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Miru
Supreme Hero
A leaf in the river of time
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posted March 18, 2006 08:08 PM |
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Women's "mysteries"
In thread "male and femal in H5
Quote:
...declare that perspective to be "mysterious." Well, no kidding, we wouldn't be mysterious if you listened to what we have to say.
From Khaelo
*Listening*
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I wish I were employed by a stupendous paragraph, with capitalized English words and expressions.
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Khaelo
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Underwater
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posted March 18, 2006 09:19 PM |
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Edited by Khaelo on 18 Mar 2006
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The context for that remark was from an article (here) about how many men don't read books by women. The venue I had in mind, therefore, was media and public discourse.
Kookastar brought in another aspect, private communication:
Quote:
[to Loknar] I totally understand why men tune out and it seems like they don't listen. Women can be emotional and nag (well if you did things the first time we asked, we wouldn't have to  ) Anyway, after a while men learn it is best not to argue back (we are mostly right anyway  ) so as a protective measure they aqcuire selective hearing . This is a physiological condition that sees the male evolve to a point where harmony can be reached
Unfortunately this also means that men may miss the coherent messages in the rant!!
Anyhoo, this is offtopic, I just wanted you to know that my laughing was not related to your posts. You definately seem to try to understand people in general.
BTW The whole women are mysterious thing works to our advantage, as does the changing our minds thing.
Loknar said:
Quote:
Kookastar
Thanks. I'd like to counter the selective hearing, but I ran out of speech, since neighbourhood field research indicates you're generally right. I don't like to think of it as being in the genes, though. 
Personal thoughts...while I'm familiar with the stereotype of a woman chattering away at a man buried in his newspaper, in my own experience I mostly see the dynamic going the other way. My dad has a "lecture" style of conversation. I.e., he talks and everyone else sits there. He doesn't seem capable of judging whether his audience is interested or not. I can't count how many times I've asked my mom afterwards, "Why the heck was Dad going on about X?" only to have her say, "He said what? I wasn't paying attention." She recently informed me that I need to learn selective listening. So, if anyone who has mastered this art has any pointers, I'm listening non-selectively.
My mom is a big fan of Deborah Tannen and her theories of gendered communication. According to that model, women tend to talk for the sake of social bonds whereas men talk for conveying information. The stereotypical chattering woman is trying to build a relationship with the man, while the stereotypical selectively deaf man is annoyed because the talk seems non-informative and useless. I struggle with this theory. It's interesting and seems to explain a lot of the broad complaints people make aobut the other gender. On the other hand, it easily breaks down in the face of individual quirks (i.e. I'm an introvert, and chatter tends to drive me away, not help bonding).
All of these things, it seems like there are a whole bunch of people who say, "Yes! That's exactly how it is!" and the one voice in the back saying, "Now wait a minute..." 
____________
 Cleverly
disguised as a responsible adult
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kookastar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted March 18, 2006 09:45 PM |
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Disclaimer :)
Just for the record...
I acknowledge that I was generalisng in this quote (and I will continue to do ). Obviously this (quote above)is an exaggeration, and that selective hearing is on a continuum My husband does listen most of the time (as do I).
From my personal exerperience (which is of course limited):
1) The trigger for the hearing loss is a phrase that the listener has heard at least twice before.
ii) The phrase usually involves; venting about an issue at home, work, in the media, or the representation of supressed social/cultural groups in society in the media.
iii) If it is the issue at home it is directly related to a 'job' that you want done but are too lazy or incapable of doing yourself (me,my), AND they've heard it twice already.
iv) The trigger for reviving the hearing is to ask a non-threatening or non-accusational question (not ARE YOU LISTENING!). This usually only has to be repeated twice to activate the hearing.
BTW This is not our (Hub and I) usual discourse! And I really don't nag all that often. We are renovating a house though... 
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FriendOfGunnar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
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posted March 18, 2006 09:51 PM |
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Quote:
My dad has a "lecture" style of conversation. I.e., he talks and everyone else sits there. He doesn't seem capable of judging whether his audience is interested or not.
heh heh, that makes two of us.
Quote:
All of these things, it seems like there are a whole bunch of people who say, "Yes! That's exactly how it is!"
Yes, that's exactly how it is!(except for my parents but that's it)
Here's a tip for men on how to deal with women: If a woman gets angry at something for whatever reason, there's no point in arguing it. Just listen and say yes every once in a while. Talk in a soothing and cheerfull manner (very important: watch the tone of voice you use. A woman's tone-meter is graded in thousandths, not hundreths, and it also goes down twice as far as the man's.) It will take about an hour of dedicated work but eventually you will regain the womans natural cheerfull disposition. Unless she's surly by nature, in which case you're *&^%#$%. If the source of the argument is still an issue then you should wait three days to bring it up again, after she's eaten a good meal(preferably with wine).
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Lord_Woock
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
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posted March 18, 2006 11:08 PM |
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Three whole days just to get past a meal? How much does she eat? 
____________
Yolk and God bless.
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My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!
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TNT_Addict
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Beautiful Liar
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posted March 19, 2006 06:15 AM |
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Eating!? After 3 days of drinking wine she will be OK with everything you throw at her .
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Dracolich
Adventuring Hero
Dragon Soul Keeper
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posted March 19, 2006 06:19 AM |
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R we here talking about partys?
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kookastar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted March 19, 2006 06:44 AM |
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Quote:
Eating!? After 3 days of drinking wine she will be OK with everything you throw at her .
Ahh, so that's why my rum bottle seems to mysteriously never be empty
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titaniumalloy
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Professional
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posted March 19, 2006 07:08 AM |
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I'm confused.
This thread is mysterious.
No, I didn't read it.
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John says to live above hell.
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Loknar
Adventuring Hero
Missing Links
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posted March 19, 2006 01:21 PM |
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Mastering selective hearing
Quote:
So, if anyone who has mastered this art has any pointers, I'm listening non-selectively.
I haven't, but it seems quite easy: Concentrate on what you wish.
Btw neighborhood field research also indicates that lecturing is less gender-specific. This is just applied narcissm. *yawn*
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TNT_Addict
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Beautiful Liar
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posted March 19, 2006 03:16 PM |
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The number 1 mistery of women...
The number 1 mistery of women is...
Why the almighty crap on earth can't they park cars as normal people do?!
So many headlights wasted every day all over earth...
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