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Heroes Community > Other Side of the Monitor > Thread: Stalkers, problems and solutions?
Thread: Stalkers, problems and solutions?
THEultimateN...
THEultimateN00B

Tavern Dweller
posted January 06, 2005 07:29 AM

Stalkers, problems and solutions?

I have a question for the members here. Have any of you ever been stalked and what have you felt like when in the process of being stalked? Or have you ever stalked someone? I'm asking as I'm finding myself in a rather odd prediciment. My girlfriend that I've been dating for well over a year is quite good looking and often has people following her home. As she is rather used to the cat callers and the random men following her home I often ponder over why they do this. Of course she's beautiful but why stalk her? Why follow her home? I often spend sleepless nights worrying about her as she's curled up to my arm. Worrying she may someday get raped or murdered and I won't be there when it happens. She swears that we'll be together forever yet I worry about losing her, afterall, you never know what you truely have until it's gone. And I don't want to lose her. I know she worries about losing me everyday when I go to work. Law enforcement isn't as easy as some like to believe. Sure when you see police officers sitting on the side of the road waiting for speeders its a piece of cake. But there is so much more than that. My apologies for slandering off to a different topic. Anyway, I'd appreiciate any information any of you can provide from real life experiences. Thank you.
____________
Come to best the Vets

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guitarguy
guitarguy


Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
posted January 06, 2005 09:11 AM

I was walking home from service this one Sunday two years ago carrying my two guitars when I neared my block. There was this one car that drove forward along the sidewalk where I was walking, went ahead of me and started slowing down at 10 yards. I kept walking until I was just 2 yards behind the vehicle, when I noticed that the car'd stopped moving and the figures inside weren't moving. I backed off and took this one road that goes up within my block, with a ledge that overlooks that part near the street. Sure enough, when I was up there, the car was still hanging around, but it was driving forward slowly. Mind you, that overlook is connected to the street much further towards my house, meaning the car could come up to me if I gave it enough time. There was no real chase, but from there, I darted off (weighed down by my guitars) and took another road elsewhere that eventually led to my house. I went through the back gate of my place and locked my front door good.

Okay, so there wasn't any bruises or cuts in that one, but that was one time that I was afraid (even if at 1:00 in the afternoon). I've been taught to try and stay with a friend when I go here and there, and also to seek out places where people are. Nobody was around my area that day, so I guess I was lucky. I could've also run into a nearby shop or restaurant to ask them to call the police, but I was too weighed down to move fast. My advice is to try to travel in groups, especially at night and when the chances of being jumped or kidnapped is higher. Maybe ask a close friend for a lift if you can. Then, if you or your girlfriend need to do any walking alone, I've been told keeping a small bottle of pepper spray will help against a would-be attacker. I hope this helps, and moreso that nothing ever happens to you two.

-guitarguy

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frostwolf
frostwolf


Famous Hero
livin' in a bottle of vodka
posted January 08, 2005 11:08 PM

This is indeed a touchy matter. Most people don't really understand how horrible it is until it happenns to someone close to them. I have the exact same problem with my girlfriend. She is very short in hight, but quite good-looking. The thing is she is a die-hard metallist. So you can imagine this petite girl, all dressed in black, wearing spiked bracelets on her arms and dark makeup. It's a very aggresive look on a non-agressive looking person. So she gets in a lot of trouble with a lot of freaks outside (most people here hate rockers, although they really don't know why-primitives). But she really got in trouble with a guy that stareted fallowing her home. It happened for a long time, since the guy seemed to know when she returned frojm classes. I tryed to walk her home everyday, and for a time it stopped. Then she changed her schedule, and I still try to walk her home, even when she's out I just meet her at the subway station when she comes home and walk with her. Although the guy dissapewared, I'm still seriously worried.

Now about the solutions. Well, the only thing I could figure out: pepper sprays, zap guns, and for extreme cases even switchblade knives. They make great Christmas presents, and they're very practical.  Get your girlfriend a pepper spray, or a zap gun if you have the money. They offer some degree of security, and they also work against fear. And try to walk her home every night.

Other sugestions are welcome. Please, everybody contribute. You can't imagine how horrible it is to worry everyday for the saftey of your loved one and phone every hour to make sure she gets home safely.

____________
What can you expect from a world where everybody lives because they're too afraid to commit suicide?


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THEultimateN...
THEultimateN00B

Tavern Dweller
posted January 09, 2005 01:55 AM

I have tried nearly everything that you have all suggested. She is like some woman and has the tendency to get very stubborn and pig-headed! She states so calmly that she's fine and nothing bad will happen. Perhaps I'm to paranoid? She won't come to an agreement with me on her personal safety, perhaps that's why I'm paranoid about harm coming to her. *Sighs* Oh the frusteration and chaos she puts me through. Perhaps that's why I love her so much.
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guitarguy
guitarguy


Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
posted January 09, 2005 05:19 AM

Being there

I trust you've already told her that you care greatly for her safety and well-being. One of the key factors here is that she knows you're on her side and that you're willing to look after her. She might appear stubborn when you try to talk her into these strategies, but I'm sure that somewhere inside she's feeling grateful to hear what you're saying. If she appears headstrong and doesn't want to talk about it, then it might be best to conclude by saying something like "Look, I don't want anything bad to happen to you when you're alone; please be careful, because I love you." You got the picture. If you leave it on a calm yet positive note, she will not be offended but rather touched, perhaps.

It's often very hard when you want to do something like protect someone when you can't be around all the time. Just keep hoping that your girlfriend will be safe, wherever she may be. If you believe in prayer, you can especially spend some time praying for her. If you've got really close friends or adults who you can speak your personal feelings to, you can try asking them to hope and pray for you and your girlfriend. Much good can happen through many people.

I'll be thinking of you two; I, too, hope that all will be okay.
-guitarguy
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