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Heroes Community > Library of Enlightenment > Thread: GG's H3 Interviews
Thread: GG's H3 Interviews

Supreme Hero
posted August 02, 2005 07:51 AM
Edited By: guitarguy on 3 Aug 2005

GG's H3 Interviews

Guitarguy: "Uh, am I on?"

*light flashes green*

Guitarguy: "Hello, I'm Guitarguy and welcome to the show. I will be interviewing several well-known heroes from Erathia and all over. Tonight we have with us two established military veterans from the stronghold towns of Krewlod."

*GG looks at cue card*

Guitarguy: "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome...Crag Hack!"

*Crag Hack wanders in and GG walks up to shake his hand*

Guitarguy: "Pleased to meet you Crag Ha-...OUCH!!!"

Crag Hack: "Hahaha! You're weaker than I expected!"

Guitarguy: "Goodness! You barbarians have strong hands.  Alright, here are the questions. Tell me, when did you start learning to become a fighter?"

Crag Hack: "When I was a lad, I enjoyed beating up those puny green midgets called goblins. They have those scrawny little bodies and funny-looking heads. I enjoy bashing their skulls! Those crashing noises they make when they pile on the floor: I love it! You should see me after I've had a few rounds of ale."

*Crag Hack takes out his large axe and waves it in the air, roaring proudly*

Guitarguy: "Well that's nice, Crag Hack, but let's hear more about you and less about the goblins. How did you get your name?"

Crag Hack: "I grew up on my own in the dusty streets of a desert town in Enroth. I didn't have any friends or companions because I looked like a loner among the tough crowds. One day, I made a name for myself at the local tavern. There were always these stupid little goblins making too much noise in their corner of the bar. I picked myself up and walked over to their table, grabbing each of them by their little green necks. Then I BASHED them good! The day after, the wimps brought over their friends, some more goblins and a few larger creatures called orcs. They tried to get back at me, but I showed them. I took my axe and WHAAAAM!"

*Crag Hack jumps up and axes GG's host table, splitting it in two*

Crag Hack: "I finished those pesky critters in seconds. Since then, nobody in town ever thought about messing with me. If they did, I'd hack them all to pieces! In no time, I became known as the mighty Crag Hack!"

Guitarguy: "My table! Oh...well, that was a good explanation about your name. I hear you moved from Enroth to Antagarich after the Succession Wars. What was it like?"

Crag Hack: "I was disgusted with Enroth at that point. The war was over, and so the fighting was finished. None of the goblins dared to fight me. I searched everywhere for a good fight, but they all seemed to be too afraid of a little bloodshed. Wimps! I had to skip my last few ales in order to board a ship to that distant continent, Antagarich. When I got there, I heard a rumor that there was major fighting going on in the land of Krewlod, a strong barbarian nation. I eagerly caught the next caravan to Krewlod and saw the savagery for myself. Then I entered the fray; it felt like home in no time.

Guitarguy: "How does it feel to be one of the most respected and feared barbarians of the contemporary age?"

Crag Hack: "It feels great. Many rich and powerful warlords are offering me big sums of gold to work for them. The women from every town adore my muscular figure. My enemies cower in fear when the thought of my fury crosses their minds. This is the life; I don't want to think about how junk it would be if I had stayed back in Enroth. I was meant for bigger things, and I'm living it out now."

Guitarguy: "What are your future plans?"

Crag Hack: "Nothing much. I'm just gonna raid a few enemy towns and ransack any wealth I can find. My money pouch is hungry for gold. They don't hand out ale for free, you know. And they certainly don't pay me enough to stand around bashing green-skins!"

Guitarguy: "Well, those were some interesting stories. Unfortunately, we're just out of time and we have to get on to our next guest this evening."

*both get up for a farewell handshake*

Guitarguy: "Thank you for your ti-...OUCH!!!"

Crag Hack: "Laters, weakling! Hahahahaha!"


Guitarguy: "Welcome back! I'd like to reassure all of our callers that my hand is okay; just a little sore. Anyway, next we have a distinguished fighter from a sect of Krewlodian ogres. This should definitely be interesting. Okay folks, let's hear it for the ogre general, Krellion!"

*Krellion lumbers in, growling menacingly*

Guitarguy: "Uh...greetings, Krellion. Let's skip the handshake business and get to the questions, shall we?"

Krellion: "Waaaauuuuurrrrgggghh!!!"

Guitarguy: Uh, right. You're an ogre, correct? Pardon my inquiry, but I'm afraid I can't understand anything you're saying. You wouldn't happen to know any English, would you?

Krellion: "Grrrrunnnnnnn! Brraaaaaauuuurgggghhh!!!"

Guitarguy: "Hmmm. This doesn't sound promising. We need to tone it down..."

Krellion: "Kwaaaauuuuuullllrrraaaaaauuuggg!!!!"

*Krellion screams some more and waves his huge fists violently*

Guitarguy: "Mr. Krellion, sir? Please, we're on the air. Don't try any-"

*Krellion notices the camera rolling and lunges for it in a heated rage*

Krellion: "Brrrlllllrrrrraaaaaaaauuuuurrrgggghhh!!!!"

*crashing noise; entire view turns fuzzy; camera guy's screaming is heard*

Guitarguy: "Oh my God, cut to commercial! This is Guitarguy. Tune in next week..."


