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| Thread: My Apology |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 · «PREV / NEXT» |
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VokialBG
Honorable
Legendary Hero
First in line
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posted June 03, 2010 11:36 PM |
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Anger isn't a good thing, that wall I can say, no matter if you have it here or in the RL (but it's much more in the RL), and anger isn't your friend, it's something bad that make you think wrongly. Don't you like your reason? If you do it's time to start handling with anger, just call it something you don't like and try to hold it. Try to change something in your RL, there is always something that make you predisposed to get angry to something else, completely different. I doubt someone on this world like to be angry.
... or meditate, find something you like to do, try something completely new...
Hope I helped with this small friendly advise 
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blizzardboy
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Nerf Herder
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posted June 04, 2010 12:31 AM |
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The internet is a more realistic reflection of the kind of person you are than real life. In real life you have inhibitions and consequences.
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"Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us."
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Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
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posted June 04, 2010 01:09 AM |
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Quote:
The internet is a more realistic reflection of the kind of person you are than real life. In real life you have inhibitions and consequences.
[/mindblow]
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted June 08, 2010 06:54 PM |
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Edited by william at 18:58, 08 Jun 2010.
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Quote:
The internet is a more realistic reflection of the kind of person you are than real life. In real life you have inhibitions and consequences.
I'd just like to quote this just to say how untrue this is. Do you honestly think I'd act that way in real life? Really?
People have their crap days and I had one of them. Was actually one of the worst days I've had in a long time but that's still no excuse. Anybody that does know me well knows that I wouldn't get like that for no reason. Partly it was me being bored, the most part was that I was having a pathetic day and was just angry. Would I act like this in reality? No. Is this what I am truly like? No. Without consequences, I'm just me. My real life friends have seen the real me and they'd know that what I did here wasn't a true reflection of the real me.
You, however, can feel free to just think I'm like that. I don't really care what you really think about me or think that that is what I'm like. Also, this thread, at the time, was a real apology. It was truly genuine. I don't know why you felt the need to revive it based upon what I did and make me look even worse than I was already looking but whatever.
Just want you to know that I am not like that. Some on here would know what I'm like. I think Carcity would know what I'm like based on the amount he's talked to me and I'd like to hope Guitarguy would.
But just keep thinking whatever you want. Again, what YOU think about me doesn't really matter to me.
Oh and Elvin, I do hope you read this. You may think you have everybody worked out and know how people work, I am different. That thread isn't really a part of me. If it was, do you not think I'd be doing that every single time I post here since the day I registered? The normal, calm Will that you SHOULD know is what I'm generally like. I don't get angry on a forum and I never have. Not truly angry, that is. Might be frustrated and all but not the anger you may think.
So, you're wrong about me. But based on how much you talk to me and how much you know about me, I'm not surprised.
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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veco
Legendary Hero
who am I?
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posted June 08, 2010 07:08 PM |
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cute 
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none of my business.
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted June 08, 2010 07:10 PM |
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Look, I don't want spam in this thread. This was a genuine apology thread at the time. Why must some people just spam it up because I do one thing wrong as if to say "oh that was a load of crap!"? Because it wasn;t. I don't take my time to make a thread like this for nothing. I can't have predicted that in a little under a month, that I'd have done what I did. I can only improve myself with actions, not words.
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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Guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted June 08, 2010 09:37 PM |
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Whether you act like that in RL is fairly irrelevant. The fact is, you came here and caused trouble, got a number of us upset, and ended up getting silenced for it. If anger issues weren't behind this, as you claim, then get to the heart of whatever problem you have and sort it out. Everyone has bad days, but a bad day is no excuse for a behavioral meltdown. Don't spoil the day for everyone else just because you were bored out of your mind. At the very least, don't come here and trash up the place if you're having one of your moments. And remember what you recently told someone:
Quote:
If the place offers you nothing then leave, simple as. If you don't want to be here just don't come here. Nobody except yourself is making you come back here.
You're going to be 20 soon. Act your age and don't troll out on us.
