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| Thread: Judging people by their appearance |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · «PREV |
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kookastar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted June 16, 2006 05:17 AM |
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I was looking for this thread because I am discussing 'Body Image' soon (at work). I really liked the responses but had to laugh at this one Bjorn 
[I have edited it; it is post number 2 if you are interested]
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My experience is that beautiful people is usually better in every way. Because of:
2. They have enough self control to stay beautiful. Some fat ppl are fat because of nature, but some because of mental issues. If someone looks good, at least you know they dont have problems with self control.
LOL! Do you still believe this? I know heaps of good looking, skinny DRUG ADDICTS
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3. Society likes them, so they fit in. They are less likely to be nuts.
Once again... lol! I have no words for this.
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5. I believe that beung beautiful is something we create. The looks of a beutiful person probably signals talent, or some other good trait. This means that I trust my intuition when it tells me a beautiful person is intersting.
This is nice 
I would love to hear from these people that posted 3 years ago to see if they still hold the same opinions - most are pretty solid, and of course from others - new opinions on beauty and physical appearance...
Also, the main idea of is it OK to pick on people for being too good looking but not too ugly?
I think both happens but really try to see past all that and listen to the person beneath, through what they say and what they do. Physical attraction definately needs some kind of chemistry, but I agree that this can be enhanced through personality. And just because you are not physically attracted to someone doesn't mean you wouldn't want to be their friend, just you don't want to jump them lol!
Anyway, back to body image - obviously there are so many cultural and social factors that dictate what beautiful is - this is becoming globalised of course... It is how these messages affect our sense of self worth that is the main issue. I think the way we alter our behaviour because of our own 'body image' is more damaging than anyone else's opinion of us (although this fuels our own self worth). It is a downward cycle of feeling terrible, acting terrible, having bad responses because of being a misrable sob, and then feeling more terrible
How do we change this poor body image? What works? Breast implants??? Scary stuff, the whole plastic surgery bit...
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Iris
Responsible
Supreme Hero
of Typos
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posted June 16, 2006 08:04 PM |
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Interesting topic. I have quite a few random thoughts on this subject, but they’re not really related to each other, so I apologize in advance if it’s hard to follow.
First of all, it’s been said already on the first page, but I will say it again. Everyone judges, and there’s nothing wrong with it, so don’t say that you don’t do it. The difference is that some people act upon their impressions, while others don’t.
Here’s an interesting story. At my university, there is a man dressed in rags outside our undergraduate library, playing the harmonica almost everyday. No one paid him too much attention, because we all thought that he was just another homeless guy, bumming around and trying to mooch off the students. Then one day, someone decided to sit down and talk to him, and we found out that our "homeless bum" is actually a professor. 
A lot of people do have this preconceived notion that good looking people must be lacking in the brains and personality departments, and that "ugly" or "fat" people must be either nice or smart because they have to have some redeeming quality. After all, we like to believe that things are fair and balanced. One of my roommates and I had a talk once, and she was very set on the idea that everyone starts out with a set of points, and you trade these points for traits. So if you are physically attractive, then you have fewer points to allocate to intelligence or personality, and vice versa.
Sadly, that is how things turn out in a lot of cases, due to an action-reaction effect. Good looking people get a lot of benefits without doing any work, and as a result, they usually just sit and let things come to them. Because if you don’t give them what they want, someone else will. On the other hand, the not-so-good-looking people have to work hard to gain respect. Often times, because they’ve "been there," they are more tolerant and open minded about other people.
However, I believe that this sort of thought process mainly applies to the younger generation. Consis mentioned on the first page that physical appearance plays a vital role in many aspects of many occupations, and I think this is because in the professional world, physical attractiveness is usually linked to good traits.
Imagine two business men walking into a meeting. One is good looking, the other is not. I tell you that one of them is more successful than the other. Which one would you guess is better off? In most cases, the better looking one is perceived as the more successful one. Experiments have been conducted to show that in general, people who are better looking do indeed have higher salaries.
This brings me to another point, which is kind of related to what Kooka was saying about plastic surgery. If better looking people get paid more, then why don’t we put more effort into looking better? There was some other experiment conducted to calculate the return of plastic surgery and physical appearance enhancing products (makeup and whatnot). I think the results showed that for every dollar women spent on improving their appearance, they gain a 5 cent return in salary (or something close to that number). Not really worth it, is it?
Now on to something else. Like everything, beauty comes with a price. Someone mentioned that it’s a blessing and a curse. My grandmother was very beautiful in her younger years, and when she was approaching the age to get married, she was hounded by many men, but most of them only wanted her as a decoration and to appear next to them for public events. Beauty fades with age, and it was hard to figure out who will still be by her side when she’s old and gray. I don’t talk to my grandma a lot, so I don’t know what happened or how she handled it. I just know that she married my grandpa and they get along really well. I’m very happy for her.
Lastly, I just want to say that physical appearance is nothing without a good attitude to accompany it. And attitude comes out according to your level of self confidence. I know plenty of good looking guys and girls, but they don’t carry themselves well. As a result, they’re just "pretty" and not appealing.
