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Heroes Community > Tavern of the Rising Sun > Thread: How to talk to girls online...
Thread: How to talk to girls online... This thread is 4 pages long: 1 2 3 4 · NEXT»
Oldtimer
Oldtimer


Honorable
Supreme Hero
Please leave a message after..
posted April 18, 2003 07:06 PM bonus applied.

How to talk to girls online...

Here's a little cyber relationship conversation...
--------------------------------------------------


Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK.

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately - our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray,picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

Sweetheart: { [logged off] }

____________
<PLEASE DO NOT WAKE THE OLD MAN!>

"Zzzz...Zzzz...Zzzz..."

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Planeswalker
Planeswalker


Famous Hero
Chaotic Good
posted April 18, 2003 07:19 PM

Quote:
Here's a little cyber relationship conversation...
--------------------------------------------------



Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.





What a shame!
Sounds like everything started good and then...
Well, cyber realtionships don't last for long.

Happy Easter. CHEERS!
____________
Like 2D RPGs? Download Everestia! everestiagame.com

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Gothmog
Gothmog


Adventuring Hero
Honorable
posted April 18, 2003 07:55 PM

Poor old timer:

Looks like we need to hook you up with a real girl.
____________
He who attacks seldom defends.

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RMS
RMS


Responsible
Legendary Hero
-ing yummy foods
posted April 18, 2003 08:03 PM

Hey, that one guy reminds me of...myself.

What a true man. He's my hero.
____________
This space for rent.

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gorman
gorman


Promising
Legendary Hero
Been around since before 2003
posted April 18, 2003 08:30 PM

That...is...REALLY...pathetic. Man, u must REALLY suck, and that's puttin it nicely!
____________
When all else fails... Take notes.... ALL the time... ESPECIALLY when playing D&D.... or Pokemon in my case

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Slava14
Slava14


Promising
Famous Hero
I am 16 now....
posted April 18, 2003 09:44 PM

Quote:
That...is...REALLY...pathetic. Man, u must REALLY suck, and that's puttin it nicely!
Errrrr....... who was that adressed to?
____________
I'm always happy to help.. unless I'm helping myself.

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bort
bort


Honorable
Supreme Hero
Discarded foreskin of morality
posted April 18, 2003 11:46 PM

Just be careful, the other day I got into some really hot sex talk with a person that I thought was a middle aged suburban New Jersey accountant with a receeding hairline and a pot belly.  Anyway, I arranged to meet with "him" and wouldn't you know, "he" turns out to be some 18 year old bi-curious nymphette with an ample yet bouyant bosom and high, tight buttocks.  I felt so betrayed.

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Sir_Stiven
Sir_Stiven


Honorable
Legendary Hero
banned
posted April 18, 2003 11:49 PM

lol bort

as for oldtimers post ive alrdy read it in swedish but it sure is hilarious

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MightyMage
MightyMage


Honorable
Legendary Hero
of INSANITY and DELICIOUSNESS
posted April 18, 2003 11:58 PM

Quote:
Just be careful, the other day I got into some really hot sex talk with a person that I thought was a middle aged suburban New Jersey accountant with a receeding hairline and a pot belly.  Anyway, I arranged to meet with "him" and wouldn't you know, "he" turns out to be some 18 year old bi-curious nymphette with an ample yet bouyant bosom and high, tight buttocks.  I felt so betrayed.


Sory bout your...uh...disapointment there Bort
____________
Though I must still bow
in awe for the awesomeness that is
MightyMage.  For he is all I could ever
want to be!
- OhforfSake

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silx87
silx87


Supreme Hero
posted April 19, 2003 02:10 AM

Quote:
Hey, that one guy reminds me of...myself.

What a true man. He's my hero.

Yeah,u follow this example and u'll charm every girl on the net
____________

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RMS
RMS


Responsible
Legendary Hero
-ing yummy foods
posted April 19, 2003 02:18 AM

I know!

...but first things first.

Where am I supposed to find this...girl?
____________
This space for rent.

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silx87
silx87


Supreme Hero
posted April 19, 2003 02:24 AM

emh...not sure,ask Oldtimer
____________

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Lord_Woock
Lord_Woock


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
posted April 19, 2003 01:13 PM

Try searching for "Sweetheart" on AIM, MSN, YIM and ICQ .
____________
Yolk and God bless.
---
My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!

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silx87
silx87


Supreme Hero
posted April 19, 2003 01:58 PM

Quote:
Try searching for "Sweetheart" on AIM, MSN, YIM and ICQ .

I searched in MSN and someone called Sweetheart actually has a adress in hotmail
Daimn
____________

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Lord_Woock
Lord_Woock


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
posted April 19, 2003 02:28 PM

See, RMS? Now go get her!
____________
Yolk and God bless.
---
My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!

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DarkManiac
DarkManiac


Known Hero
of Hell
posted April 19, 2003 03:15 PM

ROFLMAO Good one, Oldtimer
____________
A villain's gotta do what a villain's gotta do.

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RMS
RMS


Responsible
Legendary Hero
-ing yummy foods
posted April 19, 2003 03:38 PM

Ok, so tell me again what I'm supposed to do with this sweetheart guy when I find him?
____________
This space for rent.

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Lord_Woock
Lord_Woock


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
posted April 19, 2003 06:05 PM

Her, not him. Well, you're supposed to do as in the story posted by Oldtimer.
____________
Yolk and God bless.
---
My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!

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silx87
silx87


Supreme Hero
posted April 19, 2003 10:19 PM

Yeah Gorman,chill,relax okay!
This is a story and its funny and its supposed to b funny,I dun see whas so sick bout it!
____________

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Lord_Woock
Lord_Woock


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
posted April 19, 2003 10:21 PM

You don't? Take a look at gorman, and you shall see the sick part of it all . Yeah, that's right. The sick part is gorman lol.
____________
Yolk and God bless.
---
My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!

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