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Heroes Community > Tavern of the Rising Sun > Thread: Thoughts to ponder -- long
Thread: Thoughts to ponder -- long
Dear_Morons
Dear_Morons


Disgraceful
Known Hero
posted August 19, 2002 11:29 AM

Thoughts to ponder -- long

Bored at work? Too busy getting owned in the zone and need something else to think about? Well if you are here are some things to ponder:

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

What do you call male ballerinas?

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

Why ARE Trix only for kids?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner?

Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

When an agnostic dies, does he go to the "great perhaps"?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

What happened to the people who tested Preparations A through G?

If the No. 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still No. 2?

If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station.

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

If you're sending someone some styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.

Have you ever noticed that anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.

Does "anal retentive" have a hyphen?

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean one person in five must enjoy it?

Always remember, it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me!

Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?

Can someone be a closet claustrophobic?

Would a part-time bandleader be considered a semi-conductor?

If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked?

If you ate pasta and antipasto at the same time, would you still be hungry?

How do you know when you're out of invisible ink?

If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?

If someone invented instant water, what would you have to add to it?

If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made from?

If "con" is the opposite of "pro," is "Congress" the opposite of "progress"?

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed Up?

Why are wrong numbers never busy?

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were drowning, and you could only save one, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

How can there be self-help "groups"?

If it only takes one dollar a day to feed a child in Africa, why does it take two dollars a day to lose weight with Jenny Craig?

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Are there cemetery workers that don’t work the graveyard shift?

How can someone "draw a blank"?

If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?

Is there another word for "synonym"? For "thesaurus"?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

What could porn actors possibly do for fun during their time off?

Why do skydivers wear helmets? Kamikaze pilots?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of its nose?

Can you imagine a world without hypothetical situations?

Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"? Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IVs as "Fours"?

Why is it called "after dark," when it is really "after light"?

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell "mnemonic"?

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

Why do "tugboats" push?

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we’re already there?

Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

Why is bra singular and panties plural?

Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

"I am" is reportedly the shortest complete sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest?

Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because it's much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?

Can an ambidextrous person make an off-handed remark?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Could it be that boulders are statues of big rocks?

Do bleached blondes pretend to have more fun?

Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Do married people live longer than single people, or does it just seem longer?

Do police sketch artists start out by drawing chalk outlines?

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

How would you throw away a garbage can?

If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?

If a person thinks marathons are superior to sprints, is that racism?

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is it considered a hostage situation?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

If vampires can’t see their own reflections, how is it that their hair is always so neat?

If convenience stores are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and drycleaners depressed?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Is animal shampoo tested on humans?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Should a mute be yelled at for talking with their hands full?

Should crematoriums give a discount to burn victims?

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

What happens if you get scared ½ to death twice?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called "builts"?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Why do we recite at a play and play at a recital?

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing nightgowns?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?

Why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up a project, I end it?

Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

Why isn't "phonetic" spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

What's the speed of dark?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

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Cat
Cat


Honorable
Supreme Hero
Gonna Get Dirrty...
posted August 19, 2002 12:21 PM

Ladies and gentlemen,

Today Dr. Jekyl is in the building!
____________
Diwethaf Gloau Sylw y Gymreag

http://aozos.com/phpBB2/index.php

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Celfious
Celfious


Promising
Legendary Hero
From earth
posted August 19, 2002 12:34 PM

* Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?

Indian's? Pioneer's? er.. who care's?
--
* Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?

Who's to say no one like's burnt toast?
--

*Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

the glass would get brittle and break.. A fixture that prevents this is large, and can be found in conventional freezers
--
*If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Dose anyone who heard the song care about jimmy? I know I dont
--
*Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

sure.. if there's a driver
--
* If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

How can a rocket scientist solve almost any mathmatical equasion, and forget to wear their shoes on a snowy day? I know, so no ponder there either :{
--

(NOW looking for highlight's...)
-----------
to easy..
bla bla
lalala
-
* When an agnostic dies, does he go to the "great perhaps"?
good one :|
--

What's the speed of dark?
Hmm.. There is only one awnser. The darkness comes as fast as the light leaves


anyway's

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bjorn190
bjorn190


Responsible
Supreme Hero
Jebus maker
posted August 19, 2002 12:37 PM

Quote:
Bored at work?