When I was little, I had some self-esteem issues. Excluding family members, I wasn’t very well received as a kid. Let me just say that when I was born, there was still a slight gender bias in China. I played with action figures and video games, I was fearless and had no respect for authority, and I acted and dressed like a boy (the doctors told my mother that she was going to have triplet boys, so I didn’t have a lot of girl clothes ). I would have been a cute kid, if I really were a boy, but that wasn’t the case. When strangers saw me on the street, they’ll be all smiley and say, "Your son is so cute. How old is he?" And when my parents tell them that I’m a girl, they would wince and nod with an unspoken comment of "Maybe you should teach her to act like a girl." As a result, my mother is always telling me that I’m just a boy stuck in a girl’s body.
I didn’t really get a chance to develop my feminine side until after I moved to the US. I grew out my hair (girls weren’t allowed to have long hair in school in China) and found girl friends who shared the same interest as me, but I still didn’t act "girly" enough for my mom. For a while, she used some twisted reverse psychology and always told me that I was ugly just so that I would be more motivated to put more effort into my appearance. That didn’t go very well.
I’m going to skip a few years here. It wasn’t until just a few years ago that I actually started to look and act like a girl. First of all, I was as flat as an ironing board until I was almost out of my teens. But that’s a different story. Anyway, I buy my own clothes now () and I make myself presentable for special occasions. My mom has even stopped calling me ugly.
Anyway, that’s the end of my ramble.
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russ
Promising
Supreme Hero
blah, blah, blah
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posted June 16, 2006 09:23 PM |
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Edited by russ at 21:27, 16 Jun 2006.
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Ok, here is my argument for looks vrs personality:
1) You have no clue about someone's personality until you get to know them
2) Who would you want to get to know first: an ugly person, or a beautiful one?
As for me, I try not to be biased towards the appearance of people when it is beyond their control. For example, some girls that would otherwise be considered ugly know how to take care of themselves, how to dress and how to present themselves, which makes them at least charming, if not beautiful. I have a lot of respect for those and I think that usually there is a good chance that they have an interesting personality. However, IMHO, there is simply no excuse for some things like being fat. Those are just a sign of weakness and usually (not to my surprise) those girls are quite shallow in addition to the obvious lack of activity.
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How do we change this poor body image? What works? Breast implants??? Scary stuff, the whole plastic surgery bit...
I think that breat implants is going overboard - they look nice, etc, but I wouldn't want my wife to have those because it is very unhealthy in the long run. However, there are many little things that you can fix. Bad teeth? Go see the dentist! You are fat? That's not "genetics", that's not "metabolism". IF YOU ARE FAT - DON'T EAT SO F**NG MUCH, AND GO DO SMTH, FFS!!!
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted June 16, 2006 11:28 PM |
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Those kinds need motivation if they cant do it themselves.
They need somethang to just get them going.
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Dreaming of a Better World
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kookastar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted June 16, 2006 11:36 PM |
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Thanks for your thoughts and Iris for sharing something so personal with us. TNT still wants ya
Anyway, I guess what I am talking about is the extent that we are overly critical of our physical appearance in search of being the 'ultimate'. A beautiful woman/girl with little self worth because they are not the ideal. You know what I am talking about It seems to me (although I have no research to back it up) that the people getting plastic surgery are pretty good looking to start with.
I don't know where I am going here...
will check back later (whoops)
And Iris, I guess I was saying I don't judge a person's intellegence based on the way they look. Their appearance (atributes they can change - like clothes and stuff) says something about their personality and how socially conditioned they are to conforming, but not how intellegent they are IMO...
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Iris
Responsible
Supreme Hero
of Typos
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posted November 20, 2006 09:52 PM |
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Has anyone ever heard of the Ladder Theory? It came up in a random discussion, and I think it's somewhat relevant in this topic. It's presented in a silly, light-hearted way, so it's good for a laugh, though I do believe there's some truth behind it. Also, it has some profanity, so don't read if you get offended by that stuff.
The basic concept is that every time you meet someone new, you give them a quick mental rating with is factored into the image of the first impression. Here's a look at how men and women use this rating system:
This goes along with the generalization that men are superficial and women are materialistic. Though I do wonder if there's some biological factors that influences this. I'm sure these are not conscious factors, but most women want to be taken cared of, and money can usually take care of the basic human needs. Men want to pass on their genes, and I suppose they can make prettier children with better looking women.
I don't know how the distribution of each section was determined. Seems a little extreme, but I think there is some truth to it. And that sort of makes me sad. 
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kookastar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted November 20, 2006 09:59 PM |
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money/power 50%
I am way off target 
heehee
interesting though - then men's side seems about right
ALso I wonder what the 10 percent we say we care about but don't is...
I think I may be stuck in there...
good in bed
funny
puppeteer
chess player {j/k!!!}
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uhuh
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Lith-Maethor
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paid in Coin and Cleavage
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posted November 20, 2006 10:31 PM |
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a quick question...
how do you define "looks"?
is it just physical appearance, or do things like style, attitude, etc, factor in as well?
for me looks includes the whole package... the way a girl moves, the way she carries herself, the way she dresses... and yeah, call me superficial, but it is pretty much everything
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You are suffering from delusions of adequacy.
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Nidhgrin
Honorable
Famous Hero
baking cookies from stardust
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posted November 20, 2006 10:37 PM |
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Scary... Though it all sounds pretty rude and extreme, this isn't all nonsense. You're right it's kind of sad though 
It's not just looks and only looks in my case. Just unconsciously rate personality traits that would complement with mine best, a lot higher when looking for long term commitment. I guess this could boil down to the same thing though.
Then again I may not be judging right since it's been a rough day and I'm dead tired. Women...
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