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| Thread: News Flash: Science Helps You Get Laid | |
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Dragon_Slayer
Honorable
Supreme Hero
toss toss toss
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posted July 12, 2006 04:40 PM |
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News Flash: Science Helps You Get Laid
This is what happens when you get bored during physics lectures. You talk stupid s***  Was contemplating whether to post this in the other side, since it had roots with physics… but decided against it.
Many people consider “getting ass” an art form, but in truth, it is a precise formula that combines scientific discoveries with human intuition. This theory will help the human species maximize his/her bliss (i.e. get laid), through a basic understanding of sciences most basic principles.
Sir Isaac Newton once said that “for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” For example: if you put alcohol in, alcohol will eventually come out, usually all over the girl you like.
Using this same principle, we can assume that anytime anyone is having a really great time, there must be someone, somewhere, having an equally horrible time.
Heres a good example…
“A man wakes up…lying next to him is an angel of beauty, a girl that seemed out of his reach, even in his wildest dreams. She lies there, covered in a bed sheet that seductively takes the shape of her perfect, supple body. She opens her eyes and gazes into his. He smiles.”
Some people would consider this a storybook romance. Some people are also stupid.
“You see, at this exact moment, that same woman wakes up to the smell of sweaty clothes. Her head is pounding uncontrollably. She opens her eyes and sees an odd, scruffy creature staring at her with a mono-brow and a repulsively, goofy grin.”
As you can see, Newton’s Third Law proves that during a one-night stand, someone is always utterly disappointed. This teaches us that if we ever intend to hook up, we must aim high. Hooking up with someone ‘out of our league’ is not only possible, it’s scientifically guaranteed. So find that cheerleader, or captain of the football team, and make sure they regret their lack of respect for the scientific community!
Some sceptics, (whom I refer to as hopeless romantics or simpletons) consistently bring up the same argument:
“Even though both parties ultimately feel equal yet opposite reactions, isn’t there is a point where they are both enjoying the moment, thereby creating happiness between them both?”
This brings us to Newton’s Second Law of Thermodynamics. Misery, much like energy, is neither created nor destroyed, it may only be passed on from one person to another.
This explains why every time you ladies are trying to hook up with a cute guy at a bar, you always have a friend who is crying because she’s drunk and alone. Its the misery transfer. If you help her, then some of your happiness transfers over creating a state of equilibrium. If you ignore her, you make both yourself and the boy happy, but make your friend and whomever she chooses to latch onto even more miserable.
Since we do not live in a vacuum, there are other factors that also influence your chance of sexual success.
Newton, who knew much about the laws of motion also states that, “an object in motion will remain in motion unless stopped by an unbalanced force.” By this, Newton clearly meant that a drunk girl will hook up, and continue to hook up, unless cock-blocked by a larger, more unattractive friend.
In conclusion, all of Newton’s discoveries teach us that if you are going to hook up, go out of your league and make sure it is someone else who is utterly disappointed. If you have the chance to hook up, make sure to do it at the expense of your friend’s happiness; it will ensure more amazing, carnal, monkey sex. In addition, to avoid the dreaded cock-block, bring a large, unattractive friend who will “take one” for the team.
Heed my advice and trust in science my friends… LOL!
Even you TNT, could use a bit of science
EDIT: Readability
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friendofgunnar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
able to speed up time
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posted July 29, 2006 12:14 PM |
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Vlaad
Admirable
Legendary Hero
ghost of the past
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posted July 29, 2006 12:18 PM |
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted July 29, 2006 12:37 PM |
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Im not going to bother looking at your threads because I thought you had made them with your ideas, then I find out that they are all taken from one single website.
I have learned to include the info where I got some of my stuff from, but you have not done that as of yet.
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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bjorn190
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Jebus maker
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posted July 29, 2006 06:07 PM |
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William you are still enslaved by the concept of copyright and the academic tradition.. this is, after all - the internet! 
But still, u gotta look out for that uk copyright swat team O_o
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