- no

Too busy getting owned in the zone and need something else to think about?

-no

Well if you are here are some things to ponder:

- Hmm, they are still here even though Im none of the above. Seems like a logical error here..

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?

- Im not sure, but you were probably the first person to write it

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?

- because of free will

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

- because they designed it that way

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

- so ppl can sing it and listen to it

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

- yes, if there are 2 or more living people in the car.

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

- Because that would end the series before it made enough money for the producers.

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

- because it would be embarrassing and rude

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

- because it´s more private to get undressed than to be naked.

Why does goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

- because goofy is supposed to be sentient and pluto not

What do you call male ballerinas?

- ballet dancers

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

- depends on when they lost vision. Yes they dream.

Why ARE Trix only for kids?

- cause their target population is kids

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner?

- because an acme dinner would just explode in your face

Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

- because of language evolution over the years.

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

- tests are ways of measuring someones ability in something

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

- proper ingredients for a good baby oil mix

If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?

- depends on if he is right or not. If its you, he´s probably not, but Im sure glad hes in the forest. I hope there will be a forest fire soon.

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

- I don´t believe that star thing, but the paint thing is about human curiosity and possibly anal phase issues

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

- well.. it is highly likely

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

- no, its operated by authorized personell

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

- because its a well known tune for childrens song

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

-no

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

- because of language evolution over the years

When an agnostic dies, does he go to the "great perhaps"?

- probably not

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

- because alot of ppl try to rush to get home, and thus make traffic go slow

What happened to the people who tested Preparations A through G?

- I have no idea.. maybe they went to your house to kick ur ass?

If the No. 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still No. 2?

- because that is the name of the pencil and not the rank

If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?

-because its a scar, not a wound.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station.

- Im pretty sure your work has stood still for quite some time.

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

- actually they would be more shallow as the sponges add mass.

If you're sending someone some styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

- It depends on what you have available and consider atequate

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

- ok

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.

- no I never noticed that. How odd.. maybe I just don´t do stupid stuff unlike some ppl?

Have you ever noticed that anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.

- no I never noticed that. How odd.. maybe I just don´t do stupid stuff unlike some ppl?


Does "anal retentive" have a hyphen?

- no

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean one person in five must enjoy it?

- no

Always remember, it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me!

- Im sure you use more muscles than that to form the words "bite me"

Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

- because you sit in both circumstances

If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?

-no

Can someone be a closet claustrophobic?

- yes

Would a part-time bandleader be considered a semi-conductor?

- no

If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

- because it would be stupid

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked?

- no, its handicapped or dead

If you ate pasta and antipasto at the same time, would you still be hungry?

- depends on how hungry you were before and how much u ate

How do you know when you're out of invisible ink?

- You can usually tell from the moisture

If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?

-no because then they would have to pay for the call.

If someone invented instant water, what would you have to add to it?

- probably oxygen, since the right mix of oxygen and hydrogen creates an explosion and water.

If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made from?

- depends on the recepie

If "con" is the opposite of "pro," is "Congress" the opposite of "progress"?

- no its not

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

- to become more perfect

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

- no

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

- yes

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed Up?

- no

Why are wrong numbers never busy?

- because there´s probably noone else calling it at the same time

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were drowning, and you could only save one, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

- no I would try to save both or call the countrys number that is the same as the US number 911

How can there be self-help "groups"?

- some ppl merge to form a group.

If it only takes one dollar a day to feed a child in Africa, why does it take two dollars a day to lose weight with Jenny Craig?

