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| Thread: Airline with a sense of humor | |
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Binabik
Responsible
Legendary Hero
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posted April 12, 2006 09:39 AM |
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Airline with a sense of humor
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number three engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
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Trogdor
Legendary Hero
Words in a custom title
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posted April 12, 2006 02:12 PM |
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Those service people must sure be blonde.
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"Through the power of the dollar you can communicate with the dead." - Artu
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Dragon_Slayer
Honorable
Supreme Hero
toss toss toss
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posted April 12, 2006 03:06 PM |
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lol, its funny but i fail to believe these are real reports  I mean how would someone get a hold of those
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FriendOfGunnar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
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posted April 12, 2006 06:33 PM |
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I totally believe this. This sounds exactly like normal blue-collar banter. Very funny, thanks Bini
Here's my favourites:
Quote:
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
Quote:
P: Number three engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Quote:
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
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