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| Thread: How not to get robbed | |
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supersonic
Famous Hero
being digested. E=mc^2, s=vt
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posted May 06, 2006 02:35 PM |
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How not to get robbed
Well, we all now that you can get easily robed on the street. Police talks all that Yada Yada thingy about not showing your money, but sooner or later you will encounter some guys wanting you to give them money and mobile phone. Well, I managed to create and practice some simple defence systems.
Force methods
These are all the methods that involve fighting, force or weapons.
1.Showing off
A simple method. Whenever somebody asks you for your wallet, quickly take out your penknife, softball gun or a firearm (legal). Afeared bandit will probably run away. If he doesn't, say something like: "Pretty boy, wanna dance?". Tip: sometimes a bandit will run for help, so you quickly need to remove yourself from the are of encounter. Get the next bus and go wherever it takes you.
2.Sudden Strike
A dangerous move, you need lightning reflexes and a lot of confidence. Act as if you are trying to get your wallet. The bandit will probably lose focus and start thinking that "mission accomplished". Surprise! Suddenly, you kick him in the familiy jewels (most of the bandits are men, I haven't encountered many women, though sometimes you can have a "catwoman"). Bandit starts shrieking in pain, while you run away.
3.Watch this
A funny move. Your opponent must be dumb, remember. You start swinging you off hand and saying: "This is my special move, watch!". After a while, he starts focusing on that hand and you punch him with your normal hand. C'ya.
Astonishing methods
These methods are to astonish and humiliate your bandit.
1.C'est bon!
When somebody tells you to give him the money, you make a strange face and say:
a)"Pardon, mais je ne parle pas.... Parlez-vous francais?" (Legend, correct me if this is wrong)
b)"Ik spreek .... niet. Spreekt u nederlands?"
c)"I am sorry sir, but It seems that I don't speak .... . Do you speak English"
d)"Habla Espanol?"
Etc. The bandit should walk away, humiliatd in front of himself.
2.***---***
When somebody tells you to give money, point at your ear and make a sad face, in a way that says (I am deaf). Another humiliated wrong being.
3.Holy momma!
When a bandit tells you to give money (not mobile phone, it won't work, he must say "Give me your money"), you give him a couple of coins and say: "Here you are. Another step on my way to heaven. AMEN".
He will walk away.
4.Gangsta!
In a situation when a bandit asks for all your goods, you just say: "Hey, dude, we are on the same side!" He starts thinking, while you run away.
5.Mum!
Whenever a [erson asks you to give stuff, shout: "Oh mummy! Can I show that boy my mobile phone?" Should be enough for him to pee his pants and run, while you walk away.
6.Mitomucodurenosjopitoschiosis
When you face a guy that loves grabbing your wallet (really bad ones, that just say "gimme wallet" and run), say slowly and politely:
"I am sorry, sir. What did you say? I am sick on (invent something). I don't hear well and in a few years my brain will explode. It is really contagious. I suggest you don't touch me."
Instant effect.
Miscellaneous methods
Methods that couldn't fit.
1.Run, Forest, Run Run!
You need to have strong legs, high endurance and reflexes. If you notice that somebody follows you, get ready. In the moment he starts saying "Give money", sprint. You will gain some precious seconds and in 90% of cases this works, just run to the nearby bus stop or something.
2.Help!
Shout for help, you should swarm at least one person to help you.
3.Trained organism
If you are one of the lucky people that can control their stomach muscles, try vomitting on the bandit. Superior effect, plus you lose weight.
I hope that this guide will help you surviving on the streets.
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I am having a new style 
Big, fat, naughty. Potential girlfriend - pm me. 
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nuclear_power
Hired Hero
thats me!!
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posted May 07, 2006 01:52 PM |
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Carry around an empty wallet (or a wallet with something reall disgusting in it), then throw it at them saying "take it" and run away screaming!
or take out your camera phone in the pretence of giving it to them, then take a picture and run!
or if your a magician pull a rabbit out of your pocket and run
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russ
Promising
Supreme Hero
blah, blah, blah
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posted May 08, 2006 05:04 PM |
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Or if you are supersonic - whip out your dick and start masturbating with your toes.
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