- because it costs more

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

- because of language evolution over the years

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

- because its sexy

Are there cemetery workers that don’t work the graveyard shift?

- probably

How can someone "draw a blank"?

- because of language evolution over the years

If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?

- they have their methods

Is there another word for "synonym"? For "thesaurus"?

- probably.

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

- probably, they could have made the signs before the strike

What could porn actors possibly do for fun during their time off?

- eat, drink, play video games, make love

Why do skydivers wear helmets? Kamikaze pilots?

- to limit the risk of head injury

Why do they report power outages on TV?

- because the power isnt out everywhere

Is it possible to be totally partial?

- probably

Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?

- no I think its just fine

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?

- because of habit

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?

-no

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

- they don´t? I don´t think I belive that

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of its nose?

- no

Can you imagine a world without hypothetical situations?

- no

Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"? Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?

- because of language evolution over the years. No.

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

- some of it does.

What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?

- depends on what he feels like saying at the time

Do Roman paramedics refer to IVs as "Fours"?

- no

Why is it called "after dark," when it is really "after light"?

- because of language evolution over the years

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell "mnemonic"?

- because it has weird letter combinations

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

- because of language evolution over the years


Why do "tugboats" push?

- because that´s the way they work

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we’re already there?

- because of tradition

Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

- because of language evolution over the years

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

- no its to hard to expect

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

- because of language evolution over the years

Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

- because of language evolution over the years

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

- all around you

Why is bra singular and panties plural?

- because of language evolution over the years

Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

- To try to make it work

"I am" is reportedly the shortest complete sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest?

- no

Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because it's much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?

- no, its because they like cute furry anomals more than cows.

Can an ambidextrous person make an off-handed remark?

- yes

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

- yes

Could it be that boulders are statues of big rocks?

- probably not, but its possible

Do bleached blondes pretend to have more fun?

- maybe

Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?

- probably not

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

- I dont remember

Do married people live longer than single people, or does it just seem longer?

- probably the first option

Do police sketch artists start out by drawing chalk outlines?

- depends on the artist

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

-no

How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

- if its time, you know it

How is it possible to have a civil war?

- because of language evolution over the years

How would you throw away a garbage can?

- I´d take it and throw it, using my hands with gloves on probably. Maybe take it to the dump

If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?

- no

If a person thinks marathons are superior to sprints, is that racism?

- no

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is it considered a hostage situation?

- no

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

- you have to ask the pig

If vampires can’t see their own reflections, how is it that their hair is always so neat?

- vampires dont exist, but in comics and such, it´s probably because they have servants or because of their powers

If convenience stores are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

- to allow the option to lock the door

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

- no

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and drycleaners depressed?

- no

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"?

- because of language evolution over the years

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

- yes

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

- depends on what they like

If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?

- no

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

- both

Is animal shampoo tested on humans?

- depends on the testing process

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

- no

Should a mute be yelled at for talking with their hands full?

- no

Should crematoriums give a discount to burn victims?

- no

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

- no

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

- no

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

- depends on the bird. maybe stars

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

- depends on what u wanna do.

What happens if you get scared ½ to death twice?

- you get pretty scared 2 times

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

- depends on personal preference

When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

- smurfs dont exist, but in comics I would guess purple

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

- Im not sure, its probably because of language evolution over the years


Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

- to use if the plane crashes in water

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

- because of language evolution over the years

Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called "builts"?

- because of language evolution over the years

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

- because its standard

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

- because its standard

Why do we recite at a play and play at a recital?

- because of language evolution over the years

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

- I don´t think I get this one..

Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing nightgowns?

- because of language evolution over the years

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

- because he´s a fictional character

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?

- because of language evolution over the years

Why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up a project, I end it?

- because of language evolution over the years

Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

- because of language evolution over the years

Why isn't "phonetic" spelled the way it sounds?

