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Dragon_Slayer
Honorable
Supreme Hero
toss toss toss
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posted October 04, 2006 05:13 PM |
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Forever Lost
Just yesterday one of my closest female friends committed suicide, and i feel like absolute ****.
I met this girl just over four years ago, and i have been close friends with her ever since. She was the kind of girl i could do anything with. When i was bored, she would come past and watch movies with me. When i was hungry she would buy me food, or even cook for me. Heck, when my car broke down she lent me hers for a few days. She was a true friend, and now shes gone.
Her father found her yesterday when he came home, October 3rd at around 4pm. She had hung herself off the bar on her shower. Dressed in good clothes, jewelery on and makeup done. She always had to look her best, even in death.
What confuses me so much is that this girl was so happy. nothing was wrong in her life. Straight A student, great personality and stunning looks. She had a good group of friends and could get any guy she wanted. She went out on weekends and generally enjoyed her life.
Although her parents were divorced, she was on good terms with both of them, no hassles at home. She had no reason to do what she did, and it confuses the **** out of me. She was only 17. How can someone with so much going for them just end their life like that? She didn't leave a note, so nobody knows what possessed her to do it.
What really scares me is that she was over my house two nights earlier and everything was fine. I also called her at around 11:30am, the same day she died. Everything was fine then too. She was even organizing to come out with me on the weekend. I want to know what could have happened in those few hours that made her snap.
Yet among all the sadness, i cant help feeling like i could have stopped what happened. While we were on the phone she asked me to catch up that day, but i was busy at a mates. What if i had gone to see her? I would have been able to stop her from making such a stupid decision. If something did happen, i could have been there to help her through it. I cant help but feel partly responsible. She was one of my closest friends and i blew her off to stay at my mates, when she probably needed me the most. I cant believe i took her for granted, and now i wont ever see her again.
Now the mystery of what happened plagues my sleep. Of course I have different theories, some very realistic, some a bit coincidental. But no matter how hard i try to work it out, I'll never know the truth.
She was still on msn when she did it. Her name was...
"& i jst cnt figure out y, till the day i die!"
With a few broken heart pics in it. How could I be so blind...
It still hasn't properly sunk in yet. If it hurts this much now, i don't even want to know what its going to feel like then.
____________
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MightyMage
Honorable
Legendary Hero
of INSANITY and DELICIOUSNESS
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posted October 04, 2006 06:18 PM |
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I'm sorry to hear something like that happened. I can't say I know exactly what you're going through because I have never lost any of my friends in that way. I've lost family members but never to suicide.
Now perhaps I'm thinking a bit farfetched but you stress that she was in fact happy, gave no indications that she was planning suicide, nor did she seem depressed. This makes me wonder because although I have never lost anyone in that manner, I have lost someone (a family friend) to murder. Often times things are not always as they seem. Was it in fact a unanimous decision that she did in fact take her own life?
Again, I'm very sorry for your loss DS. If she was in fact unhappy then then maybe wherever she is now (if you believe in the human soul) she is finally at peace.
____________
Though I must still bow
in awe for the awesomeness that is
MightyMage. For he is all I could ever
want to be! - OhforfSake
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Celfious
Promising
Legendary Hero
From earth
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posted October 04, 2006 07:11 PM |
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I kinda am lost for words but my rare prayers will go out to all those affected.
____________
What are you up to
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pandora
Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
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posted October 04, 2006 07:35 PM |
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Edited by pandora at 19:39, 04 Oct 2006.
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Hi DS, I'm so sorry for your loss. When I was in Grade 12 at high school, I went through the same thing, I clearly remember the feeling.. and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
I've had a few years now to think on it and can see some things a bit more clearly now than I did then. The major one I wanted to say to you, is that after someone commits suicide - we automatically start thinking of things we could have said or done to stop them. But that's not fair, everything seems different in hindsight and you have to believe that there's nothing that you could have done.
The worst thing about suicide is that the person who goes leaves behind a whole bunch of questions that can never be answered, but we have to realize and accept that there won't be answers and stop tormenting ourselves with the questions. I know it sounds hard, but in life moving forward is really our only option..
Remember the things that you do know, like the kind of friend she was and things you did together. Try to take some comfort in remembering the good times that you had, and knowing that you were a part of some of the happy moments in her life.
If you ever need to talk or just vent, I'm here - my thoughts are with you 
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"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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violent_flower
Promising
Supreme Hero
Almost there.
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posted October 05, 2006 05:13 AM |
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I will not pretend to know what you are feeling at this time. Most people have experienced loss and I will not belittle your loss by telling you about mine. I will however extend my prayers your way and hope that sleep finds you soon. The feeling of guilt or what ifs will hopefully subside and you will be able to become serene once more. My thoughts are with you and yours.
____________
Learn how to duck and weave because I will throw truth at you all day!
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted October 05, 2006 05:24 AM |
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Hey DS, I am sorry for your loss, I know what it feels like to have the feeling of suicide, I have tried it myself, as my life was going very bad, but then I remembered the good things in my life, and I knew I couldn't go through with it.