-Guitarguy
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted June 08, 2010 10:12 PM |
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About internet reflecting your true self. I think it is important to remember that internet is also part of real life, the needs we've defined through our body are very much present as well, but am I the only one who feels very differently in this environment?
Like I don't feel much hunger, nor the need to go on the toilet, epecially when I sit in front of the computer. However I do notice that if I in fact is hungry or need to go to the toilet, my work rate drops down a lot, eventhough I'm not consciously aware, more like a change of attention ability is what I percieve.
In general, what I'm trying to say is that as long as our body have needs that somehow manifests themselves in action gradients, you're never free of inhibitions. Heck due to the general belief of the internet to be some kind of consequence free sanctuary, it can make people act in ways that do not represent them at all, due to feelings getting the upper hand on choosing actions.
I can at least easily imagine this could happen, because to begin with, a person might need to get rid of some feelings, by expressing them and what better place than where there are no consequences? Well, I believe actions creates habit of said action if the environment allows for it, in turn it means if the person have let their feeling loose often enough online, and in general do not do it when they don't communicate online, I would not find it unlikely that one person would act very differently on-line contra off-line, or at least that's what their instincts tells them how to act, because one have conditioned oneself to act this way.
This does not only need to be online / offline personality differences, it can be for any type of environment. When I was younger, I'd be this very wild and needing of satisfaction child at home, while at school I'd be this very quiet, not of any need, child, and that, I think, was partly because of the actions I choose and partly because the environment would favor certain actions and in the end make it more likely that I'd feel like acting different depending on where I was.
Ones true self, or if you want, identity, does not dissapear of this reason. It can be blured in the perception of other people, if they know you, while acting very differently in two different environments, but to you, you'll always be yourself. To you it's not your actions that defines you, that's only how it is in the perception of other people (because they can't see your soul, or whatever you wanna call it).
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Living time backwards
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted June 08, 2010 10:25 PM |
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Edited by william at 22:42, 08 Jun 2010.
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Guitarguy, let me tell you what my day was like, and baring in my mind my anger issues, maybe it'll explain something to you:
Firstly: I woke up, had a massive argument with my mum. I nearly fell out with her because of it. It was about the trip to England and how she was not going to support me in any way.
Secondly: Work was making me severely depressed to the point of anger. I couldn't deal with it anymore.
Thirdly: I felt some immense pressure for this trip because if I wasn't able to go then I would be disappointing many people.
Money was also a problem but it wasn't the catalyst that sent me over the edge. If you took more time in asking what is wrong with me instead of just doing what you ultimately did do, then maybe you would've understood why I was acting the way I did. You never once bothered to ask me what was wrong. You just assume it's because I'm immature because that is what you think I am. You've been talking to me for 4 or so years and by now, I'd at least expect you to maybe think to yourself "Hmm, he doesn't usually get this bad, maybe I should ask what's going on and see if I can help". But you didn't and you naturally assume it's just because I'm immature.
Secondly about this whole thing: If it did cause some of you to get upset quite easily then I think some of you are too attached to this forum for your own good. You shouldn't think much of it really. It's just a forum. How does this all flow into your real life? i know that for me personally, nothing of what happens on this forum affects my real life in any way and I think that's how it should be. If you let others affect you on here and let it affect you in real life than perhaps it's not me who has the problem, but it's yourselves.
The way I act here and in real life is relevant because people seem to think (and this is you included) that this is the way I act in real life. Many of you see things in black and white and just naturally assume that because I act this way here that this must mean that I act like this in every day life. You of all people, Guitarguy, should know that I am not like this. You should know that I do have my good points and that I'm not all that bad as you seem to think I am. Yeah, we all have our crap days. Mine was just a really bad one, one that was a reason for my blow up. Do know that not only did I act like this here, but I acted like this in other places. So please...
I do act my age, but that doesn't mean that I'm not entitled to get angry. It's true that I could've handled it in a better way, but anger doesn't mean one is not acting their age. It just means they've not handled their anger out properly, not been able to keep control of it. Maybe if you had some anger issues you might be able to realise this. If you had taken the time to help me for all that time and wanted to be a friend, then at a time when I clearly needed somebody to talk to, you sort of failed in that way. You just ignored me and was one of the people against me. Throughout all of this, I would've thought you would've helped a bit better in the way that you did, knowing the way that I do act.