- because of language evolution over the years

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

- because thats what they are called

Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

- because of language evolution over the years

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

- because of language evolution over the years

What's the speed of dark?

- same as the speed of light

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

- because of language evolution over the years

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

- depends on the ranger.



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privatehudson
privatehudson


Responsible
Legendary Hero
The Ultimate Badass
posted August 19, 2002 04:25 PM

LOL @ CAT!
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CraigHack
CraigHack


Known Hero
Have fantasies, will travel...
posted August 19, 2002 06:27 PM

This was pretty funny stuff the first 2 or 3 hundred times I deleted it from my e-mail.
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Dear_Morons
Dear_Morons


Disgraceful
Known Hero
posted August 19, 2002 09:04 PM

I kinda feel the same way about the stuff you post.

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privatehudson
privatehudson


Responsible
Legendary Hero
The Ultimate Badass
posted August 19, 2002 10:07 PM

oh well never mind he's back to his old self

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Pure_Chaos
Pure_Chaos


Bad-mannered
Known Hero
Destroyer of Morons
posted August 20, 2002 12:53 AM


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If I were a banana and you were a monkey, would you eat me?

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Kynes
Kynes


Adventuring Hero
altruistic egoist
posted August 21, 2002 04:41 AM
Edited By: Kynes on 20 Aug 2002

Some clarifications/comments:

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?
-Humans have surely studied the behaviour of cows and how they feed their calves - from there the idea of drinking the milk themselves.

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
-There's no light in your freezer? Well, many freezers do have a light.

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
-The storytellers weren't very clever...

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
-It wouldn't be so very obvious what you want there...

Why does goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
-Well, Goofy is obviously of a race of higher intelligence than Pluto.

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
-Those who are born blind don't see dreams, but instead hear and feel.

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner?
-I think it's because he lives in the desert. He can have that acme-stuff mailed to him, but food wouldn't survive the trip. There

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
-The one that came up with this question didn't see that the first word of these kind of compounds isn't always what it's made of, but also the purpose (or something else) may define it. Engine oil for example isn't made of engines any more than baby oil is made of babies.

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
-These things aren't quite comparable... You can't touch those billion stars to be sure they are there (and you don't have to believe it either).

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station.
-A bus station is also where a bus departs. A train station is also where a train departs. Other stuff happens in those stations too, not just stopping/departing. A work station is where work is handeled and a bus/train station is where buses/trains are handeled.

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean one person in five must enjoy it?
-No, he can also be neutral/confused/surprised/etc. about it

Always remember, it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me!
-...I don't think it takes more than 4 muscles to say 'bite me', bjorn. Try it - it's very simple . 4 to that and extending your middle finger may well be correct, I think.

If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
-The dark glasses are because their eyes often 'wander about', and it may not be pleasing to watch or it could be unwantedly amusing.

If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made from?
-The anwer's same as with the oils.

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
-Practice usually doesn't make you perfect.

Why are wrong numbers never busy?
-They occasionally are.

How can there be self-help "groups"?
-They are for helping others to help themselves.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
-Just separate love from sex.

If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
-Something indeed sticks to teflon - at least in appropriate conditions.

Why do skydivers wear helmets? Kamikaze pilots?
-Not all skydivers wear helmets. Why some/most do, I don't know. (Bjorn, "to limit the risk of head injury" in case of what?)

Is it possible to be totally partial?
-Obviously not.

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
-Why would they?

Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"? Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
-'Near miss' isn't the same as 'nearly missed' because 'near miss' means they missed each other at near range.

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
-Because glue works with oxygen and there's none in the glue bottle.

Why is it called "after dark," when it is really "after light"?
-'After dark' is prolly an abbreviation of 'after dark has come'.

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
-It indicates seconds.

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we’re already there?
-It's just for fun, not for really getting somewhere. I mean, if you actually wanted someone to take you out to the ball game, would you go and sing it out loud to people instead of just asking?

Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
-It's them who stand.

