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Heroes Community > Tavern of the Rising Sun > Thread: Petition to jettison Uwe Boll and have me, Foggy, write the new HOMM movie
Thread: Petition to jettison Uwe Boll and have me, Foggy, write the new HOMM movie
friendofgunnar
friendofgunnar


Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
posted May 25, 2006 10:47 PM

Poll Question:
Petition to jettison Uwe Boll and have me, Foggy, write the new HOMM movie

We, the HOMM community, are about to be raped by Uwe Boll.  The Heroes of Might and Magic movie, AKA the HOMM movie, AKA the HOMM movie by Uwe Boll, AKA the next piece of ****e to drop out of Uwe Boll's bung will take the HOMM characters that we all know and love and turn them into laughingstocks.

This is a worldwide petition to jetison Uwe Boll and have me write the script for the new HOMM movie.

As examples of my writing prowess I offer you this:


my short story "Where you least expect it" (set in the HOMM 5 universe BTW)

my continuing saga of a man who has gotten himself into deep water

an entry I wrote for the story round table story "A Captains Log" (which is also set in the HOMM5 world)

my original faction that I wrote for the ICTC contest. (skip down to the history to view my familiarity of HOMM5 history)


Here's my demands.

I want $30,000 cash for writing the script (plus 4 percent of the gross reciepts), plus:
I want to have veto power over all the actors and actresses
I want to be able to choose the director.

I don't want to have to leave my apartment.


Responses:
I want Foggy to write the HOMM movie. Just do it!
 View Results!

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LegendMaker
LegendMaker


Promising
Famous Hero
The Metal Specialist
posted May 26, 2006 07:51 PM
Edited by LegendMaker at 20:14, 26 May 2006.

Okay, dude. But not even in care bears's realm will you ever get away with doing this without yours truly.

Might also be a good idea to involve a certain fellow named Jon Van Caneghem somehow. Actually it wouldn't feel right at all to do that without him or at the very least his consent.

Just the first 2 cents.
We're still $29,999.98 short budget-wise...

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friendofgunnar
friendofgunnar


Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
posted May 26, 2006 09:03 PM


...

I feel like a stone at the bottom of a very deep lake



Okay today I brought my lawyer with me.  Please meet Mr. Englestein.



Mr. Englestein:  Allright I am here to announce that my client is prepared to open negotiations concerning his payment in regards to writing the script for the upcoming HOMM movie.  Furthermore and herewith we will be adding a clause wherefore a Mr. Legend_Maker will be doing the soundtrack for the abovementioned project.  All other terms are negotiable...E Etatus Conjunctivitis.  Now where shall we begin?

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LegendMaker
LegendMaker


Promising
Famous Hero
The Metal Specialist
posted May 27, 2006 12:20 AM
Edited by LegendMaker at 00:21, 27 May 2006.

Killing is my business... And business is good

Oh, soundtrack is a really nice idea !

I must admit I didn't even think (dream) about it until your lawyer mentionned it, though. What I was actually suggesting was to co-plot the story with you, foo !

I'd happily let you handle (most of) the dialogue, since we'd be obviously delivering the final draft in english and it's your native language, not mine. However, everything from the basic concept and choice of characters to the final pre-dialogue treatment I think would greatly benefit from my input (+ hopefully the writing sinergy that might come up from our mutual efforts at developping the storylines).

Seriously though, I actually have a concept for a fantasy series I'm currently writing that is deeply inspired by my own personnal vision, feelings and experience with Heroes of M&M. Fantasy stories, most notably Heroic ones, tend to be my specialty as a comic-book writer... And I happen to have more than a few ideas as to what I could do out of a Homm movie screenplay assignment.

Hmmm, where shall we begin ? Two pathes are possible :

1) Optimistic Path

We start to discuss plot, characters and scenes together. We work long and hard until we can come up with the most impressive synopsis ever. All the time motivated by the sole HOPE that <<~they~>> will fall flat on their ***es reading it and immediately offer us twice our price to kill our potential temptation to search for someone else to produce our soon-to-be masterpiece.

2) Grim Realistic Path

We refuse to even begin any kind of actual writing work until we actually signed the contract. First thing to do then would be to contact Ubisoft and/or the current producers of the Homm movie project, show them an estimation of the commercial failure it is bound to be if they let the other guy make it, and... try to PERSUADE them how much better a choice our one-of-kind team would be.

Your call, partner.

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friendofgunnar
friendofgunnar


Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
posted May 27, 2006 07:43 AM

LM I think you're forgetting the

3) Optimal Solution

I , Fog, agree to cowrite the script.  We work on the script together over HCM, MSN, and email.  In reality though I'm just throwing out crap ideas that I know you'll disregard.  Meanwhile your doing all the hard work.  Then I print out the final script, get it copyrighted, sell if for $50,000 and then when I become famous I dismiss you as some fanboy crank.

What do you think of that Mr. Englestein?

*gruff voice*
Mr.  Englestein: Sounds good to me.  Shouldn't be too tough getting a restraining order.  Also shouldn't be too tough making this Mr. Legend_Maker out to be a fanboy crank.  I like this idea from all angles.


Very well, Legend_Maker, I agree to your proposal.  Let's get you working.

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LegendMaker
LegendMaker


Promising
Famous Hero
The Metal Specialist
posted May 27, 2006 04:19 PM

Master of puppets

Would have been with pleasure, foo.

Unfortunately, it's a bit too late in my carreer for that to happen again. Three <<fellow>> writers, two senior editors, one independent editor and a bunch of artists have been there (ie up my @$$) and done that (nice and slow) before you.

Actually, my current policy and method of developping a project are quite different than what they used to be in my early days as a writer. Nobody ever gets to read even a rough synopsis of mine until it's effectively protected.

Nice try, though...

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friendofgunnar
friendofgunnar


Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
posted May 30, 2006 04:45 AM

doh!  I forgot to vote.

That makes a total of seven.  Keem em' coming boys and girls.






hee hee I just noticed I have three vanity threads in the daily countdown.

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