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| Thread: Stand-Up Night |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 · «PREV / NEXT» |
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pietjebell
Promising
Known Hero
positive
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posted March 28, 2004 03:31 PM |
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Superman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting and wanted to go out and party. So he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club and pick up some girls. Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him.
* oww how sweet  *
A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Catwoman.
As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartment to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I could be in there, have sex and out again before she knew what was happening."
So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flies off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said "Did you do anything?"
"NO"! said the Invisible Man, "But my ass hurts like hell"
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BOOT: what U give yur computer to start
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LordZXZX
Famous Hero
Overfished
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posted March 28, 2004 11:52 PM |
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BOO!
Already heard that...
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RedSoxFan3
Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
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posted March 29, 2004 04:20 AM |
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Alright, alright. How about some HC jokes? These are all party jokes.
Yeah I've been at HC for what two and a half years now. I can thank this all to Tournament of Honor. I remember back in November I saw this link at there website called Heroes Community. So I get there and I'm excited. All this discussion about Homm and Toh. So of course the first thing I do when I get there is run into Tavern and start playing word games, and spam up the place with countless threads about red stars. Yeah, that's when you get a nice little IM from someone asking you to stop making all these threads. But of course when you're new, you just mistake it for one of those pop-up ads and close them out before you realize what the window really was. So after a couple weeks, you begin to realize that some of your threads are missing. Of course, the logical thing to do is to recreate all those threads and then make another one about how all your threads are missing. So by this time the entire community is flaming me about all these useless and stupid threads. Except for one person who was ALWAYS very helpful. Yes, andiangelslayer always had something kind, warm, and considerate to post. Then I received another IM from someone. At this point, I recognized that it was a system of sending private messages and it was from one of the moderators. According to Hexa, I'd been making way too many threads. And now that I was making duplicate threads, he was going to start deleting them. Apparently I didn't realize that there were more than just one pages of threads. As I scrolled back through the pages I saw all those threads that I thought simply disapeered.
Well if anyone likes this. I'll do more. Somehow, I have the feeling it's really lame.
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Go Red Sox!
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Wolfman
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Insomniac
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posted March 29, 2004 04:32 AM |
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Well, to be brutally honest...it is lame.
We need jokes, not your life story! 
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RedSoxFan3
Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
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posted March 29, 2004 06:44 AM |
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Come on. Not even a toss? Man I thought I was gonna get something for posting that ****! Okay, I'm in a funny drought right now. That was horrible I should have never posted that. I'm not gonna post anything for humor purposes for a while, cause I suck. Feel free to make fun of me as much as you wish.
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Go Red Sox!
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Svarog
Honorable
Supreme Hero
statue-loving necrophiliac
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posted March 29, 2004 11:58 AM |
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Quote:
Come on. Not even a toss?
That was funny.
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The meek shall inherit the earth, but NOT its mineral rights.
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doomnezeu
Supreme Hero
Miaumiaumiau
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posted March 29, 2004 12:01 PM |
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Quote:
Quote:
Come on. Not even a toss?
That was funny.
Yep, you're right Svarog
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Lord_Woock
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
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posted March 29, 2004 04:46 PM |
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*carefully walks back up on the stage*
So, you guys been to the Bards Glade recently? Lemme think, who do we have there? There's the Longpost Clan, with RedSox (what kind of a nickname is that anyway? Information on your x-mas present is not crucial, thankyouverymuch), Shadowcaster and Consis. Look at their posts! Is there no limit? And a question the the Longpost Clan - how many keyboards have you used up this week? I'll bet you guys got discounts in the local comp store. Anyone seen RedSox's pic? I mean, who'd expect a member of the LC to look like a JOCK? A jock writing hyper long posts that actually make some sense AND brags about his x-mas present which happens to be a pair of red socks? Don't tell me that's normal. Another thing about the LC is that, writing those uberlong posts, you'd think that they'd be capable of sustaining a normal conversation. Well, guess what. I talked to them ('cept Consis) and Dingo the other day. I asked them a question and Dingo went paranoid, while Shadowcaster and RedSox (although it's tempting, I will not comment on his nickname anymore) sprung into a completely unrelated debate. Speaking of Dingo... He wants to beat my post count. Everyone knows that. Who of you is not aware of the tons of one-liners he posts all over our beloved message board? Well, guess what - he actually wrote some LONG posts in the Bards Glade! You better believe it! Recently some more innocent (as if) souls came heading for doom. Yep, Gorman the self proclaimed 19 year old and Regnus Khan the inept QP hunter.
You been to the Bards Glade recently? No? Then DON'T GO THERE. If there's anyone omniscient out there - only he knows what danger lurks in the depth of the Bards Glade Pyre, that turns people into abominations...
'nk you
*runs off before the LC can launch the potato-potato missiles*
EDIT: added a few missing words
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Yolk and God bless.
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My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!