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
When you expect the unexpected, you don't (obviously) yet know what exactly the unexpected is - it's just general. So, it doen't really make the unexpected thing expected.

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
-They aren't really opposites...

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
-There's no audience at all - just actors... unless you believe in UFOs and stuff .

Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
-I don't.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
-It depends.

Do police sketch artists start out by drawing chalk outlines?
-Not to my knowledge.

If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
-Depends on the mother in case.

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"?
-Because the official name is Netherlands (and it'd be Holles anyway ).

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
-*lol* Prolly not many cannibals have had the chance to eat a clown.

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
-Not only Americans throw rice at weddings.

What happens if you get scared ½ to death twice?
-You prolly won't die of them alone, because you can recover at least a bit before the second one... maybe a third one would be lethal .

When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
-If the color is their bodily fluids, then prolly less bright blue - if it's pure pigment, then no change.

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
-They don't do it for the criminals - they sterilize all that kind of equipment all the time to prevent bacteria/viruses to spread.

Why do we recite at a play and play at a recital?
Don't know, but they also recite at recitals and play at plays.

Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing nightgowns?
-They can wear other stuff than evening gowns to nightclubs too.

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
-Maybe he's learnt to make some equipment to shave it. But yea, he's a fictional character and the makers of the movie didn't bother to care about such small details.

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
-Because of language evolution over the years, including the fact that the words 'piano' and 'race' end with a different vowel.

Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
-Perhaps because 'fat chance' is sarcastically contradictory to what the case is to emphasize the slimness of the chance.
Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
-Because you get some wires and likely a remote control too - so, in a way it makes a set.

What's the speed of dark?
-If it means the dark matter, I don't know if it's moving and at what speed. Otherwise the question is absurd, since dark is only the condition when there is no light.

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
-I don't think they ever need to.
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2Xtremetotake
2Xtremetotake


Promising
Supreme Hero
posted April 21, 2004 11:11 AM

Quote:







If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?


If the No. 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still No. 2?

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station.

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean one person in five must enjoy it?

If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made from?

If "con" is the opposite of "pro," is "Congress" the opposite of "progress"?



If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed Up?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of its nose?

What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IVs as "Fours"?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

How would you throw away a garbage can?

If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is it considered a hostage situation?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

If vampires can’t see their own reflections, how is it that their hair is always so neat?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and drycleaners depressed?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?


Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

What happens if you get scared ½ to death twice?

When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called "builts"?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

What's the speed of dark?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?



lol those are the ogod ones
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

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Vadskye91
Vadskye91


Promising
Supreme Hero
Back again
posted May 09, 2004 09:54 PM

This is probably the best post DM ever made!
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Knowledge is power...

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Dingo
Dingo


Responsible
Legendary Hero
God of Dark SPAM
posted May 09, 2004 09:56 PM
Edited By: Dingo on 9 May 2004

Hes got such a cool avatar.
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The Above Post/Thread/Idea Is CopyRighted by, The Dingo Corp.

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LordZXZX
LordZXZX


Famous Hero
Overfished
posted May 10, 2004 12:44 AM

I've only read the first post. To lazy to scroll through all the other answers and responses
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Shirastro
Shirastro


Famous Hero
Happy happy joy joy
posted May 10, 2004 01:52 AM

I cant belive that someone actually tried to respond to all of the questions...
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And now to the next post.

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Celfious
Celfious


Promising
Legendary Hero
From earth
posted May 10, 2004 03:16 AM

it is pretty long.  i would recomend deleting DMs post haha so instead you read Bjorns reply to DMs long thoughts to ponder. Its thebest of both worlds in a way so you wouldn't have to read them both seperatly

i will check out kynes someday i read for mabey 30 minutes already.
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What are you up to

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doomnezeu
doomnezeu


Supreme Hero
Miaumiaumiau
posted May 10, 2004 08:39 AM

*insert really smart reply here*
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