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| Thread: What do you think you woudl do in the event of a zombie apocolypse? |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
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blizzardboy
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Nerf Herder
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posted November 03, 2015 02:28 AM |
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What do you think you would do in the event of a zombie apocolypse?
Try to refrain from the truthful answer of, "Soil my pants like a little girl, run out the wrong door, and get eaten alive while screaming and whimpering." Let's pretend you ate some illegal shark meat and watched an intense Adidas commercial before the zombie apocalypse started, and you are exceptionally level-headed when this all goes down.
It's a generic night on a weekday, and you are wherever you typically are on a weekday night. You hear screams outside, and you discover from looking out the window that there are zombies attacking the living. Based on A) your location, B) your household items, and C) your personal life skills & knowledge, what do you believe you would do in the event of a zombie apocalypse? ~1-3 paragraphs, single spaced, with a brief intro and conclusion.
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"Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us."
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TDL
Honorable
Supreme Hero
The weak suffer. I endure.
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posted November 03, 2015 03:04 AM |
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Evaluate the capabilities of the zombies
Fast-moving ravagers? Pretty much screwed anyway. Slow moving cadavers? Now this is more manageable. Especially if a well-placed hit can knock them down for enough of a time.
Evaluate the items at hand
In such a case, a laptop or a pan would like be the best option available, and I am not scared to use those, I had one prepared the other day to combat the pests invading my apartment (british squirrels, bah).
Also, depends on how desensitized to pain the zombies are. The bad bad zombies won't be stopped by much, but if you can somewhat stall them, lighting them on fire is an option. Snow booze and aerosols, toss them up, baby! So as long as the fire alarm does not hit in.
Evaluating the environment
So as long as the amount is sustainable, I'd get to the top of the house/block and barricade as much as possible as quickly as possible so the majority can't reach me. Potentially go on the roof to have a potential to dodge/kick them off the roof.
Also, metal + microwave might buy me some very necessary time.
Evaluating the outside
If they are slow, of course, I would likely try to run. Observing is key. If I see anyone successfully repelling them, then of course there are ways to deal with them. Especially if there is no Night's King to raise them over and over. Otherwise, prioritising escape routes is a must.
Conclusion
I would likely not survive and trip at some point and die by accident. If they are indeed Shaun of the Dead slow zombies, I might have a chance to dodge them and flee to safety.
Humans are actually surprisingly cunning, so I am fairly sure I'd find some haphazard people trying to band together for their final fight or flight.
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted November 03, 2015 04:29 AM |
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what kind of zombies are we talking about here? fast ones that can climb(even form a tidal wave/human ladder like that one hilarious movie?), or slow ones that shuffle along like obliterated drunks with a sense of balance? can these zombies swim or use guns or other weapons? are they able to operate doors/machinery/vehicles(i'm sure there's a zombie movie somewhere where zombies do that)?
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artu
Promising
Undefeatable Hero
My BS sensor is tingling again
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posted November 03, 2015 04:31 AM |
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Get myself on an average sized boat somehow with enough stock of drinking water and tools to fish, long before the epidemic makes it impossible to travel.
I always wonder why anybody doesn't do that at zombie films, they finally came up with it in Fear the Walking Dead.
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Are you pretty? This is my occasion. - Ghost
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Salamandre
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Wog refugee
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posted November 03, 2015 04:32 AM |
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I would make a zombie wog scenario.
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friendofgunnar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
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posted November 03, 2015 04:32 AM |
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Great question!
let's see....
*looking around*
tennis racket
guitar
neither a small sledge hammer or a 7" knife will give me the range I need to avoid getting nicked and joining the apocalypse...
well, I'm ****ed.
wait,
I do have 300 gallons of heating oil in the cellar.
and some balloons
and zombies will always give you time to improvise some weapons, otherwise there's no dramatic tension.
Here's what I'd do. I'd use the sledge hammer to knock the cap off the heating oil tank. I'd cut a bicycle inner tube and use it to siphon out the fuel. Then I'd fill the balloons with heating oil.