I am just as puzzled as you are as to why she killed herself, even though I don't know her at all, your description and all of that that you gave to us, puzzles me as she had so much going for her.
Why is it that the younger generation these days, often kill themselves, it affects many people around them, and even more startling, the fact that they kill themselves, without confiding within another person, just doing it randomly and maybe they don't care what other's think.
Maybe this girl had some troubling thoughts that were troubling her or bothering her and she didn't know what she could have done to make a difference or help herself, so maybe she resulted in killing herself, which was a bad mistake, and affects many people.
I feel sorry for you and more especially her dad, who must have been very distraught after hearing what happened.
I wish you all the best DS, and I pray that you can overcome this and I pray for her family who must be very sad right now.
You can overcome this, we will help you, I will helpy uo if you want
Sorry to hear that this has happened.
Peace.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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DarkTitan
Promising
Famous Hero
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posted October 09, 2006 11:21 AM |
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Although i didnt rely know her, i think i met her once, but since she has died i have heard so much about her. At least u know that she will be remembered by alot of people. Shes in many people's msn names, and she wont b forgotten. I only wish i had the chance to get to know her better.
____________
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antipaladin
Promising
Legendary Hero
of Ooohs and Aaahs
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posted October 09, 2006 11:58 AM |
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Im sorry for your loss DS,dont forget her memmory will be allways in your heart.
____________
types in obscure english
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Gom_Jabbar
Promising
Famous Hero
Revealer of Truth
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posted October 09, 2006 01:16 PM |
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Been there, done that... and got away with it. Lucky me right?
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alanaxh_elleil
Tavern Dweller
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posted October 09, 2006 08:50 PM |
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I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and I wish to extend my feelings to her family, the lost must have been monumental.
Grief is like sad love; trying to undo the past or reshape the future.
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Trogdor
Legendary Hero
Words in a custom title
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posted October 10, 2006 08:02 AM |
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Suicide is a pain in the you-know-where and I'll feel their pain on the provision that the person who commits suicide isn't emo. Those emos deserve suicide though.
____________
"Through the power of the dollar you can communicate with the dead." - Artu
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frostwolf
Famous Hero
livin' in a bottle of vodka
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posted October 10, 2006 10:50 PM |
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You should never think that a suicidal person looks sad or depressed. On the contrary, those who actually go trough with it(and not just contemplate suicide) are quite optimistic and determined about it. You don't have to think that her reasons were of sadness or grief.
People can and will commit suicide for a whole lot of other reasons.The general opinion is that only sad, depressive or lonley people end their lives. That is not true. There is another, much more philosophical aproach to suicide( realising the uslessness of life, feeling that an old age will mean only worse for you, realising how truly small and insignificant we are in the world, etc.)
And another thing, how can you say that you could of stopped her from taking that "stupid decision". Who are you that you can decide that her decision was stupid? No, as a friend, you should respect whatever decision she takes, no matter how painfull. Whatever her reasons were, take comfort in lnowing that she is in a better place now. And I don't mean all that heaven&hell crap. No, I just mean that there is no more pain for her now. No more sorrow to come, no more disapointments, no more unhappiness.
Either way, I am sory for your loss.
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Karashan
Hired Hero
aura runs core not hollow
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posted October 11, 2006 01:32 AM |
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Edited by Karashan at 01:35, 11 Oct 2006.
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each persons loss is unique
no matter how similar the experience
alienation comes from separation from
within ones self first (sometimes
at an age that is too young for them
to understand) - and not from others
no matter how social that person is.
Some will argue in the early phases
of cognitive development and some will
claim at birth and is a symantic separate point.
its not something you can know suddenly
when a friend needs to talk to you one
afternoon. no one can know when that
need is and to stop whatever you are
doing every ever time someone wants to talk
isnt possible
in 2 instances ive talked someone
out of it. both in different places
they walked away. in a third however
ive been in a very similar situation
where that person who i was close to
i couldnt help. i couldnt know
what was going on in my friends mind
and wouldnt have known wether or not
she would have even said something
had i been in town at the time. she
was a very private person about very
specific subjects that sometimes boys
and girls wont discuss & i grew up
being a guy that a LOT of girls would
say anything to. "Best friends wedding"
kind of friend but strait
loss is hard
i know other forms of it as well unfortunately
but this is not their story nor mine. but
the reflection from some of my experience
hopefully was helpful.
it would be really good to get into an in-person
support group to talk about things in a circle while
in the fog/shock state. It is the best time to start because people will talk themselves out of going when there is too much clarity. Creative outlets are
also a good place to make sense of things.
my thoughts go out to you Dragon Slayer
im very sorry for your loss
____________
i dont know
nor do i claim to
its just an idea
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted October 11, 2006 12:31 PM |
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My God...I feel sorry for your loss DS.I am not a regular here but I know what it is to have a close female friend and what she can mean to you.Some things remain hidden even from the best of friends and she probably couldn't tell you of her decision because it was hard to say goodbye or she was afraid you wouldn't understand.I don't think you could have helped,some things cannot be prevented.But since it was her will and she was prepared for it you shouldn't be sorry,she made her choice unfair as it may sound.I'm sorry you had to experience that.
____________
H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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