III?

The "travelling on our quest through a corn field" scene was stolen from Shrek.

WTF?!!

Homage or theft IV?

The character of the rebellious-but-helpful Ranger was stolen from Val Kilmer in Willow.

The story was though up by a writter years before movies existed
Homage or theft V?
The concept of the violent dwarf was based on Al Pacino.

WTF?! This was wrotten by an author

Homage or theft VI?

The "old man looking through the door hatch at the approaching little people" scene was stolen from A Clockwork Orange.

BS...no more BS

Homage or theft VII?

The cantina scene with a noisy bar filled with a mix of otherworldly species was stolen from Cecile B. DeMille's One Night in an Alien Bar.

This person has a thinking dissorder.


Homage or theft VIII?

The incident with the flock of evil magical spying crows serving the All-Seeing Eye was based on an actual incident.

He has no idea what he's talking about

Homage or theft IX?

The character of the Giant Evil Flaming All-Seeing Eye was based on former President Jimmy Carter.

Was i supposed to laugh?

Homage or theft X?

The character of Elrond was based on Agent Smith from The Matrix.

No idea what so ever

As bad as the Lucasfilm leaks were last year, the filmmakers of The Two Towers already have the novelization out in paperback. I've seen it at Barnes & Noble already. As if we needed any less of a reason to go see it.

This whole story is one book devided into three parts...

Comming soo the review of 50 reasons why the Two Towers suck!
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silx87
silx87


Supreme Hero
posted March 29, 2003 11:28 PM

hmm...Nebuka,guess there aint much ppl here that hate the Lord of the Rings,like u do!
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privatehudson
privatehudson


Responsible
Legendary Hero
The Ultimate Badass
posted March 29, 2003 11:44 PM

Something tells me a lot of you missed the tone of this article somehow, it's not an essay on the film, it's an attempt at humour. By taking it seriously you just show how obsessive you can be about the books/films....

Lighten up people!
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Marelt_Ekiran
Marelt_Ekiran


Promising
Famous Hero
Watcher of All
posted March 30, 2003 12:11 AM

That's the whole point that we are trying to get through.

It's not funny

It's a pathetic attempt to creature humour at the cost of a good movie and indirectly one of the most supreme pieces of literature.
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privatehudson
privatehudson


Responsible
Legendary Hero
The Ultimate Badass
posted March 30, 2003 12:14 AM

Ignore it then, if it's not funny and pointless don't bother discussing it! I like LOTR, movie and books, but there's no point treating something seriously that was never meant to be taken that way........
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Nebuka
Nebuka


Promising
Supreme Hero
Save me Jebus!
posted March 30, 2003 01:42 AM

Quote:
hmm...Nebuka,guess there aint much ppl here that hate the Lord of the Rings,like u do!


OMG! I now hate Lord of the Rings?!

Please find and read RedSoxFan3 signature.
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silx87
silx87


Supreme Hero
posted March 30, 2003 04:06 AM

Quote:
Quote:
hmm...Nebuka,guess there aint much ppl here that hate the Lord of the Rings,like u do!


OMG! I now hate Lord of the Rings?!

Please find and read RedSoxFan3 signature.

Well,u said something like that somewhere.
And I didn't say there aren't any ppl that don't like it!I said there aren't much!I know there are some,I know some ppl who hate LOTR!What I said was that quite a lot ppl like LOTR!

And Hudson,I said it was a pathetic attempt to be funny,I don't think it is funny!I already understood that it was meant to be a joke,and I hated it!
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terje_the_ma...
terje_the_mad_wizard


Responsible
Supreme Hero
Disciple of Herodotus
posted March 31, 2003 10:43 AM

Well, that you didn't like the thing is one thing, but that you think it to be a bashing of Tolkien, is beyond stupidity. He/she is bashing the movie!

The guy (or gal) who wrote this, is obviously, like me, a 'Tolkien purist'. And, for obvious reasons, hated the film.(See my posts at the TT thread for details on this...)

And, as mentioned ca.1000 times before, he/she's  kidding.

And slix: You said that this person probably never even read the book. I belive that you are under 15 or something (forgive me if I'm wrong). That means you probably haven't read it more that perhaps three times (# of times I'd read it when I was 15). This guy have probably read it like 10-15 times...

Stay cool, and use your brains...
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DonGio
DonGio


Promising
Famous Hero
of Clear Water Mountain Clan
posted March 31, 2003 05:35 PM

OK, I don't have time to pick everything you just said completely apart, so I'll just start with the most blatant examples of not getting it.

Now, Terje may be right, this person may not like the film, but I tend to think he's making fun of people making fun of the film. By overdoing it, he shows that some of the critique against this movie is very irrational and quite farfetched. The reasons are supposed to suck. But that's probably too advanced for most of you to follow.

Quote:
Reading the "aritcle" again it brought up some of the especialy supid points...

Hollywood can't make a movie these days without crapping out a sequel the next year to squeeze more money out of the sheep. Guess what; there's ANOTHER LOTR movie coming this Christmas. Gee, I wonder what will bring Rocky out of retirement this time?

This person has never actualy understood that it was based on a book...ignorance at one of its tops



This is what I'm talking about... OF COURSE HE'S UNDERSTOOD THAT IT'S BASED ON A BOOK!!! IT'S CALLED FREAKING IRONY!!!!!!


Quote:

Homage or theft X?

The character of Elrond was based on Agent Smith from The Matrix.

No idea what so ever




OK, so that you don't get it must mean it's stupid, right! WRONG!! It means YOU'RE less than bright. See the Matrix's cast. Or even better, watch the movie!

Dang, stupidity hurts!

Dixi
DonGio
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silx87
silx87


Supreme Hero
posted March 31, 2003 08:05 PM

Quote:
And slix: You said that this person probably never even read the book. I belive that you are under 15 or something (forgive me if I'm wrong). That means you probably haven't read it more that perhaps three times (# of times I'd read it when I was 15). This guy have probably read it like 10-15 times...

U believe right!The number in my name(87) is the year of my birth,so that makes me 15.I have read The Two Towers only once,and I don't intend to read it again sometimes in the near future!I'm not a fan,but I liked it.
Okay DonGio,Hudson,Nebuka,Terje,I apologise if I didn't understand the point of that article and if I upset u in some way!But still I think its not funny!I still think its a pathetic attempt to be funny!
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SirDunco
SirDunco


Responsible
Supreme Hero
posted March 31, 2003 08:29 PM
Edited By: SirDunco on 31 Mar 2003

Just for the record Dongio when I was reffering as "No I dea whatsoever." I meant that this perosn had no idea whatsoever about what he was writting about.
Look he might have been trying to be funny, but it certainly didn't seem so. He(or she) ended up being completly ignorant and lame. He sounded that ha had never even heard of the thing before he saw it...which I quite franky belive.

And if stupidity hurt wouldn't you be in a
hospital by now?

P.S.: If you think that person was funny then you must have a extremly bad sence of humor...
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