*listening to the sound of zombies banging on front door*
Then I'd duct tape a bbq lighter to the end of a 5' push scrubber, and tie a string to the lighter trigger.
holy crap they're coming in the windows!
the balloons go in a pillow case that's cinched around my waist. Now it's time to BBQ some zombies!
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted November 03, 2015 04:33 AM |
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Edited by fred79 at 04:36, 03 Nov 2015.
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artu said:
Get myself on an average sized boat somehow with enough stock of drinking water and tools to fish, long before the epidemic makes it impossible to travel.
you're forgetting about vitamin c deficiency, which will lead to scurvy. you can't just eat fish.
edit: lol, i learned that on "amazon trail"(computer game) a long time ago. 
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artu
Promising
Undefeatable Hero
My BS sensor is tingling again
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posted November 03, 2015 04:39 AM |
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Yes, lack of vegetables indeed used to cause some sailors to get terminally sick and also mentally unstable during long-distance sails. I would also take some fresh fruit and many boxes of vitamin pills with me. Thanks for reminding and saving my life in case of a zombie apocalypse, fred.
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Are you pretty? This is my occasion. - Ghost
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fred79
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Undefeatable Hero
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posted November 03, 2015 04:45 AM |
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no prob, man. you could always dock your boat and get supplies after the initial chaos, but the pickings might be pretty slim then; and the danger would likely be much higher.
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blizzardboy
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Nerf Herder
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posted November 03, 2015 06:15 AM |
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Zombified Michael Phelps turbo-blasts his arms towards Artu's boat, capsizes it, and eats him along with his entire supply of fresh fruit and vitamins. Artu is dead. Better luck next time sport.
Everybody else so far survived. Congratulations.
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"Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us."
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted November 03, 2015 06:53 AM |
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so some zombies can swim, then.
and as for the other questions i asked, drunk-posting blizz?
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artu
Promising
Undefeatable Hero
My BS sensor is tingling again
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posted November 03, 2015 07:43 AM |
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Meh. What's next, zombies that can write code!
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Are you pretty? This is my occasion. - Ghost
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kiryu133
Responsible
Legendary Hero
Highly illogical
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posted November 03, 2015 08:20 AM |
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Stay indoors for a week. Should be enough.
Zombies would not "survive" for long since they're already dead and rotting, leaving no way to move or attack. That and biting is an extremely inefficent way of spreading infection. No, stay indoors for a week and I should be fine.
seriously, a zombie apocalypse is no threat at all...
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It is with a heavy heart that I must announce that the cis are at it again.
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Drakon-Deus 
Undefeatable Hero
Qapla'
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posted November 03, 2015 08:34 AM |
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If Slim Withman could beat the Martians, then my Sith master Darth Orbison can deal with them.
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Stevie
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted November 03, 2015 09:02 AM |
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Drakon-Deus
Undefeatable Hero
Qapla'
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posted November 03, 2015 09:15 AM |
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Stevie said:
Survive.
We already are. In Romania. Remember? 
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Kipshasz
Undefeatable Hero
Elvin's Darkside
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posted November 03, 2015 09:28 AM |
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try not to break their smartphones. it makes them go apesnow.
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"Kip is the Gavin McInnes of HC" - Salamandre
"Ashan to the Trashcan", "I got PTSD from H7. " - LizardWarrior
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bloodsucker
Legendary Hero
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posted November 03, 2015 10:22 AM |
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Salamandre said:
I would make a zombie wog scenario.
So, a zombie invasion is what is needed to wake up the mapmaker inside of you?
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fred79
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Undefeatable Hero
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posted November 03, 2015 01:57 PM |
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Kipshasz said:
try not to break their smartphones. it makes them go apesnow.
lol, win.
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blizzardboy
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Nerf Herder
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posted November 03, 2015 02:25 PM |
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Kiryu attempts to stay locked inside for a week, but, after several days he develops Stockholm Syndrome towards the starving Swedish zombies camped outside of his door. He opens the door to deliver humanitarian aid to the zombies in the form of freshly baked cookies. The zombies eat the cookies, but are notably disappointed by the lack of brains in the batter, and devour Kiryu instead.
Kiryu is dead.
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"Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us."
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