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Supreme Hero
posted April 18, 2006 05:43 PM

Guitarguy: "Welcome again, folks, to GG's H3 Interviews! We have a great show in store for you tonight, and I'm sure you'll find our special guests very entertaining. Our first guest will be-"

Audience Member: "You suck, noob!"

Guitarguy: "Wha-... Hmpt, tough crowd. As I was saying, folks, our first guest comes from the forested regions of northern AvLee. A skilled Ranger of some renown throughout the Elven kingdoms far and wide, I'd like to introduce Kyrre!"

*Kyrre walks in and shakes GG's hand*

Kyrre: "GG, what happened to your hand? Look at it!"

Guitarguy: "Oh, that was a little accident. Several unfortunate things occurred last time on the show. One of those happened during the handshake..."

Kyrre: "Wait, let me guess. You interviewed a Barbarian, didn't you?"

Guitarguy: "That's right. We had two with us last time, but I only got to interview one of them. The second one was asked sternly to leave."

Kyrre: "Figures, I've been partnered with Barbarians before."

Guitarguy: "So tell me, what have been up to lately?"

Kyrre: "I've been on patrol duty along the Eastern Front for the past four or five months. Demons were sighted there earlier in the year, so I was sent to the border to support the garrison there. We didn't see that much action during the patrol, so things were mostly calm. After checking the security one last time a week ago, I was granted a short period of leave."

Guitarguy: "How do you usually spend your time off?"

Kyrre: "Oh, I do the usual. I hang with my other Elf friends at the taverns in town and watch fights at the arena. At other times, I'll go adventuring and seek various quests. The land is in turmoil now, so there's a lot of stuff to be done. Sadly, it's very dangerous with the Demons around."

Guitarguy: "Have you personally fought Demons before?"

Kyrre: "Many times. I don't recommend it!"

Guitarguy: "Are you anxious to resume your patrol duty?"

Kyrre: "Not really. It's a big responsibility to look after a large expanse of terrain. The area isn't covered in forest like the places I'm used to, so I'm forced to try new strategies at scouting and commanding troops. I prefer environments with a lot of trees, since we can ambush enemies better. Unfortunately, most of the trees in the area were burned down in a war that took place several years ago."

Guitarguy: "What was it like starting a military career?"

Kyrre: "It was very tough training, since I joined at an early age. Elves need to practice archery and many other martial skills, so I was pushed to my limit. Fortunately, I was a quick learner when it came to scouting tasks. My eyes aren't as sharp as the other Elves', but I'm able to cover a lot of ground in short time. As a result, my superiors often send me ahead of the main force to observe the surrounding areas and send back reports. I gained a lot of combat experience leading troops on the front lines."

Guitarguy: "Do you have any past regrets?"

Kyrre: "Yeah. I wish I studied magic when I was younger. Had I learned to cast spells early on, I'd be really good at it now that I'm in the military. Nowadays, they just send you into the guilds to learn spells in a hurry; it's very demanding! Other than that, I also regret having to go through all of this warfare. I've seen many of my comrades fall in battle, so it's been unpleasant."

Guitarguy: "Well, Kyrre, it was nice having you on the show. Would you like to share some words of wisdom with our audience and viewers before you go?"

Kyrre: "Yes. Listen up, people! I'm fed up with everybody calling me a guy! It's really humiliating, so please, do some research before you address me incorrectly. If you don't, you'll be sorry!"

*Kyrre's face is burning red*

Guitarguy: “Well, yeah. You heard the lady. Anyway, we’ll be back with our next guest after this commercial break. Please stay tuned...and well-behaved!”


Guitarguy: “Welcome back. I believe it’s time for a change of pace. So let’s bring out our next guest. He’s a person I’m sure we’ve all come across from time to time during our adventures. Don’t let his appearance fool you; he can be very powerful. Put your hands together for Cuthbert the Cleric!”

*Cuthbert hobbles in; his eyes look moist and red*

Guitarguy: “My, you don’t look so good, Mr. Cuthbert. Are you ill?”

Cuthbert:  <sniff> “No...I’m fine. I’m just very sad.” <sniff>

Guitarguy: “You must be; you’re shaking all over! If you don’t mind sharing, please tell use about what’s making you sad.”

Cuthbert: “I’ve...done a bad thing! <sniff> I’ve...I’ve...”

Guitarguy: “You’ve done what?”

*Cuthbert covers his eyes and bursts into tears*

Cuthbert: “I KILLED MY WIFE!!!”

Guitarguy: “Uh, Cuthbert, you announced that years ago...”

*Cuthbert nods his head as more tears flow*

Guitarguy: “You’re still bothered by it, huh?”

*Cuthbert nods again*

Guitarguy: “I see. Since you’re obviously heartbroken by that old event, I suppose I cannot interview you now that you're crying...”

*Cuthbert takes out a cloth and blows his nose*

Guitarguy: “How embarrassing. Alright, then. Sorry folks, we have to call it a night.  But tune in again, because we have some exciting interviews coming up.  And perhaps we can invite Cuthbert back on the show later when he finally forgets about how he killed his wife...”

*Cuthbert bursts out crying again, much louder than before*

Guitarguy: “Oh crap.”


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Supreme Hero
Save me Jebus!
posted April 18, 2006 06:57 PM


Quite good. Me like. :-)

Will miss those heroes a lot in fifth installation.

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Adventuring Hero
Rampaging Rampart
posted April 19, 2006 01:44 PM

Hmyeah, I just hope the H5 ones will have as much personality.

I'd like to see you handshaking someone like Rashka That'd be fun.

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