I just think it is funny that you of all people criticise me when you yourself are not perfect. Nobody on this forum is perfect. Remember that religious story? He who is without sin may cast the first stone. Remember that.
EDIT:
With my behaviour recently, I know I did wrong and I did send several people some bad HCM's, to which I should probably be penalised for and have made enemies out of people that should never have been enemies. But, again, those from here who know me well, or should know me well, know that I do not act like this on a whim. I am surprised by you, GG, again, because you should know that I do not act like this just for the hell of it.
If you do wish to never speak to me again, based upon the fact that we've been fine for 4 years, then fine. I just expected a bit better of you based on the way that I am and how you *should* know the way I act. I am just shocked that you do not understand the way that I am and are so against me on this. Oh well. At least this revealed who my sort of true friends are.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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veco
Legendary Hero
who am I?
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posted June 08, 2010 10:45 PM |
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it's not that you get angry - it's how you deal with it. How you act in real life is outside of the internet world, provide arguments that are relevant to our interest
checking...
yup, still cute
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none of my business.
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted June 08, 2010 10:53 PM |
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To "our" interest? I'm only talking to those people who are interested. Saying cute adds nothing to this discussion. Why are you doing that? I guess you are trying to rile me or something? Whatever you're doing, it's not working. I just want to get things straight and tell people the real reason as to why I acted the way I did, for those interested, and since you're not, I do not know why you're even here. If you don't care, then don't read let alone reply.
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 08, 2010 10:56 PM |
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William, I may be incorrect in assuming this, but you've previously mentioned that you've had anger problems in RL, so that's where the idea that you also act like this in real life comes from.
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Eccentric Opinion
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted June 08, 2010 10:58 PM |
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I do have anger problems in real life, obviously, but I don't exactly act like this, by calling people every name under the sun. I get quite violent and just punch stuff. I do not act like I did in the forum in my real life. Trust me on this.
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted June 08, 2010 11:20 PM |
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Well you do act kinda cute.
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H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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Guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted June 09, 2010 12:37 AM |
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Yes, it might've been a rough day for you. However, people go through all kinds of problems, some similar to yours and others even worse. I've never been opposed to you feeling angry when it's within reason. As veco said, it's not a crime to feel angry, but it's how you express that anger that makes all the difference. You could've made a post about your awful day or something similar. Moreover, you could've told me in the Listening thread that you needed to discuss an issue on Skype and I'd have complied. When your trusted friends aren't available and you're in a rut, find other avenues that will help you calm down. But when you're angry and you choose to cause trouble, it brings nothing but negativity.
I'll admit I wasn't on Skype for a number of days prior, but there wasn't much I could do to help you at the time. By the time I realized what was happening at HC, you had already left a trail of "disguised" swearing all over the place. I was also among those people who instantly thought to blame your anger for it, but you wrote somewhere (now deleted by a mod, perhaps) that you weren't feeling angry. That had me confused. So I just figured that you were out for trouble and that you decided to take it out on HC. Maybe I could've done something, but not under the circumstances as I knew them.
Regarding people taking forum issues too seriously: if they are, then that's their problem. It's their time, so let them decide how to waste it. However, do not forget one thing. This may only be a forum, but it still has rules. This might sound like old news, but members are supposed to abide by the CoC during their stay here. If anyone has an issue with being subjected to such guidelines, they are welcome and encouraged to leave. Likewise, if you reach the point where you no longer care about following the CoC, then it'd be a good time to reassess why you'd come back again and again.
You can't blame me much for taking your rampage personally. I spent a sizable chunk of my personal time over the last 3-4 years trying to make you a better person, starting with your activities at HC. Seeing all of that crumble before my eyes and to get plenty of heat from you all in one day was taxing, to put it mildly.