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pietjebell
Promising
Known Hero
positive
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posted March 29, 2004 05:56 PM |
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walks on the stage again
* The crowd cheers * (Off course)
here 's another joke:
"Ermm.. before I start; are there any blond in?"
-2 blonds talking to eachother -
Yesterday I took a pregnancy test...
Ow.. tough questions?
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BOOT: what U give yur computer to start
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Lord_Woock
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
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posted March 29, 2004 06:42 PM |
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Booooo! Get off the stage!
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Yolk and God bless.
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My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!
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pietjebell
Promising
Known Hero
positive
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posted March 29, 2004 06:47 PM |
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I tried
I failed
now its time 4 others 2 try & be funny
Tho they must be telling jokes & stuff, not just boo-ing them off the stage..
(no no, I dont mean you Wook you did tell a funny story)
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BOOT: what U give yur computer to start
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Dingo
Responsible
Legendary Hero
God of Dark SPAM
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posted March 30, 2004 05:16 AM |
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Woocks was good. It had alot of true info in it.
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The Above Post/Thread/Idea Is CopyRighted by, The Dingo Corp.
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Dragon_Slayer
Honorable
Supreme Hero
toss toss toss
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posted March 30, 2004 11:18 AM |
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Stuff that really annoys me
People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?
People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No idiot, I paid $9.00 to come to the theatre and stare at the frigging ceiling up there.
When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going? You should know, you pulled me over.
When people say "Life is short." What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What? Are they going to do something that's longer?
When people ask "Can I BORROW a piece of paper?"
When you are waiting for the bus and someone ask you "Did the bus come yet?" If the bus came I would not be standing here idiot!
People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya buddy?
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doomnezeu
Supreme Hero
Miaumiaumiau
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posted March 30, 2004 11:21 AM |
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LOL, DS, you are really pissed off today, huh?
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Dragon_Slayer
Honorable
Supreme Hero
toss toss toss
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posted March 30, 2004 11:30 AM |
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When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Screw you. What good is a goddamn cake if you can't eat it? What, should I eat someone else's cake instead?
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Lord_Woock
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
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posted March 30, 2004 11:30 AM |
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ROTFL
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Yolk and God bless.
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My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!
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RedSoxFan3
Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
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posted March 30, 2004 03:26 PM |
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*yawns*
Well I guess it's good these guys haven't heard these old jokes before.
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Go Red Sox!
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Sir_Stiven
Honorable
Legendary Hero
banned
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posted March 30, 2004 04:52 PM |
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lalala
it isnt easy to be funny on a cue,
especially not when expecting something from that crew.
To be funny here you need some attitude and some depth,
so waiting on that from that group..i wouldnt hold my breath.
They couldnt keep up with the pace at the Tossers Tavern bar,
so now they make their silly attempts here to get that beloved red star.
So far everyhing here been done and is old,
So in a poker game this would be the time for you to fold.
So leave the jokes to us that knows what we are doing,
that way you tossers can get back to your bubblegum chewing
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RedSoxFan3
Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
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posted March 30, 2004 04:53 PM |
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Well SS. Aren't you supposed to be the tosser? Should you have said tossees?
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Go Red Sox!
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LordZXZX
Famous Hero
Overfished
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posted April 03, 2004 01:05 AM |
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Quote:
There was a 3 year old innocent kid, who was playing in the park one day. One day, he heard an older kid mention the word 'ass'.
So he asks:"Excuse me, what does ass mean?" The big kid replied: "Go back home and ask your mother." So he did.
His mother was shocked to hear him say that word. Embarassed by letting him know the meaning of the word, she replied: "Um...ass is another word for plate. But don't you go around using it, it's not nice!"
Again he was playing in the playground, when he heard somebody mention the word 'boobs'. He asked the person who said 'boobs' what it meant. That person replied: "Go back home and ask your mommy." Once again, the mother wasn't sure how to explain the word to him. She answered: "Err...'boobs' is another meaning for 'dress'. But don't use it, dress sounds nicer."
The next week, the boy was playing in the park again, when he heard a big kid say the word 'penis'. "What's a penis?" asked the boy. The bigger kid replied: "Ask your parents"
So he did. The mother by now was wondering WTH he learnt all these words. Unsure how to reply, she said:"A penis is another word for stick. But please don't use that word. It's not a nice word."
The next day, the boy's grandfather dropped by for a visit.
The boy let him in. Then, the grandfather asked the boy "What is your mother doing?" The boy went to check. His mother was in the kitchen washing dishes. "My mother is washing her ass." The grandfather was shocked, but thought that he was small and innocent, he didn't bother. After a while, he asked the boy what is his mother doing. Checking in the kitchen, the boy saw his mother ironing the clothes. So he answered: "My mother is ironing her boobs." Clearly shocked, the grandfather dropped his walking stick. The boy then said: "Grampa, you dropped your penis. Want me to get it for you?"
Didn't like my 2nd attempt?
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