William
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted June 14, 2016 10:52 AM |
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Last year I had a mental breakdown. Full on mental breakdown to the point my mate had to stop me from killing myself. It was over a stupid thing (Love) but my mind was whirling with a million thoughts at once to the point everything got me down. After my mate stopped me and, mind you, I was about 5 seconds from overdosing on some tablets), I had a heart to heart with him and checked into a mental health clinic. What I found out was that I suffer from situational depression. For me, there is no medium, there is either an extreme high (which is normal) in that I'm always happy and cheerful or I am the lowest of the low if something has happened.
Why am I telling you all this? Because the one thing that really got me out of it was not people or ideas of help that were told for me it was music. I listened to the album 'Pet Sounds' by The Beach Boys and loved it (not that I always haven't loved it but at a bad time it had new meaning for me). I then went and researched about Brian Wilson and the troubles that he had as an individual and listened to some of his tracks. 'A Day in the Life of a Tree' particularly stood out for me in arrangement, chords and melodies. Unbelievable. It really stood out for me. I then listened to 'Till I Die' and, considering the headspace I was in at the time, it blew me away. It seemed as if his thoughts were my thoughts and I had that real connection to it.
It got to the point where I was obsessed by The Beach Boys, more in particular Brian Wilson and the later music of Dennis Wilson which was all about love and heartbreak with some of the most amazing mind blowing music I've ever had the pleasure to listen to. I then took all of that as inspiration and got back into writing more of my own music, albeit, instrumental music. It gave me a newfound passion for it and really made me explore new ideas. I was used to making upbeat 80s synthpop sounding tracks but lean more towards soundtrack ambient darker sounding tracks now because I feel it shows more emotion even if they are instrumentals.
Music for me is my life. It helped me live or be reborn in a sense. I was plummeting out of control and was very very close to ending everything when music saved me. I know it sounds strange but I'd honestly be lost without it. Being able to identify with lyrics or feel raw emotion from someones voice or an instrument being played is a feeling like no other. That is what music means to me. Everything. It means the world to me because I not only listen but I make it. To create something is a feeling like no other.
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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