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| Thread: I'll see you in the afterlife..... | |
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jebus
Promising
Supreme Hero
TheJester akaJeebs akaJebfoo
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posted July 05, 2005 10:47 PM |
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I'll see you in the afterlife.....
It's really incredible how your day to day living is brought to a complete stand still at the passing of a loved one.. But more important than that is how we re-evaluate our lives and our outlook on ourselves.
I have struggled over the last few days do to the fact that my uncle and Godfather has been ill and Sunday was deemed terminal... After a few hours however things seem to be getting better and everyone thought he'd pull through. Unfortunetely it was not the case. My uncle passed on late last night. Here in lies the frustration in fearing the worst, then having a brink of hope all just to have it ripped away again with the devastating truth. As much as my own selfishness is forcing me to say "christ, what's with the deception?", there is part of me that feels that at least it gave my aunt the chance to have last moments with him where he was lucid enough to spend some quality time together.... I have to see it like that.. to say that it's unfair to me, to her and to the family to give us this ray of light, this shred of hope and then to tear it away is crushing. But right now, this is how I feel... I've never bounced back and forth from one emotion to the next like this before.
I try to think of how he lived his life... how much love he had to share and how much he loved his wife.... my aunt told me that before one of his final surgeries she asked him "are you sure you can handle this?". to which he replied :"I can handle it as long as you can. I love life and I want to keep on living."
I then tell myself that to be angry is to ignore everything he has taught us in his life... so I think on the good times, albeit limited, that we were able to share.
It's hard not to ask yourself the age old question of why? why do good people die... we can do wonderfull scientific marvels but we can't keep someone's sugar level stable. We can't make the blood coagulate... we can't make his kidneys not fail. We can't let those who want to live and those who have wonderfull experiences to share continue and have that opportunity. To walk with a nephew, a niece or a grandchild... to talk about how it was when they were young... to tell me stories about when he was working on the trains.. and how many times they de-railed one..." but back then they weren't going any faster than 30km an hour... so we could just jump off!!" ..... to have one last chance and sit and share his favorite beer.
Well luckily for me there will be that chance... I may have to wait a while but it'll come. I have spent my life knowing that in the end, when we leave this place, that we will have the chance to spend our afterlives with the people we love and loved. I have never known my grandfathers' and am looking forward to sitting with them, getting to know them and just talking and sharring everything we've ever learnt. I look forward to sharring tales with my ancestors. To know my great great great great grandmother or grandfather...
In the movie "last of the mohicans" he refers to saving a seat at the great council fire of his people... mine is not a council... mine is the camp fire where I can sit for endless time and know the people that preceed me. As I sit with my cousin who died in a motorbike accident when I was but 10. To tell him how I wish he was around since he seemed the only one that I had much in common with... to have my long lost childhood pet at my feet, liking the sweat from my toes, tickling me like she use to do when I was young. I look forward to that day.
But that thought quickly brings me back to reality... the world of new life and death. Of sickness and suffering... of great happyness and adventure... of tears of pain just like tears of joy. Of wishing you were dead and praying for life..... of crying of laughter and crying because you stubbed your toe...
It brings me back to a world where memories of my uncle live through me, my family and his friends...
It makes me realize that I have my entire life to make my own memories as I pass on my existing ones... I have my entire life to make for someone new memories that they can hold as I start to journey down the last mile of my life... so that when I pass, my wife, children and friends and family can look back and say: "Im gonna miss that bitter old man!" or "remember that time..."
I have alot to live for right now... but I also have many things to accomplish before it's my turn.... I have alot to live for but I also have many things to leave behind.
"Im gonna miss you mononcle... I'll see you soon enough."
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"You went over my helmet??"
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guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted July 05, 2005 11:05 PM |
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Jebus--
I know you're going through a lot of pain right now. Facing up to tormenting realities is quite a heavy blow to take alone. If you'd like, we could talk about it sometime and share a bunch of stuff. Through email, maybe? If you'd like to, I wouldn't mind sticking around to help.
-guitarguy
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2XtremeToTake
Promising
Supreme Hero
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posted July 05, 2005 11:09 PM |
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Jebus, that was a really touching and emotional post, and i dont really know what to say, all i can really say is it could be alot worse. Be glad it isnt.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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Wiseman
Known Hero
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posted July 06, 2005 08:08 AM |
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"Death is not the end. There remains litigation over the estate."
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Truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.
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ConanAmra
Adventuring Hero
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posted August 11, 2005 05:20 PM |
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Yes the death is not the end,it is maybe a new beginning or to exist in other way.It is good to remember our family and our nearest friends,but we shouldnt cry long for them,they wouldnt wanted to see us like that.Jebus i had really extremely experience with death in my family and who i knew,just read my topic did you have seen or did something strange happen to you and tell me what do you think about it.
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When you go to hell tell my mom that i sent you,
you get a group discount.
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Hexa
Responsible
Legendary Hero
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posted August 11, 2005 05:36 PM |
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hmm I think I once made a thread called "Life after Death" or something along those lines ... some good stuff.
Look it up if you are interested!@
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If you want to realize your dreams >>> you have to wake up!@
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ConanAmra
Adventuring Hero
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posted August 11, 2005 05:41 PM |
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Definitely i will go and take a look,now.Hope you will look at my post too.They both very interesting and worth to write something down there to it.
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When you go to hell tell my mom that i sent you,
you get a group discount.
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Jebus
Promising
Supreme Hero
TheJester akaJeebs akaJebfoo
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posted August 11, 2005 06:02 PM |
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Edited By: Jebus on 11 Aug 2005
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Quote:
Jebus i had really extremely experience with death in my family and who i knew,just read my topic did you have seen or did something strange happen to you and tell me what do you think about it.
Im not sure I understand what you mean here (sorry)
if you have a post somewhere that you'd like me to read, let me know... a link in this thread would be helpfull.
I was surprise to see recent posts here.... It has been a few weeks since the incident.
If you knew my uncle you'd know that we don't mourn long because it's hard to think of o'l Georges without laughing at something he said or did. Having said that, you can't help but feel a great sense of loss when you think of him and the life he lead.
In our society(well here in good ol' Ontario Canada) we never really learn to deal with death and how to cope. People don't tend to talk about the dead like they are still part of us. Another of my uncle made the comment:
"it won't be the last funeral..." in the sense that we're at that stage of our lives that our grandparents and uncles and aunts are getting older, and that with age comes death, it was depressing to hear but is completely truthfull.
we just need to remember the good times...
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"You went over my helmet??"
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Romana
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Thx :D
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posted August 11, 2005 06:44 PM |
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Edited By: Romana on 11 Aug 2005
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Jebus
Promising
Supreme Hero
TheJester akaJeebs akaJebfoo
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posted August 11, 2005 07:47 PM |
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thanks
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"You went over my helmet??"
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Romana
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Thx :D
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posted August 11, 2005 10:00 PM |
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yeah ..I'm not as evil as you thought eh ? 
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The darkest skies show the brightest stars
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