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Heroes Community > Tavern of the Rising Sun > Thread: My English Essay
Thread: My English Essay
zamfir
zamfir


Promising
Supreme Hero
Allez allez allez
posted October 31, 2009 11:58 AM
Edited by zamfir at 12:15, 31 Oct 2009.

My English Essay

While getting rid of the old notebooks, I stumbled upon an English essay I wrote some time ago. It's a silly text, but at least it's cute, and some might want to read it. Anyway, here it is:


    The Television - An Essay

Mankind lived peacefully on it's tiny, distant planet. Luckily, that tiny globe of joy was pretty close to a star, but not too close. It was spinning fast, but not too fast. The climate was relatively warm, but not too warm.

As a consequence, the planet could maintain life forms, but not too smart life forms, the humans.

It would be a lie to claim all humans were stupid. In fact, the first humans were pretty smart (smart enough to light fires in deep caves, full of charcoal). The only problem was that mankind's total intelligence level is constant, but the population grows fast.

To analyze mankind's stupidity as a whole is a mighty task, so we will present you only the biggest of them all: the television.

First of all, what is this television? It is, what can we say, mankind's attempt to reach the Ultimate Stupidity perk by researching from distance the mistakes of even stupider creatures: the celebrities.

Because this sublime notion's name is kinda long, humans prefer to use idioms (idioms =/= idiots, many make the confusion) like TV, telly or Life. For technical reasons (INK LEVEL CRITICALLY LOW!!!), we shall use the TV idiom from now on.

Now, that we know what television is and how to mispell it, let's enter the average human habitat in order to watch TV in action.

The dominant male returns to it's shelter after a long day spent staring at the wakk (humans call this action "office job"). He is tired and hungry, since union rules forbid eating your boss (another typical stupidity, since the boss is always fat and has no apparent use), and other potential meals seldom enter the office.

The male hopes to eat the gorgeous dinner his female cooked, but apparently she spent all day watching Oprah and/or Portuguese soap operas. Additionally, the little humanlings brought a slimy green composite inside and ate it. There's no food left for the male.

Right now, he has two alternatives: clean after his children, go and fry veggies and feed his wife in an intravenous way to prevent her upcoming death. However, our hero chooses the easy way: he beats his wife, sends his kids to bed (And to not open the wardrobe!) and watches a lame soccer match between Otopeni and Fortuna Covaci whilst eating a home-delivered pizza. Meanwhile, the wife accidentally fall into the composite's remains. In her desperate efforts to preserve her vertical coordinates, he just broke daddy's bowling trophies.

The kids took advantage of the situation to dress with mummy's wedding clothes (alas, she still keeps the ancient artifacts), and went to drink from the toilet. And all thanks to the TV. Mankind will not survive the next generation...


____________
5 Times TV

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Drakon-Deus
Drakon-Deus


Undefeatable Hero
O(+>
posted October 31, 2009 12:10 PM

It's nice

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kipshasz
kipshasz


Undefeatable Hero
Elvin's Darkside
posted November 01, 2009 07:32 PM

I really enjoyed reading this.
____________
"Kip is the Gavin McInnes of HC" - Salamandre
"Ashan to the Trashcan", "I got PTSD from H7. " - LizardWarrior

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TheDeath
TheDeath


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
posted November 01, 2009 07:36 PM

LMAO
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The above post is subject to SIRIOUSness.
No jokes were harmed during the making of this signature.

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Celfious
Celfious


Promising
Legendary Hero
Shadow visionaire
posted November 01, 2009 08:01 PM

no no, english essays are about homer simpson

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Asgar
Asgar

Tavern Dweller
posted November 02, 2009 06:07 PM

ROFLMAO
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Raisa_Mahon
Raisa_Mahon

Tavern Dweller
posted April 13, 2020 03:27 PM

It's very cool! I really liked!

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Drakon-Deus
Drakon-Deus


Undefeatable Hero
O(+>
posted April 14, 2020 06:38 PM

2009, huh? Time flies.
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Horses don't die on a dog's wish.

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johnnyy
johnnyy

Bad-mannered
Tavern Dweller
posted May 07, 2020 10:27 PM - penalty applied by Galaad on 08 May 2020.
Edited by johnnyy at 10:01, 08 May 2020.

well written. Jealous people who are good at writing. I have to apply to pro writer to do my programming homework for me and save some time. These guys helped me a lot.  
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credfroven
credfroven

Bad-mannered
Tavern Dweller
posted May 13, 2020 10:52 AM - penalty applied by Galaad on 13 May 2020.

Need honest BestEssays reviews? Go to this platform to know what students think about this writing service.

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JohnW
JohnW

Tavern Dweller
posted June 19, 2020 07:35 PM

Hello! A very interesting essay, but I canít even write it. How do you do this? I canít connect the two sentences. Therefore, I use the help of professionals. But if you need to do the same, then pay attention first to reviews like uk writings reviews, and then choose the right site. Otherwise, you will spend money down the drain.
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Collmezi
Collmezi

Tavern Dweller
posted July 02, 2020 02:50 PM

Quite interesting essay. As I can see nowadays many students prefer to order such work in internet. It is bad as for me...
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Naali
Naali

Tavern Dweller
posted August 06, 2020 10:57 AM

Very cool, nice to read
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DenBrown123
DenBrown123

Tavern Dweller
posted September 15, 2020 03:13 PM

Hello, all friends,my name is Den I understand how hard it is to be a student, because I myself am now in my first year at the University of Colorado. Nowadays there are many services for your help in writing texts of any complexity, among all the help sites for individual writing, this is the most professional one https://customwritinghelp.org/thesis-writing/. This is just a great service, with proven work and reviews in this area, it's just a godsend for you in your training. Support works around the clock and can make your edits immediately. Try it, I'm sure you won't stop at the first text!
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PandaTar
PandaTar


Responsible
Supreme Hero
Celestial Heavens Mascot
posted September 15, 2020 05:57 PM

OMG, the bots.

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"Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster."
GlaDOS Ė Portal 2

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fred79
fred79


Promising
Undefeatable Hero
My BS sensor is tingling again
posted September 15, 2020 06:13 PM

they're coming outta the goddamn walls! game over, man! game over!

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