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Celfious
Promising
Legendary Hero
From earth
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posted July 14, 2015 02:02 AM |
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Edited by Celfious at 02:06, 14 Jul 2015.
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<3 from Celfious
What is up my fellow HCers?
I have been in rehab for about a month now. I am currently in a sort of step up but the step up is a major difference. For example, I can have a computer and cell phone etc etc... Looking for work perhaps soon. I just wanted to throw out a message considering my last posts were quite negative.
I have realized what it means to try to "escape from reality". I understand what they mean when they say "uncomfortable in our own skin". There is perhaps a minority of individuals of the world whom through transcendence from youth to adulthood for some reasons or others we continue to try to avoid painful situations. Basically, I seek out whats going to feel good now, today. And I neglect delayed gratifications like those from hard work, stress, etc etc.. I avoid pain.
This is clearly a vital realization for me to have in order to grow up and reduce the pain of feeling pain.. Accepting stress, reduces the hard elements of it, if not alleviate. See, alcoholics and addicts generally have this tendency I share, to go for pleasant feelings as easy as possible, no matter how crashingly difficult we sense it will become. I have in a state of drug induced psychosis threatened my eternal soul for reasons I won't try to explain.
Anyways... I believe we have a gift. I have scratched the tip of perhaps my deepest thorn. I have fallen to where I could no longer fall. I have lost everything that I can not lose again (poetically not literally speaking). I have a gift and perhaps I will explain it sometime more than how I am about to try.
I have witnessed extreme absence. I have felt extreme loneliness and moral challenges. I have a tangible experience with the core of the beauty and the beast. I have a journey. I have a brand new life to see.
If I could live life all over again I would prefer to not smoke pot and hang out with drop outs in highschool. I would prefer to stick to college instead of dropping out halfway through a bachelors. I would prefer to not have became at square one in my 35'th year of this time of my existance. But I feel almost like Neo on the phone at the end of Matrix one. I have a new life ontop a great knowledge of my old and I am saying I don't know what this new life will look like or what will happen. I'm like a kid again getting to find amazement in the elements of living for the first time that a majority has succeeded in doing so already.
I feel very deep. My soul opened its eyes to things and quite frankly I have a pride in my ability to undefine and comprehend in my own world within myself yes.
Celfious AKA Michael is happy and my weakness and pain are now the spear I have sought my whole life. May these grey wings remain holy and useful for the sake of myself and others who are lost in any depth that compares to my own.
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What are you up to
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friendofgunnar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
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posted July 14, 2015 07:05 AM |
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Good to see that you are still walking this earth and have a mission. Best wishes on your journey 
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markkur
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Once upon a time
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posted July 14, 2015 03:58 PM |
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Way to go man. Make your life great!; whatever "great" might mean to you.
About drugs in general...I'll share this wee bit but not the source of my learning.
Get a sheet of wax-paper. Place one hand flat on a table and lay the wax paper over that hand. With the index finger from the other hand stroke the wax-papered hand for about a minute and if possible have someone else remove the paper (if not, knock it off) as you keep stroking that hand.
Summary; I could feel my life when I was still using drugs but my sense and awareness of my life became far more clear/vibrant when I removed my block.
btw, Alcohol is a drug too and for many it's far more deadly than pot. i.e. I never hurt anyone-esle when high but I cannot even begin to say the same about when I was drunk.
Anyway...the best of life to you.
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Geny
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted July 14, 2015 07:40 PM |
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Good to hear you're on your way up, celfious. In a way I like the bad times because if you manage to get out of them you become stronger, smarter and less prone to the same mistakes. And considering how low you say you got, now that you got out of it, you can endure anything and you know yourself better than ever, which is an important part of moving forward to a better future.
Best of luck to you.
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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alcibiades
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
of Gold Dragons
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posted July 14, 2015 11:53 PM |
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Hi Celfious, thanx for dropping by, all the best wishes going your way!
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Celfious
Promising
Legendary Hero
From earth
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posted July 16, 2015 02:26 AM |
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Edited by Celfious at 02:26, 16 Jul 2015.
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No no thank you all. This is my first favorite site on the web and I ponder your existences as individuals from time to time.
And for your thoughtful replies as well. Things will go awesome and I wish the best for yall
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What are you up to
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