Once again, I must tell you that, yes, I know you're not like that all the time. Don't assume I can't put all the pieces together, because I've dealt with you long enough to know these things. I saw it exactly as it was: one of your anger-fueled outbursts. It wasn't your normal everyday behavior, but neither was it anything I haven't seen or experienced several times in the past. I'm well acquainted with your rational side, and I have no doubts whatsoever that you can still be well-behaved on most occasions. Therefore, you cannot accuse me of thinking you're a ruffian 24/7.
As another example, take Stiven. I did not approve of the way he treated certain members here, but even I will concede that he contributed a lot to HC's earlier years. The tragedy surrounding his banning is simply that, despite his creativity and humor, his lack of sensitivity went too far and he wound up breaching the CoC repeatedly. His positive attributes probably outnumbered his negative ones, but in the end, the former gave way to the latter. A tiny seed can grow into something huge, and the same goes for a person's bad side.
You know I'd be the first to admit I've my own problems too. I've discussed them at length both on here and in private to you. Just as you've got issues, I have my own. There's no denying anything. But as I've told you many times, I do what I can to help you mature as a person, whether it's through criticism or whatever. It might seem hypocritical for me to get on your case, because I'm not a perfect person myself, but think about it. By that logic, nobody would be fit to stand moral ground, and nobody would learn/benefit from their critics. Above all else, I've always wanted you to avoid certain behaviors and situations that would get you into trouble (like what just happened). Trying to get you on the right path involves plenty of lecturing and discouraging you from doing/thinking what you will, which could come across as demeaning or hypocritical from your perspective. But how else would one go about it? With you, I've found that being very direct tends to make the most progress. You need someone to push you in the proper direction, as I wouldn't expect you to lecture yourself during your spare time.
And finally, I made my decision out of weariness. A guy can only take so much repetition before the whole ride gets very old. Sure, your outbursts are rare and in contrast to your usual self, but I've been sickened by the endless cycle. I've given you many chances and kept forgiving and forgiving and forgiving despite the finality of my threats to call everything off. If I continued with it, I'd only get more of the same frustrations. You're not the only one who's faced with criticism. How about being confronted numerous times about not having a job, despite having explained yourself fully and honestly again and again? I do care about you, but it gets to be too much. And the madness must end somewhere.
Maybe we can have the occasional casual discussion about music on here, in a designated thread, to help generate some forum activity. However, I would rule out chatting for a long while.
-Guitarguy
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted June 09, 2010 12:52 AM |
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All I can say is that your efforts did not go to waste. Remember that while it may repeat every once in a while, I, as a whole, am a better person and you know that. Compare me now to when I first got here. I'm a hell of a lot better, but a guy can only be pushed so far before he snaps, and when I snap, it's in epic style. A shame it had to go on here but I think that's better than what I could have done in real life. Oh well.
Whenever you want to talk again then I'm up for it. I do consider you a good friend based upon the amount of time I've known you and for the help you've given to me, so it's sad, in a way, to see that sort of go. Your decision at the end of the day.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted June 09, 2010 01:17 AM |
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Quote:
and when I snap, it's in epic style.
Or lack of it...
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"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted June 09, 2010 01:29 AM |
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Edited by william at 01:30, 09 Jun 2010.
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Was talking more in real life buddy. Again, I only really want comments that are constructive, not like yours of BB's or anything. I appreciate GG and Ohforfsake and Vokial taking the time, but you're just trying to be funny and sort of...failing. I don't want an argument with you if you're not at least willing to contribute something useful.
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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Guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted June 09, 2010 01:55 AM |
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Although you've improved, there are certain things about you now that I find worse than before. Maybe it's just me, but you've developed a much edgier personality after you started hanging with friends and entering these two relationships. All I know is that it wasn't there before, and it's definitely made things harder.
-Guitarguy
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted June 09, 2010 02:22 AM |
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I don't hang around with friends anymore, I've pretty much isolated myself because a lot of them were a bad influence. The first relationship was extremely bad, I admit and I know I acted like an arsehole but things are looking up. I am changing. It's all whether you're willing to help and stuff. It's up to you. Just know that I do mean good at the end of the day and I don't mean to act like a dickhead.
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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